Weddings are horribly expensive

[Anonymous]

I'm not one for social pressure. I generally don't care what other people think of me. But, I have a lot of people I love and wanted at my wedding - invite list of 175 (final headcount 150). I also wanted to treat them well, with a nice dinner and open bar, and I wanted to have fun (DJ) and meaning (wedding at my church). And I live in DC.

My parents footed a VERY generous $45k, this was in 2018. At the outset, I thought, wow, money really won't be a blocker, we'll be able to just get whatever we want (I don't have expensive tastes). And honestly - within the parameters listed above, it was a budget wedding. It's INSANE how much every little thing costs. We had to watch the budget so, so carefully. The only way we could do it was to bring in a caterer from Baltimore, all of the DC caterers were out of our price range.

It was an amazing wedding and a fabulous day and by the end of it my face actually hurt from smiling so much. But damn, that price tag!!

[Anonymous]

Weddings ARE horribly expensive but people should do what makes them happy. Keyword them.

For me and my husband, we didn't want the stress or huge cost so we had a beach wedding with just our parents followed six months later (warm weather) by a "celebration of marriage" where we rented an entire multi-unit house on a lake. We really wanted our non-local friends and family to be able to stay as long as they wanted-a day or a week with the only cost being what it took them to get to the lake. We grilled (Costco food), drank (purchased from a local liquor store), and swam with family/friends. It brought us joy and created really fond memories we regularly recall. House cost was 10k for the week (10 yrs ago in a non DMV state), wedding cost was the officiant, the photographer, and hair/makeup person so probably around 1k(ish). I don't consider the flight or accommodations to be a cost of the wedding but rather the honeymoon we had in the same location.

We talked about a large formal wedding and reception but decided what would make us happiest was a super small ceremony followed by a larger celebration. Do what makes YOU happy. Large/small, expensive/inexpensive, it should be you and your spouse's day.

[Anonymous]

These days you have to budget for 2 weddings per person

[Anonymous]

You can have a large wedding affordably if you are in a close knit culture where people enjoy contributing their labor directly to the wedding.

[Anonymous]

Nope. They *can* be hugely expensive.

A friend’s DD got married last year. Destination. Ten (!) attendants. Full weekend of activities. Photographer present nearly every moment. Sit down dinner reception. String quartet for cocktails. Swing band for dancing after dinner. Open bar.

It was fabulous. Esp the band. I had a great time. But I have had a great time at weddings at someone’s house - ceremony and reception combined. My friend did not complain about the cost. They knew what they were getting into and they chose it.

[Anonymous]

About 15 years ago, we decided to have our wedding in this rural spot on the west coast, and let me tell you, it was the best decision ever. We kept the budget chill, under $12k for the whole ceremony and reception dinner, not counting the big-ticket items like rings and other major expenses. Instead, we put that cash towards a really nice ring and a downpayment for our house.

We picked the coolest hotel in the area, which was more like this awesome lodge with a great restaurant and a super authentic vibe. It was a bit out of the way, so our friends had to fly in. This meant only our real friends showed up, which was kind of the whole idea. Flights weren't too pricey back then, but they're probably more now. Our wedding was all about keeping it real, surrounded by nature and decorating local flowers, local foods, wines, beer and decor etc, no need for all that extra fancy stuff and it was all affordable as it was in a rural area.

In my opinion, you're better off either having a laid-back wedding in town or choosing a place where the natural scenery does all the work. Those super pricey, over-the-top east coast weddings? To me, they kind of give off a tacky, try-hard vibe, like they're pushing to be something they're not – almost like being in a diseny theme park, and they probably cost like 100K.

Here's the deal: don't go all out spending on your wedding. Ours didn't break the bank, and honestly, we were so busy we barely had time to soak it all in. Your true friends will have a great time regardless of the budget. Plus, saving on the wedding means you can splurge on stuff that really counts, like an amazing ring or a house downpayment. Focus on what's gonna be meaningful for you in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:About 15 years ago, we decided to have our wedding in this rural spot on the west coast, and let me tell you, it was the best decision ever. We kept the budget chill, under $12k for the whole ceremony and reception dinner, not counting the big-ticket items like rings and other major expenses. Instead, we put that cash towards a really nice ring and a downpayment for our house.

We picked the coolest hotel in the area, which was more like this awesome lodge with a great restaurant and a super authentic vibe. It was a bit out of the way, so our friends had to fly in. This meant only our real friends showed up, which was kind of the whole idea. Flights weren't too pricey back then, but they're probably more now. Our wedding was all about keeping it real, surrounded by nature and decorating local flowers, local foods, wines, beer and decor etc, no need for all that extra fancy stuff and it was all affordable as it was in a rural area.

