Wanted to travel a lot with family, where did I go wrong?

[Anonymous]

Op you kinda sound like a teenager who just discovered real life isn’t fantasy. Yeah we’d all like to be able to travel internationally for weeks at a time each year and see the whole world. Most of us don’t live in that reality. We have jobs, kids, and a finite amount of money and time off work to travel. We do the best we can with all those factors. I am sorry it took you this long to realize you weren’t going to somehow become vastly wealthy with all of these resources at your disposal to be world travelers.

[Anonymous]

In the DC area we have plenty of interesting cities you can visit for a night or two. We have made wonderful memories on road trips. They are so much easier than flying with kids if yours don’t mind the car

[Anonymous]

Unless you’re independently wealthy you wouldn’t be able to afford the far flung trips anyway. And if you are, quit your job and get a live in nanny, build trust with her for the next year and then leave her with your kids and tired husband for a week or two at a time).

I think you’re looking at this through rose tinted glasses of what might have been and undervaluing what you’ve built and achieved … identifying a realistic counterfactual scenario will be key to realizing you’ve probably taken the most valuable path.

Plus, retirement is long nowadays if you Dave wisely and don’t have a ton of kids to put through college … get planning. Half of the enjoyment of travel is the anticipation anyway (now I heard that in a podcast so how evidence based it is I don’t know)

And if rationality isn’t working, go spiritual … it’s all we have left nowadays since truth doesn’t exist anymore. The more woo the better … unless it’s gwneth and goop.

Seriously though, look at all you’ve built, an intense job, kids, you’re still married, you still give enough of a damn to feel bad about this. You’re doing great.

[Anonymous]

I have friends who don’t have tons of extra money but do love to travel. They just make it happen, even when the kids were little. They don’t care that much about their careers or keeping their kids in school. They prioritize travel over everything else. They are also good at staying with old friends or acquaintances when traveling so as to save money. They are also good at camping and generally roughing it when possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless you’re independently wealthy you wouldn’t be able to afford the far flung trips anyway. And if you are, quit your job and get a live in nanny, build trust with her for the next year and then leave her with your kids and tired husband for a week or two at a time).

I think you’re looking at this through rose tinted glasses of what might have been and undervaluing what you’ve built and achieved … identifying a realistic counterfactual scenario will be key to realizing you’ve probably taken the most valuable path.

Plus, retirement is long nowadays if you Dave wisely and don’t have a ton of kids to put through college … get planning. Half of the enjoyment of travel is the anticipation anyway (now I heard that in a podcast so how evidence based it is I don’t know)

And if rationality isn’t working, go spiritual … it’s all we have left nowadays since truth doesn’t exist anymore. The more woo the better … unless it’s gwneth and goop.

Seriously though, look at all you’ve built, an intense job, kids, you’re still married, you still give enough of a damn to feel bad about this. You’re doing great.

I am now dumber from having read this entire post.

[Anonymous]

OP why not go on a trip by yourself? There are many women-only travel opportunities there.

[Anonymous]

You have to prioritize structuring your life for travel to fit in. Our kids are 3 and 6 and we travel a ton. Here's some ideas:
-You say you have no one to watch the kids so you can't travel alone. You have to find someone and built that relationship. We have 2 great date night sitters who are between 25-28yo. We use them each 1-2x per month, our kids adore them, and we use them for weekends away when needed (or they're willing to go away with us).
-We purposely chose jobs that would allow for travel. Dh works for a company based in Gothenburg, Sweden and has to be there 1-2x per year. We usually extend this into a family trip and the his flights are paid for. He also gets standard European benefits including 5 weeks vacation, 15 sick days, 12 holidays, and 6 months paternity leave. He took the lower of 2 offers for this set up. I am permanently remote and am allowed to work from anywhere with a flex schedule as long as the work gets done.
-We bring one of our moms often when we travel. They LOVE the time with our kids, we love having them around, and we usually get a date night or two in.
-We home exchange so lodging is always free when we travel. This allows us to travel SO much more without budget concerns. We usually go away for 2 weeks over the holidays, 1 week at spring break, and 4-8 weeks in the summer.
-I usually go away for 1 week per year either alone or with my mom. The kids are in school/daycare anyway during the week so DH just has to get them there and pick them up. It's one week a year, your DH could do the same.
-By home exchanging we don't need to plan or pack hardly anything. We show up to a full house with a stocked kitchen, toys, a crib, stroller, laundry room, fenced in yard etc. We often exchange cars too. We usually bring 3-4 days worth of clothes per person in 2 carry ons and then do laundry as needed. We go out for 1 meal a day and cook the rest. Really, it's a game changer.

