Jealousy among siblings and spouses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP how did you recognize those brands? We have high HHI and I wouldn’t know them or particularly care. House yes. Jewelry no.

The younger crowd recognizes designer brands and some people are obviously more into jewelry. This board skews older so it makes sense you don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is an extremely odd disconnect between you as a competent human being and you affected in this way.

Not sure I believe it.

+1

I have relatives like this. OP is the wife, and her DH does fine, but nothing compared to the Joneses. I understand it, but I do not agree with it.

The difference between me and my relatives is this - we were raised the same, in the same affluent area, have the same expensive, refined taste. exposure, education and backgrounds - BUT DH and I paid for our own school, wedding, house, everything (literally, every last thing). Example: When I was having my babies in the hospital, we had to pay for help to watch our other children, because that was our option. Each of my friends, and relatives, including the relatives I mention, had free family help, no questions asked - especially when they were giving birth. [My MIL literally said if she could not come and go "visiting" from the hospital, when I was literally giving birth, then she would not "help" us at all. This was no surprise, because she has never helped us, and has even insulted us when we were down and out and even quite seriously sick, completely unprovoked, but I digress.]

One of us, DH or I (I won't specify which of us - but it would be shocking to those who know us) has been homeless before. OTOH, the relatives who want more and more are spoiled, their parents paid for everything, and they have literally never been without. Ever.

The difference is this: the relatives who want, want, want are never happy - it is all about money. I am guessing they dream about money. Nothing is ever enough. They literally have their hands out, have friends and family pay for stuff for them, and look for ways to "score" money - relatives who will die, rich friends, it makes me want to take a shower just typing this and knowing about it. They have been heard saying "if we just have (this) or (that)" in several (countless) circumstances - they then actually believe then they would be happy. But they got that "thing" (whatever it was, wedding, SFH, minivan, private school, job, a white kitchen, college, then a newer white kitchen....these are actual examples) - and they still were not happy, and it still was not enough. Each time. Ever.

The people I know who want more and more are never happy, and are rather spoiled. They say they are "grateful", but act completely ungrateful. The PP who stated to "go volunteer at a soup kitchen" hit the nail on the head. Volunteer for those less fortunate, and do not post about it on social media - do it for yourself and heal yourself from within. If you have never been without, you really have no idea, OP. You are in desperate need of growing up, and perspective. Since you asked.

Things will not make you happy, because there will always (always) be the next thing. The latest jewelry or whatever is not going to change how you feel. There is something inside that is missing, not outside. You need to find personal fulfillment from something other than material goods. Become a better person inside.

Why do you assume OP is not the primary breadwinner and her spouse the lower-earning SAHP?

They messed up in their OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stopped carrying a bag because I think it’s silly to compare blobs of leather. If others want to use bags as a way show their wealth and class, I have no issue with it.

No bag = freedom to me.

My sister tells me every time we speak how they have no money but she drives an expensive SUV and owns two homes.

A client of mine said they have no money and they have two houses and a full-time maid. I have stopped paying attention to this because you never know how much people REALLY have.

They simply don't want you asking for hand outs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our income is more than three times yours and I don't wear designer stuff because ... I don't want to. I think it's gaudy to wear tons of jewelry and/or recognizable brands.

+1

Same. The show offs are usually in debt.

+1000
We have a new Mercedes - and we are in a lot of debt.

I don’t think this is necessarily true. We have several nice cars. DH likes cars and watches. I’m not going into debt to buy a Chanel bag.

It is usually the people who lease the new Range Rovers, FYI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“I feel like I don’t have much to show for it”

You’re earning more than 99% of ppl. That’s enough. You don’t need a bag with a certain logo on it to prove to people that you’re successful. You admire their bags while they probably admire who you are

Much to show for it - is an improved attitude and stop the pity party, OP. Life is not about stuff - it used to be, in our parent's day, but no longer. In our parent's day, it used to be who drove the new Cadillac. You need to improve your perspective and stop acting like an old biddy, and get your sh&t together, and contribute to society. No one cares what you are wearing.

