Adult kids with mental health issue; Cannot find job and progress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear kind DCUMers, had a few extremely busy work days and reading your responses now.

Yes, PBJ is probation before judgement. DC will not lie to hide his criminal record. They are open to any job they can find. They are not open to higher studies at this time. Even though DC was academically a superstar up until few years ago, their mental health challenges has resulted with significant self confidence damage. They are also facing lingering major depression. So, any job is better than staying at home. It’s just that they are having tough times to find job. I wish we had better support system in the country for capable , ethical people who are facing significant mental health issues. I am also mad with the legal system where a conviction originating from mental health challenges is recorded and treated same way as a conviction resulting from criminal actions performed with full faculty intact!

I suppose you are in favor of letting serial killers and mass shooters be excused due to their mental illness? Or is it that your son’s crime(s) were just so minor he should get a pass?

As a parent of a young adult with serious mental health issues who has had to call the police and have my child removed a number of times, I have to say that charges were never filed so I wonder if you’re downplaying the severity of the issues criminal actions.

As far as job hunting, as a parent, it took me sitting at the computer with my child and scribing answers on job applications and acting as a secretary to schedule interviews. Left to themselves, they would still be unemployed. It’s a lot of work to help some of our kids move forward.

Wow! I did not realize parents of mentally ill children can be so judgmental too.

Just so that I make it clear, no, I do not condone criminal act of violence.

My DC have had police called many times and this is the only time charges were filed. Even after this incident police were called 4 times back to back because our medical system is that broken. I cannot explain anymore details about the specifics because of the risk of DC’s privacy being violated.

I am glad that you are being able to help your child. Our circumstances may not be same.

I’m not actually judgmental of you but I think my statement is a fair conclusion from your statement. I know you don’t want serial killers and school shooters to be excused. But They are more mentally disturbed than your kid and mine and if the system should treat our kids better than criminals who aren’t mentally ill, then those who are more mentally disturbed should get even more better treatment.

I do think our situations probably have quite a bit in common. MH issues starting in MS. Exceedingly bright and kind. Both worked with the elderly and are loved by all. But just aren’t launching due to MH issues. Better to be doing something than nothing so, despite the opinion above that working as a barista will stunt them forever, mine work as a barista - What some don’t get is that not working would likely lead to death by suicide due to depression and at this point, I’m still focused on keeping my kid alive.

Anyway I hope for the best for you and your child. It’s painful to parent kids with MH issues and there are no sufficient resources - though anymore I’ve lost hope that more resources could help. Doesn’t sound like you’re there and that’s good.

Are you BFFs with OP? If not, then perhaps you should step back with the assumptions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear kind DCUMers, had a few extremely busy work days and reading your responses now.

Yes, PBJ is probation before judgement. DC will not lie to hide his criminal record. They are open to any job they can find. They are not open to higher studies at this time. Even though DC was academically a superstar up until few years ago, their mental health challenges has resulted with significant self confidence damage. They are also facing lingering major depression. So, any job is better than staying at home. It’s just that they are having tough times to find job. I wish we had better support system in the country for capable , ethical people who are facing significant mental health issues. I am also mad with the legal system where a conviction originating from mental health challenges is recorded and treated same way as a conviction resulting from criminal actions performed with full faculty intact!

I suppose you are in favor of letting serial killers and mass shooters be excused due to their mental illness? Or is it that your son’s crime(s) were just so minor he should get a pass?

As a parent of a young adult with serious mental health issues who has had to call the police and have my child removed a number of times, I have to say that charges were never filed so I wonder if you’re downplaying the severity of the issues criminal actions.

As far as job hunting, as a parent, it took me sitting at the computer with my child and scribing answers on job applications and acting as a secretary to schedule interviews. Left to themselves, they would still be unemployed. It’s a lot of work to help some of our kids move forward.

Wow! I did not realize parents of mentally ill children can be so judgmental too.

Just so that I make it clear, no, I do not condone criminal act of violence.

My DC have had police called many times and this is the only time charges were filed. Even after this incident police were called 4 times back to back because our medical system is that broken. I cannot explain anymore details about the specifics because of the risk of DC’s privacy being violated.

I am glad that you are being able to help your child. Our circumstances may not be same.

I’m not actually judgmental of you but I think my statement is a fair conclusion from your statement. I know you don’t want serial killers and school shooters to be excused. But They are more mentally disturbed than your kid and mine and if the system should treat our kids better than criminals who aren’t mentally ill, then those who are more mentally disturbed should get even more better treatment.

I do think our situations probably have quite a bit in common. MH issues starting in MS. Exceedingly bright and kind. Both worked with the elderly and are loved by all. But just aren’t launching due to MH issues. Better to be doing something than nothing so, despite the opinion above that working as a barista will stunt them forever, mine work as a barista - What some don’t get is that not working would likely lead to death by suicide due to depression and at this point, I’m still focused on keeping my kid alive.

Anyway I hope for the best for you and your child. It’s painful to parent kids with MH issues and there are no sufficient resources - though anymore I’ve lost hope that more resources could help. Doesn’t sound like you’re there and that’s good.

You may not realize that you are being biased and judgmental. Mentally disturbed is not a medical term. Mental illness like depression, anxiety, bipolarism etc; these are real medical terms. Racism, and hatred is not mental illness. In fact MI is not the primary cause of any serial killing or mass shooting. Yet, you are using that strawman argument against something I did not even as.

