Decisive people, how do you do it?

[Anonymous]

I’m decisive! I never feel like there’s that much on the line. If my decision is wrong, the consequences usually aren’t too terrible. I do a quick risk/reward analysis and then go for it.

My DH trusts my judgment on many things so I’m used to making decisions for our kids/family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I became this way by watching my mother who couldn't decide anything beyond what to make for dinner. If it was "where do you want to go for dinner?" she'd spend an hour and a half thinking as her two young children got progressively hungrier and more poorly behaved before my father snapped and made an executive decision, then she'd claim to get "sick" from eating where he picked. She'd spend a year deciding on a carpeting color, then claim that wasn't what she wanted and doesn't like it. I have a thousand examples like that. I don't want anyone to think I'm like her.

Sometimes I regret my decisions - I bought a desk good for laptops that had zero storage. That was a mistake, and I made sure the next time I bought a desk to get one with a lot of storage.

+1 except it was my dad who was indecisive. It creates a really stressful environment for children in the family. Growing up, everything was up in the air. We are moving, no we aren’t. We are going on vacation, no we aren’t, wait actually we are. We will buy a new couch…2 years later it actually happens.

Even if I’m indecisive now, I don’t let my kids see that.

[Anonymous]

My sister, 1 year younger, is SO indecisive and was when we were kids. Our parents would give us a dollar to buy candy at the store and I’d be in and out with my candy. She would take forever and then second guess her decision on our way home.

I tend to have a positive self image, go with my gut and I’m generally optimistic. She’s more insecure and has a slightly negative worldview. We were born this way…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister, 1 year younger, is SO indecisive and was when we were kids. Our parents would give us a dollar to buy candy at the store and I’d be in and out with my candy. She would take forever and then second guess her decision on our way home.

I tend to have a positive self image, go with my gut and I’m generally optimistic. She’s more insecure and has a slightly negative worldview. We were born this way…

Yes you sound very positive and optimistic 😂😂

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's an option- you are either wired that way or you aren't. I am not anxious. I am decisive. I'm detail oriented- so especially if it involves money, I know exactly what I am paying for (dimensions/construction/materials), I'm good at making decisions and have a good people-reader. I don't regret my decisions.

Being indecisive is confusing to me- like passive people or people who can't stand up for themselves. It makes no sense to be this way. I mean some things you don't really care about/are non committal, but everything can't be struggle-bus level 'what to do'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister, 1 year younger, is SO indecisive and was when we were kids. Our parents would give us a dollar to buy candy at the store and I’d be in and out with my candy. She would take forever and then second guess her decision on our way home.

I tend to have a positive self image, go with my gut and I’m generally optimistic. She’s more insecure and has a slightly negative worldview. We were born this way…

Yes you sound very positive and optimistic 😂😂

???!

[Anonymous]

I’m type B. Maybe that’s why? Things I do and choose are usually good enough, I’m never really expecting perfection. Sure I’ve made mistakes, but overall it’s worked out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m type B. Maybe that’s why? Things I do and choose are usually good enough, I’m never really expecting perfection. Sure I’ve made mistakes, but overall it’s worked out.

Being a perfectionist doesn't mean you are type A. They might be the opinion around here, but perfectionism is a disease.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I became this way by watching my mother who couldn't decide anything beyond what to make for dinner. If it was "where do you want to go for dinner?" she'd spend an hour and a half thinking as her two young children got progressively hungrier and more poorly behaved before my father snapped and made an executive decision, then she'd claim to get "sick" from eating where he picked. She'd spend a year deciding on a carpeting color, then claim that wasn't what she wanted and doesn't like it. I have a thousand examples like that. I don't want anyone to think I'm like her.

Sometimes I regret my decisions - I bought a desk good for laptops that had zero storage. That was a mistake, and I made sure the next time I bought a desk to get one with a lot of storage.

My mom was like this too. It drove me crazy and has made me a very decisive person. No hemming and hawing for eternity. Give me the options and I'll make a decision on the spot and not look back. I have little to no tolerance for indecisiveness now.

Like PP sometimes I do make the wrong decision and regret it (nothing major) but I pull the trigger on decisions fairly quickly.

No tolerance? Well, then you're just a PITA in another way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's an option- you are either wired that way or you aren't. I am not anxious. I am decisive. I'm detail oriented- so especially if it involves money, I know exactly what I am paying for (dimensions/construction/materials), I'm good at making decisions and have a good people-reader. I don't regret my decisions.

Being indecisive is confusing to me- like passive people or people who can't stand up for themselves. It makes no sense to be this way. I mean some things you don't really care about/are non committal, but everything can't be struggle-bus level 'what to do'.

I don't have trouble making decisions, but what I don't understand are people like you. I cannot understand what it is to go through life with no ability to find compassion or understanding for people who are or think differently than you do.

People like you seem to have stalled out somewhere in development. It would be sad, except you tend to make life unhappy and difficult for those around you with your self-centeredness, rudeness, and hurtfulness.

[Anonymous]

No, I haven’t always been this way. With age and experience came confidence for me.

I usually think, if I make the “wrong” or sub-optimal choice here, it’s not high-stakes, 90% of the time.

I just go for it. Making a solid decision is usually always better than being wishy-washy, wasting everyone’s time and acting like everything is life-or-death.

I think people who hem and haw and make much of every little decision come across as attention-seeking. It’s a huge turn-off. If I meet a type like this at a party, I’m not interested in seeing them again socially. It’s very much me, me, me, oh let me hold up everyone while I make everyone wait for me. No, thanks.

[Anonymous]

I’m pretty easy going about outcomes. I can pick a restaurant or a dish off a menu because it’s not my last meal. Even big things like picking a college or my spouse, transferring schools or getting divorced is inconvenient and expensive, but not impossible. I am comfortable being uncomfortable and optimistic enough that I will try to make the best of something before I give up and quit.

I think a lot of people who are indecisive are actually unable to tolerate even the smallest amount of physical or emotional discomfort and then become anxious about making the “wrong” choice. If someone else makes the choice and then they are unhappy, they feel like they can voice their complaints. However if it’s someone who complains a lot, they correctly have deduced that their family has little patience for listening to complaints about the outcome of their own choices. Being accountable for something that doesn’t turn out perfectly is just one more discomfort they can’t deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Things that make me indecisive : I’m a perfectionist, have anxiety, and am somewhat frugal.

Would it help you to consider that your time is also worth money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Things that make me indecisive : I’m a perfectionist, have anxiety, and am somewhat frugal.

Would it help you to consider that your time is also worth money?

That only makes it worse for these people. Sunk cost and all that.

[Anonymous]

Accept the fact that if you overthink things, you will probably F things up.