Unable to balance family
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Anonymous
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If you want this marriage to work, then your limited free time and nights out should be TOGETHER not separate. Sorry but that’s the reality of life as a young couple with a baby - I too was a married 25 year old so I speak from experience. It takes time together one on one to cement a marriage. You’re trying to make this a competition for free time - he goes out, so then you go out - but in reality what you need is to come together as a team.
You both having growing up to do - and fast. |
Anonymous
| You are young op. You have a good job and a house and a sweet baby. Were you close to your dad? I ask because most people would realize they deserve a better partner than this. Ask him to try couples counseling and tell him if things aren’t better between you two by the spring he will need to move out. In the meantime line up some reliable childcare and plan to be on your own. The truth is you will likely meet someone more mature and end up with a blended family down the road. A painful mistake but one you have likely learned from. Good luck. |
Anonymous
| You say spouse - are you legally married? If so, were you married when you bought the house? If so, don't assume it's not marital property just because it is in your name only. |
Anonymous
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You want the best life for you, not for the kid. You are too busy fighting with him. You could have done this without a child getting caught in between.
My friend, a nurse, has two kids and is a single mom. Doesn't give a hoot what ex does. Who the heck goes out with a newborn. I didn't go out for 6 years. Well, I guess it helped that neither did my partner. I'd be pissed if he did, but you knew he loves the band and going out. |
Anonymous
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You sound really young, OP. I have known some young mothers who have wanted to continue to go out.
I had my kids at age 30 and 32. I really didn’t want to go out until my second was 2 or 3. Of course I met up with friends occasionally but they often would come visit me and the kids. |
Anonymous
I’m so sorry OP. Get a nanny or daycare for the baby and go back to work ASAP. |
Anonymous
| If this is not a troll then you need to hire some help. If your husband is not helpful then hire some help to free you up to go out and have some time to yourself. Have your husband play as many shows as he can to increase revenue and use that extra revenue for help. Since he refuses to help. You guys also need therapy - your husband is a class a jerk. |
Anonymous
| Would you consider adoption? |
Anonymous
| You want to be all these things: a nurse, a wife, a mother, a homeowner, a party girl. And none of them are making you happy from the way you write. Sort out what you really need/want and go from there. The main problem seems to be stemming from the "spouse" you chose, thinking you could change him. You can't. History is littered with women thinking they can fix some guy. |
Anonymous
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Did your spouse want this baby, OP? It sounds like the answer to that is probably no. You forced him to go through with it, and he probably thinks if you wanted this child so young you should take care of it.
I cannot imagine going partying with a 3 week old! WHY? So selfish. |
Anonymous
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Alot of young guys become more involved when their child gets older and isn't as dependent on their mom. Maybe just go with it for a while. I know it's not fair, but being a single mother is really rough. Hopefully he will cut back on the band eventually. These guys in bands usually have some type of argument and "break up" at some point
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Anonymous
It’s a troll post. Same writing, words, mash up of previous posts, outlandish leakages in follow up, same exact question formula as their other ridiculous troll posts. |
Anonymous
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A couple of thoughts.
1. If you're really married, the house being "in your name" probably doesn't matter. 2. Your description makes him sound much more immature than you, but you glossed over his full-time job to focus on the band. He may tell a different story where he has two jobs and you only have one, but you're constantly complaining about the second one because it's not lucrative enough. 3. You need couple's counseling to deal with the drinking, name-calling, and scorekeeping. 4. But if you want to be married to this person, don't jump to divorce with a brand-new baby. My husband was an absolute gold-standard new dad/husband and I still thought about divorce during this period, because sleep deprivation and hormones are not going to let you be great. 5. You deserve me time, absolutely. But you should probably try to get your friends to come to you for pizza and wine, not go clubbing on party nights. Don't saddle your kid with two parents competing to see who gets to spend the most time drunk. 6. Agree with PP that to the extent he's going to bars to play in his band, you can't hold that against him as "he gets more fun time than me" -- I say this particularly since you said he expects you to get a babysitter and come as your date night. That jumped out at me as "at least he doesn't appear to be using gigs to cheat on you." Neither of you is handling this transition particularly well, but that's not unique. It's a very hard time. I would have a conversation with him that is just about how you're afraid he's making unsafe/dangerous choices around drinking. You can also establish that the night after a gig is your "night out" if it's important to you to get out of the house, but I really think you should focus on restructuring your fun time around what's going to work longer term - whether your married or doing the single mother thing you're not going to be at clubs all night anymore, unless you're aiming for some kind of Jerry Springer audition by your late 30s. |
Anonymous
You have a child now. Your child needs to come first, for you and your spouse. You both need to grow up. I understand the need to have time away, but do something else other than getting drunk. But you should really wait a bit until the baby is older unless you have responsible family who could watch the baby for a couple hours. Go to a movie, book club, gym, walk, art class, etc. See if a family member can babysit occasionally (until baby older and you can hire a babysitter) and you can go out for the occasional date night. My husband and I (married 10+ years) take turns on who plans the date nights so we each get to do what we want, then some we plan together. Makes it fun. Also, even if you bought the house in your name you should see the laws in your state. You husband may have some right to that, so you may want a post nuptial agreement or talk to an attorney. Honestly, you should go to therapy and couples counseling (maybe do this on occasional date night or when day off as a nurse) and decide if its important for you to stay. You can't change a person. This is who he is, he will put his band first. Are you ok with that? Also, if you get divorced it may not be 50/50. Most women I know who are divorced watch the child more than the husband, so keep that in mind. |
Anonymous
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Is this a response to all the weird “granny mother” shaming on the parenting threads? Are you trying to illustrate the risks of parenting before you’re old enough?
If not. Divorce immediately. Get absolute maximum child support and yes that means even his $150 evening drumming pay is calculated. |