Explain to me why people do a viewing

[Anonymous]

Re: cremation and wakes - my uncle had an open wake/viewing, his body was taken in a closed casket to the Catholic Church for the funeral mass, then we all went to the bar for the afterparty (Irish family). His body was taken to the crematorium and the casket back to the funeral home - it was a "rental" just for this purpose.

His creamains were buried a week or so later.

[Anonymous]

Some people think the body has significance even when life is gone. That's why we have so much ground devoted to cemeteries.

I don't personally hold that view - burn my body, dump the ashes anywhere. I will not be bothered in the slightest.

But, funerals, viewings, and all the rest aren't for the dead; they are for the living. And different people view death or deal with it in different ways.

[Anonymous]

Because it's an important step in the grieving process for a lot of people. There is definitely finality when you see the person in the casket and can say a final goodbye. I don't think it's creepy to allow people to grieve however they need to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the practical purpose of verifying the person you think is dead, is both dead and in the casket. No faking your own death with a closed casket and running off. No family members wondering about mistaken identity or being given the wrong body. No unconscious patients buried by mistake (hence the "wake" party).

Funeral homes allow a brief viewing of the body by two people for this purpose before sealing the casket.

[Anonymous]

It's just a different cultural practice. There's some interesting research on how embalming really took off during the U.S. Civil War and why. But there's not a discrete, practical purpose to it.

I grew up in a very African-American area, although I am white. All Protestant, leaning evangelical. Everyone, including my family, practiced embalming with open caskets. "Who is handling the body" was a first line question when notified of a death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because it's an important step in the grieving process for a lot of people. There is definitely finality when you see the person in the casket and can say a final goodbye. I don't think it's creepy to allow people to grieve however they need to.

This finality is important. When my sister was murdered, we never got to see the body until the autopsy findings were shown in court. It made the death seem surreal until then. One minute they are there, the next they are gone.

[Anonymous]

In DH's Jewish family, cremation is frowned upon and burial asap is the tradition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: cremation and wakes - my uncle had an open wake/viewing, his body was taken in a closed casket to the Catholic Church for the funeral mass, then we all went to the bar for the afterparty (Irish family). His body was taken to the crematorium and the casket back to the funeral home - it was a "rental" just for this purpose.

His creamains were buried a week or so later.

I like this idea.

[Anonymous]

Another Irish Catholic here, so I've been to plenty of wakes.
You don't need to go up to the casket - it's also a chance to socialize and offer your condolences and grieve in a community. The funeral is obviously more formal.

[Anonymous]

I'm am African American Christian. In our culture, the viewing was traditionally a part of the wake. A wake is a more informal time for visitation and remembrance of the deceased to celebrate their life. Some still hold a wake on a separate day, but many now do the viewing immediately before the funeral.

[Anonymous]

I think it helps make the loss real and brings closure. It can be scary and painful, but so is death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve always felt uncomfortable with open casket wakes. However, only 50 years ago, my family kept their dead at home until it was time for the funeral Mass. The women washed the body and sewed it into the shroud. The men built a plain pine casket. Family and friends filed through the parlor to say goodbye and then into the yard for refreshment. I imagine the house smelled like death and flowers. Funerals were the next day, maybe the day after in winter only. If you lived far away, you sent a telegram.

You think people were buried the next day in winter in olden times? Not where the ground freezes, nope. They weren’t buried until the ground thawed in spring. Stored in a vault or mortuary freezer until then.

[Anonymous]

My elderly mom has elaborate funeral plans; I read through them recently at her insistence.

She has a white nightgown and robe she bought “for her viewing and to be buried in” and it hangs in the corner of her closet, NWT.

She wants an open casket! Also has written down the hymns she wants played by her church organist.

I suppose we have to respect her last wishes, right? I can speak for my siblings and our GenX contemporaries that open casket/viewings will be something that (pardon the pun) dies out with the Silent Generation…maybe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to a funeral today. There will be a three hour "viewing" followed by the service. We plan to arrive just before the service starts.

I have never been able to deal with this tradition of displaying a dead body. Yes, I'll admit that it's not part of my background and we don't do it at funerals. Why is it done?

I grew up Catholic and this is a tradition in my family. However, it is one I had no choice in participating in. As an adult, I do not participate in these any longer. I find them macabre, traumatic, and unnecessary. And that is not the last image I want of the person. I hate when people say "Aunt So-and-so looks so good. They did a good job." Um, no. She looks dead.

And I rarely even do funerals if I can help it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve only been to one viewing/open casket affair, and I definitely see the appeal. The person you are mourning is right there as if sleeping peacefully. It’s very real. Not as real as when you’re designated to hold a pet in your arms when it’s put down, but real. Shirking from real is a huge part of what’s wrong with us as a society. It’s what causes some children of elderly parents to violate the golden rule and warehouse them in environments that they themselves would never be happy and then barely visit them. So F’ed up.

[phone]

Exactly this. Supposed grown adults are now “uncomfortable,” find it “creepy.” Grow up. You do realize you’ll be in that box yourself one day, right?

OP it is based in the concept that our earthly bodies are no longer needed. From ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

Perhaps your life would be more “comfortable” if you actually face and accept this basic premise.

I specifically don't like viewings because I find the unrealistic. I think it's weird to dress up a corpse, fill it with fluids to keep it looking "fresh", apply makeup, etc. The viewings I've been to, I did find it creepy, but not because it made me uncomfortable. Because what I saw in the casket did not help me process the death at all, and felt disconnected from the idea of death or dying. I am comfortable facing death. I think it's weird to face this dressed up corpse made to look like it's "peacefully sleeping." Plus the corpse itself is not my loved one. My loved one is gone. I'd rather spend my time facing that reality than stand around a room making awkward small talk and pretending the embalmed corpse in the room is a person when it isn't.

Accepting and processing death does not require a viewing. Do it if it's what the dead person wants and the family believes in it, but I think a lot of us get nothing out of it and are skipping it because we have other ways to grieve and confront death and this just isn't one of them.