Adult kids with mental health issue; Cannot find job and progress

[Anonymous]

What about a job at NAMI?

https://www.salary.com/job/nami-maryland-inc/administrative-assistant/j202310162310448485761?utm_campaign=google_jobs_apply&utm_source=google_jobs_apply&utm_medium=organic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear kind DCUMers, had a few extremely busy work days and reading your responses now.

Yes, PBJ is probation before judgement. DC will not lie to hide his criminal record. They are open to any job they can find. They are not open to higher studies at this time. Even though DC was academically a superstar up until few years ago, their mental health challenges has resulted with significant self confidence damage. They are also facing lingering major depression. So, any job is better than staying at home. It’s just that they are having tough times to find job. I wish we had better support system in the country for capable , ethical people who are facing significant mental health issues. I am also mad with the legal system where a conviction originating from mental health challenges is recorded and treated same way as a conviction resulting from criminal actions performed with full faculty intact!

I suppose you are in favor of letting serial killers and mass shooters be excused due to their mental illness? Or is it that your son’s crime(s) were just so minor he should get a pass?

As a parent of a young adult with serious mental health issues who has had to call the police and have my child removed a number of times, I have to say that charges were never filed so I wonder if you’re downplaying the severity of the issues criminal actions.

As far as job hunting, as a parent, it took me sitting at the computer with my child and scribing answers on job applications and acting as a secretary to schedule interviews. Left to themselves, they would still be unemployed. It’s a lot of work to help some of our kids move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear kind DCUMers, had a few extremely busy work days and reading your responses now.

Yes, PBJ is probation before judgement. DC will not lie to hide his criminal record. They are open to any job they can find. They are not open to higher studies at this time. Even though DC was academically a superstar up until few years ago, their mental health challenges has resulted with significant self confidence damage. They are also facing lingering major depression. So, any job is better than staying at home. It’s just that they are having tough times to find job. I wish we had better support system in the country for capable , ethical people who are facing significant mental health issues. I am also mad with the legal system where a conviction originating from mental health challenges is recorded and treated same way as a conviction resulting from criminal actions performed with full faculty intact!

This is similar to my story without the PBJ/arrest. Get it expunged. Do NOT work retail/serving if possible. Temp is best. Most companies look down on serving/baristas/etc unless there is a story behind it or if they were in school during the same period. Especially at his age. It is seen as a lackluster, cant find a real job problem. They know something is wrong with you if you dont fit the follow-the-yellow-brick-road-path of HS-->college-->internship-->job or higher education. And if you do those types of jobs, get a story. Get resume help. Use your family and friends, if possible. Volunteer. Take coding class or get certifications.

Look for companies that use an academic assessment prior to their interviews. Thats how I got hired at my company at 30 after going back to college to finish school after mental health issues. After graduating a semester early and with some graduate-level courses, I still couldn't get a job for 2.5 years because I had no "related" and recent experience even though I had worked real, full-time, corporate jobs in my early 20s. My self-confidence was shot, and I wondered why I even went back to finish my degree when I couldn't even get the same jobs with my degree that I worked prior to finishing my degree. It was a dark and frustrating period. And I am sure that the lack of confidence came through as well. And then when a good opportunity would fall through, it made it worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m still sympathetic to OP. All you critics have no idea how little medical support the mentally ill get. It’s horrifying. Story after story in the news of criminal acts by the mentally ill neglect the multiple calls and requests for help made by family members. It’s a human disaster.

Disabled children are coddled with Medicaid benefits galore. Then you can sign up for government waivers to cover a lifetime of services. You do know serious mental illness patients get streets and prison cells? I have kids with both developmental disabilities and SMI and the SMI gets many fewer resources.

I'm also sympathetic as well as shocked by some of the responses here (though I don't think the disabled are necessarily "coddled" with Medicaid - at least it wasn't that way for my adult sibling).

The tragedy here is that a different cop, different police department may have handled this situation in a radically different way - one that recognized the individual's mental illness and attempted to preserve their ability to gain employment. Unfortunately, it is hit or miss across departments and sometimes even within them.

The OP is clearly grieving in many ways. Sounds like their DC was high functioning and is now struggling (and high functioning doesn't have to mean status chasing). I didn't read it as they were blaming the system for their DC's mental illness but expressing frustration at how the system is limiting their DC's ability to succeed in their new reality. Success here = gain employment, not enroll in an Ivy. That isn't an unreasonable aspiration, but a necessary reality, especially in a society where there isn't really a safety net for the mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear kind DCUMers, had a few extremely busy work days and reading your responses now.