In my opinion, you're better off either having a laid-back wedding in town or choosing a place where the natural scenery does all the work. Those super pricey, over-the-top east coast weddings? To me, they kind of give off a tacky, try-hard vibe, like they're pushing to be something they're not – almost like being in a diseny theme park, and they probably cost like 100K.

Here's the deal: don't go all out spending on your wedding. Ours didn't break the bank, and honestly, we were so busy we barely had time to soak it all in. Your true friends will have a great time regardless of the budget. Plus, saving on the wedding means you can splurge on stuff that really counts, like an amazing ring or a house downpayment. Focus on what's gonna be meaningful for you in the long run.

Also to add, the DC area has a lot of Indians and for some reason they like to throw these over the top wedding and invite like 500 people so it might be a cultural thing i don't understand

[Anonymous]

I opened this thread thinking it was going to be about how much it costs just to be a wedding guest. And I know I don’t have to attend, but for family members, it’s definitely expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spent $20k on our wedding in 2005, in a major city. Parents chipped in $10k. It’s a once in a life time event, so we felt that it was worth it.

That's not in any way expensive, even in 2005.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Curious how much a nice wedding (nice venue, nice food, photographer, flowers etc) with a hundred guests would cost in the DMV

We got married in DC 15 years ago. We have 120 guests for a nice (but not exorbitant or over the top in any way) wedding. When all was said and done it cost around $55k. My parents paid and we're still happily married. I would assume today that same wedding would cost $75k (at least).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So don't. Just do a small simple wedding.

Weddings don't have to be expensive. Mine wasn't. Two of the nicest weddings I've been to were at state parks and were very inexpensive to do.

[Anonymous]

The reason weddings are expensive is because how much you spend and the kind of wedding you have is an emotional decision. Some of it is cultural and SES related also. It has nothing to do with the real cost of getting married - which is just the cost of going to the court and getting married in front of the justice of peace. Frankly, a wedding is really a waste of money.

My DD is having an Indian wedding and for a middle of the road, very average MC Indian wedding, we will be spending around 200K. This does not include a honeymoon.

But, culturally and socially - we will also be having multi day pre-wedding events, pay for top shelf liquor and elaborate meals with multiple entrees, desserts, appetizers, pay for rooms for some of our guests and bridesmaids, pay for clothing and jewelry for multiple events for family members and bride. Pay for clothes for bridesmaids. pay for photographer, decorator, DJ, makeup and hair etc.

If you are just looking at just one day of wedding and reception at a decent enough place (4 star and above hotel), you will pay around 150K for 300+ guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Curious how much a nice wedding (nice venue, nice food, photographer, flowers etc) with a hundred guests would cost in the DMV

We got married in DC 15 years ago. We have 120 guests for a nice (but not exorbitant or over the top in any way) wedding. When all was said and done it cost around $55k. My parents paid and we're still happily married. I would assume today that same wedding would cost $75k (at least).

Sound about right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About 15 years ago, we decided to have our wedding in this rural spot on the west coast, and let me tell you, it was the best decision ever. We kept the budget chill, under $12k for the whole ceremony and reception dinner, not counting the big-ticket items like rings and other major expenses. Instead, we put that cash towards a really nice ring and a downpayment for our house.

We picked the coolest hotel in the area, which was more like this awesome lodge with a great restaurant and a super authentic vibe. It was a bit out of the way, so our friends had to fly in. This meant only our real friends showed up, which was kind of the whole idea. Flights weren't too pricey back then, but they're probably more now. Our wedding was all about keeping it real, surrounded by nature and decorating local flowers, local foods, wines, beer and decor etc, no need for all that extra fancy stuff and it was all affordable as it was in a rural area.

In my opinion, you're better off either having a laid-back wedding in town or choosing a place where the natural scenery does all the work. Those super pricey, over-the-top east coast weddings? To me, they kind of give off a tacky, try-hard vibe, like they're pushing to be something they're not – almost like being in a diseny theme park, and they probably cost like 100K.

Here's the deal: don't go all out spending on your wedding. Ours didn't break the bank, and honestly, we were so busy we barely had time to soak it all in. Your true friends will have a great time regardless of the budget. Plus, saving on the wedding means you can splurge on stuff that really counts, like an amazing ring or a house downpayment. Focus on what's gonna be meaningful for you in the long run.

