Explain to me why people do a viewing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My elderly mom has elaborate funeral plans; I read through them recently at her insistence.

She has a white nightgown and robe she bought “for her viewing and to be buried in” and it hangs in the corner of her closet, NWT.

She wants an open casket! Also has written down the hymns she wants played by her church organist.

I suppose we have to respect her last wishes, right? I can speak for my siblings and our GenX contemporaries that open casket/viewings will be something that (pardon the pun) dies out with the Silent Generation…maybe?

First Irish/Slovak on the thread here - I'm Gen X and definitely want the open casket! I just don't know if jeans is too informal for my own funeral.

[Anonymous]

I don't enjoy this part of seeing them that way but it does give me closure and help say goodbye.

I remember saying goodbye to my grandmother especially and thinking how weird it was that she had makeup on as she never wore it. But seeing her made me realize that she had departed this earth.

[Anonymous]

It's all for others to say goodbye.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just a different cultural practice. There's some interesting research on how embalming really took off during the U.S. Civil War and why. But there's not a discrete, practical purpose to it.

I grew up in a very African-American area, although I am white. All Protestant, leaning evangelical. Everyone, including my family, practiced embalming with open caskets. "Who is handling the body" was a first line question when notified of a death.

What funeral home your family uses is also a huge signifier for status and other identities in most AA communities.

[Anonymous]

I've been to many over the years starting with an 8th grade classmate who was a very good friend. I can still close my eyes and see him. Let's just say my plan is to be cremated.

[Anonymous]

The viewings I've been to recently have been for those unable to attend the funeral.

A few were also for budgetary reasons. A viewing is much cheaper than a full funeral service where you may have to pay to transport the body from the funeral home to the church/burial site, pay for the service, pay for the religious figure's time, etc.

[Anonymous]

When my Mom had cancer she told me that she wanted a closed casket "viewing" with her portrait on top of the casket.

"If they couldn't the take time to see me while I am living, they are not going to see me then"

[Anonymous]

I love open caskets. My favorite my Irish GrandAunt lived to her 90s never married and lived in Manhattan a whole life.

She had a two day wake, right on Gramercy Park, all done up, beautiful casket then right after big Catholic Funeral had a five hour open bar, with sit down dinner and dessert at the Gramercy Park Hotel.

My Irish Uncle dud the same. 250 people his favorite restaurant and kegs everywhere.

Life well lived!

[Anonymous]

I like it and don't mind it at all. It put me at peace to see my grandparents like that. I feel nothing when I see acquaintances or strangers in an open casket.

I also like that the viewing is very social. You can talk to people in a way that you can't at the service or gravesite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it's an important step in the grieving process for a lot of people. There is definitely finality when you see the person in the casket and can say a final goodbye. I don't think it's creepy to allow people to grieve however they need to.

This finality is important. When my sister was murdered, we never got to see the body until the autopsy findings were shown in court. It made the death seem surreal until then. One minute they are there, the next they are gone.

+1

This, exactly, especially for close family. I’m sorry for your terrible loss.

[Anonymous]

I’m white, Protestant, raised LMC – my family does open casket viewings. I was about 6 when a very close aunt died and my parents took me to the funeral home for a private viewing so I wouldn’t freak out. My spouse thinks this was horrific, but my parents viewed it as a necessary part of life.

I think it’s very much personal preference. It’s not something I want, but it is what my mom wanted, so we honored her wishes. At the opposite end of the spectrum, my FIL recently died and he explicitly wanted no funeral of any kind. Personal preference.

[Anonymous]

People used to have bodies in their homes and receive visitors until the burial, so this is just the adaptation of that.

It’s not for me though, it weirds me out especially the embalming. But if you attend a wake, you can just avoid the body and pay your respects to the living. No one will notice or object.

[Anonymous]

They used to do it to make sure the person was actually dead. It’s not called a wake for no reason. I find them uncomfortable and will only go to one if I can stay far away from the body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve only been to one viewing/open casket affair, and I definitely see the appeal. The person you are mourning is right there as if sleeping peacefully. It’s very real. Not as real as when you’re designated to hold a pet in your arms when it’s put down, but real. Shirking from real is a huge part of what’s wrong with us as a society. It’s what causes some children of elderly parents to violate the golden rule and warehouse them in environments that they themselves would never be happy and then barely visit them. So F’ed up.

[phone]

Exactly this. Supposed grown adults are now “uncomfortable,” find it “creepy.” Grow up. You do realize you’ll be in that box yourself one day, right?

OP it is based in the concept that our earthly bodies are no longer needed. From ashes to ashes and dust to dust.

Perhaps your life would be more “comfortable” if you actually face and accept this basic premise.

Nope. Donating my body for research. They return the remains cremated.

Meanwhile, you plan to be ensconced in a box of some kind. Now who’s accepting basic premises?

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thanks for the replies and explanation of the tradition and the stories from your experiences. They were wonderful.

Except for the poster who told me to “grow up” and “accept death.” I buried my own child two years ago. You have no idea what role death has played in my life. It is my constant companion. You are a terrible person.