Yes, PBJ is probation before judgement. DC will not lie to hide his criminal record. They are open to any job they can find. They are not open to higher studies at this time. Even though DC was academically a superstar up until few years ago, their mental health challenges has resulted with significant self confidence damage. They are also facing lingering major depression. So, any job is better than staying at home. It’s just that they are having tough times to find job. I wish we had better support system in the country for capable , ethical people who are facing significant mental health issues. I am also mad with the legal system where a conviction originating from mental health challenges is recorded and treated same way as a conviction resulting from criminal actions performed with full faculty intact!

This is similar to my story without the PBJ/arrest. Get it expunged. Do NOT work retail/serving if possible. Temp is best. Most companies look down on serving/baristas/etc unless there is a story behind it or if they were in school during the same period. Especially at his age. It is seen as a lackluster, cant find a real job problem. They know something is wrong with you if you dont fit the follow-the-yellow-brick-road-path of HS-->college-->internship-->job or higher education. And if you do those types of jobs, get a story. Get resume help. Use your family and friends, if possible. Volunteer. Take coding class or get certifications.

Look for companies that use an academic assessment prior to their interviews. Thats how I got hired at my company at 30 after going back to college to finish school after mental health issues. After graduating a semester early and with some graduate-level courses, I still couldn't get a job for 2.5 years because I had no "related" and recent experience even though I had worked real, full-time, corporate jobs in my early 20s. My self-confidence was shot, and I wondered why I even went back to finish my degree when I couldn't even get the same jobs with my degree that I worked prior to finishing my degree. It was a dark and frustrating period. And I am sure that the lack of confidence came through as well. And then when a good opportunity would fall through, it made it worse.

Hope life continues to progress for you.

[Anonymous]

Why are you using they pronouns instead of his/her? Are there gender identity issues too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear kind DCUMers, had a few extremely busy work days and reading your responses now.

Yes, PBJ is probation before judgement. DC will not lie to hide his criminal record. They are open to any job they can find. They are not open to higher studies at this time. Even though DC was academically a superstar up until few years ago, their mental health challenges has resulted with significant self confidence damage. They are also facing lingering major depression. So, any job is better than staying at home. It’s just that they are having tough times to find job. I wish we had better support system in the country for capable , ethical people who are facing significant mental health issues. I am also mad with the legal system where a conviction originating from mental health challenges is recorded and treated same way as a conviction resulting from criminal actions performed with full faculty intact!

Honestly- what do you expect? Every Tom, Dick, or Sally who commits robbery, assault, murder could say they did not have their full faculties intact at that time.

OP here! I understand that there are people who misuse system. That means the loopholes should be fixed and not ignore the cry for help from truly need help. My DC has had mental health challenges since they were in middle school. It was manageable until they hit a certain age when the issue becomes full blown. No DC’s interactions with police for wellness check was not an isolated event since there have many episodes. So, they did not claim mental health challenges to escape the charge. In fact in the court DC explained (had already gone through extensive treatment by this time) how very wrong they were in causing disruption in extremely poor mental health conditions. In addition, DC did not hurt anyone even in that state. Your comments shows how little most people understand about mental health and how much we judge the mentally ill people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you lead with the stats run down of your adult child. But who is your child if you cannot tell us how they are gifted, or tell us their GPA, or their degrees, or their awards?

How would you describe your kid in a positive way minus all of that? Can you begin to approach your kid in that way instead? After years spent chasing achievement, sometimes young adults wake up and think "who am I?" They never got to figure it out along the way while stat chasing.

I was trying to give a picture of my child in a certain way to explain the context. I can talk about them without the GPA or academic achievement and I do not treat DC as an achievement chaser.

DC is extremely kind, empathetic and perceptive. Does not lie or cheat even to gain simple benefit. Has worked many years in elder care centers as volunteers when they were in schools and college. Was loved by elderly for being caring and respectful. They are socially conscious and was never interested in more money than what they need to meet basic needs. They were never into big name brand college or prestigious job title.

Does the above description gives a context to DC’s personality beyond academic achievement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m still sympathetic to OP. All you critics have no idea how little medical support the mentally ill get. It’s horrifying. Story after story in the news of criminal acts by the mentally ill neglect the multiple calls and requests for help made by family members. It’s a human disaster.

Disabled children are coddled with Medicaid benefits galore. Then you can sign up for government waivers to cover a lifetime of services. You do know serious mental illness patients get streets and prison cells? I have kids with both developmental disabilities and SMI and the SMI gets many fewer resources.

