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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If [b]wives took a little better care of themselves husbands would not have to turn to porn.  [/b]Seriously, I know many moms with 1-3 kids who are in good shape, dress well, and overall take care of themselves.  They are no longer the 8/9/10 they were back in their 20s or early 30s, but even late 30s or early 40s they turn heads.

Too many wives don't really care about their husbands.  This includes looking good for him and being in a way attracted to him.  This is physically and emotionally.  If a wife creates stress all day, it's not attractive.[/quote]

Let me say this real LOUD so those in the back can hear:

NO WOMAN IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY MAN'S BEHAVIOR.

It does not matter what I look like. It does not matter how I often I do or don't want sex. It does not matter how I dress or how much I smile at you.  It is not my job to spend my life working on attracting the male gaze. It is not up to me to manage the stress in my DH's life.

My DH's decision to turn to porn so excessively was entirely his own.  He has numerous options to deal with his sex needs and stress that don't include porn - one of which is to simply close his eyes, use his imagination and take care of himself.  Other options are - communication, therapy, mental health treatment, development of healthier substitute interests, negotiation of the parameters of a mutually open marriage, etc.

Just as his decision to turn to porn was his own, so too are my decisions my own.  His porn addiction endangered his employment because he was looking at porn at work.  It threatened my financial safety because he was secretly spending marital money on porn.  It affected our sex life because he began treating me as a sex object upon which he could re-enact porn scenes without any communication or consent.  It also affected my emotional connection to him because his porn addiction made it obvious that he saw women as objects available to serve his needs without regard to their own welfare and that he saw me that way as well.

I realized I alone am responsible for the quality of the life and family I have and what environment I want to raise our children in.  I kicked him out. I maintained physical custody of the kids because never in a million years would I want them living with someone who has a porn addiction.  They would have found out eventually because he was so addicted he was indiscreet, and it would have negatively affected their own sexual health and development.

Each adult is responsible for the quality of his or her own life.  No woman is responsible for allowing a man to fall into porn addiction or getting him out of it. [/quote]

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