Wanted to travel a lot with family, where did I go wrong?

[Anonymous]

I've been passionate about international travel since I first won a scholarship for a summer abroad program in high school. I chose my college based on the study abroad options. I met my husband while studying abroad and we shared our dreams of exploring the entire world.

Then, after college, both of us took intense jobs since we had no money. We could only take one longer trip a year, and only for a week at a time, so we stuck to different European countries.

Then I had my first kid and switched to an easier job. I got to travel more, but again stuck to US/Caribbean/Europe because DH couldn't take off longer than a week and I thought going to Asia, Africa, etc with a small child by myself would be too hard. Then, kid got older and we had kid #2. Now DH is exhausted and barely wants to travel at all, Kid #1 is in school and we don't want to pull her out too much, kid #2 is a cranky threenager, and I am pushing 40 and have still never been anywhere in Asia, Australia/NZ, Africa, or Latin America.

We don't have anyone to watch the younger one overnight, so we can't travel without her. My DH is occasionally willing to watch both kids so I can go somewhere, but again, for just 5-6 days max. Plus, 2-3 week trips to far flung places with a whole family are so expensive, esp since our kids need a separate room or they won't sleep.

I am feeling like I messed up my life somehow...maybe by having kids too early or not just being a SAHM with total flexibility, or I don't know what. I really, really want to see the world before I get old. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

I wanted to see the world too - and maybe someday I’ll win the lottery and have the opportunity.

In the meantime, with hdtv and the internet, you and your kids can see more of the world from your own home than most humans who ever lived - and without contributing to the impact on climate change that all the travel from tourism creates.

Count your blessings until your situation changes, or in case it doesn’t.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are still young. What I did was branch out in stages with each trip getting a little bit more challenging. What you’ve done already is impressive for having a three-year-old.

Maybe go to Latin America next? That seems like the most doable thing on your wish list.

I find Facebook groups to be a great source of travel ideas and practical solutions. You could look for one that discusses international travel with small kids.

Through elementary school, I didn’t think it was a big deal to take my kids out of school for travel. Your husbands work limitations are challenging. Maybe he can work remotely during part of your longer trips?

[Anonymous]

This isn’t the season of life for travel. Adults tend to have more vacation time and money as they get older, and your kids will be much better travelers in a couple of years.

[Anonymous]

There’s plenty of fun local and in-country travel you can start with that will be easier and cheaper as well, but will be great family experiences. Stop holding out for your ideal long vacations and plan short trips now.

As your kids get older you can explore things like leaving them with family/friends or trips where you take just one kid and your spouse stays home with the other, or of course going all together.

You are only 40. You can do a ton of traveling. But your narrow expectations are keeping you in place.

[Anonymous]

DS is 11 and we've traveled around the world with him. Here are the key factors of why its worked (so far).

1. Ds enjoys the whole process of picking and planning. He loves to explore new places
2. Dh and I have fairly flexible jobs with great vacation benefits
3. We stuck to 1 kid. We knew the travel we wanted to do wouldn't be possible with 2 kids.
4. We work within the parameters we have. Would we have loved 2+ weeks in Japan? Absolutely. We could only swing a week and then the travel days. Thats ok, we still had a great time!
5. DS is a great traveler. Rarely has difficulty with time difference and can sleep anywhere.

I think for you, number 4 is where you're going wrong. You can do Asia, Africa, and South America in under 2 weeks. Will it be your dream trip? No. Will you have an amazing time? Yes.

[Anonymous]

We are just starting more adventurous travel. Our kids are 11/13. The little kid years are harder. First Europe trip was 7/9 and that was great. Now we can do more international trips but always balancing money time and school breaks. Dh and I also hope to travel more once kids launched…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s plenty of fun local and in-country travel you can start with that will be easier and cheaper as well, but will be great family experiences. Stop holding out for your ideal long vacations and plan short trips now.

As your kids get older you can explore things like leaving them with family/friends or trips where you take just one kid and your spouse stays home with the other, or of course going all together.

You are only 40. You can do a ton of traveling. But your narrow expectations are keeping you in place.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'm 53. I love to travel. But, like you, had to curtail it when kids were born.

My youngest will be going off to college in 2.5 years. I will be 56, at which point, we will retire and start traveling more, off season, thank goodness.

We will be able to travel more because we spent our working years saving a lot for our retirement.

56 isn't that old. I may not be able to trek up Machu Pichu (and honestly, I would rather take the train up), but I can still do and see things I want to.

I think you will be fine. I know that it seems so far away, but you will get there.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, this just isn’t the time of life for this. When you were young you couldn’t yet picture these challenges of work and parenting, but now you do. Your kids will grow, and travel together will be a great experience when they are older.

[Anonymous]

I don't think your kids will need a separate room to sleep during travels! Plus you wouldn't put them alone into a hotel room anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are just starting more adventurous travel. Our kids are 11/13. The little kid years are harder. First Europe trip was 7/9 and that was great. Now we can do more international trips but always balancing money time and school breaks. Dh and I also hope to travel more once kids launched…

+1. Kids are 16/13. 13 has ASD. We are just starting to travel internationally. I do understand your feelings about missing out on something you love and always thought you’d continue. Time goes so fast and one day you wake up and it’s been years since you’ve been out of the country.

Traveling with kids is different than doing it alone in your 20s. It costs more and your expectations have to shift. Your time will come again.

[Anonymous]

Why not focus on Central and South America in the short term? You could easily do a week in Costa Rica, Panama or Columbia or parts of Mexico and get a good international experience.

[Anonymous]

I am there with you. I was able to do a lot of travel on the cheap (and on university dimes) in my 20s, and then I hit a solid decade of no longer having the academic need/excuse, not having much spare money, and then having kids. I always thought I'd get back to traveling more when I wasn't so broke, but now it's much harder with limited vacation time and how much more expensive it is with 4 people than 1-2.

I totally agree with the PPs that this is a season of life when it's hard, but it's also a little sad to think the season for travel will be in a couple more decades when I'll probably have fewer healthy years left. My MIL planned on doing a lot of travel after retirement, and she had a couple great trips, but then died from an aggressive cancer...we have to face our own mortality and the idea that there won't be infinitely more chances.

Just getting straight to the depressing thought spiral in case you are also feeling that panic as part of midlife. Let's not deny it! But then let's also do our best with what we have.

For me that means we're taking our first flight with the kids (similar ages to yours) to Puerto Rico this winter. I think you could similarly take your kids to Latin America on a budget for a week or less. Start there!

I don't think we'll have the money to fly places annually - "what have I done wrong" is picking a low earning career. It is what it is, so I keep a "bucket list" to plan for my top priorities in the mere decade left with my oldest in the house, and meanwhile my focus is driving distance travel. It's not as exciting, but we like camping and seeing new places, and my kids are still star-struck by cities like Baltimore, DC, Pittsburgh, and NY. Look for the most variety you can get with what you can afford.

[Anonymous]

OP, we are traveling now, with our married children and their spouses. We see very few families with children, and those who have them, are miserable - they don't just look miserable, they are miserable. Wait until they are older.