Weddings are horribly expensive

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About 15 years ago, we decided to have our wedding in this rural spot on the west coast, and let me tell you, it was the best decision ever. We kept the budget chill, under $12k for the whole ceremony and reception dinner, not counting the big-ticket items like rings and other major expenses. Instead, we put that cash towards a really nice ring and a downpayment for our house.

We picked the coolest hotel in the area, which was more like this awesome lodge with a great restaurant and a super authentic vibe. It was a bit out of the way, so our friends had to fly in. This meant only our real friends showed up, which was kind of the whole idea. Flights weren't too pricey back then, but they're probably more now. Our wedding was all about keeping it real, surrounded by nature and decorating local flowers, local foods, wines, beer and decor etc, no need for all that extra fancy stuff and it was all affordable as it was in a rural area.

In my opinion, you're better off either having a laid-back wedding in town or choosing a place where the natural scenery does all the work. Those super pricey, over-the-top east coast weddings? To me, they kind of give off a tacky, try-hard vibe, like they're pushing to be something they're not – almost like being in a diseny theme park, and they probably cost like 100K.

Here's the deal: don't go all out spending on your wedding. Ours didn't break the bank, and honestly, we were so busy we barely had time to soak it all in. Your true friends will have a great time regardless of the budget. Plus, saving on the wedding means you can splurge on stuff that really counts, like an amazing ring or a house downpayment. Focus on what's gonna be meaningful for you in the long run.

Also to add, the DC area has a lot of Indians and for some reason they like to throw these over the top wedding and invite like 500 people so it might be a cultural thing i don't understand

Ha ha! Let me explain. I am an Indian Hindu. Having 200-500 guests is considered a smallish wedding. The reason for our huge (in American eyes) weddings is that we usually do know 500 people or more, and we do cultivate familial and non-familial relationships over our lifetimes. This is very cultural thing. Not inviting someone to your kid's wedding is seen as sending a message that the person is not important to you. Sometimes we also include guests that our parents and siblings want us to invite and that is because a wedding is seen as a family affair.

Also, most invitations (for Indian guests) is not addressed to the individual but for their whole family. Giving an invite to a person and add a +1 to it is considered insulting. Of course, we do that for non-Indians guests in the US. This explains why the numbers of guests swell up. Also, traditionally, Indian households are multi-generational, so an invitation to the family will include the grandparents and the kids too. American weddings usually frown upon kids of non-family guests.

Most Indian marriages do not end in divorce. Divorce rates are extremely low and so this is statistically a once in a lifetime cost for parents. Indian Hindu parents are responsible and culturally bound to get their kids married. This is their last parental duty (called Vivah Sanskar) towards their offsprings in their life according to our religious traditions. So, most Indian parents will start saving for the child's college and wedding from the time that the kids are born. Since the parents are paying for the wedding, the guest list is usually their own guest list and it includes all relatives from both sides. The bride and groom and groom's family will also include their lists. If the bride or groom do not have parents, usually a grandparent, uncles, aunts, siblings will step into the role of the parents and finance a wedding. So, there are quite a few very low-key weddings too that do not cost a bomb - but you do not hear about them.

IME - young Indians and Indian-Americans who did not have a traditional Indian wedding funded fully or partially by their parents or relatives, or have family participation and involvement may feel a deep sense of loss for lacking family support We have been raised and socialized since childhood for being part of these memorable, vibrant, big, multi day weddings that were part celebration, part family reunions, part cosmic chaos and we do want the same for ourselves and our children. Our traditions, culture, Bollywood, wedding industry etc have also portrayed weddings as very significant part of our lives. So to not have that kind of wedding or parents/relatives not taking it up as their responsibility is lonely and sad.

It is entirely another thing if the bride and groom are independently well-off and can fund their own wedding, or have decided to have a small wedding by choice (usually they will opt for an American or destination wedding because it is inexpensive), but usually these are couples in their 30s and more established. This is also true for "fusion" weddings where Indians are marrying someone of another culture, or people on their second marriages, or people who have busy lifestyles, or people who are of more mature age, or those who have altruistic motives, or people who want to save money - in such a case the couple decide to have a wedding the way they want to.

Finally, Indian-Americans are usually quite well-off. Their children are also usually in high paying jobs. In some way an Indian wedding is a FLEX of family unity and solidarity, continuation of Indian tradition, a chance to reconnect with friends and family, a demonstration of the accomplishment of the bride and groom, family connections and financial power. Most Indian-Americans are fully paying for college and wedding of their offsprings.

