Weddings are horribly expensive

[Anonymous]

If you're not rich, get creative. Rent a cheap outdoor space that allows you to bring alcohol and music DJ, like a park or state or county venue, rent chairs and tables, dance floor, fancy portable bathroom, and hire a DJ and cheap caterer like pit beef or BBQ, get a rain date, keep it small. Use your imagination. Could do it all at a church too if they have space for a reception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine. It’s once per person per lifetime. I only have two kids by choice and I will spend on their weddings with pleasure.

I would rather spend the money on anything else. The wedding people jack up the price. It is insane

[Anonymous]

Many kids now pay most of their own expenses. Especially if they are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not one for social pressure. I generally don't care what other people think of me. But, I have a lot of people I love and wanted at my wedding - invite list of 175 (final headcount 150). I also wanted to treat them well, with a nice dinner and open bar, and I wanted to have fun (DJ) and meaning (wedding at my church). And I live in DC.

My parents footed a VERY generous $45k, this was in 2018. At the outset, I thought, wow, money really won't be a blocker, we'll be able to just get whatever we want (I don't have expensive tastes). And honestly - within the parameters listed above, it was a budget wedding. It's INSANE how much every little thing costs. We had to watch the budget so, so carefully. The only way we could do it was to bring in a caterer from Baltimore, all of the DC caterers were out of our price range.

It was an amazing wedding and a fabulous day and by the end of it my face actually hurt from smiling so much. But damn, that price tag!!

This was exactly like ours too, slightly lower headcount and we had our cake made by a family friend too. It’s crazy that this would be considered a budget wedding.

45K has not been a big budget for a wedding since at least 1999.

in 2024 the average wedding on Long Island 58,245 and in Manhattan the average Saturday night wedding during wedding season is $100,000. These are average wedding costs published. A fancy wedding a budget would be much higher. Most parents today with daughters have the joy of spending up to $400k for college and then $100k for wedding. Yes you can push off costs on the kids for college and not chip in for wedding. But to be honest a crap wedding when father of bride is giving toast we all know who was cheapskate.

My wedding was $100k in 2006 and it wasn’t even particularly fancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:About 15 years ago, we decided to have our wedding in this rural spot on the west coast, and let me tell you, it was the best decision ever. We kept the budget chill, under $12k for the whole ceremony and reception dinner, not counting the big-ticket items like rings and other major expenses. Instead, we put that cash towards a really nice ring and a downpayment for our house.

We picked the coolest hotel in the area, which was more like this awesome lodge with a great restaurant and a super authentic vibe. It was a bit out of the way, so our friends had to fly in. This meant only our real friends showed up, which was kind of the whole idea. Flights weren't too pricey back then, but they're probably more now. Our wedding was all about keeping it real, surrounded by nature and decorating local flowers, local foods, wines, beer and decor etc, no need for all that extra fancy stuff and it was all affordable as it was in a rural area.

In my opinion, you're better off either having a laid-back wedding in town or choosing a place where the natural scenery does all the work. Those super pricey, over-the-top east coast weddings? To me, they kind of give off a tacky, try-hard vibe, like they're pushing to be something they're not – almost like being in a diseny theme park, and they probably cost like 100K.

Here's the deal: don't go all out spending on your wedding. Ours didn't break the bank, and honestly, we were so busy we barely had time to soak it all in. Your true friends will have a great time regardless of the budget. Plus, saving on the wedding means you can splurge on stuff that really counts, like an amazing ring or a house downpayment. Focus on what's gonna be meaningful for you in the long run.

Also to add, the DC area has a lot of Indians and for some reason they like to throw these over the top wedding and invite like 500 people so it might be a cultural thing i don't understand

Ha ha! Let me explain. I am an Indian Hindu. Having 200-500 guests is considered a smallish wedding. The reason for our huge (in American eyes) weddings is that we usually do know 500 people or more, and we do cultivate familial and non-familial relationships over our lifetimes. This is very cultural thing. Not inviting someone to your kid's wedding is seen as sending a message that the person is not important to you. Sometimes we also include guests that our parents and siblings want us to invite and that is because a wedding is seen as a family affair.

