Hardest working kid on the team with the least talent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was this kid. I wasn't stupid, I understood where I stood on the team - I was slower than most and not very athletically gifted. But I *loved* my sport, I'm still very into sports in general, and my longest-standing friends are ones I made playing basketball in high school. By senior year the coach asked if I wanted to be a manager and I was kind of embarrassed but really did prefer to do that and stay on the "team" than to just drop the sport, so I did.

I think you just support her for where she is. The benefits of sports are much more wide-ranging than parents on these boards focus on: friendship, life lessons, cardio, healthy habits, all-girl spaces, etc. It's not all about having a "hook." If she wants to do camps or skills programs, and it's not an astronomical amount of money, you help her. She can get better, but she'll never have a full ride to college. You know this, she either already knows or will know soon. But if she drops the sport it should be because she doesn't want to do it anymore, not because mom and dad sat her down and explained that she's a dud and this is a waste of their time.

Thank you, basketball mom. Op here and DD is a basketball player and so your words mean a lot to me. In our area girls’ basketball isn’t a huge sport and the options at her current age are learn-to-play/intro vs. travel. There aren’t many competitive opportunities for girls who aren’t doing travel past 3rd/4th grade unless they are at a Catholic school and can play in CYO, but her school isn’t fielding a team in her grade this year. DD puts in the work, goes to extra clinics and skill sessions, and is a leader for conditioning and drills. But she just doesn’t have that extra magic that some of her teammates have. She loves everything about the sport and her teammates and I want her to be able to stay in that world for a little longer.

NP but I'm trying to follow this. Is your daughter only 8-9 years old? Candidly, you and your daughter are probably overreacting for her age.

At that age, if she's a hard worker, by all means have her keep with it. Her body hasn't even really begun to develop in a way that you her skills/athleticism can be fully predicted. Now, is she only a hard worker at practices and games? Or, is she a hard worker on her own as well? Many people think basketball success comes from natural athleticism but that's very rare and is generally the result of genetic freaks that are basically giants. It takes a lot of playing time and hard work to be a good basketball player, even at that age.

Does she play basketball away from her team? Do you have a goal at home or a park nearby where you take her a few times a week? Does she dribble her ball around the house to the point where it drives you crazy? Did either of her parents play basketball at a level to where they can coach her on form/skills/techniques? If the answer to any of those questions is no, then she's not really that hard of worker and that's okay. Few kids at 8/9 are that passionate. She should play to the level that she enjoys the sport, but don't compare her to other kids that might be doing those things. If she's staying on the team or in the league, then she's doing well.

Now, if basketball is her love and she's that hard of worker, there are very clear skills she can work on in her free time that will make her an asset to teams. Kids at that age are not good shooters. Shooting is a skill that can be improved tremendously just through repeated proper practice. If she's that hard of a worker and has a base level of athleticism, she should be able to develop into a defensive pest, especially as she begins to learn team defense assignments/rotations, etc. (this will happen at older ages). She may never be a great dribbler (although that is something that can be greatly improved), but there are so many ways to handle the ball to adjust. There are techniques that will improve her rebounding, her ability to pass, her ability to attack the basket, but just going to her team's practices may not get her there.

I say all of this as a former D-1 college basketball player that was consumed with basketball at an early age but was overly tall (I'm only 6'2") or athletic (good but not otherwordly elite). I'm also a parent that is frustrated with my own 8 y.o.lack of commitment to her sport even though she is more athletic than her counterparts because I know she'll be passed by counterparts like her daughter.

Finally, don't compare her to the elite players. That's incredibly unfair to her and she'll be able to sense your disappointment.

First basketball PP here to +1 the heck out of the bolded. Your kid hasn't even hit puberty yet, there's no special razzle dazzle magic that she should be showing in the sport yet to justify continuing, OP! And the heartbreak she has about being overlooked by God makes even less sense in this situation.