I'm Indian and Hindu too, and this is BS. The large, expensive weddings are done by Indians for the same reason they buy mansions and Teslas - as a show of status and wealth.

+1. Also Indian and Hindu and PP is romanticizing the lavish Indian wedding. They are soulless affairs meant to show off wealth and often hide a whole host of underlying problems in the family.

I disagree. But then I am actually a wealthy Indian.

You’re very defensive. I’m not claiming these people aren’t well to do. But the weddings are over the top and the families throwing them seem desperate to make an outsized statement of family unity or high status. They often don’t match the reality.

You are making assumptions about the weddings being over the top and people seeming desperate. How do you know? You are sounding bitter and jealous. Are you paying for their weddings?

Sorry, but culturally, go to Middle East and go to Indian subcontinent and you will see lavish weddings are common. Parents actually save for their children weddings all their lives. Just like they save for their kids colleges. This is culturally appropriate for us. May not be culturally appropriate for you. But, you do you. Also, exceptions prove the rule.

Not being defensive at all. Our parenting philosophy is different than the American way of parenting too. But, on individual level people can choose to spend money or not spend money on whatever they want to spend money on. There are enough Indian weddings where people do court marriage and go to a restaurant to celebrate. As long as people do not expect their guests to bankroll their MLM destination wedding and pay for their own drinks at the bar - why does it matter to anyone?

All affluent people are unhappy and suffering. If this makes you feel better about your life then so be it.

Sorry but you are sounding even more defensive. And I am Indian and Hindu so I’ve been to many typical, big Indian weddings. You may spout off about culture all you want but there’s no traditional cultural requirement or norm to have a huge, lavish wedding. The expectations have evolved for the Indian wedding to become that way because the families overextend themselves to outdo their relatives and friends. It’s all about competition and ego stroking.

yes and in those other countries there are servent class that can make it happen but in the US its too expensive to have an over the top wedding because of labor costs

Yes, in US there is no master class - What are you blathering about? Aren't the Indians paying for the labor costs for Desi weddings in the US too? Are you claiming that the Indians are the master here and the service providers are their servants?

It is called working hard to get a good STEM education, earning a good salary, saving and investing your money wisely, budgeting for a desi wedding and paying for your kid's wedding.

Look, the truth is that there are some groups of people whose culture of selfishness prevents them from spending even a dime on guest and family members including spouse and kids. Otherwise, most people earn enough to pay for their kids weddings. Heck, some people are unwilling to pay for their kids colleges too, so a wedding is too much of an ask.

[Anonymous]

Pay only if your kids are successful. Don't pay for unsuccessful kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does a big wedding make it more embarrassing to divorce

I went to a wedding at the Rainbow Room in NYC once. Couple broke up within a year. Yes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It’s once per person per lifetime. I only have two kids by choice and I will spend on their weddings with pleasure.

A wedding is a once in a lifetime experience, or an expensive wedding is a once in a lifetime experience. My brothers first wedding was the fanciest wedding I'd ever been to. Eight years later I attended his second wedding. It made the first wedding look like rice and beans.

I'm all for spending whatever you want on whatever you want, but the "once in a lifetime" justification makes zero sense. There are so many things that only happen once in a person's life. First day of first grade. First day of college. First day of a first job. Lots of first. You know what you can benefit from every.single.day? Graduating from school debt free. A down payment for a condo/house. It doesn't make a great Hallmark card but get yourself in financial order first, then throw the fancy party for your friends.

Yep all of this! I will give my kids a lump of money and they can decide what to do with it (all girls). I will guide them to put it as a down payment on a house, but ultimately it's their choice.

I never understood the logic to this. Here’s some money for your wedding but use it for a down payment on a house. A lot of people are starting to do this.

We have traditional families and my father paid for the wedding and his father paid for the dinner the night before and honeymoon. My father paid the restaurant and the bridal salon directly. His father paid the restaurant directly. We picked really nice restaurants and music. Besides that nothing lavish at all. But it had nothing to do with a house. That came much later. We were 24 years old and didn’t want to buy a house that would tie us down.

I’m glad my father did everything because I never would have thought to invite the priest or make sure the musicians ate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About 15 years ago, we decided to have our wedding in this rural spot on the west coast, and let me tell you, it was the best decision ever. We kept the budget chill, under $12k for the whole ceremony and reception dinner, not counting the big-ticket items like rings and other major expenses. Instead, we put that cash towards a really nice ring and a downpayment for our house.

