Boyfriend keeps praising me for being “easy.”

[Anonymous]

I said this to my then newish girlfriend (now wife). She thought, for a time, that I meant "easy to bed." What I meant was that there was less tension, drama, friction than my previous relationships. "Easy-going." And for a time that was the case (although she's anything but easygoing, as I found out, but that's a different story).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is probably about his ex or prior relationships generally-- you may just be a better fit.

I do think it's worth it to ask him though. I have dated guys who praised me a lot for being "chill" or easy to get along with, who then bailed at the first disagreement. Only he really knows what he means by this. Could be he likes how self-sufficient you are. Could also be that he has no conflict resolution skills and likes that there's no conflict. I'd ask.

This is what I was thinking too. He’s praising it because he likes things to be easy, which, fair enough, who doesn’t. But if you combine your life more it may not stay these easy so I wouldn’t want a relationship dynamic that was largely based on me making someone else’s life easy. I don’t know that there’s much you can do besides keep being yourself and really pay attention to how he handles situations where you aren’t “easy” or possibly ask something of him, which is part of being in a relationship that is more serious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is probably about his ex or prior relationships generally-- you may just be a better fit.

I do think it's worth it to ask him though. I have dated guys who praised me a lot for being "chill" or easy to get along with, who then bailed at the first disagreement. Only he really knows what he means by this. Could be he likes how self-sufficient you are. Could also be that he has no conflict resolution skills and likes that there's no conflict. I'd ask.

This is what I was thinking too. He’s praising it because he likes things to be easy, which, fair enough, who doesn’t. But if you combine your life more it may not stay these easy so I wouldn’t want a relationship dynamic that was largely based on me making someone else’s life easy. I don’t know that there’s much you can do besides keep being yourself and really pay attention to how he handles situations where you aren’t “easy” or possibly ask something of him, which is part of being in a relationship that is more serious

This exactly! It’s always easy in the beginning. The fact that he’s saying it may mean he’s expecting it long term. Relationships get hard, no matter how “easy” a person is. I would worry he’s conflict avoidant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t play games.

Amen to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Easy to be around, not high maintenance.

This adding that it sounds like you have made decisions about life accepted the outcomes (good or bad) and manage them to the best of your ability. For him easy means it’s easy to know and understand where you are coming from because you communicate that not only verbally but through how you live you life. Removing the ambiguity is one of the best gifts you can give to a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I said this to my then newish girlfriend (now wife). She thought, for a time, that I meant "easy to bed." What I meant was that there was less tension, drama, friction than my previous relationships. "Easy-going." And for a time that was the case (although she's anything but easygoing, as I found out, but that's a different story).

Um, women are not easy going. We spend most of worrying or thinking about reproduction, we build babies, which is a pain in the ass. After than we have to keep the infants alive. This causes a lot of stress. Around 40, we are pissed when we reflect back and think, “WTF, I was top of my class. Why didn’t I reach all of my professional goals, yet.” We stress about our kids and yours.

This is me and all many of my friends. This is me and many of my friends. I love men. They are not easy either.

[Anonymous]

Wish I had that edit button. But you get the gist!

[Anonymous]

No drama or guessing games

[Anonymous]

I have a different take: you said you're not that available. So he feels no pressure to spend that much time with you. That makes it easy.

[Anonymous]

I was described that way. After time they think they can get away with things because, well “you are easy”. You won’t cause a problem or get too angry —abs if you do it will blow over.

Guys like it, and many will take advantage of your easy-going nature.

[Anonymous]

Most people are a mix of easy going and difficult

[Anonymous]

Variety has a good video where Jennifer Lawrence tells story of when a director called her difficult when she asserted herself. I am sure many men would also call her an easy breezy, free spirit! So it depends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is probably about his ex or prior relationships generally-- you may just be a better fit.

I do think it's worth it to ask him though. I have dated guys who praised me a lot for being "chill" or easy to get along with, who then bailed at the first disagreement. Only he really knows what he means by this. Could be he likes how self-sufficient you are. Could also be that he has no conflict resolution skills and likes that there's no conflict. I'd ask.

This is what I was thinking too. He’s praising it because he likes things to be easy, which, fair enough, who doesn’t. But if you combine your life more it may not stay these easy so I wouldn’t want a relationship dynamic that was largely based on me making someone else’s life easy. I don’t know that there’s much you can do besides keep being yourself and really pay attention to how he handles situations where you aren’t “easy” or possibly ask something of him, which is part of being in a relationship that is more serious

OP. Right. This is my concern. Hard things happen, relationships have hard moments and conflicts. What if he wants it to stay easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was described that way. After time they think they can get away with things because, well “you are easy”. You won’t cause a problem or get too angry —abs if you do it will blow over.

Guys like it, and many will take advantage of your easy-going nature.

OP. Right, last thing I want to do is lower the bar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a different take: you said you're not that available. So he feels no pressure to spend that much time with you. That makes it easy.

He wants more of me. He’s talking about cohabiting and future plans.