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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry you are dealing with this.

I know we talk about this ad nauseum on DCUM, but I am a big believer in the "grey rock" approach with, well, let's just say overly dramatic and chaotic people in the family.

Jus don't engage. Go ahead and follow the group text with other siblings as you choose and ignore the fact that for part of it, you are being ignored. If she adds you back in, don't react to that, either -- just carry on as if nothing happened.

You are SUPPOSED to react. You are SUPPOSED to be angry, or hurt, or anything emotional that validates her importance and the drama. Don't engage that. If you want to stay in the group text, that's fine. Just ac as if she is acting perfectly normally and carry on.

Meanwhile, do something nice for yourself, okay? This is exhausting to have to handle, and it often ramps up around the holidays. OP deserves something nice to get through it. :)[/quote]
Thank you.[/quote]

Big hugs to you. This happens to a lot of people. You can't "fix" it, and don't beat yourself up for not finding the magic words to make it work.

I think of these people as having lived in a hurricane, and then being uncomfortable when there is calm and peace. they have to recreate the hurricane, because that is the thing that feels paradoxically safe. It feels wrong without chaos.

And if they are bound and determined to recreate chaos, you aren't going to be able to stop them. they could make the choice to address it in therapy and do the hard work, but you can't make that choice for them. you can't do that work for them.

This can be freeing, if you can frame it the right way for yourself. Whatever you do, odds are there is going to be chaos, and they will be unhappy. So let that part go and take care of yourself, okay?[/quote]

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