Thank you for your understanding. OP here. I am sorry that you have children with disabilities. It must be really hard for you.

Truly most people have no idea how hard it is for normal mentally ill people (who have no bad intention towards anyone and caught in a circumstance beyond their control) and their families. The news media media amplifies criminal acts of any mentally ill person. Media never provided the context of the how small is the percentage of mentally ill population committing violence against someone vs how much violence and inhumanity most of the mentally ill people endure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about a job at NAMI?

https://www.salary.com/job/nami-maryland-inc/administrative-assistant/j202310162310448485761?utm_campaign=google_jobs_apply&utm_source=google_jobs_apply&utm_medium=organic

Thank you so much. I will send this to DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear kind DCUMers, had a few extremely busy work days and reading your responses now.

Yes, PBJ is probation before judgement. DC will not lie to hide his criminal record. They are open to any job they can find. They are not open to higher studies at this time. Even though DC was academically a superstar up until few years ago, their mental health challenges has resulted with significant self confidence damage. They are also facing lingering major depression. So, any job is better than staying at home. It’s just that they are having tough times to find job. I wish we had better support system in the country for capable , ethical people who are facing significant mental health issues. I am also mad with the legal system where a conviction originating from mental health challenges is recorded and treated same way as a conviction resulting from criminal actions performed with full faculty intact!

I suppose you are in favor of letting serial killers and mass shooters be excused due to their mental illness? Or is it that your son’s crime(s) were just so minor he should get a pass?

As a parent of a young adult with serious mental health issues who has had to call the police and have my child removed a number of times, I have to say that charges were never filed so I wonder if you’re downplaying the severity of the issues criminal actions.

As far as job hunting, as a parent, it took me sitting at the computer with my child and scribing answers on job applications and acting as a secretary to schedule interviews. Left to themselves, they would still be unemployed. It’s a lot of work to help some of our kids move forward.

Wow! I did not realize parents of mentally ill children can be so judgmental too.

Just so that I make it clear, no, I do not condone criminal act of violence.

My DC have had police called many times and this is the only time charges were filed. Even after this incident police were called 4 times back to back because our medical system is that broken. I cannot explain anymore details about the specifics because of the risk of DC’s privacy being violated.

I am glad that you are being able to help your child. Our circumstances may not be same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear kind DCUMers, had a few extremely busy work days and reading your responses now.

Yes, PBJ is probation before judgement. DC will not lie to hide his criminal record. They are open to any job they can find. They are not open to higher studies at this time. Even though DC was academically a superstar up until few years ago, their mental health challenges has resulted with significant self confidence damage. They are also facing lingering major depression. So, any job is better than staying at home. It’s just that they are having tough times to find job. I wish we had better support system in the country for capable , ethical people who are facing significant mental health issues. I am also mad with the legal system where a conviction originating from mental health challenges is recorded and treated same way as a conviction resulting from criminal actions performed with full faculty intact!

This is similar to my story without the PBJ/arrest. Get it expunged. Do NOT work retail/serving if possible. Temp is best. Most companies look down on serving/baristas/etc unless there is a story behind it or if they were in school during the same period. Especially at his age. It is seen as a lackluster, cant find a real job problem. They know something is wrong with you if you dont fit the follow-the-yellow-brick-road-path of HS-->college-->internship-->job or higher education. And if you do those types of jobs, get a story. Get resume help. Use your family and friends, if possible. Volunteer. Take coding class or get certifications.

Look for companies that use an academic assessment prior to their interviews. Thats how I got hired at my company at 30 after going back to college to finish school after mental health issues. After graduating a semester early and with some graduate-level courses, I still couldn't get a job for 2.5 years because I had no "related" and recent experience even though I had worked real, full-time, corporate jobs in my early 20s. My self-confidence was shot, and I wondered why I even went back to finish my degree when I couldn't even get the same jobs with my degree that I worked prior to finishing my degree. It was a dark and frustrating period. And I am sure that the lack of confidence came through as well. And then when a good opportunity would fall through, it made it worse.

Thank you for relating to my DC’s situation. We are suggesting higher studies (was accepted in Masters program in the midst of the episodes and did not join) bootcamp etc until the charges can be expunged. However due to lingering depression and self confidence issues they are not open to those. I will check temp position etc. I am heartened to hear you are employed even after struggling so much. Hope you find happiness in what you do and stability with your health.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m still sympathetic to OP. All you critics have no idea how little medical support the mentally ill get. It’s horrifying. Story after story in the news of criminal acts by the mentally ill neglect the multiple calls and requests for help made by family members. It’s a human disaster.

