My sibling blocked my #

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Are you upset because now you cannot communicate with her, because she blocked you; or is it because being blocked is supposed to be taken as an insult?

Being blocked is so trivial. You can block and un block on a whim. It doesn't really actually do anything to you except it prevents you from communicating with her when she prefers you don't.

Why do you feel you should be able to communicate with someone against their will, and why would you want to?

Op here. I am upset because I cannot have a peaceful relationship with my sister. Of course I am hurt and embarassed that she cussed me out and then announced I was dead to her and that she blocked me publicly. I am upset that none of my other siblings, including the one I was defending, reached out to me or responded to her abusive texts. It has been a few days and I feel sad and relieved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you interpret being blocked as an insult? It says nothing about the person who is being blocked at all.

Why be so personally invested in what people you don't get along with do or think of you?

"Oh my God! The person I don't like and never want to talk to again blocked me before I could block her!!!"

I have never blocked a person I know, especially not a relative. Being blocked isn't the insult, being pronounced dead is.

[Anonymous]

Today, my older sister came for that sibling on the group text and used shaming and a guilt trip to get a reaction.

The sibling being shamed in the family scapegoat. The older sister who came for that sibling is a narcissist. Six kids, a narcissistic parent....oh, for sure a few of the adult children will be narcissists, as well. And narcissist always need a scapegoat. Always.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I know we talk about this ad nauseum on DCUM, but I am a big believer in the "grey rock" approach with, well, let's just say overly dramatic and chaotic people in the family.

Jus don't engage. Go ahead and follow the group text with other siblings as you choose and ignore the fact that for part of it, you are being ignored. If she adds you back in, don't react to that, either -- just carry on as if nothing happened.

You are SUPPOSED to react. You are SUPPOSED to be angry, or hurt, or anything emotional that validates her importance and the drama. Don't engage that. If you want to stay in the group text, that's fine. Just ac as if she is acting perfectly normally and carry on.

Meanwhile, do something nice for yourself, okay? This is exhausting to have to handle, and it often ramps up around the holidays. OP deserves something nice to get through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I know we talk about this ad nauseum on DCUM, but I am a big believer in the "grey rock" approach with, well, let's just say overly dramatic and chaotic people in the family.

Jus don't engage. Go ahead and follow the group text with other siblings as you choose and ignore the fact that for part of it, you are being ignored. If she adds you back in, don't react to that, either -- just carry on as if nothing happened.

You are SUPPOSED to react. You are SUPPOSED to be angry, or hurt, or anything emotional that validates her importance and the drama. Don't engage that. If you want to stay in the group text, that's fine. Just ac as if she is acting perfectly normally and carry on.

Meanwhile, do something nice for yourself, okay? This is exhausting to have to handle, and it often ramps up around the holidays. OP deserves something nice to get through it.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I know we talk about this ad nauseum on DCUM, but I am a big believer in the "grey rock" approach with, well, let's just say overly dramatic and chaotic people in the family.

Jus don't engage. Go ahead and follow the group text with other siblings as you choose and ignore the fact that for part of it, you are being ignored. If she adds you back in, don't react to that, either -- just carry on as if nothing happened.

You are SUPPOSED to react. You are SUPPOSED to be angry, or hurt, or anything emotional that validates her importance and the drama. Don't engage that. If you want to stay in the group text, that's fine. Just ac as if she is acting perfectly normally and carry on.

Meanwhile, do something nice for yourself, okay? This is exhausting to have to handle, and it often ramps up around the holidays. OP deserves something nice to get through it.

Thank you.

Big hugs to you. This happens to a lot of people. You can't "fix" it, and don't beat yourself up for not finding the magic words to make it work.

I think of these people as having lived in a hurricane, and then being uncomfortable when there is calm and peace. they have to recreate the hurricane, because that is the thing that feels paradoxically safe. It feels wrong without chaos.

And if they are bound and determined to recreate chaos, you aren't going to be able to stop them. they could make the choice to address it in therapy and do the hard work, but you can't make that choice for them. you can't do that work for them.

This can be freeing, if you can frame it the right way for yourself. Whatever you do, odds are there is going to be chaos, and they will be unhappy. So let that part go and take care of yourself, okay?

[Anonymous]

OMG! Ignoring the group text because her husband has serious health issues. How dare she?? OP, your sister is nuts. It is good that you stood up for your other sister. Disregard crazy pant sister and be happy for your early Christmas gift (being blocked).

[Anonymous]

A ongoing group text is a horrible idea

[Anonymous]

Use a group text for short-term use, only. Like if you're all planning on getting together for a the holidays.