We picked the coolest hotel in the area, which was more like this awesome lodge with a great restaurant and a super authentic vibe. It was a bit out of the way, so our friends had to fly in. This meant only our real friends showed up, which was kind of the whole idea. Flights weren't too pricey back then, but they're probably more now. Our wedding was all about keeping it real, surrounded by nature and decorating local flowers, local foods, wines, beer and decor etc, no need for all that extra fancy stuff and it was all affordable as it was in a rural area.

In my opinion, you're better off either having a laid-back wedding in town or choosing a place where the natural scenery does all the work. Those super pricey, over-the-top east coast weddings? To me, they kind of give off a tacky, try-hard vibe, like they're pushing to be something they're not – almost like being in a diseny theme park, and they probably cost like 100K.

Here's the deal: don't go all out spending on your wedding. Ours didn't break the bank, and honestly, we were so busy we barely had time to soak it all in. Your true friends will have a great time regardless of the budget. Plus, saving on the wedding means you can splurge on stuff that really counts, like an amazing ring or a house downpayment. Focus on what's gonna be meaningful for you in the long run.

Also to add, the DC area has a lot of Indians and for some reason they like to throw these over the top wedding and invite like 500 people so it might be a cultural thing i don't understand

Ha ha! Let me explain. I am an Indian Hindu. Having 200-500 guests is considered a smallish wedding. The reason for our huge (in American eyes) weddings is that we usually do know 500 people or more, and we do cultivate familial and non-familial relationships over our lifetimes. This is very cultural thing. Not inviting someone to your kid's wedding is seen as sending a message that the person is not important to you. Sometimes we also include guests that our parents and siblings want us to invite and that is because a wedding is seen as a family affair.

Also, most invitations (for Indian guests) is not addressed to the individual but for their whole family. Giving an invite to a person and add a +1 to it is considered insulting. Of course, we do that for non-Indians guests in the US. This explains why the numbers of guests swell up. Also, traditionally, Indian households are multi-generational, so an invitation to the family will include the grandparents and the kids too. American weddings usually frown upon kids of non-family guests.

Most Indian marriages do not end in divorce. Divorce rates are extremely low and so this is statistically a once in a lifetime cost for parents. Indian Hindu parents are responsible and culturally bound to get their kids married. This is their last parental duty (called Vivah Sanskar) towards their offsprings in their life according to our religious traditions. So, most Indian parents will start saving for the child's college and wedding from the time that the kids are born. Since the parents are paying for the wedding, the guest list is usually their own guest list and it includes all relatives from both sides. The bride and groom and groom's family will also include their lists. If the bride or groom do not have parents, usually a grandparent, uncles, aunts, siblings will step into the role of the parents and finance a wedding. So, there are quite a few very low-key weddings too that do not cost a bomb - but you do not hear about them.

IME - young Indians and Indian-Americans who did not have a traditional Indian wedding funded fully or partially by their parents or relatives, or have family participation and involvement may feel a deep sense of loss for lacking family support We have been raised and socialized since childhood for being part of these memorable, vibrant, big, multi day weddings that were part celebration, part family reunions, part cosmic chaos and we do want the same for ourselves and our children. Our traditions, culture, Bollywood, wedding industry etc have also portrayed weddings as very significant part of our lives. So to not have that kind of wedding or parents/relatives not taking it up as their responsibility is lonely and sad.

It is entirely another thing if the bride and groom are independently well-off and can fund their own wedding, or have decided to have a small wedding by choice (usually they will opt for an American or destination wedding because it is inexpensive), but usually these are couples in their 30s and more established. This is also true for "fusion" weddings where Indians are marrying someone of another culture, or people on their second marriages, or people who have busy lifestyles, or people who are of more mature age, or those who have altruistic motives, or people who want to save money - in such a case the couple decide to have a wedding the way they want to.

Finally, Indian-Americans are usually quite well-off. Their children are also usually in high paying jobs. In some way an Indian wedding is a FLEX of family unity and solidarity, continuation of Indian tradition, a chance to reconnect with friends and family, a demonstration of the accomplishment of the bride and groom, family connections and financial power. Most Indian-Americans are fully paying for college and wedding of their offsprings.

I'm Indian and Hindu too, and this is BS. The large, expensive weddings are done by Indians for the same reason they buy mansions and Teslas - as a show of status and wealth.

+1. Also Indian and Hindu and PP is romanticizing the lavish Indian wedding. They are soulless affairs meant to show off wealth and often hide a whole host of underlying problems in the family.

