Hardest working kid on the team with the least talent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Mine is young enough that down a level is instructional/rec…. I hope my DD will one day see that she doesn’t have to have a talent to be special and worthy.

YOU are the problem, not your daughter’s coaches. You say you want her to feel special even if she’s not talented at her sport, and yet you disparage the rec level which would be a perfect fit for her enthusiasm and ability.

There is nothing wrong with rec play. In fact, in a situation like this (kid who loves the sport but is feeling down because they aren’t getting playing time on a competitive earn-your-spot team), it’s the perfect solution. And it comes with lower costs and more time — time she can use to find other passions in addition to her sport.

Insisting that her coaches don’t like her or don’t see her as worthy is not the way to go.

[Anonymous]

This is my DC as well. Agree with posters who said to help her frame it in terms of what it means to work hard, and that will apply forever not just in this sport. Also, hopefully this is a sport that she can play or participate in for life? Swimming, tennis, even adult softball leagues. If it brings her joy and lets her move her body, let that be enough.

My child admits to sometimes being embarrassed at having the least talent but overall loves the activity and the experience of being on the team that we stick with it. Definitely also consider if there's a step down, e.g. from travel to rec.

Good luck. Not everyone can be the star as much as we wish it was our own child.

[Anonymous]

Why God didn’t give her talent? Seriously? What a trite concern. My kid has special needs and medical problems. She doesn’t ask why God did this to her. Though I do. You are falling down on your job as a parent and Catholic that your DD is so ungrateful and seriously is questioning God over her soccer ability. This verges on unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why God didn’t give her talent? Seriously? What a trite concern. My kid has special needs and medical problems. She doesn’t ask why God did this to her. Though I do. You are falling down on your job as a parent and Catholic that your DD is so ungrateful and seriously is questioning God over her soccer ability. This verges on unbelievable.

I’m also Catholic and I understand OP’s concern. You are the one who isn’t acting like a Catholic. This isn’t a contest about whose child suffers the most. Her DD feels bad about herself and her abilities. She is allowed to feel down about it. Yes, she could have much worse issues in life but when you are feeling down you are feeling down and her feelings shouldn’t be dismissed.

[Anonymous]

If she's comparing herself to kids who may be highly ranked in the state and nationally, maybe the bar is a bit high on that particular team for what constitutes "talent" or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my DD also. We disengaged from sports as parents, but she stuck with it and absolutely loved it. She knew she wasn’t as good as other girls, but was well/liked anyway and made great friends.
The key was playing down a level. So Frosh/Soph team in 9th and 10th. JV in 11th where she may not get a ton of play action, but that’s ok. She has to change her mindset.

Thank you. I appreciate the reply. Mine is young enough that down a level is instructional/rec. After reading your comment, my hope for her is that if this remains something that mostly brings her joy, she’ll hang on for long enough to get to HS and make any level of team. Or get to HS and be able to access a new sport that might be as compelling as this one.

It sounds like your DD’s gift is being positive, being a good teammate and friend, and finding joy in the sport itself rather than success. I hope my DD will one day see that she doesn’t have to have a talent to be special and worthy.

My son was like this, and did manage to hang on through 8th grade (although it was always stressful at try out time bc it was on the edge if he’d keep making the team each year, and there were years he was moved down a level vs his teammates).

Entering high school he self selected to a different sport, because he knew he wouldn’t make the HS team or at least wouldnt make it after freshman year. It was a spring sport, and he’d have had to use most of his free time in fall/winter of 9th grade on a feeder team leading up to spring HS season, and thus would not have had the time to try a new sport at HS, so he opted to try the new sport starting fall of 9th grade and devoted himself as passionately to that new sport throughout high school.

I think he learned a lot of valuable lessons through the years about effort and hard work, plus having a good attitude and trying your best no matter what you are doing.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is involved in the wrong sport, and you, as a parent, are not doing your job.

Kids have talents/abilities/interests, and a big part of a parent’s job is to help kids identify what those are, and work to develop them. Take some obvious examples; if you had a daughter who was going to be six feet tall, then your approach in youth sports would be to focus on sports where her height is an advantage. Sure, maybe she loves gymnastics as a 7 year old, but that’s not going to work well at 17. Maybe your kid is not fast enough compared to other kids. Get her focused on other sports where foot speed is less important.