Nothing else. Not ongoing.
Otherwise, it's expecting WAY too much of others. And hurt feelings, differences in communication styles is FAR too great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Are you upset because now you cannot communicate with her, because she blocked you; or is it because being blocked is supposed to be taken as an insult?

Being blocked is so trivial. You can block and un block on a whim. It doesn't really actually do anything to you except it prevents you from communicating with her when she prefers you don't.

Why do you feel you should be able to communicate with someone against their will, and why would you want to?

Op here. I am upset because I cannot have a peaceful relationship with my sister. Of course I am hurt and embarassed that she cussed me out and then announced I was dead to her and that she blocked me publicly. I am upset that none of my other siblings, including the one I was defending, reached out to me or responded to her abusive texts. It has been a few days and I feel sad and relieved.

Yes you can. Your entire sibling group is far too enmeshed with each other. You are not owning your part of this dysfunctional relationship. You said none of the other siblings came to your defense. You portray yourself as the hero/victim. I am sure the situation is more nuanced. You are way too reactive and sound like a drama queen.

You are over stimulating your brain with little bleeps and boops on a screen. You are getting endorphin hits like a trained mynah bird pecking for treats in a psychologists experiment.

None of it is real. It's all in your head. Turn off your darn phone for a while and quit it with the mental masturbation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. Are you upset because now you cannot communicate with her, because she blocked you; or is it because being blocked is supposed to be taken as an insult?

Being blocked is so trivial. You can block and un block on a whim. It doesn't really actually do anything to you except it prevents you from communicating with her when she prefers you don't.

Why do you feel you should be able to communicate with someone against their will, and why would you want to?

Op here. I am upset because I cannot have a peaceful relationship with my sister. Of course I am hurt and embarassed that she cussed me out and then announced I was dead to her and that she blocked me publicly. I am upset that none of my other siblings, including the one I was defending, reached out to me or responded to her abusive texts. It has been a few days and I feel sad and relieved.

Yes you can. Your entire sibling group is far too enmeshed with each other. You are not owning your part of this dysfunctional relationship. You said none of the other siblings came to your defense. You portray yourself as the hero/victim. I am sure the situation is more nuanced. You are way too reactive and sound like a drama queen.

You are over stimulating your brain with little bleeps and boops on a screen. You are getting endorphin hits like a trained mynah bird pecking for treats in a psychologists experiment.

None of it is real. It's all in your head. Turn off your darn phone for a while and quit it with the mental masturbation.

While I appreciate tough love, you missed thatbI put all the above out there...in different words. To wit: dysfunctional childhood, I'm obviously not okay because I participated, I'm in therapy, I feel humiliated, etc etc. You are correct that it's more nuanced, but you have the gist of it. I do not lack self awareness, I have been trying to change (and have improved) and I want a healthy relationship with my siblings. The difficulty is that I'm not enmeshed anymore, but I still love them and want them to love and accept me. FWIW, the group text hasn't been active since she wrote that she blocked me.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to let other peoples actions control your feelings or your actions. If you are already in therapy you can learn cognitive behavioral therapy techniques.

You already understand your family is dysfunctional.

The next time a family member does or says some crazy stuff, just choose to interpret that as "Wow they are having a really bad day aren't they. I'm so glad I have my act together much better than they do."

Believe it or not it might also help you to try to have a sense of humor about some of the family nonsense. Focus on what is important. What crazy people think or say about you or to you is not.

You have to come to grips with the fact that one or more family members might be really, truly crazy/mentally ill

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you guys Italian by chance? I married into a family like this. MIL once said this to DH. You are dead to me. I was horrified. He said this was normal. So if that’s your family, then continue how you have, but after that, I took MiL at her word and kept her at arm’s length.

We're Irish Catholic. This type of behavior is part of the family ethos. The troyble first arose when I quit drinking and started therapy. I could no longer tolerate the dysfunction. We weren't raised well so none of us knows how to relate to each other in a healthy way.

NP and I’m an Italian married to an Irish Catholic. I read the OP’s post and wasn’t shocked. I could see it happening on either of our sides. Don’t block back or engage. Give space. Lots of space. It’s hard to be silent but try. You might all be fine by the next holiday or you might not speak for 10 years.

[Anonymous]

Quote the part where she said she blocked you and say “oh thank God!”

[Anonymous]

She probably didn't block you because she wants to draw out the drama. Don't respond, don't reach out, move on. Fwiw you did the right thing F her.