I disagree. But then I am actually a wealthy Indian.

You’re very defensive. I’m not claiming these people aren’t well to do. But the weddings are over the top and the families throwing them seem desperate to make an outsized statement of family unity or high status. They often don’t match the reality.

You are making assumptions about the weddings being over the top and people seeming desperate. How do you know? You are sounding bitter and jealous. Are you paying for their weddings?

Sorry, but culturally, go to Middle East and go to Indian subcontinent and you will see lavish weddings are common. Parents actually save for their children weddings all their lives. Just like they save for their kids colleges. This is culturally appropriate for us. May not be culturally appropriate for you. But, you do you. Also, exceptions prove the rule.

Not being defensive at all. Our parenting philosophy is different than the American way of parenting too. But, on individual level people can choose to spend money or not spend money on whatever they want to spend money on. There are enough Indian weddings where people do court marriage and go to a restaurant to celebrate. As long as people do not expect their guests to bankroll their MLM destination wedding and pay for their own drinks at the bar - why does it matter to anyone?

All affluent people are unhappy and suffering. If this makes you feel better about your life then so be it.

Sorry but you are sounding even more defensive. And I am Indian and Hindu so I’ve been to many typical, big Indian weddings. You may spout off about culture all you want but there’s no traditional cultural requirement or norm to have a huge, lavish wedding. The expectations have evolved for the Indian wedding to become that way because the families overextend themselves to outdo their relatives and friends. It’s all about competition and ego stroking.

yes and in those other countries there are servent class that can make it happen but in the US its too expensive to have an over the top wedding because of labor costs

Yes, in US there is no master class - What are you blathering about? Aren't the Indians paying for the labor costs for Desi weddings in the US too? Are you claiming that the Indians are the master here and the service providers are their servants?

It is called working hard to get a good STEM education, earning a good salary, saving and investing your money wisely, budgeting for a desi wedding and paying for your kid's wedding.

Look, the truth is that there are some groups of people whose culture of selfishness prevents them from spending even a dime on guest and family members including spouse and kids. Otherwise, most people earn enough to pay for their kids weddings. Heck, some people are unwilling to pay for their kids colleges too, so a wedding is too much of an ask.

Get a STEM education. Don’t bring shame to the family by getting a social services degree.

You all stereotype yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does a big wedding make it more embarrassing to divorce

I went to a wedding at the Rainbow Room in NYC once. Couple broke up within a year. Yes?

I also went to my cousin’s huge Indian wedding that her parents sold one of their 2 rental properties to pay for. It was spectacular but my uncle is upper middle class and scrimped and saved his whole life to pay for his kids’ educations and the rentals. His daughter got divorced within months and is now the subject of gossip in the community. Why someone would waste all those years of hard work on a party that the guests enjoyed and now turn around and gossip about is incomprehensible to me.

[Anonymous]

You do know the wedding cost is irrelevant. It is wedding cost minus cash gifts is final cost.

John Gotti’s grandson in 2015 married in a very very lavish wedding and they received 2.5 million in gifts. The key is to have generous guests.

His guests included John Travolta, Kelly Preston, Kevin Connolly (Entourage), Debi Mazar, Robert DeNiros daughter, Jack Scalia( soap opera star) as well as you know who

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About 15 years ago, we decided to have our wedding in this rural spot on the west coast, and let me tell you, it was the best decision ever. We kept the budget chill, under $12k for the whole ceremony and reception dinner, not counting the big-ticket items like rings and other major expenses. Instead, we put that cash towards a really nice ring and a downpayment for our house.

We picked the coolest hotel in the area, which was more like this awesome lodge with a great restaurant and a super authentic vibe. It was a bit out of the way, so our friends had to fly in. This meant only our real friends showed up, which was kind of the whole idea. Flights weren't too pricey back then, but they're probably more now. Our wedding was all about keeping it real, surrounded by nature and decorating local flowers, local foods, wines, beer and decor etc, no need for all that extra fancy stuff and it was all affordable as it was in a rural area.

In my opinion, you're better off either having a laid-back wedding in town or choosing a place where the natural scenery does all the work. Those super pricey, over-the-top east coast weddings? To me, they kind of give off a tacky, try-hard vibe, like they're pushing to be something they're not – almost like being in a diseny theme park, and they probably cost like 100K.

