Jealousy among siblings and spouses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our income is more than three times yours and I don't wear designer stuff because ... I don't want to. I think it's gaudy to wear tons of jewelry and/or recognizable brands.

+1
We are also VHNW and I wear simple good quality clothing and jewelry - preferring no labels or recognizable anything.

[Anonymous]

When I see people with designer items, I just think they are stupid. What a waste of money. My $50 bag is just as functional as your $800 bag.

[Anonymous]

Look at Stupid Rich People Fashion on YouTube.

Your values seem strangely skewed. I had a very serious health scare a few years ago and I now appreciate every moment of every day so much more.

Life's too short to allow your relatives to suck your joy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our income is more than three times yours and I don't wear designer stuff because ... I don't want to. I think it's gaudy to wear tons of jewelry and/or recognizable brands.

+1

Same. The show offs are usually in debt.

+1000
We have a new Mercedes - and we are in a lot of debt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, there is an extremely odd disconnect between you as a competent human being and you affected in this way.

Not sure I believe it.

+1

I have relatives like this. OP is the wife, and her DH does fine, but nothing compared to the Joneses. I understand it, but I do not agree with it.

The difference between me and my relatives is this - we were raised the same, in the same affluent area, have the same expensive, refined taste. exposure, education and backgrounds - BUT DH and I paid for our own school, wedding, house, everything (literally, every last thing). Example: When I was having my babies in the hospital, we had to pay for help to watch our other children, because that was our option. Each of my friends, and relatives, including the relatives I mention, had free family help, no questions asked - especially when they were giving birth. [My MIL literally said if she could not come and go "visiting" from the hospital, when I was literally giving birth, then she would not "help" us at all. This was no surprise, because she has never helped us, and has even insulted us when we were down and out and even quite seriously sick, completely unprovoked, but I digress.]

One of us, DH or I (I won't specify which of us - but it would be shocking to those who know us) has been homeless before. OTOH, the relatives who want more and more are spoiled, their parents paid for everything, and they have literally never been without. Ever.

The difference is this: the relatives who want, want, want are never happy - it is all about money. I am guessing they dream about money. Nothing is ever enough. They literally have their hands out, have friends and family pay for stuff for them, and look for ways to "score" money - relatives who will die, rich friends, it makes me want to take a shower just typing this and knowing about it. They have been heard saying "if we just have (this) or (that)" in several (countless) circumstances - they then actually believe then they would be happy. But they got that "thing" (whatever it was, wedding, SFH, minivan, private school, job, a white kitchen, college, then a newer white kitchen....these are actual examples) - and they still were not happy, and it still was not enough. Each time. Ever.

The people I know who want more and more are never happy, and are rather spoiled. They say they are "grateful", but act completely ungrateful. The PP who stated to "go volunteer at a soup kitchen" hit the nail on the head. Volunteer for those less fortunate, and do not post about it on social media - do it for yourself and heal yourself from within. If you have never been without, you really have no idea, OP. You are in desperate need of growing up, and perspective. Since you asked.

Things will not make you happy, because there will always (always) be the next thing. The latest jewelry or whatever is not going to change how you feel. There is something inside that is missing, not outside. You need to find personal fulfillment from something other than material goods. Become a better person inside.

Why do you assume OP is not the primary breadwinner and her spouse the lower-earning SAHP?

[Anonymous]

We are the flip of you. I’m the SAHM. DH earns 2-3m and I am not into jewelry. I don’t notice or care what jewelry people are wearing because that is not what I am into. I do have a lot of designer bags but I have gotten used to just going places with only my phone, especially if I’m just going to someone’s house.

I think this is a you problem. Many of my friends work while I don’t. I don’t really think about money and don’t spend more or less than I was working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our income is more than three times yours and I don't wear designer stuff because ... I don't want to. I think it's gaudy to wear tons of jewelry and/or recognizable brands.

+1

Same. The show offs are usually in debt.

+1000
We have a new Mercedes - and we are in a lot of debt.

I don’t think this is necessarily true. We have several nice cars. DH likes cars and watches. I’m not going into debt to buy a Chanel bag.

[Anonymous]

“I feel like I don’t have much to show for it”

You’re earning more than 99% of ppl. That’s enough. You don’t need a bag with a certain logo on it to prove to people that you’re successful. You admire their bags while they probably admire who you are

[Anonymous]

At 300K you can afford a Goyard bag and a piece or two of Cartier jewelry. Why don’t you buy some?

What I mean is if it would make you happy to have things that cost $5,000 you can afford to buy them.

[Anonymous]

What a bunch of holier than thou, arrogant replies. “We make ten times what you do and don’t buy designer anything and live in a 100k home and drive a cardboard box. Why can’t you be like me???” OP, please don’t listen to these geezers and go buy yourself 1 of these fancy items if you really want it. You make 300k. You can probably afford one right now and you can accumulate over the years. Your other relatives are older and have probably been collecting stuff for a while.

[Anonymous]

I stopped carrying a bag because I think it’s silly to compare blobs of leather. If others want to use bags as a way show their wealth and class, I have no issue with it.

No bag = freedom to me.

My sister tells me every time we speak how they have no money but she drives an expensive SUV and owns two homes.

A client of mine said they have no money and they have two houses and a full-time maid. I have stopped paying attention to this because you never know how much people REALLY have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need to take a step back.

Do you like your job? Do you feel you are fairly compensated in your field?

Do you like your spouse? Is your marriage in a good place?

Do you like your family arrangement, with you working full time and your spouse working very part-time? Does it meet your family's needs for childcare, stress levels, togetherness time, getting household administration done?

If you are happy with where you are at in these areas, then really the only thing you are "behind" on is that you don't have a nice handbag and some Cartier jewelry. Ok, I have some good news for you! Identify a couple of those items that you want, do a little research to find out if how to purchase them most frugally (amazing options with second hand items, or for some luxury goods there are sales periodically) and then go buy them. Yes, I understand that you have a budget and can't shop like that all the time. But you can do it once. If it would bring you joy and help you feel like you've "made it" then do it.

I did this recently buying art for our home. I felt like I expected to have some real art in my home by a certain age and income level, but didn't. I stopped lamenting about it and did some research on where and how to buy art, found a couple pieces I like, and ponied up some savings to buy them. I see them every day and love them, and they make my home feel like what I envisioned when I was younger. I'm not going on a spending spree and buying a new painting every 6 months. I spent a few thousand that I had sitting in a CD. I am certain you have money like that around too and if it matters to you, go ahead and spend it.

If spending that money that way doesn't feel right, then remind yourself of that the next time you see someone with their nice bag or jewelry -- you could have bought the same, but you made a conscious choice not to. Feel secure in that choice.

The issue is not that they have so much more, it's just they've chosen to spend their money in a specific way. That's not a competition, it's about priorities and preferences. Yours may just be different.

Very wise post, and love the highlighted!

[Anonymous]

I personally think it's gross to aspire to buying superficial (and cliché) status crap like cartier jewelry. Mostly people who shouldn't be buying it are. Grow up and be confident in your choices. Your spouse has nothing to do with it.

[Anonymous]

OP how did you recognize those brands? We have high HHI and I wouldn’t know them or particularly care. House yes. Jewelry no.

[Anonymous]

Also, they could be fakes, cheap knockoffs, or secondhand.