Are you saying your rich relatives are tired of helping you financially and think you are a loser, and you need expensive jewelry to "show them"? Because that is really quite sad. Stop talking about money with them and stop asking for money. Why are you talking about money with them?? Perplexing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our income is more than three times yours land I don't wear designer stuff because ... I don't want to. I think it's gaudy to wear tons of jewelry and/or recognizable brands.

+1

Same. The show offs are usually in debt.

This.

Spending money does not equal having money. Of the three snobbiest people in my neighborhood ie very concerned about right car (mercedes, range rover, some expensive sports car, clothes, expensive vacations etc) 2 lost their homes to foreclosure and one almost did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More a rant than anything else. I work really hard. I recently was promoted and am now making close to $300K on my own. My spouse is largely a stay at home parent but they make side income, but not a huge amount so the majority of our household income is my own. We live comfortably but I do not feel financially comfortable spending money on things like jewelry or designer bags/clothes, etc.

But after spending Thanksgiving with my siblings and their spouses, I can’t help feeling behind. All the women were decked out in recognizable designer jewelry and bags (think Cartier, Van Cleef, Goyard). They are all successful too and older but I felt like even though I’m doing well for myself, I have nothing to show for it.

I know I need to get over it. I know it’s the responsible thing to do not to waste money, but it makes me feel like I’ll never catch up to my siblings.

Anyone else btdt?

Pretend that your siblings married billionaires — then you would still feel that you would never catch up. But it wouldn’t bug you as much, right? The takeaway should be that your value and the value of the family you are building is independent of sibling wealth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More a rant than anything else. I work really hard. I recently was promoted and am now making close to $300K on my own. My spouse is largely a stay at home parent but they make side income, but not a huge amount so the majority of our household income is my own. We live comfortably but I do not feel financially comfortable spending money on things like jewelry or designer bags/clothes, etc.

But after spending Thanksgiving with my siblings and their spouses, I can’t help feeling behind. All the women were decked out in recognizable designer jewelry and bags (think Cartier, Van Cleef, Goyard). They are all successful too and older but I felt like even though I’m doing well for myself, I have nothing to show for it.

I know I need to get over it. I know it’s the responsible thing to do not to waste money, but it makes me feel like I’ll never catch up to my siblings.

Anyone else btdt?

Seriously? I look down on people who have to carry or wear "recognizable" anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our income is more than three times yours land I don't wear designer stuff because ... I don't want to. I think it's gaudy to wear tons of jewelry and/or recognizable brands.

+1

Same. The show offs are usually in debt.

This.

Spending money does not equal having money. Of the three snobbiest people in my neighborhood ie very concerned about right car (mercedes, range rover, some expensive sports car, clothes, expensive vacations etc) 2 lost their homes to foreclosure and one almost did.

I have friends like this. Over the years they have leased Mercedes, a Jaguar, expensive Jeeps and so forth. The more 'aspirational' part of the couple brags about their trips riding the Orient Express and how they 'never ride in the back of the bus' i.e. only flying first class. They have at best a nice middle-class income but it is swallowed up by the above and buying art and antiques at auction. They have lost two homes to foreclosure.

The very epitome of looking rich as opposed to being rich. One of them is still working his tail off at 70 with no plans to ever retire because they can't afford to.

[Anonymous]

We are lucky to be very high NW but I have no desire to wear fancy and expensive clothes and jewelry. Some of my husbands siblings/spouses are into that but I couldn’t care less. To each their own. We live very comfortably and enjoy high end travel but I love to poke around consignment shops for great deals. Be happy being yourself and don’t try to be someone you’re not. Thankfully, my husband and I are in sync on this issue. He buys nice used cars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More a rant than anything else. I work really hard. I recently was promoted and am now making close to $300K on my own. My spouse is largely a stay at home parent but they make side income, but not a huge amount so the majority of our household income is my own. We live comfortably but I do not feel financially comfortable spending money on things like jewelry or designer bags/clothes, etc.