Got it. It's true that 12 is slightly different but I still wouldn't get overly concerned. Some tips that I hope are practical as it relates to basketball

1. Allow her to dribble indoors as long as she's not breaking things out making a mess. It helps even if it's annoying to everyone else in the house lol

2. She should really buy into defense. It's half the game. Plus if she is above average height and can excel at that aspect, it makes her valuable because she'll be a versatile defender

3. Have her try to focus on becoming the most knowledgeable player about game strategy. If she can show the ability to make the right decisions in offense and defense (in coaches' opinion) that makes her trustworthy. I've had teammates that I've been "better than" but they were geniuses at anticipation, reading the court and using that to their advantage. Frankly, they mopped the floor with me.

4. As long as she enjoys the sport (playing, practicing, her teammates, her coach) and can keep making teams, don't let her stop. That means she is doing something right and the goal should not be to be the best individual player or a star but to enjoy herself. If she has love for the game she should be ok.

FYI: I was never the star or even best player on my team. Often, I wasn't top 3-4. I wasn't even always a starter. I also never made my middle school team (which I think was BS but whatever... I've moved on 😉). There's nothing wrong with playing at whichever level is most appropriate and is not the end of the world to get cut. In the end, basketball worked out for me in paying for school, but I still would have gotten what I wanted out of the sport if I was only able to play pickup. Just help her enjoy the ride.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you say she is the hardest working? And how can you really know? You really can't know what other kids are doing outside of team practices. There are lots of levels and definitions of success in sports, and this may not be the right level of competition for her. That may seem a bit harsh, but if her teammates are highly ranked in the country and state and she is barely hanging on, then that may be the reality. Everyone has different talents, and she will likely excel in areas that some of her more talented teammates don't. All she can do is to continue to work hard and try her best, but she may find more success and happiness on another team.

They have open practices at a gym that’s pretty far away, so I sit up in the balcony and work.

But it’s not just my opinion- it’s the coaches and other parents coming up to me and saying she’s the hardest worker on the team, coaches saying they wish every kid put in the work like she does, and teammates saying that she pushes them to work harder at practices. The best girl on the team always tries to partner with her for conditioning and is pretty vocal about why.

Sorry if you already answered this, but what else is she doing? DH and DC, who played basketball at a high level but were the shortest on the team, go to the gym at least three mornings a week before school to practice together, outside of team practice and conditioning. Team practices are not enough in almost any sport to develop the skills you need to be a top player on a good team.

[Anonymous]

OP, I got my son one of those foam balls that he can dribble inside. I see them under different names- the one I bought is called Hush Handle. Do I think it’s exactly the same as a real basketball as they like to claim? No. But it does the job to use indoors and it’s pretty quiet (not silent).

My son, however, is no basketball genus- just a 13 year old rec player. I don’t know if it’s harmful to development to use one of those foam balls, but for us, it serves its purpose.

[Anonymous]

3. Have her try to focus on becoming the most knowledgeable player about game strategy. If she can show the ability to make the right decisions in offense and defense (in coaches' opinion) that makes her trustworthy. I've had teammates that I've been "better than" but they were geniuses at anticipation, reading the court and using that to their advantage. Frankly, they mopped the floor with me.

Then you definitely weren't better than them, only, I'm guessing, much taller than most of them which is why you got that coin.

[Anonymous]

OK, OP, slow your roll. Your daughter sounds happy and motivated, and there are a lot of ways this could turn out well.

1.) She could get faster and stronger after puberty.
2.) She could migrate to another sport.
3.) She might make her high school team no matter how unlikely it seems at the moment. My kids' school is large, with many teams that have to do heavy cuts. But they never have to cut many for girls' basketball. I think a lot of girls either burn out, or if they're REALLY good, play AAU/high-level travel.
4.) If she does get cut, she could manage the team -- it sounds like she really loves the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

3. Have her try to focus on becoming the most knowledgeable player about game strategy. If she can show the ability to make the right decisions in offense and defense (in coaches' opinion) that makes her trustworthy. I've had teammates that I've been "better than" but they were geniuses at anticipation, reading the court and using that to their advantage. Frankly, they mopped the floor with me.

Then you definitely weren't better than them, only, I'm guessing, much taller than most of them which is why you got that coin.

Funny

I'm exaggerating a bit about the "mopping" but they were better than me and their playing time proved that.

