What to expect sexually from 40 year old man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from the libido thread. What is normal in the 35 and older man range? Can most guys still go multiple rounds? How long can they last? How much sex do they want? I know there is no one size fits all answer but just am curious because I am coming out of a long relationship and am wondering what to expect.

It’s the ‘20s. Men’s libidos in the 2020s have drastically reduced much faster than ever.

Many experts states this has to do with gratification from pornography and wild scenarios seen in pornography.

Also many drugs, such as Propecia, finasteride, antidepressants, etc. allegedly may have libido destroying elements.

I’d say it’s possibly more typical firm in his 40s to become asexual than not.

I’m a 52 YO male and this hits the nail on the head for me. I’ve always been a high libido, or maybe sexual person in general. When single and dating girlfriends it didn’t seem like a problem at all. Most young women in the early part of a relationship were just as high drive and exploratory as I was.

Once married, my wife was really only interested in once a week, only when planned and scheduled ahead of time, only on the bed and only certain positions (no oral, etc). This was pretty tough for me. I felt like I was suffocating and when we did have it once a week it was over so quick, because of the buildup, that its almost like it never happened and then I’d have to wait another week. This caused quite a few discussions and disagreements with no resolution. Also, I have zero interest in cheating or going outside my marriage.

Pron became an outlet for me. Eventually, I’d surf until I found a scene that really turned me on and would finish to it. It takes a while to find that scene and meanwhile, your brain is just getting bombarded with dopamine. All of this adds up to the dopamine receptors in your brain getting very descensitized.

Once you’re used to that, its hard to get excited by a scheduled session with someone who feels like they’re doing you a favor just to do the same 2-3 positions that you’ve done over and over for years while they tell you about things you need to do around the house or whoever it is they’re fighting with at work that week.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife dearly. She is a wonderful person and is probably a 1 percenter when it comes to nice body and fitness, but I almost never get to see her in a sexy light. She loves drab, faded and amorphus clothes, doesn’t like to shower on the weekend and only gets fixed up if shes going out with friends. Anytime she has an item of clothing and she realizes it accentuates her figure shes going to donate it or throw it away.

In addition to pron use, I think caffeine (vasoconstrictor) and stress have contributed to my inability to get it up without a prescription.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 50ish man stayed hard for an entire hour the first time we had sex and then finally finished after I'd already had 3 Os. I've since learned that he works hard at not finishing until he's determined that I'm ready for things to end. He goes to the gym at least 4 times a week and is in good health. He says that the length of time he can hold out depends on how excited about the woman he is, and that with his last partner he'd generally last at most 25-30 minutes even at the beginning of their relationship. In that situation, she pursued him and she wasn't his usual physical type. In our case, he pursued me and sees me as the great catch, so he seems to be working hard at impressing me in bed. He also says I'm his dream girl type, physically. I've seen pictures of his ex-wife when she was young and she has a similar body and look as me. A man's view of the woman's desirability can shape what his body will do in the moment.

Doesn't this imply he isn't very excited about you?

It means he took a pill, and then fed her a story.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from the libido thread. What is normal in the 35 and older man range? Can most guys still go multiple rounds? How long can they last? How much sex do they want? I know there is no one size fits all answer but just am curious because I am coming out of a long relationship and am wondering what to expect.

It’s the ‘20s. Men’s libidos in the 2020s have drastically reduced much faster than ever.

Many experts states this has to do with gratification from pornography and wild scenarios seen in pornography.

Also many drugs, such as Propecia, finasteride, antidepressants, etc. allegedly may have libido destroying elements.

I’d say it’s possibly more typical firm in his 40s to become asexual than not.

I’m a 52 YO male and this hits the nail on the head for me. I’ve always been a high libido, or maybe sexual person in general. When single and dating girlfriends it didn’t seem like a problem at all. Most young women in the early part of a relationship were just as high drive and exploratory as I was.

Once married, my wife was really only interested in once a week, only when planned and scheduled ahead of time, only on the bed and only certain positions (no oral, etc). This was pretty tough for me. I felt like I was suffocating and when we did have it once a week it was over so quick, because of the buildup, that its almost like it never happened and then I’d have to wait another week. This caused quite a few discussions and disagreements with no resolution. Also, I have zero interest in cheating or going outside my marriage.

Pron became an outlet for me. Eventually, I’d surf until I found a scene that really turned me on and would finish to it. It takes a while to find that scene and meanwhile, your brain is just getting bombarded with dopamine. All of this adds up to the dopamine receptors in your brain getting very descensitized.

