Hardest working kid on the team with the least talent

[Anonymous]

For inspiration: https://www.boredpanda.com/being-good-at-things-quote-kurt-vonnegut/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was this kid. I wasn't stupid, I understood where I stood on the team - I was slower than most and not very athletically gifted. But I *loved* my sport, I'm still very into sports in general, and my longest-standing friends are ones I made playing basketball in high school. By senior year the coach asked if I wanted to be a manager and I was kind of embarrassed but really did prefer to do that and stay on the "team" than to just drop the sport, so I did.

I think you just support her for where she is. The benefits of sports are much more wide-ranging than parents on these boards focus on: friendship, life lessons, cardio, healthy habits, all-girl spaces, etc. It's not all about having a "hook." If she wants to do camps or skills programs, and it's not an astronomical amount of money, you help her. She can get better, but she'll never have a full ride to college. You know this, she either already knows or will know soon. But if she drops the sport it should be because she doesn't want to do it anymore, not because mom and dad sat her down and explained that she's a dud and this is a waste of their time.

Thank you, basketball mom. Op here and DD is a basketball player and so your words mean a lot to me. In our area girls’ basketball isn’t a huge sport and the options at her current age are learn-to-play/intro vs. travel. There aren’t many competitive opportunities for girls who aren’t doing travel past 3rd/4th grade unless they are at a Catholic school and can play in CYO, but her school isn’t fielding a team in her grade this year. DD puts in the work, goes to extra clinics and skill sessions, and is a leader for conditioning and drills. But she just doesn’t have that extra magic that some of her teammates have. She loves everything about the sport and her teammates and I want her to be able to stay in that world for a little longer.

[Anonymous]

Why do you say she is the hardest working? And how can you really know? You really can't know what other kids are doing outside of team practices. There are lots of levels and definitions of success in sports, and this may not be the right level of competition for her. That may seem a bit harsh, but if her teammates are highly ranked in the country and state and she is barely hanging on, then that may be the reality. Everyone has different talents, and she will likely excel in areas that some of her more talented teammates don't. All she can do is to continue to work hard and try her best, but she may find more success and happiness on another team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you say she is the hardest working? And how can you really know? You really can't know what other kids are doing outside of team practices. There are lots of levels and definitions of success in sports, and this may not be the right level of competition for her. That may seem a bit harsh, but if her teammates are highly ranked in the country and state and she is barely hanging on, then that may be the reality. Everyone has different talents, and she will likely excel in areas that some of her more talented teammates don't. All she can do is to continue to work hard and try her best, but she may find more success and happiness on another team.

They have open practices at a gym that’s pretty far away, so I sit up in the balcony and work.

But it’s not just my opinion- it’s the coaches and other parents coming up to me and saying she’s the hardest worker on the team, coaches saying they wish every kid put in the work like she does, and teammates saying that she pushes them to work harder at practices. The best girl on the team always tries to partner with her for conditioning and is pretty vocal about why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her watch Rudy.

Rudy was talented- just short.

Rudy was all heart.

[Anonymous]

Tell her sports are for fun and exercise. Even Larla who is going to States will lose. Nobody is ever the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was this kid. I wasn't stupid, I understood where I stood on the team - I was slower than most and not very athletically gifted. But I *loved* my sport, I'm still very into sports in general, and my longest-standing friends are ones I made playing basketball in high school. By senior year the coach asked if I wanted to be a manager and I was kind of embarrassed but really did prefer to do that and stay on the "team" than to just drop the sport, so I did.

I think you just support her for where she is. The benefits of sports are much more wide-ranging than parents on these boards focus on: friendship, life lessons, cardio, healthy habits, all-girl spaces, etc. It's not all about having a "hook." If she wants to do camps or skills programs, and it's not an astronomical amount of money, you help her. She can get better, but she'll never have a full ride to college. You know this, she either already knows or will know soon. But if she drops the sport it should be because she doesn't want to do it anymore, not because mom and dad sat her down and explained that she's a dud and this is a waste of their time.

Thank you, basketball mom. Op here and DD is a basketball player and so your words mean a lot to me. In our area girls’ basketball isn’t a huge sport and the options at her current age are learn-to-play/intro vs. travel. There aren’t many competitive opportunities for girls who aren’t doing travel past 3rd/4th grade unless they are at a Catholic school and can play in CYO, but her school isn’t fielding a team in her grade this year. DD puts in the work, goes to extra clinics and skill sessions, and is a leader for conditioning and drills. But she just doesn’t have that extra magic that some of her teammates have. She loves everything about the sport and her teammates and I want her to be able to stay in that world for a little longer.