in 2023, we were in Germany and Belgium for 2 weeks over the holidays, Iceland for a week over spring break, and lived in Ireland for 5 weeks over the summer. Summer 2024, we will be in Prague, Budapest, Vienna, and Salzburg for 6 weeks. In Summer 2025, we plan to do a big trip to Asia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can take your young children anywhere in the world - I know a family that doesn’t make a ton of money but travels the world with three kids. They just do it!! I want to be them…

OP here. This is the kind of unhelpful comments that cause me to feel bad in the first place. If it's possible, I want to know HOW a real family with jobs can do it, not this BS about "just do it".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why not go on a trip by yourself? There are many women-only travel opportunities there.

DH can only watch kids for 5 nights or so.

[Anonymous]

Poster above, what home exchange service do you use?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why not go on a trip by yourself? There are many women-only travel opportunities there.

DH can only watch kids for 5 nights or so.

I think you can go to Paris for less than 5 nights. . I know you want to make it to Asia, but you could also hire a sitter with the money you saved not taking kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to prioritize structuring your life for travel to fit in. Our kids are 3 and 6 and we travel a ton. Here's some ideas:
-You say you have no one to watch the kids so you can't travel alone. You have to find someone and built that relationship. We have 2 great date night sitters who are between 25-28yo. We use them each 1-2x per month, our kids adore them, and we use them for weekends away when needed (or they're willing to go away with us).
-We purposely chose jobs that would allow for travel. Dh works for a company based in Gothenburg, Sweden and has to be there 1-2x per year. We usually extend this into a family trip and the his flights are paid for. He also gets standard European benefits including 5 weeks vacation, 15 sick days, 12 holidays, and 6 months paternity leave. He took the lower of 2 offers for this set up. I am permanently remote and am allowed to work from anywhere with a flex schedule as long as the work gets done.
-We bring one of our moms often when we travel. They LOVE the time with our kids, we love having them around, and we usually get a date night or two in.
-We home exchange so lodging is always free when we travel. This allows us to travel SO much more without budget concerns. We usually go away for 2 weeks over the holidays, 1 week at spring break, and 4-8 weeks in the summer.
-I usually go away for 1 week per year either alone or with my mom. The kids are in school/daycare anyway during the week so DH just has to get them there and pick them up. It's one week a year, your DH could do the same.
-By home exchanging we don't need to plan or pack hardly anything. We show up to a full house with a stocked kitchen, toys, a crib, stroller, laundry room, fenced in yard etc. We often exchange cars too. We usually bring 3-4 days worth of clothes per person in 2 carry ons and then do laundry as needed. We go out for 1 meal a day and cook the rest. Really, it's a game changer.

in 2023, we were in Germany and Belgium for 2 weeks over the holidays, Iceland for a week over spring break, and lived in Ireland for 5 weeks over the summer. Summer 2024, we will be in Prague, Budapest, Vienna, and Salzburg for 6 weeks. In Summer 2025, we plan to do a big trip to Asia.

Any tips for how to find home exchanges? I signed up on the main website, we have a nice kid-friendly 5-bedroom 40 min outside of DC and I set up availability for the whole summer and no one was interested. I did try to reach out to people too and everyone declined. This was for European trips.

I agree grandmas are a huge help, sadly we don't have that option. We have used a sitter in Europe, but I don't have any trusted contacts outside of Europe/US and wouldn't be able to afford to fly someone out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can take your young children anywhere in the world - I know a family that doesn’t make a ton of money but travels the world with three kids. They just do it!! I want to be them…

OP here. This is the kind of unhelpful comments that cause me to feel bad in the first place. If it's possible, I want to know HOW a real family with jobs can do it, not this BS about "just do it".