I've never been much taller than anyone on a basketball court. I was a 6'2" guard so taller than most people in day-to-day-life but undersized in truly competitive basketball games. I put "better" in quotes because I was certainly more athletic and better skilled when it came to certain individual aspects (other than shooting where I was average at best) but I never really developed the feel to control a game and, as as a relatively short player, that was an important skill to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is involved in the wrong sport, and you, as a parent, are not doing your job.

Kids have talents/abilities/interests, and a big part of a parent’s job is to help kids identify what those are, and work to develop them. Take some obvious examples; if you had a daughter who was going to be six feet tall, then your approach in youth sports would be to focus on sports where her height is an advantage. Sure, maybe she loves gymnastics as a 7 year old, but that’s not going to work well at 17. Maybe your kid is not fast enough compared to other kids. Get her focused on other sports where foot speed is less important.

My daughter played high level youth soccer from 9-18 and then 4 years of college. Over the years she had a number of soccer teammates who shifted to other sports and excelled. 1 ran x-country for a Big10 school. 2 swam for SEC schools. 1 skied for a Colorado school, 1 played lacrosse for a Big10 school. Her best friend over the years (and still a good friend now) played off and on with her on teams. She was a very good athlete but too slow for high level soccer teams. She stuck with it and played small college, but would be the first to say that she should have been a softball player. Her average speed would have been no big deal in softball.

Realistically assess your daughter’s athletic abilities and where she will likely be after her growth spurts. Then get her involved now in sports where she can try things out.

This is horrible advice. The goal of sports as a youth is not to play college ball. It's to get exercise, develop your body, make friends, and have fun. Playing college ball is the extremely fortunate byproduct of playing a sport you enjoy. By all means, push kids to try as many sports as possible at a young age so they kind find the best fit. But it's destructive to say an 8 y.o. is in the wrong sport because they're not the best at it, especially if they still enjoy it.

The daughter is CYO per OP. That’s. 11/12. Now is the time to explore sports that she can play moving forward into middle and high school.
Assess - really assess - where is she going to be size wise at 16? What is her foot speed now? What is her quickness now? Just because you start playing a sport does not mean you need to stick with it come hell or high water. Most of the time, if you are not a decent player you should move on. A girl with a good attitude and willing to work can do well in a number of sports IF she settles into one or two that work with her own abilities and attributes.

Where is she likely to go to high school? What sports do they play there? What sports are likely fits for her? As an aside; every kid needs to swim decently well. A couple years on a summer swim team won’t turn them into a competitive swimmer, but it will make them a safe swimmer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is involved in the wrong sport, and you, as a parent, are not doing your job.

Kids have talents/abilities/interests, and a big part of a parent’s job is to help kids identify what those are, and work to develop them. Take some obvious examples; if you had a daughter who was going to be six feet tall, then your approach in youth sports would be to focus on sports where her height is an advantage. Sure, maybe she loves gymnastics as a 7 year old, but that’s not going to work well at 17. Maybe your kid is not fast enough compared to other kids. Get her focused on other sports where foot speed is less important.

My daughter played high level youth soccer from 9-18 and then 4 years of college. Over the years she had a number of soccer teammates who shifted to other sports and excelled. 1 ran x-country for a Big10 school. 2 swam for SEC schools. 1 skied for a Colorado school, 1 played lacrosse for a Big10 school. Her best friend over the years (and still a good friend now) played off and on with her on teams. She was a very good athlete but too slow for high level soccer teams. She stuck with it and played small college, but would be the first to say that she should have been a softball player. Her average speed would have been no big deal in softball.

Realistically assess your daughter’s athletic abilities and where she will likely be after her growth spurts. Then get her involved now in sports where she can try things out.

This is horrible advice. The goal of sports as a youth is not to play college ball. It's to get exercise, develop your body, make friends, and have fun. Playing college ball is the extremely fortunate byproduct of playing a sport you enjoy. By all means, push kids to try as many sports as possible at a young age so they kind find the best fit. But it's destructive to say an 8 y.o. is in the wrong sport because they're not the best at it, especially if they still enjoy it.

The daughter is CYO per OP. That’s. 11/12. Now is the time to explore sports that she can play moving forward into middle and high school.
Assess - really assess - where is she going to be size wise at 16? What is her foot speed now? What is her quickness now? Just because you start playing a sport does not mean you need to stick with it come hell or high water. Most of the time, if you are not a decent player you should move on. A girl with a good attitude and willing to work can do well in a number of sports IF she settles into one or two that work with her own abilities and attributes.