Once you’re used to that, its hard to get excited by a scheduled session with someone who feels like they’re doing you a favor just to do the same 2-3 positions that you’ve done over and over for years while they tell you about things you need to do around the house or whoever it is they’re fighting with at work that week.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife dearly. She is a wonderful person and is probably a 1 percenter when it comes to nice body and fitness, but I almost never get to see her in a sexy light. She loves drab, faded and amorphus clothes, doesn’t like to shower on the weekend and only gets fixed up if shes going out with friends. Anytime she has an item of clothing and she realizes it accentuates her figure shes going to donate it or throw it away.

In addition to pron use, I think caffeine (vasoconstrictor) and stress have contributed to my inability to get it up without a prescription.

I'm the PP who mentioned the prudishness of professional UMC women and this is a prime example of what I'm talking about. I'm sure this situation plays itself out in lots of marriages. I bet this guy's wife thinks he's "low drive."

[Anonymous]

IME adult men (past age 30) who claim they can't control it just don't want to. They come quickly because they just want to get their fix without concern about whether the woman is satisfied. Taking a long time before coming requires effort and self-control, which many men will only bother with if they feel the situation warrants it. It also allows the couple to engage in multiple positions and spend time with a lot of foreplay before any sort of PIV takes place or in between PIV positions. I'm a woman and many girlfriends have complained about how long their partner takes to come, as in they want to get it over with quickly. That seems really sad to me. I like to extend the encounter as long as possible and enjoy different facets of the other person's body. The man doesn't have to be rock hard for PIV the entire time, but if he comes, that usually means that all the action stops and you have to hope that he recovers in time for you to have another go. I'm not married though, so I'm not talking about sex with someone whose body you already know inside out and have possibly become bored by.

[Anonymous]

DH is 41. I have definitely noticed a decrease in how often he initiates. It used to be 2-3x a week. Now it’s once every week or two. Bummer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from the libido thread. What is normal in the 35 and older man range? Can most guys still go multiple rounds? How long can they last? How much sex do they want? I know there is no one size fits all answer but just am curious because I am coming out of a long relationship and am wondering what to expect.

It’s the ‘20s. Men’s libidos in the 2020s have drastically reduced much faster than ever.

Many experts states this has to do with gratification from pornography and wild scenarios seen in pornography.

Also many drugs, such as Propecia, finasteride, antidepressants, etc. allegedly may have libido destroying elements.

I’d say it’s possibly more typical firm in his 40s to become asexual than not.

I’m a 52 YO male and this hits the nail on the head for me. I’ve always been a high libido, or maybe sexual person in general. When single and dating girlfriends it didn’t seem like a problem at all. Most young women in the early part of a relationship were just as high drive and exploratory as I was.

Once married, my wife was really only interested in once a week, only when planned and scheduled ahead of time, only on the bed and only certain positions (no oral, etc). This was pretty tough for me. I felt like I was suffocating and when we did have it once a week it was over so quick, because of the buildup, that its almost like it never happened and then I’d have to wait another week. This caused quite a few discussions and disagreements with no resolution. Also, I have zero interest in cheating or going outside my marriage.

Pron became an outlet for me. Eventually, I’d surf until I found a scene that really turned me on and would finish to it. It takes a while to find that scene and meanwhile, your brain is just getting bombarded with dopamine. All of this adds up to the dopamine receptors in your brain getting very descensitized.

Once you’re used to that, its hard to get excited by a scheduled session with someone who feels like they’re doing you a favor just to do the same 2-3 positions that you’ve done over and over for years while they tell you about things you need to do around the house or whoever it is they’re fighting with at work that week.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife dearly. She is a wonderful person and is probably a 1 percenter when it comes to nice body and fitness, but I almost never get to see her in a sexy light. She loves drab, faded and amorphus clothes, doesn’t like to shower on the weekend and only gets fixed up if shes going out with friends. Anytime she has an item of clothing and she realizes it accentuates her figure shes going to donate it or throw it away.

In addition to pron use, I think caffeine (vasoconstrictor) and stress have contributed to my inability to get it up without a prescription.

Another guy here, 55 years old. Isn't a more simple explanation that you are now 52, not 22 or 32? Of course you are not capable now of what you were then! Can you run as fast? Jump as high? No. Your body changes.

[Anonymous]

"My DH is 52 and he is one and done. However, before he is done he has already done me once or twice so I have no complaints. Also, I sometimes get sore so once is plenty. I do miss our mid 20s when we both could recover quickly and go at it again."

How long does it take you to have 1-2 completions? Are they from PIV?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from the libido thread. What is normal in the 35 and older man range? Can most guys still go multiple rounds? How long can they last? How much sex do they want? I know there is no one size fits all answer but just am curious because I am coming out of a long relationship and am wondering what to expect.