Also, most invitations (for Indian guests) is not addressed to the individual but for their whole family. Giving an invite to a person and add a +1 to it is considered insulting. Of course, we do that for non-Indians guests in the US. This explains why the numbers of guests swell up. Also, traditionally, Indian households are multi-generational, so an invitation to the family will include the grandparents and the kids too. American weddings usually frown upon kids of non-family guests.

Most Indian marriages do not end in divorce. Divorce rates are extremely low and so this is statistically a once in a lifetime cost for parents. Indian Hindu parents are responsible and culturally bound to get their kids married. This is their last parental duty (called Vivah Sanskar) towards their offsprings in their life according to our religious traditions. So, most Indian parents will start saving for the child's college and wedding from the time that the kids are born. Since the parents are paying for the wedding, the guest list is usually their own guest list and it includes all relatives from both sides. The bride and groom and groom's family will also include their lists. If the bride or groom do not have parents, usually a grandparent, uncles, aunts, siblings will step into the role of the parents and finance a wedding. So, there are quite a few very low-key weddings too that do not cost a bomb - but you do not hear about them.

IME - young Indians and Indian-Americans who did not have a traditional Indian wedding funded fully or partially by their parents or relatives, or have family participation and involvement may feel a deep sense of loss for lacking family support We have been raised and socialized since childhood for being part of these memorable, vibrant, big, multi day weddings that were part celebration, part family reunions, part cosmic chaos and we do want the same for ourselves and our children. Our traditions, culture, Bollywood, wedding industry etc have also portrayed weddings as very significant part of our lives. So to not have that kind of wedding or parents/relatives not taking it up as their responsibility is lonely and sad.

It is entirely another thing if the bride and groom are independently well-off and can fund their own wedding, or have decided to have a small wedding by choice (usually they will opt for an American or destination wedding because it is inexpensive), but usually these are couples in their 30s and more established. This is also true for "fusion" weddings where Indians are marrying someone of another culture, or people on their second marriages, or people who have busy lifestyles, or people who are of more mature age, or those who have altruistic motives, or people who want to save money - in such a case the couple decide to have a wedding the way they want to.

Finally, Indian-Americans are usually quite well-off. Their children are also usually in high paying jobs. In some way an Indian wedding is a FLEX of family unity and solidarity, continuation of Indian tradition, a chance to reconnect with friends and family, a demonstration of the accomplishment of the bride and groom, family connections and financial power. Most Indian-Americans are fully paying for college and wedding of their offsprings.

I am Indian American and I agree 100% PP.

Another Indian mom here. This is such a delulu take. You are going to be in for a shock with the Zoomers and Alphas. Do you even know your kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The social pressure to spend tens of thousands is immense. Even being financially secure it makes me cringe to spend this much.

Only rich lavish extravagant people spend thousands and thousands. Such a waste. Use that money instead to help a couple get ahead in life.

Anyone who wants an extravagant wedding will likely wind up divorced anyway.

[Anonymous]

The funniest part is that everyone's weddings all blend together years later. I can't remember almost anything from anyone's wedding. Spending $10k vs $100k made almost zero lasting memories. Like honestly, I can't remember what I ate at your wedding 12 years ago, so why did you even bother splurging on the food?

Such a colossal waste of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The funniest part is that everyone's weddings all blend together years later. I can't remember almost anything from anyone's wedding. Spending $10k vs $100k made almost zero lasting memories. Like honestly, I can't remember what I ate at your wedding 12 years ago, so why did you even bother splurging on the food?

Such a colossal waste of money.

Not 100 percent true. The middle weddings blend together. But I say the three or four garbage weddings I been to even 20-40 years later still come up alot how bad they were.

The three or four great weddings even on my death bed I will remember.

My favorite a 500 person mega wedding over the top my girlfriend at time shared a bathroom with company down the hall and was a girl she run into at mirror and they chat and they knew each other. She invited her and I went as date. She knew nothing of girl really other than that chatted while fixing hair or make up in bathroom.


Well it was wildest most over top wedding ever. Each table had personal waiters assigned and money no object. They literally were told whatever we want go get For fun I joked I like you to wash out that vase on table, fill it with Jagermeister and bring out long straws for table and they did it.