Where is she likely to go to high school? What sports do they play there? What sports are likely fits for her? As an aside; every kid needs to swim decently well. A couple years on a summer swim team won’t turn them into a competitive swimmer, but it will make them a safe swimmer.

My kid played cyo from kindergarten to high school. It’s not just 11-12 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is involved in the wrong sport, and you, as a parent, are not doing your job.

Kids have talents/abilities/interests, and a big part of a parent’s job is to help kids identify what those are, and work to develop them. Take some obvious examples; if you had a daughter who was going to be six feet tall, then your approach in youth sports would be to focus on sports where her height is an advantage. Sure, maybe she loves gymnastics as a 7 year old, but that’s not going to work well at 17. Maybe your kid is not fast enough compared to other kids. Get her focused on other sports where foot speed is less important.

My daughter played high level youth soccer from 9-18 and then 4 years of college. Over the years she had a number of soccer teammates who shifted to other sports and excelled. 1 ran x-country for a Big10 school. 2 swam for SEC schools. 1 skied for a Colorado school, 1 played lacrosse for a Big10 school. Her best friend over the years (and still a good friend now) played off and on with her on teams. She was a very good athlete but too slow for high level soccer teams. She stuck with it and played small college, but would be the first to say that she should have been a softball player. Her average speed would have been no big deal in softball.

Realistically assess your daughter’s athletic abilities and where she will likely be after her growth spurts. Then get her involved now in sports where she can try things out.

This is horrible advice. The goal of sports as a youth is not to play college ball. It's to get exercise, develop your body, make friends, and have fun. Playing college ball is the extremely fortunate byproduct of playing a sport you enjoy. By all means, push kids to try as many sports as possible at a young age so they kind find the best fit. But it's destructive to say an 8 y.o. is in the wrong sport because they're not the best at it, especially if they still enjoy it.

The daughter is CYO per OP. That’s. 11/12. Now is the time to explore sports that she can play moving forward into middle and high school.
Assess - really assess - where is she going to be size wise at 16? What is her foot speed now? What is her quickness now? Just because you start playing a sport does not mean you need to stick with it come hell or high water. Most of the time, if you are not a decent player you should move on. A girl with a good attitude and willing to work can do well in a number of sports IF she settles into one or two that work with her own abilities and attributes.

Where is she likely to go to high school? What sports do they play there? What sports are likely fits for her? As an aside; every kid needs to swim decently well. A couple years on a summer swim team won’t turn them into a competitive swimmer, but it will make them a safe swimmer.

My kid played cyo from kindergarten to high school. It’s not just 11-12 year olds.

Anecdotally, CYO in my area has very low numbers in girls’ sports by middle school save for soccer. They sponsor boys’ basketball and baseball through HS but for girls only soccer and track has enough participation after 5th/6th grade for schools to consistently field teams. Some schools combine schools or grades (and play up) to make it work for girls.

[Anonymous]

Kids like this who end up going to t20 schools end up in front office / league office jobs in the pros or head coaches

There are lot of NBA and MLB execs with op kid’s background

[Anonymous]

I see where you are coming from OP. We have a teenage son in a bit of a similar situation but he plays an individual sport so we have some control over the level of tournaments he chooses to participate in so he doesn’t get crushed.

He was never what you’d call a natural athlete and had some gross motor issues as a young child. What I can tell you is “ natural talent” - being naturally quick, having great hand-eye coordination - matters less once kids hit puberty as technical skills start to matter more. If you are 9 or 10, you can rely on your speed and athleticism, but then you and your team mates start to hit puberty and most will catch up on speed and athleticism.

What starts to make a big difference then is technique. If you can afford it, hire a private coach for a few lessons to teach her some more advanced dribbling and shooting techniques. Sometimes small tweaks make a big difference. Extra points if the coach is also inspiring and can also serve as a mentor. We found an amazing coach for my son who would give him weekly sessions. He truly turned him around and gave him a ton of confidence in the process. It’s the best money we’ve ever spent.

