Decisive people, how do you do it?

[Anonymous]

How do you make quick decisions? Have you always been this way? Are you often wrong or regret decisions? Help the rest of us out please!

[Anonymous]

I became this way by watching my mother who couldn't decide anything beyond what to make for dinner. If it was "where do you want to go for dinner?" she'd spend an hour and a half thinking as her two young children got progressively hungrier and more poorly behaved before my father snapped and made an executive decision, then she'd claim to get "sick" from eating where he picked. She'd spend a year deciding on a carpeting color, then claim that wasn't what she wanted and doesn't like it. I have a thousand examples like that. I don't want anyone to think I'm like her.

Sometimes I regret my decisions - I bought a desk good for laptops that had zero storage. That was a mistake, and I made sure the next time I bought a desk to get one with a lot of storage.

[Anonymous]

I'm decisive.

I think the key is to lean into your decision. Once I make a decision, I'm all in. This is what I'm doing. No more reviewing, wondering, skepticism, tentativeness. Decision is made, do it. I think that helps, and with that approach, it makes you take seriously the decision you're making.

Works well for me.

[Anonymous]

I already know I'm indecisive (LIBRA) so I just make one decision that I think is best at that moment and stick to it. I also try not to splurge on anything I want versus need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I became this way by watching my mother who couldn't decide anything beyond what to make for dinner. If it was "where do you want to go for dinner?" she'd spend an hour and a half thinking as her two young children got progressively hungrier and more poorly behaved before my father snapped and made an executive decision, then she'd claim to get "sick" from eating where he picked. She'd spend a year deciding on a carpeting color, then claim that wasn't what she wanted and doesn't like it. I have a thousand examples like that. I don't want anyone to think I'm like her.

Sometimes I regret my decisions - I bought a desk good for laptops that had zero storage. That was a mistake, and I made sure the next time I bought a desk to get one with a lot of storage.

Ouch I think I’m like your mom. I hope
my kids won’t remember me negatively like that. Part of it is anxiety. I became a lot more decisive after going on anti anxiety meds.

[Anonymous]

NP here. The very idea that a decision could be "wrong" or that I would have "regret" is something I can not relate to.

That moment is not pivotal. Every day of your life can be filled with joy, and meaning and significance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you make quick decisions? Have you always been this way? Are you often wrong or regret decisions? Help the rest of us out please!

I have principles. (Not trying to be smarmy).

I ask myself the best/right thing to do according to those principles.

80+% of the time that makes the decision for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I became this way by watching my mother who couldn't decide anything beyond what to make for dinner. If it was "where do you want to go for dinner?" she'd spend an hour and a half thinking as her two young children got progressively hungrier and more poorly behaved before my father snapped and made an executive decision, then she'd claim to get "sick" from eating where he picked. She'd spend a year deciding on a carpeting color, then claim that wasn't what she wanted and doesn't like it. I have a thousand examples like that. I don't want anyone to think I'm like her.

Sometimes I regret my decisions - I bought a desk good for laptops that had zero storage. That was a mistake, and I made sure the next time I bought a desk to get one with a lot of storage.

My mom was like this too. It drove me crazy and has made me a very decisive person. No hemming and hawing for eternity. Give me the options and I'll make a decision on the spot and not look back. I have little to no tolerance for indecisiveness now.

Like PP sometimes I do make the wrong decision and regret it (nothing major) but I pull the trigger on decisions fairly quickly.

[Anonymous]

Making quick decisions is not hard. Making quick but correct decisions is hard.

[Anonymous]

pp again. For example, I'd live with the desk just fine. I'm not picky. So maybe that helps.

[Anonymous]

Not every decision is a life and death affair. Where to eat dinner doesn't require hours of debate about the potential merits or pitfalls. It's not your last meal. Learn when a decision is important to carefully analyze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:pp again. For example, I'd live with the desk just fine. I'm not picky. So maybe that helps.

Yeah, I lived with the desk for four years, until I was moving cross-country and it didn't make sense to bring a desk that didn't fit my needs. So I sold it and knew what I was looking for when I went to purchase a new desk. I've had the second desk for ... this spring will be 20 years. Still love it!

[Anonymous]

OP, if you know your indecisiveness is tied to anxiety, can you practice with some decisions that have very low stakes?

Get your DH to work with you. Tell him he has to have you decide where to go to dinner, or what movie to watch, or which hotel you should stay at on your next trip. Pick one quickly and just enjoy it. Try not to think about whether another restaurant would have been better, or if your husband really wanted X and you picked Y. It's not a big deal.

In my experience, people tend to like decisive behavior more than indecisive behavior. (I mean, as long as you're not steamrolling people, but that seems very unlikely.) You'll get some confidence after you do it for a little while.

[Anonymous]

I'm good at analyzing things quickly. But that also means I can see a lot of potential problems with any given decision. When I was younger, I agonized over decisions.

As I got older, I gained enough experience to be confident that - in almost every case - the cost of agonizing over a decision was worse than the cost of imperfect decisions. That helped me just pick a path and get on with it.

[Anonymous]

I'm not like this, but my DD is, and I don't know how to help her. It is definitely an anxiety thing, coupled with being a perfectionist.

I mean, I too am very picky, but I already know that nothing will be perfect, so don't bother wasting time deciding. You have to way lower your standards.