Anyhow during wedding, Brides Dad rolled out a Cake in the shape of a brand new Mercedes Convertible (he also paid for wedding) and gave it to new son in law and said I am giving you the Cake as it is in the shape of car I am gifting you and handed him keys to brand new Mercedes SL Convertible.

Father of Groom said well here is my gift to couple, rolled out a cake in shape of a Mansion and gave the key to Bride and said here is my cake in shape of Mansion I bought for you.

I was like WTF even back then that was a two million dollar home and maybe a 75k car plus that wedding had to be at least $200,000. That was 1990. The mansion was waterfront too. Of course I will never forget. Just like I wont forget that horrible wedding in backyard on a 95 degree day where hardly any food served and mother of groom had heatstroke and yard got wet night before and the women were falling over as high heels stuck in mud. And no open bar.

[Anonymous]

Spent 50k this year on my wedding not in DC. 70 people

It was awesome. I don’t regret it. Parents helped on 10k of it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not one for social pressure. I generally don't care what other people think of me. But, I have a lot of people I love and wanted at my wedding - invite list of 175 (final headcount 150). I also wanted to treat them well, with a nice dinner and open bar, and I wanted to have fun (DJ) and meaning (wedding at my church). And I live in DC.

My parents footed a VERY generous $45k, this was in 2018. At the outset, I thought, wow, money really won't be a blocker, we'll be able to just get whatever we want (I don't have expensive tastes). And honestly - within the parameters listed above, it was a budget wedding. It's INSANE how much every little thing costs. We had to watch the budget so, so carefully. The only way we could do it was to bring in a caterer from Baltimore, all of the DC caterers were out of our price range.

It was an amazing wedding and a fabulous day and by the end of it my face actually hurt from smiling so much. But damn, that price tag!!

This was exactly like ours too, slightly lower headcount and we had our cake made by a family friend too. It’s crazy that this would be considered a budget wedding.

45K has not been a big budget for a wedding since at least 1999.

in 2024 the average wedding on Long Island 58,245 and in Manhattan the average Saturday night wedding during wedding season is $100,000. These are average wedding costs published. A fancy wedding a budget would be much higher. Most parents today with daughters have the joy of spending up to $400k for college and then $100k for wedding. Yes you can push off costs on the kids for college and not chip in for wedding. But to be honest a crap wedding when father of bride is giving toast we all know who was cheapskate.

My wedding was $100k in 2006 and it wasn’t even particularly fancy.

something is not right

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. I'm quickly learning bat mitzvahs are expensive too and it's nearly impossible to be frugal on them when it becomes a 200 person event and the date is luck of the draw (Rabbi). It's becoming more expensive than our wedding was because now all of our friends have multiple children too. Just hear to empathize.

Is doing a destination wedding any cheaper?

Anonymous wrote:The social pressure to spend tens of thousands is immense. Even being financially secure it makes me cringe to spend this much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family and my wive's family give good wedding gifts. Even the poor blue collar people and the retired people. they dont go a lot of weddings just nieces and nephews as both are sets of parents are immigrants.

As such we usually throw really nice weddings but not huge. Mine was only 120 people but super fancy and nice But remember, most of my close relatives gave $1,000. For that they are expecting super high quality event. Which I did. I just kept it a low amount of people. And of 120 guests nearly all couples. So 60 checks and of that 60 checks only the the closest 15-20 couples gave really good checks. In end I broke even counting in DJ, Limo and flowers. Which is perfect. But if I did a 300 person wedding how would that work? If only the first 15-20 couples giving decent checks I go bankrupt. I dont have enought rich friends.

I did go once to a 500 person 500 a plate wedding in 1996. OMG was crazy. But close couples were giving $5,000 each in 1996 and further out they were giving as little as $250 a couple. They actually got around $250,000 in gifts so also broke even.

I also went to a VFH hall wedding with tap beer catered by delli. That couple was very young in college and parents broke and did not support weeding. They also broke even. They knew guests giving like $40 or $50 a couple so planned it that way.

Lots of people don't expect to break even on the parties they throw. Do you have kids? Expectations about their weddings? What if they marry someone from a different background?