Jealousy among siblings and spouses
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
More a rant than anything else. I work really hard. I recently was promoted and am now making close to $300K on my own. My spouse is largely a stay at home parent but they make side income, but not a huge amount so the majority of our household income is my own. We live comfortably but I do not feel financially comfortable spending money on things like jewelry or designer bags/clothes, etc.
But after spending Thanksgiving with my siblings and their spouses, I can’t help feeling behind. All the women were decked out in recognizable designer jewelry and bags (think Cartier, Van Cleef, Goyard). They are all successful too and older but I felt like even though I’m doing well for myself, I have nothing to show for it. I know I need to get over it. I know it’s the responsible thing to do not to waste money, but it makes me feel like I’ll never catch up to my siblings. Anyone else btdt? |
Anonymous
| Spend less time with them? Comparison is the thief of joy? My siblings and their spouses are more affluent than me (though we still do well), and I don’t pretend I’m on their level. I enjoy being the frugal practical one who is shocked at prices. |
Anonymous
| This is a you problem. Go volunteer at a soup kitchen and get some perspective. |
Anonymous
| Are you male or female OP? |
Anonymous
| You don’t need to buy designer items to make yourself feel better. Don’t compare, you look at the world differently than they do. Enjoy YOUR life, don’t focus on what others have. |
Anonymous
| Female, obviously. Men don't care about bags and jewelry. Be proud of what you have accomplished, OP. Someday you will be older and can decide whether you want to spend your money on designer bags and jewelry or things that are more meaningful. |
Anonymous
|
I think you need to take a step back.
Do you like your job? Do you feel you are fairly compensated in your field? Do you like your spouse? Is your marriage in a good place? Do you like your family arrangement, with you working full time and your spouse working very part-time? Does it meet your family's needs for childcare, stress levels, togetherness time, getting household administration done? If you are happy with where you are at in these areas, then really the only thing you are "behind" on is that you don't have a nice handbag and some Cartier jewelry. Ok, I have some good news for you! Identify a couple of those items that you want, do a little research to find out if how to purchase them most frugally (amazing options with second hand items, or for some luxury goods there are sales periodically) and then go buy them. Yes, I understand that you have a budget and can't shop like that all the time. But you can do it once. If it would bring you joy and help you feel like you've "made it" then do it. I did this recently buying art for our home. I felt like I expected to have some real art in my home by a certain age and income level, but didn't. I stopped lamenting about it and did some research on where and how to buy art, found a couple pieces I like, and ponied up some savings to buy them. I see them every day and love them, and they make my home feel like what I envisioned when I was younger. I'm not going on a spending spree and buying a new painting every 6 months. I spent a few thousand that I had sitting in a CD. I am certain you have money like that around too and if it matters to you, go ahead and spend it. If spending that money that way doesn't feel right, then remind yourself of that the next time you see someone with their nice bag or jewelry -- you could have bought the same, but you made a conscious choice not to. Feel secure in that choice. The issue is not that they have so much more, it's just they've chosen to spend their money in a specific way. That's not a competition, it's about priorities and preferences. Yours may just be different. |
Anonymous
|
OP, there is an extremely odd disconnect between you as a competent human being and you affected in this way.
Not sure I believe it. |
Anonymous
+1 I have relatives like this. OP is the wife, and her DH does fine, but nothing compared to the Joneses. I understand it, but I do not agree with it. The difference between me and my relatives is this - we were raised the same, in the same affluent area, have the same expensive, refined taste. exposure, education and backgrounds - BUT DH and I paid for our own school, wedding, house, everything (literally, every last thing). Example: When I was having my babies in the hospital, we had to pay for help to watch our other children, because that was our option. Each of my friends, and relatives, including the relatives I mention, had free family help, no questions asked - especially when they were giving birth. [My MIL literally said if she could not come and go "visiting" from the hospital, when I was literally giving birth, then she would not "help" us at all. This was no surprise, because she has never helped us, and has even insulted us when we were down and out and even quite seriously sick, completely unprovoked, but I digress.] One of us, DH or I (I won't specify which of us - but it would be shocking to those who know us) has been homeless before. OTOH, the relatives who want more and more are spoiled, their parents paid for everything, and they have literally never been without. Ever. The difference is this: the relatives who want, want, want are never happy - it is all about money. I am guessing they dream about money. Nothing is ever enough. They literally have their hands out, have friends and family pay for stuff for them, and look for ways to "score" money - relatives who will die, rich friends, it makes me want to take a shower just typing this and knowing about it. They have been heard saying "if we just have (this) or (that)" in several (countless) circumstances - they then actually believe then they would be happy. But they got that "thing" (whatever it was, wedding, SFH, minivan, private school, job, a white kitchen, college, then a newer white kitchen....these are actual examples) - and they still were not happy, and it still was not enough. Each time. Ever. The people I know who want more and more are never happy, and are rather spoiled. They say they are "grateful", but act completely ungrateful. The PP who stated to "go volunteer at a soup kitchen" hit the nail on the head. Volunteer for those less fortunate, and do not post about it on social media - do it for yourself and heal yourself from within. If you have never been without, you really have no idea, OP. You are in desperate need of growing up, and perspective. Since you asked. Things will not make you happy, because there will always (always) be the next thing. The latest jewelry or whatever is not going to change how you feel. There is something inside that is missing, not outside. You need to find personal fulfillment from something other than material goods. Become a better person inside. |
Anonymous
Also: There are always people with more than you. Always. |
Anonymous
| Our income is more than three times yours and I don't wear designer stuff because ... I don't want to. I think it's gaudy to wear tons of jewelry and/or recognizable brands. |
Anonymous
OP, curious - who is going to fund your retirement?? |
Anonymous
+1 Same. The show offs are usually in debt. |
Anonymous
| OP what do you define as hard work? Showing up at a 9-5? |
Anonymous
| I make a similar income to you, and what makes me happy is having lots of money in the bank, investments that are doing well, a nice home to live in, healthy and happy children, traveling in my camper, and knowing I have the ability to retire at 43 if I want to. I've already scaled way back at work because I don't need the money, so I only work about 15 hours/week. I wouldn't trade ANY of that for a Cartier anything.... Life is really good. |