Explain to me why people do a viewing

[Anonymous]

I don’t really mind the open casket and usually go right up and say a prayer, I draw the line at touching the dead person, just not MY thing. I did attend a baby’s wake once and it was open casket. It was unnerving.

[Anonymous]

It helps people to understand that the person is gone. It helps to recognize that the body is not the person, but just a body. It helps to remind that we all will be there (yes, we all know that, but seeing it visually helps a lot).

[Anonymous]

It’s a Catholic thing, I come from a large Catholic family and the majority of viewings/visitations at the funeral home that I’ve been to have been open casket. Whereas when I’ve been to non-denominational, Protestant, etc. funeral homes, it’s been a pretty even mix of open, closed, and the person was cremated so it’s just a picture on display and their urn. I do agree it can be uncomfortable if you’re not familiar with it/didn’t grow up that way.

[Anonymous]

The Wake is the most important time to go for neighbors and coworkers you can pop in for 15 minutes and say goodbye and talk to the family member quickly.

Unless close at funeral you are just back of church.

My Moms wake several people from my old job KPMG they arranged a car and came to the afternoon viewing and I greatly appreciated the 30-40 minutes with them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand it either. I’m Jewish and Jews don’t do open casket viewing. There is time before the funeral where people can show up to offer their condolences and there is shiva. I’ve always been uncomfortable with viewing.

I know at every Jewish funeral I’ve been to there is a moment offered between the service and going to the cemetery where the casket is opened for the family if they wish. I didn’t want to see my dad so I opted out. My stepmom and my uncle did do it.

Jews also don't do it because we don't embalm the body. It's literally a 1-3 day old rotting carcass.

[Anonymous]

Are the people who were in charge of the funeral older people? Of a certain religious group? There's your answer.
I wouldn't even have a funeral. Put me in a jar and have a party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve only been to one viewing/open casket affair, and I definitely see the appeal. The person you are mourning is right there as if sleeping peacefully. It’s very real. Not as real as when you’re designated to hold a pet in your arms when it’s put down, but real. Shirking from real is a huge part of what’s wrong with us as a society. It’s what causes some children of elderly parents to violate the golden rule and warehouse them in environments that they themselves would never be happy and then barely visit them. So F’ed up.

Agree with you... people are so sheltered from death that they imagine it shouldn't happen to them. Causes all kinds of bizarre policy decision because people are so bad at internalizing risk.

[Anonymous]

I’m Catholic and this is normal to me and definitely considered compulsory in my family and among the people with whom I grew up. It was also expected that children go to viewings and funerals no matter what age they are. I know the rules are different for others but I was very startled to go to my first funeral for the family that I married into. In their family you gather at the crematorium and watch the cremation! That was startling to me then but now I’m used to it.

The tradition I don’t understand is happy family photos at funerals. It’s very common among my evangelical and LDS acquaintances but my family would be shocked if someone tried it.

My DH and I have plots in an old, crowded cemetery that will require cremation. I don’t want to be embalmed so I guess we will break tradition and not be having a viewing for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s a Catholic thing, I come from a large Catholic family and the majority of viewings/visitations at the funeral home that I’ve been to have been open casket. Whereas when I’ve been to non-denominational, Protestant, etc. funeral homes, it’s been a pretty even mix of open, closed, and the person was cremated so it’s just a picture on display and their urn. I do agree it can be uncomfortable if you’re not familiar with it/didn’t grow up that way.

+1 - Catholic (Irish-Slovak) and I was raised going to open casket funerals on both sides of the family and think it is a natural part of saying goodbye. There is a "Derry Girls" episode that deals with Catholic vs Protestant take on the viewing/open casket that is pretty funny, and true. I can appreciate that it makes people uncomfortable, we have family members that touch the body and I have never done that but do pray in front of the open casket.

It's also interesting to see what people wanted or their families chose for them to wear in the coffin. My dad died in July (I was a teenager so years ago) and my mom, brothers and I decided he should wear his Santa tie because he loved Christmas. It was meaningful to us and probably brought us a small bit of joy to a terrible time but there probably were a few people who paused at the coffin and thought that was an odd choice.

The viewing ends with the priest or funeral director asking for the immediate family or close friends (you know if you are in this chosen group) to stay and then you have some privacy to grieve together as a small group, or say goodbye. Then they close the casket and you go to the church together, then the cemetery for the burial. It's highly ritualized and my DH and I have said it provides a way to grieve, unlike his parents who donated their bodies to science and didn't have any service, wake or funeral. We actually found that more challenging.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One last chance to say goodbye even for those who believe their spirit is elsewhere. It brings tangible finality that people are familiar with - the person’s physical body. It doesn’t seem strange or macabre to me at all. I understand why some may not want/need to do it and how it helps others.

+1. It just shows how separated people have become from the realities of death that they can't handle the sight of a deceased person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m Catholic and this is normal to me and definitely considered compulsory in my family and among the people with whom I grew up. It was also expected that children go to viewings and funerals no matter what age they are. I know the rules are different for others but I was very startled to go to my first funeral for the family that I married into. In their family you gather at the crematorium and watch the cremation! That was startling to me then but now I’m used to it.

The tradition I don’t understand is happy family photos at funerals. It’s very common among my evangelical and LDS acquaintances but my family would be shocked if someone tried it.

My DH and I have plots in an old, crowded cemetery that will require cremation. I don’t want to be embalmed so I guess we will break tradition and not be having a viewing for me.

Often it is the only time so many of the family will be together in one place.

[Anonymous]

My family is Catholic (Irish at that) and we do cremation. My grandparents "viewings" were filled with laughter and stories. It was an Irish wake at the funeral home. I felt bad for the people across the hall from us. We use the viewing as a time to celebrate the deceased person one last time as a big group.

My in-laws do traditional viewings with a body and they are sad, solemn affairs. It cemented that DH and I would prefer to be cremated. We also make sure we take loads of pictures of ourselves and others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are the people who were in charge of the funeral older people? Of a certain religious group? There's your answer.
I wouldn't even have a funeral. Put me in a jar and have a party.

The party thing is weird to me. The last thing I would want to do is celebrate after a person dies. Haven't been to one yet where people were not openly grieving.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised nobody has mentioned the practical purpose of verifying the person you think is dead, is both dead and in the casket. No faking your own death with a closed casket and running off. No family members wondering about mistaken identity or being given the wrong body. No unconscious patients buried by mistake (hence the "wake" party).

[Anonymous]

We always did wakes for my grandparents and great uncles/aunts, but my parent’s generation is opting for cremation so far. Part of that is that many are eligible for Arlington but only if cremated (plus their spouse). Easier to get into the columbarium there.

I always found wakes to be creepy - I hated that my main memory of my grandparents was their dead body in a casket but it makes quite an impression when you are a child. We are Irish/Slovak as well.