DH addiction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gay porn? It's over. It's not you.

This was the start of how I found out my ex was gay or bi or whatever he was. All started with the death of his dad and puberty for his son. Became wild within a year. At the end he was telling me how great orgies were. I think porn addiction is destroying people.

Does he have shared custody? Yikes, so sorry for you and family, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are so many men turning while they have willing wives ready to be railed??

+10000 makes no sense!!! MEN try touching YOUR WIVES.

Haha. Have you read these forums? Wives are all touched out and suffering mental loads and emotional labor whatnot. They don't want to be touched anyway.

The childfree ones aren't! Touch away lol!

[Anonymous]

Porn addiction is a real thing and yes, can affect performance and ability to become aroused and to reach orgasm with a partner. There is treatment for it. In addition to 12 step programs, SMART Recovery is another free resource. Not sure if there are meetings just for porn addiction, there may be, but I attend smart meetings for alcohol abuse and we have members who struggle with other maladaptive behaviors- porn, drugs, eating disorders, gambling, etc.

[Anonymous]

Nothing will ever be ' normal ' again Please read up on porn addiction, and search forums, this addiction/obsession, whatever you want to call it, it doesn't matter, it's the damage it causes that matters.
Therapy is only a starting point, it takes so much more, like recovery programs or 12 steps programs,s accountability etc, and even then recovery rate is 3-5%
Most marriages do not survive this, if your husband does not put 100% effort into his own recovery, I would urge you to reconsider your marriage, because it will destroy you too, as 70-80% of partners develop cptsd, Please take this very seriously and only take advice from people who have experience of this condition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Nothing will ever be ' normal ' again Please read up on porn addiction, and search forums, this addiction/obsession, whatever you want to call it, it doesn't matter, it's the damage it causes that matters.
Therapy is only a starting point, it takes so much more, like recovery programs or 12 steps programs,s accountability etc, and even then recovery rate is 3-5%
Most marriages do not survive this, if your husband does not put 100% effort into his own recovery, I would urge you to reconsider your marriage, because it will destroy you too, as 70-80% of partners develop cptsd, Please take this very seriously and only take advice from people who have experience of this condition

Searching Internet forums for information on porn addiction is like reading newspaper comments to get information about the efficacy and safety of vaccination. Doing your own research leads to notoriously unreliable conclusions.

[Anonymous]

I have personally seen how porn can utterly destroy marriages.

To the point of no return.
And not being able to have real-life sex is a very common downfall that men suffer from their sex addiction. 🙁

-> I would strongly advise you to speak to your husband on how he can get a handle on his very toxic addiction.
He needs to be steered to a therapist who has experience and/or specializes in men who have porn addictions.

And your husband has to WANT to receive help.
Because that will be the only way that counseling can be successful for him to beat his addiction.

I wish you both only the best of luck in fighting this addiction!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gay porn? It's over. It's not you.

I disagree that it’s over. He sounds bisexual based on those tastes in porn. People here making claims that porn addiction pushes men into gay or trans porn just aren’t right. Men don’t just suddenly become aroused by gay porn. He’s attracted to men. Gay men would only be interested in that kind of porn so since he looks at porn with women in it, he’s almost certainly bisexual. Some men are exclusively attracted to trans women. Those men wouldn’t look at gay porn or porn with cisgender men either.

Porn addiction is real but the main issue here seems to be shame surrounding his bisexual identity. If he can work through that guilt and shame at being attracted to men and trans women, you might be able to make it.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never heard of a straight guy looking at transgender or gay porn.

[Anonymous]

If wives took a little better care of themselves husbands would not have to turn to porn. Seriously, I know many moms with 1-3 kids who are in good shape, dress well, and overall take care of themselves. They are no longer the 8/9/10 they were back in their 20s or early 30s, but even late 30s or early 40s they turn heads.

Too many wives don't really care about their husbands. This includes looking good for him and being in a way attracted to him. This is physically and emotionally. If a wife creates stress all day, it's not attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Porn is destroying men. It’s a good refuge for men because they don’t have to be judged on their performance. Women, whether they realize it or not, can be incredibly rude toward men who underperform sexually. Men cannot fake an erection. Women can fake moaning and have access to lube if they are dry from being turned off.