NP but I'm trying to follow this. Is your daughter only 8-9 years old? Candidly, you and your daughter are probably overreacting for her age.

At that age, if she's a hard worker, by all means have her keep with it. Her body hasn't even really begun to develop in a way that you her skills/athleticism can be fully predicted. Now, is she only a hard worker at practices and games? Or, is she a hard worker on her own as well? Many people think basketball success comes from natural athleticism but that's very rare and is generally the result of genetic freaks that are basically giants. It takes a lot of playing time and hard work to be a good basketball player, even at that age.

Does she play basketball away from her team? Do you have a goal at home or a park nearby where you take her a few times a week? Does she dribble her ball around the house to the point where it drives you crazy? Did either of her parents play basketball at a level to where they can coach her on form/skills/techniques? If the answer to any of those questions is no, then she's not really that hard of worker and that's okay. Few kids at 8/9 are that passionate. She should play to the level that she enjoys the sport, but don't compare her to other kids that might be doing those things. If she's staying on the team or in the league, then she's doing well.

Now, if basketball is her love and she's that hard of worker, there are very clear skills she can work on in her free time that will make her an asset to teams. Kids at that age are not good shooters. Shooting is a skill that can be improved tremendously just through repeated proper practice. If she's that hard of a worker and has a base level of athleticism, she should be able to develop into a defensive pest, especially as she begins to learn team defense assignments/rotations, etc. (this will happen at older ages). She may never be a great dribbler (although that is something that can be greatly improved), but there are so many ways to handle the ball to adjust. There are techniques that will improve her rebounding, her ability to pass, her ability to attack the basket, but just going to her team's practices may not get her there.

I say all of this as a former D-1 college basketball player that was consumed with basketball at an early age but was overly tall (I'm only 6'2") or athletic (good but not otherwordly elite). I'm also a parent that is frustrated with my own 8 y.o.lack of commitment to her sport even though she is more athletic than her counterparts because I know she'll be passed by counterparts like her daughter.

Finally, don't compare her to the elite players. That's incredibly unfair to her and she'll be able to sense your disappointment.

[Anonymous]

* was NOT overly tall (I'm "only") 6'2"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is involved in the wrong sport, and you, as a parent, are not doing your job.

Kids have talents/abilities/interests, and a big part of a parent’s job is to help kids identify what those are, and work to develop them. Take some obvious examples; if you had a daughter who was going to be six feet tall, then your approach in youth sports would be to focus on sports where her height is an advantage. Sure, maybe she loves gymnastics as a 7 year old, but that’s not going to work well at 17. Maybe your kid is not fast enough compared to other kids. Get her focused on other sports where foot speed is less important.

My daughter played high level youth soccer from 9-18 and then 4 years of college. Over the years she had a number of soccer teammates who shifted to other sports and excelled. 1 ran x-country for a Big10 school. 2 swam for SEC schools. 1 skied for a Colorado school, 1 played lacrosse for a Big10 school. Her best friend over the years (and still a good friend now) played off and on with her on teams. She was a very good athlete but too slow for high level soccer teams. She stuck with it and played small college, but would be the first to say that she should have been a softball player. Her average speed would have been no big deal in softball.

Realistically assess your daughter’s athletic abilities and where she will likely be after her growth spurts. Then get her involved now in sports where she can try things out.

This is horrible advice. The goal of sports as a youth is not to play college ball. It's to get exercise, develop your body, make friends, and have fun. Playing college ball is the extremely fortunate byproduct of playing a sport you enjoy. By all means, push kids to try as many sports as possible at a young age so they kind find the best fit. But it's destructive to say an 8 y.o. is in the wrong sport because they're not the best at it, especially if they still enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why God didn’t give her talent? Seriously? What a trite concern. My kid has special needs and medical problems. She doesn’t ask why God did this to her. Though I do. You are falling down on your job as a parent and Catholic that your DD is so ungrateful and seriously is questioning God over her soccer ability. This verges on unbelievable.

I’m also Catholic and I understand OP’s concern. You are the one who isn’t acting like a Catholic. This isn’t a contest about whose child suffers the most. Her DD feels bad about herself and her abilities. She is allowed to feel down about it. Yes, she could have much worse issues in life but when you are feeling down you are feeling down and her feelings shouldn’t be dismissed.