Here's the deal: don't go all out spending on your wedding. Ours didn't break the bank, and honestly, we were so busy we barely had time to soak it all in. Your true friends will have a great time regardless of the budget. Plus, saving on the wedding means you can splurge on stuff that really counts, like an amazing ring or a house downpayment. Focus on what's gonna be meaningful for you in the long run.

Also to add, the DC area has a lot of Indians and for some reason they like to throw these over the top wedding and invite like 500 people so it might be a cultural thing i don't understand

Ha ha! Let me explain. I am an Indian Hindu. Having 200-500 guests is considered a smallish wedding. The reason for our huge (in American eyes) weddings is that we usually do know 500 people or more, and we do cultivate familial and non-familial relationships over our lifetimes. This is very cultural thing. Not inviting someone to your kid's wedding is seen as sending a message that the person is not important to you. Sometimes we also include guests that our parents and siblings want us to invite and that is because a wedding is seen as a family affair.

Also, most invitations (for Indian guests) is not addressed to the individual but for their whole family. Giving an invite to a person and add a +1 to it is considered insulting. Of course, we do that for non-Indians guests in the US. This explains why the numbers of guests swell up. Also, traditionally, Indian households are multi-generational, so an invitation to the family will include the grandparents and the kids too. American weddings usually frown upon kids of non-family guests.

Most Indian marriages do not end in divorce. Divorce rates are extremely low and so this is statistically a once in a lifetime cost for parents. Indian Hindu parents are responsible and culturally bound to get their kids married. This is their last parental duty (called Vivah Sanskar) towards their offsprings in their life according to our religious traditions. So, most Indian parents will start saving for the child's college and wedding from the time that the kids are born. Since the parents are paying for the wedding, the guest list is usually their own guest list and it includes all relatives from both sides. The bride and groom and groom's family will also include their lists. If the bride or groom do not have parents, usually a grandparent, uncles, aunts, siblings will step into the role of the parents and finance a wedding. So, there are quite a few very low-key weddings too that do not cost a bomb - but you do not hear about them.

IME - young Indians and Indian-Americans who did not have a traditional Indian wedding funded fully or partially by their parents or relatives, or have family participation and involvement may feel a deep sense of loss for lacking family support We have been raised and socialized since childhood for being part of these memorable, vibrant, big, multi day weddings that were part celebration, part family reunions, part cosmic chaos and we do want the same for ourselves and our children. Our traditions, culture, Bollywood, wedding industry etc have also portrayed weddings as very significant part of our lives. So to not have that kind of wedding or parents/relatives not taking it up as their responsibility is lonely and sad.

It is entirely another thing if the bride and groom are independently well-off and can fund their own wedding, or have decided to have a small wedding by choice (usually they will opt for an American or destination wedding because it is inexpensive), but usually these are couples in their 30s and more established. This is also true for "fusion" weddings where Indians are marrying someone of another culture, or people on their second marriages, or people who have busy lifestyles, or people who are of more mature age, or those who have altruistic motives, or people who want to save money - in such a case the couple decide to have a wedding the way they want to.

Finally, Indian-Americans are usually quite well-off. Their children are also usually in high paying jobs. In some way an Indian wedding is a FLEX of family unity and solidarity, continuation of Indian tradition, a chance to reconnect with friends and family, a demonstration of the accomplishment of the bride and groom, family connections and financial power. Most Indian-Americans are fully paying for college and wedding of their offsprings.

I'm Indian and Hindu too, and this is BS. The large, expensive weddings are done by Indians for the same reason they buy mansions and Teslas - as a show of status and wealth.

+1. Also Indian and Hindu and PP is romanticizing the lavish Indian wedding. They are soulless affairs meant to show off wealth and often hide a whole host of underlying problems in the family.

I disagree. But then I am actually a wealthy Indian.

You’re very defensive. I’m not claiming these people aren’t well to do. But the weddings are over the top and the families throwing them seem desperate to make an outsized statement of family unity or high status. They often don’t match the reality.

You are making assumptions about the weddings being over the top and people seeming desperate. How do you know? You are sounding bitter and jealous. Are you paying for their weddings?

Sorry, but culturally, go to Middle East and go to Indian subcontinent and you will see lavish weddings are common. Parents actually save for their children weddings all their lives. Just like they save for their kids colleges. This is culturally appropriate for us. May not be culturally appropriate for you. But, you do you. Also, exceptions prove the rule.