But after spending Thanksgiving with my siblings and their spouses, I can’t help feeling behind. All the women were decked out in recognizable designer jewelry and bags (think Cartier, Van Cleef, Goyard). They are all successful too and older but I felt like even though I’m doing well for myself, I have nothing to show for it.

I know I need to get over it. I know it’s the responsible thing to do not to waste money, but it makes me feel like I’ll never catch up to my siblings.

Anyone else btdt?

No, I never played that game but saw it playing out with my brother's wife and her family. It's disgusting and uncouth. Family should be family period. There's a reason I stopped going around them. Been 30 years now. Shit's probably still going on. I also have a sister, married 4 times, who thinks she's a rich princess. She's not. I don't like her. I recently saw a picture of her. No amount of expensive clothes, makeup, jewelry can cover her hagness up. I still think I'm adopted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I see people with designer items, I just think they are stupid. What a waste of money. My $50 bag is just as functional as your $800 bag.

That's a cope.
Why not wear a garbage bag, it's functional.

People want to look nice. Functional? Lol

[Anonymous]

Who even buys that crap you saw them wearing. 90s is calling?
I would wear it only if someone paid me and even then I would be suffering. Less is still more. Invest your money.

[Anonymous]

We have a similar family situation OP, except it doesn’t bother us. We could easily afford those things if the SAHP returned to the workforce but we don’t desire the stress of a 2-income lifestyle. Our lifestyle works for us and we are happy and I assume our siblings’ lifestyles work for them or they wouldn’t do it. Different strokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is an extremely odd disconnect between you as a competent human being and you affected in this way.

Not sure I believe it.

+1

I have relatives like this. OP is the wife, and her DH does fine, but nothing compared to the Joneses. I understand it, but I do not agree with it.

The difference between me and my relatives is this - we were raised the same, in the same affluent area, have the same expensive, refined taste. exposure, education and backgrounds - BUT DH and I paid for our own school, wedding, house, everything (literally, every last thing). Example: When I was having my babies in the hospital, we had to pay for help to watch our other children, because that was our option. Each of my friends, and relatives, including the relatives I mention, had free family help, no questions asked - especially when they were giving birth. [My MIL literally said if she could not come and go "visiting" from the hospital, when I was literally giving birth, then she would not "help" us at all. This was no surprise, because she has never helped us, and has even insulted us when we were down and out and even quite seriously sick, completely unprovoked, but I digress.]

One of us, DH or I (I won't specify which of us - but it would be shocking to those who know us) has been homeless before. OTOH, the relatives who want more and more are spoiled, their parents paid for everything, and they have literally never been without. Ever.

The difference is this: the relatives who want, want, want are never happy - it is all about money. I am guessing they dream about money. Nothing is ever enough. They literally have their hands out, have friends and family pay for stuff for them, and look for ways to "score" money - relatives who will die, rich friends, it makes me want to take a shower just typing this and knowing about it. They have been heard saying "if we just have (this) or (that)" in several (countless) circumstances - they then actually believe then they would be happy. But they got that "thing" (whatever it was, wedding, SFH, minivan, private school, job, a white kitchen, college, then a newer white kitchen....these are actual examples) - and they still were not happy, and it still was not enough. Each time. Ever.

The people I know who want more and more are never happy, and are rather spoiled. They say they are "grateful", but act completely ungrateful. The PP who stated to "go volunteer at a soup kitchen" hit the nail on the head. Volunteer for those less fortunate, and do not post about it on social media - do it for yourself and heal yourself from within. If you have never been without, you really have no idea, OP. You are in desperate need of growing up, and perspective. Since you asked.

Things will not make you happy, because there will always (always) be the next thing. The latest jewelry or whatever is not going to change how you feel. There is something inside that is missing, not outside. You need to find personal fulfillment from something other than material goods. Become a better person inside.

Why do you assume OP is not the primary breadwinner and her spouse the lower-earning SAHP?

They messed up in their OP.

Where? You are assuming a straight couple.