Also to add, the DC area has a lot of Indians and for some reason they like to throw these over the top wedding and invite like 500 people so it might be a cultural thing i don't understand

Yup. You don’t understand. Weddings are huge in Indian culture. I am Indian, I got married in India with 500 guests and my grandmother lamented to her last days about what a small wedding it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About 15 years ago, we decided to have our wedding in this rural spot on the west coast, and let me tell you, it was the best decision ever. We kept the budget chill, under $12k for the whole ceremony and reception dinner, not counting the big-ticket items like rings and other major expenses. Instead, we put that cash towards a really nice ring and a downpayment for our house.

We picked the coolest hotel in the area, which was more like this awesome lodge with a great restaurant and a super authentic vibe. It was a bit out of the way, so our friends had to fly in. This meant only our real friends showed up, which was kind of the whole idea. Flights weren't too pricey back then, but they're probably more now. Our wedding was all about keeping it real, surrounded by nature and decorating local flowers, local foods, wines, beer and decor etc, no need for all that extra fancy stuff and it was all affordable as it was in a rural area.

In my opinion, you're better off either having a laid-back wedding in town or choosing a place where the natural scenery does all the work. Those super pricey, over-the-top east coast weddings? To me, they kind of give off a tacky, try-hard vibe, like they're pushing to be something they're not – almost like being in a diseny theme park, and they probably cost like 100K.

Here's the deal: don't go all out spending on your wedding. Ours didn't break the bank, and honestly, we were so busy we barely had time to soak it all in. Your true friends will have a great time regardless of the budget. Plus, saving on the wedding means you can splurge on stuff that really counts, like an amazing ring or a house downpayment. Focus on what's gonna be meaningful for you in the long run.

Also to add, the DC area has a lot of Indians and for some reason they like to throw these over the top wedding and invite like 500 people so it might be a cultural thing i don't understand

Ha ha! Let me explain. I am an Indian Hindu. Having 200-500 guests is considered a smallish wedding. The reason for our huge (in American eyes) weddings is that we usually do know 500 people or more, and we do cultivate familial and non-familial relationships over our lifetimes. This is very cultural thing. Not inviting someone to your kid's wedding is seen as sending a message that the person is not important to you. Sometimes we also include guests that our parents and siblings want us to invite and that is because a wedding is seen as a family affair.

Also, most invitations (for Indian guests) is not addressed to the individual but for their whole family. Giving an invite to a person and add a +1 to it is considered insulting. Of course, we do that for non-Indians guests in the US. This explains why the numbers of guests swell up. Also, traditionally, Indian households are multi-generational, so an invitation to the family will include the grandparents and the kids too. American weddings usually frown upon kids of non-family guests.

Most Indian marriages do not end in divorce. Divorce rates are extremely low and so this is statistically a once in a lifetime cost for parents. Indian Hindu parents are responsible and culturally bound to get their kids married. This is their last parental duty (called Vivah Sanskar) towards their offsprings in their life according to our religious traditions. So, most Indian parents will start saving for the child's college and wedding from the time that the kids are born. Since the parents are paying for the wedding, the guest list is usually their own guest list and it includes all relatives from both sides. The bride and groom and groom's family will also include their lists. If the bride or groom do not have parents, usually a grandparent, uncles, aunts, siblings will step into the role of the parents and finance a wedding. So, there are quite a few very low-key weddings too that do not cost a bomb - but you do not hear about them.

IME - young Indians and Indian-Americans who did not have a traditional Indian wedding funded fully or partially by their parents or relatives, or have family participation and involvement may feel a deep sense of loss for lacking family support We have been raised and socialized since childhood for being part of these memorable, vibrant, big, multi day weddings that were part celebration, part family reunions, part cosmic chaos and we do want the same for ourselves and our children. Our traditions, culture, Bollywood, wedding industry etc have also portrayed weddings as very significant part of our lives. So to not have that kind of wedding or parents/relatives not taking it up as their responsibility is lonely and sad.

It is entirely another thing if the bride and groom are independently well-off and can fund their own wedding, or have decided to have a small wedding by choice (usually they will opt for an American or destination wedding because it is inexpensive), but usually these are couples in their 30s and more established. This is also true for "fusion" weddings where Indians are marrying someone of another culture, or people on their second marriages, or people who have busy lifestyles, or people who are of more mature age, or those who have altruistic motives, or people who want to save money - in such a case the couple decide to have a wedding the way they want to.

Finally, Indian-Americans are usually quite well-off. Their children are also usually in high paying jobs. In some way an Indian wedding is a FLEX of family unity and solidarity, continuation of Indian tradition, a chance to reconnect with friends and family, a demonstration of the accomplishment of the bride and groom, family connections and financial power. Most Indian-Americans are fully paying for college and wedding of their offsprings.