No one said she couldn’t feel bad about the situation. I said a child questioning her faith and God’s wisdom because God didn’t “bless her with talent” is a parental failure. Just like “praying to God for special talents” for your children is wrong. God isn’t a vending machine and that’s not what prayers are for. Please consult your parish priest and see if he agrees with OP.

[Anonymous]

It is unclear how old your DD is- if she is not at least 13/14, a lot can and will change. Perceived talent (or lack of) at younger ages means very little and is rarely predictive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was this kid. I wasn't stupid, I understood where I stood on the team - I was slower than most and not very athletically gifted. But I *loved* my sport, I'm still very into sports in general, and my longest-standing friends are ones I made playing basketball in high school. By senior year the coach asked if I wanted to be a manager and I was kind of embarrassed but really did prefer to do that and stay on the "team" than to just drop the sport, so I did.

I think you just support her for where she is. The benefits of sports are much more wide-ranging than parents on these boards focus on: friendship, life lessons, cardio, healthy habits, all-girl spaces, etc. It's not all about having a "hook." If she wants to do camps or skills programs, and it's not an astronomical amount of money, you help her. She can get better, but she'll never have a full ride to college. You know this, she either already knows or will know soon. But if she drops the sport it should be because she doesn't want to do it anymore, not because mom and dad sat her down and explained that she's a dud and this is a waste of their time.

Thank you, basketball mom. Op here and DD is a basketball player and so your words mean a lot to me. In our area girls’ basketball isn’t a huge sport and the options at her current age are learn-to-play/intro vs. travel. There aren’t many competitive opportunities for girls who aren’t doing travel past 3rd/4th grade unless they are at a Catholic school and can play in CYO, but her school isn’t fielding a team in her grade this year. DD puts in the work, goes to extra clinics and skill sessions, and is a leader for conditioning and drills. But she just doesn’t have that extra magic that some of her teammates have. She loves everything about the sport and her teammates and I want her to be able to stay in that world for a little longer.

NP but I'm trying to follow this. Is your daughter only 8-9 years old? Candidly, you and your daughter are probably overreacting for her age.

At that age, if she's a hard worker, by all means have her keep with it. Her body hasn't even really begun to develop in a way that you her skills/athleticism can be fully predicted. Now, is she only a hard worker at practices and games? Or, is she a hard worker on her own as well? Many people think basketball success comes from natural athleticism but that's very rare and is generally the result of genetic freaks that are basically giants. It takes a lot of playing time and hard work to be a good basketball player, even at that age.

Does she play basketball away from her team? Do you have a goal at home or a park nearby where you take her a few times a week? Does she dribble her ball around the house to the point where it drives you crazy? Did either of her parents play basketball at a level to where they can coach her on form/skills/techniques? If the answer to any of those questions is no, then she's not really that hard of worker and that's okay. Few kids at 8/9 are that passionate. She should play to the level that she enjoys the sport, but don't compare her to other kids that might be doing those things. If she's staying on the team or in the league, then she's doing well.

Now, if basketball is her love and she's that hard of worker, there are very clear skills she can work on in her free time that will make her an asset to teams. Kids at that age are not good shooters. Shooting is a skill that can be improved tremendously just through repeated proper practice. If she's that hard of a worker and has a base level of athleticism, she should be able to develop into a defensive pest, especially as she begins to learn team defense assignments/rotations, etc. (this will happen at older ages). She may never be a great dribbler (although that is something that can be greatly improved), but there are so many ways to handle the ball to adjust. There are techniques that will improve her rebounding, her ability to pass, her ability to attack the basket, but just going to her team's practices may not get her there.

I say all of this as a former D-1 college basketball player that was consumed with basketball at an early age but was overly tall (I'm only 6'2") or athletic (good but not otherwordly elite). I'm also a parent that is frustrated with my own 8 y.o.lack of commitment to her sport even though she is more athletic than her counterparts because I know she'll be passed by counterparts like her daughter.

Finally, don't compare her to the elite players. That's incredibly unfair to her and she'll be able to sense your disappointment.

First basketball PP here to +1 the heck out of the bolded. Your kid hasn't even hit puberty yet, there's no special razzle dazzle magic that she should be showing in the sport yet to justify continuing, OP! And the heartbreak she has about being overlooked by God makes even less sense in this situation.

[Anonymous]

She was given other talents she hasn't figured out yet because she's too hyper focused on this sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was this kid. I wasn't stupid, I understood where I stood on the team - I was slower than most and not very athletically gifted. But I *loved* my sport, I'm still very into sports in general, and my longest-standing friends are ones I made playing basketball in high school. By senior year the coach asked if I wanted to be a manager and I was kind of embarrassed but really did prefer to do that and stay on the "team" than to just drop the sport, so I did.