Part of the issue OP is your mental block around planning travel (you have a threenager, your DH is exhausted, your kids have to sleep in separate rooms). These are things you can plan around. The families that I know who travel (myself included) just commit to doing it and therefore work around the issues and accept that no trip will be perfect or without any issues.

Sit down with your DH and figure out a time for a 10 day trip ideally with a 9+ month lead time and then figure out what you can save and budget for this trip. You may want to look into credit cards that are linked to reward travel. For many families this helps offset the cost. Then research what options make sense during that time (weather, cost, etc). FB groups like Club Bebe Voyage and Tiny Globetrotters can be very helpful with suggestions. Try to focus on places with direct flights and staying in one general location. We did Ireland last year with a 4 and 7 year old and drove around and saw a lot in a week. Look into staying at Airbnb's that are kid friendly. They are families that literally blog their entire itinerary with the most kid friendly places to stay, eat and do.

Go into it with an open mind and medium expectations. Your child could throw up on the plane, a flight could be delayed, you may have to skip a highly desired attraction but there will be things you enjoy. Pick one thing that you really want to prioritize doing or seeing and have your DH do the same. Then on the day do whatever it takes to make sure you get that priority. That may mean your husband stays back with the kids so you can go to an art gallery in peace or you drive out of your way to make sure your DH gets to try a restaurant he really wants to.

As you travel more you'll build up your confidence traveling with kids. You'll learn what to look for and what works best for your family (cities, farms, time zone changes).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can take your young children anywhere in the world - I know a family that doesn’t make a ton of money but travels the world with three kids. They just do it!! I want to be them…

OP here. This is the kind of unhelpful comments that cause me to feel bad in the first place. If it's possible, I want to know HOW a real family with jobs can do it, not this BS about "just do it".

Part of the issue OP is your mental block around planning travel (you have a threenager, your DH is exhausted, your kids have to sleep in separate rooms). These are things you can plan around. The families that I know who travel (myself included) just commit to doing it and therefore work around the issues and accept that no trip will be perfect or without any issues.

Sit down with your DH and figure out a time for a 10 day trip ideally with a 9+ month lead time and then figure out what you can save and budget for this trip. You may want to look into credit cards that are linked to reward travel. For many families this helps offset the cost. Then research what options make sense during that time (weather, cost, etc). FB groups like Club Bebe Voyage and Tiny Globetrotters can be very helpful with suggestions. Try to focus on places with direct flights and staying in one general location. We did Ireland last year with a 4 and 7 year old and drove around and saw a lot in a week. Look into staying at Airbnb's that are kid friendly. They are families that literally blog their entire itinerary with the most kid friendly places to stay, eat and do.

Go into it with an open mind and medium expectations. Your child could throw up on the plane, a flight could be delayed, you may have to skip a highly desired attraction but there will be things you enjoy. Pick one thing that you really want to prioritize doing or seeing and have your DH do the same. Then on the day do whatever it takes to make sure you get that priority. That may mean your husband stays back with the kids so you can go to an art gallery in peace or you drive out of your way to make sure your DH gets to try a restaurant he really wants to.

As you travel more you'll build up your confidence traveling with kids. You'll learn what to look for and what works best for your family (cities, farms, time zone changes).

This is good advice. You have time for what you make time for. Travel is NEVER going to be easy, so it's not about waiting until everything falls into place. You decide whether or not you want to take on the challenges necessary to reap the rewards.

Planning a trip never sounds like an appealing way to spend an evening or Saturday, but I find if I put on a mindless comfort show and take it one task at a time, it's not hard once I get going.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can take your young children anywhere in the world - I know a family that doesn’t make a ton of money but travels the world with three kids. They just do it!! I want to be them…

OP here. This is the kind of unhelpful comments that cause me to feel bad in the first place. If it's possible, I want to know HOW a real family with jobs can do it, not this BS about "just do it".

I’m not the PP but I’ve seen families like this on my local FB travel-with-kids group. One of them was talking about if she should take her 3 kids out of school for a week to go to Bali because she found a great deal on something. She was like “I’m all for it- it will be an amazing adventure- but my husband is reluctant to open the new credit card we would need to open in order to book it, since we have too much debt on our other cards (PLURAL!) from last summers trips”.

So that’s how one family pays for it (or doesn’t). I am sure she isn’t alone. Don’t feel too bad. lol.