I did not ask my DC to be treated better. I just want my DC to be treated the same way physically ill people are treated. We should not have to call police to get help for MI relatives. Police are supposed to be handling law and order situation and not medical issues. A person with a limb fracture experiencing serious pain can be unreasonable without anyone ever suggesting to slap them back. Yet a similar behavior from a mental ill person can result in criminal charges affecting the MI adult being further shut out of any opportunity to live an independent respectful life. What would happen if police started handling physically ill people who may be screaming in pain and start getting charged criminally?

I just was opining that mentally ill people (like my DC) being treated with same empathy that physically ill people get from the society. Is that too much to expect from civil society of one of the most developed countries?

[Anonymous]

Amen, the discrimination against the seriously mentally ill is outrageous.

There’s a weird libertarian ACLU nonsense of the mentally ill somehow coming to realize they need help. Yeah, that explains the same seriously ill people sleeping outside for years, talking to aliens and whatnot. And each of these people probably had families begging for treatment.

American society just waits for these folks to break laws and then involve police. Then they’re locked up. Jails notoriously provide terrible mental health treatment and are neglectful in giving medication. Because hey, they have a right to refuse medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear kind DCUMers, had a few extremely busy work days and reading your responses now.

Yes, PBJ is probation before judgement. DC will not lie to hide his criminal record. They are open to any job they can find. They are not open to higher studies at this time. Even though DC was academically a superstar up until few years ago, their mental health challenges has resulted with significant self confidence damage. They are also facing lingering major depression. So, any job is better than staying at home. It’s just that they are having tough times to find job. I wish we had better support system in the country for capable , ethical people who are facing significant mental health issues. I am also mad with the legal system where a conviction originating from mental health challenges is recorded and treated same way as a conviction resulting from criminal actions performed with full faculty intact!

This is similar to my story without the PBJ/arrest. Get it expunged. Do NOT work retail/serving if possible. Temp is best. Most companies look down on serving/baristas/etc unless there is a story behind it or if they were in school during the same period. Especially at his age. It is seen as a lackluster, cant find a real job problem. They know something is wrong with you if you dont fit the follow-the-yellow-brick-road-path of HS-->college-->internship-->job or higher education. And if you do those types of jobs, get a story. Get resume help. Use your family and friends, if possible. Volunteer. Take coding class or get certifications.

Look for companies that use an academic assessment prior to their interviews. Thats how I got hired at my company at 30 after going back to college to finish school after mental health issues. After graduating a semester early and with some graduate-level courses, I still couldn't get a job for 2.5 years because I had no "related" and recent experience even though I had worked real, full-time, corporate jobs in my early 20s. My self-confidence was shot, and I wondered why I even went back to finish my degree when I couldn't even get the same jobs with my degree that I worked prior to finishing my degree. It was a dark and frustrating period. And I am sure that the lack of confidence came through as well. And then when a good opportunity would fall through, it made it worse.

Thank you for relating to my DC’s situation. We are suggesting higher studies (was accepted in Masters program in the midst of the episodes and did not join) bootcamp etc until the charges can be expunged. However due to lingering depression and self confidence issues they are not open to those. I will check temp position etc. I am heartened to hear you are employed even after struggling so much. Hope you find happiness in what you do and stability with your health.

OP thank you. I wanted you to hear a positive story- I am married with a stable job and one child- but also know its a path filled with landmines. I would encourage you to have him ensure that his thyroid and other hormone levels are optimal, not just normal. Optimal. Does he like any sports or lifting? If yes, physical work- especially heavy work- is good. It can help with self-confidence and can be an anchor for their day and routine.

I would encourage you to look at non-profits that work with the elderly or see if he/she would be interested in becoming an advocate for the elderly or working in policy for vulnerable populations. Your DC sounds like they need to believe in their job and contribute to society, which are good things. Wishing you and your DC the best.

[Anonymous]

Have your child apply to any federal government agencies. He has a lot of chances to be hired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have your child apply to any federal government agencies. He has a lot of chances to be hired.

Came back to this thread after a long time. Please help me understand how DC can apply to Fed jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your child apply to any federal government agencies. He has a lot of chances to be hired.

Came back to this thread after a long time. Please help me understand how DC can apply to Fed jobs.

Look for Pathways jobs for recent graduates on USAJobs.

DC could try to use Schedule A, but I would not recommend that.

[Anonymous]

They can work at Target, wal Mart, 711, fast food, etc., just like everyone else with a criminal record. See how that goes then aim higher.

College degree/intelligence does not mean a person can function and interact properly at work with a mental illness.

Also factory work, landscaping.

[Anonymous]

You did wrong by your child by not hiring an aggressive lawyer. Lesson learned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have your child apply to any federal government agencies. He has a lot of chances to be hired.

Came back to this thread after a long time. Please help me understand how DC can apply to Fed jobs.

Look for Pathways jobs for recent graduates on USAJobs.

DC could try to use Schedule A, but I would not recommend that.

Please tell me more about Scgedule A and why you wouldn’t recommend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You did wrong by your child by not hiring an aggressive lawyer. Lesson learned.

Is there anything that can be done now?

[Anonymous]

What jobs? None of my employers ever asked about my mental health!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What jobs? None of my employers ever asked about my mental health!

Did you read the OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did wrong by your child by not hiring an aggressive lawyer. Lesson learned.

Is there anything that can be done now?

You should consult with an experienced criminal attorney.