I think you just support her for where she is. The benefits of sports are much more wide-ranging than parents on these boards focus on: friendship, life lessons, cardio, healthy habits, all-girl spaces, etc. It's not all about having a "hook." If she wants to do camps or skills programs, and it's not an astronomical amount of money, you help her. She can get better, but she'll never have a full ride to college. You know this, she either already knows or will know soon. But if she drops the sport it should be because she doesn't want to do it anymore, not because mom and dad sat her down and explained that she's a dud and this is a waste of their time.

Thank you, basketball mom. Op here and DD is a basketball player and so your words mean a lot to me. In our area girls’ basketball isn’t a huge sport and the options at her current age are learn-to-play/intro vs. travel. There aren’t many competitive opportunities for girls who aren’t doing travel past 3rd/4th grade unless they are at a Catholic school and can play in CYO, but her school isn’t fielding a team in her grade this year. DD puts in the work, goes to extra clinics and skill sessions, and is a leader for conditioning and drills. But she just doesn’t have that extra magic that some of her teammates have. She loves everything about the sport and her teammates and I want her to be able to stay in that world for a little longer.

NP but I'm trying to follow this. Is your daughter only 8-9 years old? Candidly, you and your daughter are probably overreacting for her age.

At that age, if she's a hard worker, by all means have her keep with it. Her body hasn't even really begun to develop in a way that you her skills/athleticism can be fully predicted. Now, is she only a hard worker at practices and games? Or, is she a hard worker on her own as well? Many people think basketball success comes from natural athleticism but that's very rare and is generally the result of genetic freaks that are basically giants. It takes a lot of playing time and hard work to be a good basketball player, even at that age.

Does she play basketball away from her team? Do you have a goal at home or a park nearby where you take her a few times a week? Does she dribble her ball around the house to the point where it drives you crazy? Did either of her parents play basketball at a level to where they can coach her on form/skills/techniques? If the answer to any of those questions is no, then she's not really that hard of worker and that's okay. Few kids at 8/9 are that passionate. She should play to the level that she enjoys the sport, but don't compare her to other kids that might be doing those things. If she's staying on the team or in the league, then she's doing well.

Now, if basketball is her love and she's that hard of worker, there are very clear skills she can work on in her free time that will make her an asset to teams. Kids at that age are not good shooters. Shooting is a skill that can be improved tremendously just through repeated proper practice. If she's that hard of a worker and has a base level of athleticism, she should be able to develop into a defensive pest, especially as she begins to learn team defense assignments/rotations, etc. (this will happen at older ages). She may never be a great dribbler (although that is something that can be greatly improved), but there are so many ways to handle the ball to adjust. There are techniques that will improve her rebounding, her ability to pass, her ability to attack the basket, but just going to her team's practices may not get her there.

I say all of this as a former D-1 college basketball player that was consumed with basketball at an early age but was overly tall (I'm only 6'2") or athletic (good but not otherwordly elite). I'm also a parent that is frustrated with my own 8 y.o.lack of commitment to her sport even though she is more athletic than her counterparts because I know she'll be passed by counterparts like her daughter.

Finally, don't compare her to the elite players. That's incredibly unfair to her and she'll be able to sense your disappointment.

No, she’s in 7th grade and 12. Not 8! I wrote that there aren’t a lot of rec opportunities here for girls past age 8/9, but that was probably confusing to read.

DH and I are not basketball people and her height will likely be just a bit over average. Yes, we had to ban indoor dribbling. We don’t have our own basketball hoop but live at a dead end and our neighbors have turned the dead end by the streetlight into a court with a hoop, so she can go out any time, and does. We live in a mild climate and her school has recess in middle school and there is a great co-ed group that plays at recess.

I don’t compare her to the elite players- she is the one detailing who is good and why, and that’s the struggle. She’s old enough and perceptive enough that she knows exactly where she stands. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply because I feel inspired for her. I love the idea of “defensive pest” and now that I’ve seen it described, I do see her coaches pushing her in that direction and I hope they can help her see that there are different roles she could play in the team that don’t require stardom.

[Anonymous]

In the medium to long term, being hard working will be much more valuable than being the star volleyball player on the team.

Look, I love sports, especially for girls, but for 99.99% of all student athletes, the real value is the discipline, leadership, learning to compete, teamwork, camaraderie, and friendships/network, not being an award winning athlete.