Best of luck to your DD.

[Anonymous]

At 12ish and basketball, I think there's still room/time to improve and get better.

When you say your DD works hard, is she working properly?

What do the other players do that makes them more talented than her? With basketball, is it the ball handling, shooting, coordination, etc? All of that are things that can be worked and improved on.

There are very few players I know that are just naturally good at basketball (or any sport) and it takes a lot of time and effort to practice.

There eventually is a point where you'll just have to accept that your player just can't compete at a high level. There's nothing wrong with that. It's often said on this board on how basketball is one of the competitive sports in this area.

But like I said at 12 I wouldn't think that you're at that point yet.

Once/if you get to that point than you can decide, if she loves playing that much, maybe just find playing opportunities for her at lower level leagues/teams. Hopefully there will be more opportunities at an older age. Or maybe find something else that she may excel in more. The skills and habits she picked up in basketball should help her in other activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why God didn’t give her talent? Seriously? What a trite concern. My kid has special needs and medical problems. She doesn’t ask why God did this to her. Though I do. You are falling down on your job as a parent and Catholic that your DD is so ungrateful and seriously is questioning God over her soccer ability. This verges on unbelievable.

Wow. I hope your day gets better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids like this who end up going to t20 schools end up in front office / league office jobs in the pros or head coaches

There are lot of NBA and MLB execs with op kid’s background

OP's kid is topping out at CYO level. The NBA and MLB executives who were the try hard kids played in college or at least high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is involved in the wrong sport, and you, as a parent, are not doing your job.

Kids have talents/abilities/interests, and a big part of a parent’s job is to help kids identify what those are, and work to develop them. Take some obvious examples; if you had a daughter who was going to be six feet tall, then your approach in youth sports would be to focus on sports where her height is an advantage. Sure, maybe she loves gymnastics as a 7 year old, but that’s not going to work well at 17. Maybe your kid is not fast enough compared to other kids. Get her focused on other sports where foot speed is less important.

My daughter played high level youth soccer from 9-18 and then 4 years of college. Over the years she had a number of soccer teammates who shifted to other sports and excelled. 1 ran x-country for a Big10 school. 2 swam for SEC schools. 1 skied for a Colorado school, 1 played lacrosse for a Big10 school. Her best friend over the years (and still a good friend now) played off and on with her on teams. She was a very good athlete but too slow for high level soccer teams. She stuck with it and played small college, but would be the first to say that she should have been a softball player. Her average speed would have been no big deal in softball.

Realistically assess your daughter’s athletic abilities and where she will likely be after her growth spurts. Then get her involved now in sports where she can try things out.

This is horrible advice. The goal of sports as a youth is not to play college ball. It's to get exercise, develop your body, make friends, and have fun. Playing college ball is the extremely fortunate byproduct of playing a sport you enjoy. By all means, push kids to try as many sports as possible at a young age so they kind find the best fit. But it's destructive to say an 8 y.o. is in the wrong sport because they're not the best at it, especially if they still enjoy it.

The daughter is CYO per OP. That’s. 11/12. Now is the time to explore sports that she can play moving forward into middle and high school.
Assess - really assess - where is she going to be size wise at 16? What is her foot speed now? What is her quickness now? Just because you start playing a sport does not mean you need to stick with it come hell or high water. Most of the time, if you are not a decent player you should move on. A girl with a good attitude and willing to work can do well in a number of sports IF she settles into one or two that work with her own abilities and attributes.

Where is she likely to go to high school? What sports do they play there? What sports are likely fits for her? As an aside; every kid needs to swim decently well. A couple years on a summer swim team won’t turn them into a competitive swimmer, but it will make them a safe swimmer.

My kid played cyo from kindergarten to high school. It’s not just 11-12 year olds.

Yes if it makes you feel any better my kid has all of the talent, the size and strength to play and excel atany sport he wants (other than gymnastics or jokey) but he just lacks heart. It’s so bad coaches who don’t know of him salivate when they see him, but he really only gives it his all 5% of the time, usually the first game.. after that he stops trying and rides the bench.

It’s maddening but I’m starting to accept that’s just his personality.

There are very, very, very few athletes who have it all.