Not being defensive at all. Our parenting philosophy is different than the American way of parenting too. But, on individual level people can choose to spend money or not spend money on whatever they want to spend money on. There are enough Indian weddings where people do court marriage and go to a restaurant to celebrate. As long as people do not expect their guests to bankroll their MLM destination wedding and pay for their own drinks at the bar - why does it matter to anyone?

All affluent people are unhappy and suffering. If this makes you feel better about your life then so be it.

Sorry but you are sounding even more defensive. And I am Indian and Hindu so I’ve been to many typical, big Indian weddings. You may spout off about culture all you want but there’s no traditional cultural requirement or norm to have a huge, lavish wedding. The expectations have evolved for the Indian wedding to become that way because the families overextend themselves to outdo their relatives and friends. It’s all about competition and ego stroking.

You really sound bitter and poor. I am sorry.

Lol, you're making our point. I am one of the Indian Hindus that posted that expensive Indian weddings are largely to show off wealth and status, and after defending those weddings, you are now corroborating our point by revealing yourself to be the type of person who mocks the poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It’s once per person per lifetime. I only have two kids by choice and I will spend on their weddings with pleasure.

A wedding is a once in a lifetime experience, or an expensive wedding is a once in a lifetime experience. My brothers first wedding was the fanciest wedding I'd ever been to. Eight years later I attended his second wedding. It made the first wedding look like rice and beans.

I'm all for spending whatever you want on whatever you want, but the "once in a lifetime" justification makes zero sense. There are so many things that only happen once in a person's life. First day of first grade. First day of college. First day of a first job. Lots of first. You know what you can benefit from every.single.day? Graduating from school debt free. A down payment for a condo/house. It doesn't make a great Hallmark card but get yourself in financial order first, then throw the fancy party for your friends.

It is amazing the garbage women will come up with to justify incredibly wasteful spending.

[Anonymous]

Most weddings is a down payment on a house. I almost married an Italian girl.

But her family weddings are like 400 people and no kids all couples. Uncles and aunts give $5,000 a couple, cousins etc $500 - $1,000 a couple. And if I married her would have been 1996.

Her Dad was paying for wedding. I would have walked away $150k cash. Her cousin had a 500 plus person wedding I went to and she walked away $250k.

In 1996 that was a lot.

At time my almost Finance was just going to move into my one bedroom coop and our plans was to invest the money combine out incomes and in 2-3 years buy a beautiful house.

Sadly I hooked up with a professional Marilyn Monroe imitator and got caught but that is a longer story.

All get cousins married got massive houses.

At that time a nice house was 300k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The social pressure to spend tens of thousands is immense. Even being financially secure it makes me cringe to spend this much.

Agree. We married overseas, where most of our families and old time friends are. Food quality and service was way superior for an reasonable price, DJ was the top and made everyone (including 90 year olds) dance, florists was the best without tearing roots from our bank account, and the violinists from the local opera house surprised everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does a big wedding make it more embarrassing to divorce

Not sure, but when I consider the most lavish weddings I've attended, the majority of couples divorced within 5 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:YES. There in an industry designed to make you keep up with the Joneses. Just say no. done

I didn't have a wedding, I'm an immigrant and my husband- American was divorced. We are still married after 20 years being together. In my country, weddings are huge and it takes 2-3 years of savings for young couples to have a nice wedding. My younger coworkers get invited to the weddings all the time and I feel bad for them to spend all the money on those events. Wedding industry is crazy, but not limited to this country. Just do what you think is right financially for you and your future spouse. When I think how many people over the years that I know have divorced since then and they all had expensive wedding, I wonder how do they feel about that part that nobody wants to have happen to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It’s once per person per lifetime. I only have two kids by choice and I will spend on their weddings with pleasure.

A wedding is a once in a lifetime experience, or an expensive wedding is a once in a lifetime experience. My brothers first wedding was the fanciest wedding I'd ever been to. Eight years later I attended his second wedding. It made the first wedding look like rice and beans.

I'm all for spending whatever you want on whatever you want, but the "once in a lifetime" justification makes zero sense. There are so many things that only happen once in a person's life. First day of first grade. First day of college. First day of a first job. Lots of first. You know what you can benefit from every.single.day? Graduating from school debt free. A down payment for a condo/house. It doesn't make a great Hallmark card but get yourself in financial order first, then throw the fancy party for your friends.

It is amazing the garbage women will come up with to justify incredibly wasteful spending.

X1000000

If you can’t afford the wedding you want, you need to go to the courthouse, and stop being so greedy.

[Anonymous]

Just spend as much as you feel comfortable. Everyone else can suck it up.