My daughter played high level youth soccer from 9-18 and then 4 years of college. Over the years she had a number of soccer teammates who shifted to other sports and excelled. 1 ran x-country for a Big10 school. 2 swam for SEC schools. 1 skied for a Colorado school, 1 played lacrosse for a Big10 school. Her best friend over the years (and still a good friend now) played off and on with her on teams. She was a very good athlete but too slow for high level soccer teams. She stuck with it and played small college, but would be the first to say that she should have been a softball player. Her average speed would have been no big deal in softball.

Realistically assess your daughter’s athletic abilities and where she will likely be after her growth spurts. Then get her involved now in sports where she can try things out.

[Anonymous]

Being hardworking is going to last her a lifetime. Talent in a sport is temporary (even if measured in years), almost no one will be involved at the highest level of their sport for their whole life. Sounds like she got the better end of the deal.

[Anonymous]

I think if you quit Catholicism it might help her frame of reference.

[Anonymous]

I was this kid. I wasn't stupid, I understood where I stood on the team - I was slower than most and not very athletically gifted. But I *loved* my sport, I'm still very into sports in general, and my longest-standing friends are ones I made playing basketball in high school. By senior year the coach asked if I wanted to be a manager and I was kind of embarrassed but really did prefer to do that and stay on the "team" than to just drop the sport, so I did.

I think you just support her for where she is. The benefits of sports are much more wide-ranging than parents on these boards focus on: friendship, life lessons, cardio, healthy habits, all-girl spaces, etc. It's not all about having a "hook." If she wants to do camps or skills programs, and it's not an astronomical amount of money, you help her. She can get better, but she'll never have a full ride to college. You know this, she either already knows or will know soon. But if she drops the sport it should be because she doesn't want to do it anymore, not because mom and dad sat her down and explained that she's a dud and this is a waste of their time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her watch Rudy.

Rudy was talented- just short.

Rudy was annoying and short.

[Anonymous]

DD wouldn't even be on the team if she didn't have some kind of talent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my DD also. We disengaged from sports as parents, but she stuck with it and absolutely loved it. She knew she wasn’t as good as other girls, but was well/liked anyway and made great friends.
The key was playing down a level. So Frosh/Soph team in 9th and 10th. JV in 11th where she may not get a ton of play action, but that’s ok. She has to change her mindset.

Thank you. I appreciate the reply. Mine is young enough that down a level is instructional/rec.[i][u] After reading your comment, my hope for her is that if this remains something that mostly brings her joy, she’ll hang on for long enough to get to HS and make any level of team. Or get to HS and be able to access a new sport that might be as compelling as this one.

It sounds like your DD’s gift is being positive, being a good teammate and friend, and finding joy in the sport itself rather than success. I hope my DD will one day see that she doesn’t have to have a talent to be special and worthy.

Why is the rec league bad? That sounds like a place where she'll have fun and not feel bad about herself.

[Anonymous]

What do you mean when you say she is the hardest worker on the team? Is it that she's more focused and driven in team practices? Or is she doing extra work outside of the team practices? If the issue is that she's behind in skill, this can and should be addressed in privates or clinics outside of team practices. My kid needs the extra help to stay competitive on a good travel team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my DD also. We disengaged from sports as parents, but she stuck with it and absolutely loved it. She knew she wasn’t as good as other girls, but was well/liked anyway and made great friends.
The key was playing down a level. So Frosh/Soph team in 9th and 10th. JV in 11th where she may not get a ton of play action, but that’s ok. She has to change her mindset.

Thank you. I appreciate the reply. Mine is young enough that down a level is instructional/rec.[i][u] After reading your comment, my hope for her is that if this remains something that mostly brings her joy, she’ll hang on for long enough to get to HS and make any level of team. Or get to HS and be able to access a new sport that might be as compelling as this one.

It sounds like your DD’s gift is being positive, being a good teammate and friend, and finding joy in the sport itself rather than success. I hope my DD will one day see that she doesn’t have to have a talent to be special and worthy.

Why is the rec league bad? That sounds like a place where she'll have fun and not feel bad about herself.

Both of my kids dropped to rec in one sport in order to focus on other sports. Both loved the sport an both quit rec within a year. One quit it entirely and the other moved to a low key travel team. A kid who is used to working at a high level, especially in practice, and who is used to teammates being invested is going to be miserable in rec.