Disabled children are coddled with Medicaid benefits galore. Then you can sign up for government waivers to cover a lifetime of services. You do know serious mental illness patients get streets and prison cells? I have kids with both developmental disabilities and SMI and the SMI gets many fewer resources.

I'm also sympathetic as well as shocked by some of the responses here (though I don't think the disabled are necessarily "coddled" with Medicaid - at least it wasn't that way for my adult sibling).

The tragedy here is that a different cop, different police department may have handled this situation in a radically different way - one that recognized the individual's mental illness and attempted to preserve their ability to gain employment. Unfortunately, it is hit or miss across departments and sometimes even within them.

The OP is clearly grieving in many ways. Sounds like their DC was high functioning and is now struggling (and high functioning doesn't have to mean status chasing). I didn't read it as they were blaming the system for their DC's mental illness but expressing frustration at how the system is limiting their DC's ability to succeed in their new reality. Success here = gain employment, not enroll in an Ivy. That isn't an unreasonable aspiration, but a necessary reality, especially in a society where there isn't really a safety net for the mentally ill.

I cried reading this response. Felt like someone understood what I was trying to say.

I wish family members never have call cops for wellness check because so many things can go wrong. We had to because there is no other choice. We have had to call police 15 times in last 2 years ( 4 times after the incident that resulted in a criminal charge). Every single time it has been gut wrenching experience.

We have been grieving DC’s lost opportunities of a normal life due to mental illness. They were never Ivy aspirant (did not apply even when DC had the stat). DC wanted to be a professor and not a Doctor/Engineer/lawyer/banker… now cannot even find an administrative assistant job to just start an independent life. We did not expect them to have 6 figure salary (because that was not their dream) but did not think a bare minimum will be out of reach for them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you using they pronouns instead of his/her? Are there gender identity issues too?

No there is no gender identity issue. I am trying to protect DC’s identity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear kind DCUMers, had a few extremely busy work days and reading your responses now.

Yes, PBJ is probation before judgement. DC will not lie to hide his criminal record. They are open to any job they can find. They are not open to higher studies at this time. Even though DC was academically a superstar up until few years ago, their mental health challenges has resulted with significant self confidence damage. They are also facing lingering major depression. So, any job is better than staying at home. It’s just that they are having tough times to find job. I wish we had better support system in the country for capable , ethical people who are facing significant mental health issues. I am also mad with the legal system where a conviction originating from mental health challenges is recorded and treated same way as a conviction resulting from criminal actions performed with full faculty intact!

I suppose you are in favor of letting serial killers and mass shooters be excused due to their mental illness? Or is it that your son’s crime(s) were just so minor he should get a pass?

As a parent of a young adult with serious mental health issues who has had to call the police and have my child removed a number of times, I have to say that charges were never filed so I wonder if you’re downplaying the severity of the issues criminal actions.

As far as job hunting, as a parent, it took me sitting at the computer with my child and scribing answers on job applications and acting as a secretary to schedule interviews. Left to themselves, they would still be unemployed. It’s a lot of work to help some of our kids move forward.

Wow! I did not realize parents of mentally ill children can be so judgmental too.

Just so that I make it clear, no, I do not condone criminal act of violence.

My DC have had police called many times and this is the only time charges were filed. Even after this incident police were called 4 times back to back because our medical system is that broken. I cannot explain anymore details about the specifics because of the risk of DC’s privacy being violated.

I am glad that you are being able to help your child. Our circumstances may not be same.

I’m not actually judgmental of you but I think my statement is a fair conclusion from your statement. I know you don’t want serial killers and school shooters to be excused. But They are more mentally disturbed than your kid and mine and if the system should treat our kids better than criminals who aren’t mentally ill, then those who are more mentally disturbed should get even more better treatment.

I do think our situations probably have quite a bit in common. MH issues starting in MS. Exceedingly bright and kind. Both worked with the elderly and are loved by all. But just aren’t launching due to MH issues. Better to be doing something than nothing so, despite the opinion above that working as a barista will stunt them forever, mine work as a barista - What some don’t get is that not working would likely lead to death by suicide due to depression and at this point, I’m still focused on keeping my kid alive.

Anyway I hope for the best for you and your child. It’s painful to parent kids with MH issues and there are no sufficient resources - though anymore I’ve lost hope that more resources could help. Doesn’t sound like you’re there and that’s good.