Romance novels destroyed women long ago. No, you do not need to be wooed to have sex. It should be a normal, regular occurrence.

[Anonymous]

I would see if he's on Grindr or sniffies. Download it yourself and then see who's nearby. Sniffies you don't even need an app, just Google it and a map of nearby people show up. Found out about my kids dad this way. Found tons of gay porn, needed the account to prove he was bi.

It doesn't get better once you find out. Mine downplayed it (I only get head) etc. He also became an angry person because I knew his little secret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would see if he's on Grindr or sniffies. Download it yourself and then see who's nearby. Sniffies you don't even need an app, just Google it and a map of nearby people show up. Found out about my kids dad this way. Found tons of gay porn, needed the account to prove he was bi.

It doesn't get better once you find out. Mine downplayed it (I only get head) etc. He also became an angry person because I knew his little secret.

And I didn't care that much if he was Bi, it was being lied to that bugged me. I'm bi myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never heard of a straight guy looking at transgender or gay porn.

I wouldn't necessarily make that assumption, but it may be that the guy is more like a 2 or 3 on the straight to gay spectrum. I say this as a guy - when a guy is looking at porn the lines on what are arousing get very blurred. When you are poking around on porn sites, things that normally wouldn't turn you on at all become fair game. And things that you would never want to do in real life can still provide "interest", shall we say. I mean, the amount of fake incest porn is out of control. "Post-nut clarity" is a real thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If wives took a little better care of themselves husbands would not have to turn to porn. Seriously, I know many moms with 1-3 kids who are in good shape, dress well, and overall take care of themselves. They are no longer the 8/9/10 they were back in their 20s or early 30s, but even late 30s or early 40s they turn heads.

Too many wives don't really care about their husbands. This includes looking good for him and being in a way attracted to him. This is physically and emotionally. If a wife creates stress all day, it's not attractive.

Let me say this real LOUD so those in the back can hear:

NO WOMAN IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY MAN'S BEHAVIOR.

It does not matter what I look like. It does not matter how I often I do or don't want sex. It does not matter how I dress or how much I smile at you. It is not my job to spend my life working on attracting the male gaze. It is not up to me to manage the stress in my DH's life.

My DH's decision to turn to porn so excessively was entirely his own. He has numerous options to deal with his sex needs and stress that don't include porn - one of which is to simply close his eyes, use his imagination and take care of himself. Other options are - communication, therapy, mental health treatment, development of healthier substitute interests, negotiation of the parameters of a mutually open marriage, etc.

Just as his decision to turn to porn was his own, so too are my decisions my own. His porn addiction endangered his employment because he was looking at porn at work. It threatened my financial safety because he was secretly spending marital money on porn. It affected our sex life because he began treating me as a sex object upon which he could re-enact porn scenes without any communication or consent. It also affected my emotional connection to him because his porn addiction made it obvious that he saw women as objects available to serve his needs without regard to their own welfare and that he saw me that way as well.

I realized I alone am responsible for the quality of the life and family I have and what environment I want to raise our children in. I kicked him out. I maintained physical custody of the kids because never in a million years would I want them living with someone who has a porn addiction. They would have found out eventually because he was so addicted he was indiscreet, and it would have negatively affected their own sexual health and development.

Each adult is responsible for the quality of his or her own life. No woman is responsible for allowing a man to fall into porn addiction or getting him out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never heard of a straight guy looking at transgender or gay porn.

I wouldn't necessarily make that assumption, but it may be that the guy is more like a 2 or 3 on the straight to gay spectrum. I say this as a guy - when a guy is looking at porn the lines on what are arousing get very blurred. When you are poking around on porn sites, things that normally wouldn't turn you on at all become fair game. And things that you would never want to do in real life can still provide "interest", shall we say. I mean, the amount of fake incest porn is out of control. "Post-nut clarity" is a real thing.

The guy is looking at “fat women” as well as gay open so he’s obviously bisexual. Completely gay men aren’t looking at any women in porn. A lot more people are bisexual than ever admit to it.