It’s the ‘20s. Men’s libidos in the 2020s have drastically reduced much faster than ever.

Many experts states this has to do with gratification from pornography and wild scenarios seen in pornography.

Also many drugs, such as Propecia, finasteride, antidepressants, etc. allegedly may have libido destroying elements.

I’d say it’s possibly more typical firm in his 40s to become asexual than not.

I’m a 52 YO male and this hits the nail on the head for me. I’ve always been a high libido, or maybe sexual person in general. When single and dating girlfriends it didn’t seem like a problem at all. Most young women in the early part of a relationship were just as high drive and exploratory as I was.

Once married, my wife was really only interested in once a week, only when planned and scheduled ahead of time, only on the bed and only certain positions (no oral, etc). This was pretty tough for me. I felt like I was suffocating and when we did have it once a week it was over so quick, because of the buildup, that its almost like it never happened and then I’d have to wait another week. This caused quite a few discussions and disagreements with no resolution. Also, I have zero interest in cheating or going outside my marriage.

Pron became an outlet for me. Eventually, I’d surf until I found a scene that really turned me on and would finish to it. It takes a while to find that scene and meanwhile, your brain is just getting bombarded with dopamine. All of this adds up to the dopamine receptors in your brain getting very descensitized.

Once you’re used to that, its hard to get excited by a scheduled session with someone who feels like they’re doing you a favor just to do the same 2-3 positions that you’ve done over and over for years while they tell you about things you need to do around the house or whoever it is they’re fighting with at work that week.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife dearly. She is a wonderful person and is probably a 1 percenter when it comes to nice body and fitness, but I almost never get to see her in a sexy light. She loves drab, faded and amorphus clothes, doesn’t like to shower on the weekend and only gets fixed up if shes going out with friends. Anytime she has an item of clothing and she realizes it accentuates her figure shes going to donate it or throw it away.

In addition to pron use, I think caffeine (vasoconstrictor) and stress have contributed to my inability to get it up without a prescription.

I'm the PP who mentioned the prudishness of professional UMC women and this is a prime example of what I'm talking about. I'm sure this situation plays itself out in lots of marriages. I bet this guy's wife thinks he's "low drive."

I’m the PP and I don’t want to blame my wife. Also, she doesn’t think I’m low drive, in fact, she probably still thinks I’m high drive - which I am relative to hers. It was my choice to use pron but I wish I had known more about what it could do to you. But who knows, without it I may not still be married.

Also, my wife’s perspective on what she has to bring to the table in the bedroom is probably a direct result of her young single days. Like I said, she’s got a pretty ridiculous body and guys were falling all over her. So her perspective “why are you complaining when there’s a line of guys who would bend over backwards just to be with me”

[Anonymous]

Are the people saying that an hour-long lovemaking session is too long all married? Or are some of you talking about new relationships with someone you're really into? When I was in my 20s and 30s we'd be in bed for well over an hour on a weekend morning. No kids were interrupting us and we didn't have much to do in terms of domestic duties at that age.

[Anonymous]

What's fun about a 40+ year old man is they deeply care about what you want. I tease my husband that he has ruined me for running away with a 20 year old pool boy.

Sometimes it's a work-from-home midday quickie, sometimes it's a lot slower. A 40 + year old understands what is needed and when.

Like most things, sex is as fun as you make it. We have been together 20 years and we still sneak out and do it on the golf course behind our house at night. Go get em OP. Make up for that bad college sex!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spinoff from the libido thread. What is normal in the 35 and older man range? Can most guys still go multiple rounds? How long can they last? How much sex do they want? I know there is no one size fits all answer but just am curious because I am coming out of a long relationship and am wondering what to expect.

It’s the ‘20s. Men’s libidos in the 2020s have drastically reduced much faster than ever.

Many experts states this has to do with gratification from pornography and wild scenarios seen in pornography.

Also many drugs, such as Propecia, finasteride, antidepressants, etc. allegedly may have libido destroying elements.

I’d say it’s possibly more typical firm in his 40s to become asexual than not.

I’m a 52 YO male and this hits the nail on the head for me. I’ve always been a high libido, or maybe sexual person in general. When single and dating girlfriends it didn’t seem like a problem at all. Most young women in the early part of a relationship were just as high drive and exploratory as I was.

Once married, my wife was really only interested in once a week, only when planned and scheduled ahead of time, only on the bed and only certain positions (no oral, etc). This was pretty tough for me. I felt like I was suffocating and when we did have it once a week it was over so quick, because of the buildup, that its almost like it never happened and then I’d have to wait another week. This caused quite a few discussions and disagreements with no resolution. Also, I have zero interest in cheating or going outside my marriage.

Pron became an outlet for me. Eventually, I’d surf until I found a scene that really turned me on and would finish to it. It takes a while to find that scene and meanwhile, your brain is just getting bombarded with dopamine. All of this adds up to the dopamine receptors in your brain getting very descensitized.

Once you’re used to that, its hard to get excited by a scheduled session with someone who feels like they’re doing you a favor just to do the same 2-3 positions that you’ve done over and over for years while they tell you about things you need to do around the house or whoever it is they’re fighting with at work that week.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife dearly. She is a wonderful person and is probably a 1 percenter when it comes to nice body and fitness, but I almost never get to see her in a sexy light. She loves drab, faded and amorphus clothes, doesn’t like to shower on the weekend and only gets fixed up if shes going out with friends. Anytime she has an item of clothing and she realizes it accentuates her figure shes going to donate it or throw it away.

In addition to pron use, I think caffeine (vasoconstrictor) and stress have contributed to my inability to get it up without a prescription.

Another guy here, 55 years old. Isn't a more simple explanation that you are now 52, not 22 or 32? Of course you are not capable now of what you were then! Can you run as fast? Jump as high? No. Your body changes.

Previous poster here. There’s probably something to this but I’m in great shape - probably better than I was in my 20’s and 30’s. My testosterone is higher (seriously, I’ve been tracking this since I was 34), I’m leaner, have more muscle mass and am probably stronger. However, I may have a lower maximum aerobic capacity (I raced road bikes and have been tracking my wattage since about 2007). I’m sure age is a factor somewhere but I really noticed the downturn (haha) when I started using pron.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's fun about a 40+ year old man is they deeply care about what you want. I tease my husband that he has ruined me for running away with a 20 year old pool boy.

Sometimes it's a work-from-home midday quickie, sometimes it's a lot slower. A 40 + year old understands what is needed and when.

Like most things, sex is as fun as you make it. We have been together 20 years and we still sneak out and do it on the golf course behind our house at night. Go get em OP. Make up for that bad college sex!

Ever gotten caught on the golf course? Must be hard to keep clean!

[Anonymous]

"Also, my wife’s perspective on what she has to bring to the table in the bedroom is probably a direct result of her young single days. Like I said, she’s got a pretty ridiculous body and guys were falling all over her. So her perspective “why are you complaining when there’s a line of guys who would bend over backwards just to be with me”"

I think this "you're lucky to have me" attitude among women is really problematic and it leads to things like this DH resorting to porn for satisfaction. It's lazy and it's disrespectful to one's partner even when you're young. And it's ridiculous when you're older and no longer that hot young thing. In other threads people often scoff at "older" women who say that their sex partners find them just as appealing as a younger woman. But I could easily see that this is true given that younger women who are still able to get away with being lazy in bed pale in comparison to women who have sex with enthusiasm and who behave as though they really want to be there, wrinkles and all. In an ideal world for most men, a woman would have a great figure (in his eyes), she'd know her own body and how to enjoy it and take what she wants from her partner, and she'd be really excited about having sex with him. Women who take a lazy in bed approach do so at their own peril.

[Anonymous]

44 year old female who had a a lot of 'practice' in college. A lot. I have never once met a man who was able to go twice in a row.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't help but notice that this thread does not consider how the woman's skills/open-mindedness play into things. A lot of highly educated UMC women are very vanilla and conservative in bed and do not give the impression that suggestions for spicing things up would be favorably received. Whenever I read this forum, I always wonder how many cases of "ED," "low drive," and "long refractory period" are actually cases of a man who's bored out of his mind. I'm not saying it's all on the woman, but you need to ask yourself whether you're putting in enough effort to make it fun. Of course you shouldn't do something that you find utterly disgusting and degrading, but you'd be surprised: a lot of men aren't into that stuff either. This forum gets carried away sometimes with the idea that male desire is inevitably gross.

And men need to get their own act together! Getting in shape, quitting porn, and even experimenting with s*men retention (i.e. man doesn't finish every time) are all great ways to bring a "low drive" man back from the dead. The ball is in his court with those, and you have a right to expect your man to put in more effort, too.

Ha! Stop projecting. I’m a DW with a low libido husband and every attempt at a new position or activity has been my idea for the entirety of our 15 year marriage. DH just isn’t into sex as much as I am and likes doing the same thing a lot. Just because the women you see out in the world seem vanilla and conservative doesn’t mean they are like that in the bedroom! No one who knows me would guess.

How fat are you?