Need housekeeper for my hoarder young adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why have your young adults live in the US if you’re culturally unwilling to have them take care of their own clothes? That kind of domestic employee is rare in the US not least because it’s seen as shameful.

Is it shameful to have someone come and clean once a week, just so things are somewhat clean?

In this country we tend to have housecleaners, but they don’t do any handling of personal belongings. Except maybe doing laundry, but from an organized area, not piles on the floor. People on dcum will confirm that they scurry to tidy their houses before the cleaners come. Cleaners aren’t there to pick up toys or put things away.

I get that. That is why I was asking if anyone knows a cleaner for hoarders.

Maybe what you need is more of a professional organizer? Or executive function coach?

[Anonymous]

Consider it part of your house maintenance expenses until your children move out (hopefully).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a really odd thread!

Why? You all have young adults that clean? Makes me more of a failure.

Honestly lots of young adults go through a horrible slob phase but they tend to do it in their own apartments where they can face the consequences alone and decide if they want to get their acts together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why have your young adults live in the US if you’re culturally unwilling to have them take care of their own clothes? That kind of domestic employee is rare in the US not least because it’s seen as shameful.

Is it shameful to have someone come and clean once a week, just so things are somewhat clean?

In this country we tend to have housecleaners, but they don’t do any handling of personal belongings. Except maybe doing laundry, but from an organized area, not piles on the floor. People on dcum will confirm that they scurry to tidy their houses before the cleaners come. Cleaners aren’t there to pick up toys or put things away.

I get that. That is why I was asking if anyone knows a cleaner for hoarders.

We don’t otherwise I’d have hired one for our house!

OP, I think you need to insist your daughter attend her therapy, that she stays on meds, and that she work with an executive functioning coach for adults, centered on household/life tasks. Your DD has a certain profile that makes it really hard for her to function. It’s so impressive she has a paying job and that this part of her life is going well! But she has to continue working on the other aspects. She needs to build routines NOW, while her brain is still malleable. It’s not at 40 that she’ll start learning good habits. If she can get it together in her 20s, she’ll be able to have a social life, advance in her career, hire out tasks as much as possible. If she wants a family, she will need to pick someone who is more organized than she is!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why have your young adults live in the US if you’re culturally unwilling to have them take care of their own clothes? That kind of domestic employee is rare in the US not least because it’s seen as shameful.

Is it shameful to have someone come and clean once a week, just so things are somewhat clean?

Of course not. Housekeepers/cleaners are very common even for young adults. All my cleaners/housekeepers have tidied up as necessary as part of their job. If it takes them longer to do this, you pay them for the extra time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to cut the strings….

Why don't you offer suggestions that the op asked? They didn't ask for opinions! Sorry Op I clean by my own house!

Thank you for posting. I do clean a ton as well, and I hope as one pp posted that this might be that young adult slob phase, otherwise I have to put them on some social program for adults that can't function.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why have your young adults live in the US if you’re culturally unwilling to have them take care of their own clothes? That kind of domestic employee is rare in the US not least because it’s seen as shameful.

Is it shameful to have someone come and clean once a week, just so things are somewhat clean?

Of course not. Housekeepers/cleaners are very common even for young adults. All my cleaners/housekeepers have tidied up as necessary as part of their job. If it takes them longer to do this, you pay them for the extra time.

That might be what we have to do. Or they are just going through that Gen Z "Prince/princess" stage where they are self-centered douche bags. DS is also definitely not on anxiety meds and he needs to be on them.
They actually "cleaned" before I came! What was the horror I did not see?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why have your young adults live in the US if you’re culturally unwilling to have them take care of their own clothes? That kind of domestic employee is rare in the US not least because it’s seen as shameful.

Is it shameful to have someone come and clean once a week, just so things are somewhat clean?

In this country we tend to have housecleaners, but they don’t do any handling of personal belongings. Except maybe doing laundry, but from an organized area, not piles on the floor. People on dcum will confirm that they scurry to tidy their houses before the cleaners come. Cleaners aren’t there to pick up toys or put things away.

I get that. That is why I was asking if anyone knows a cleaner for hoarders.

Maybe what you need is more of a professional organizer? Or executive function coach?

No, a professional organizer or executive function coach does not clean. They work with the person to declutter and organize. OP needs to hire a weekly cleaner to maintain a basic level of cleanliness in her house. My spouse got a weekly cleaner when he was a first year law associate and she would clean everything and do all his laundry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why have your young adults live in the US if you’re culturally unwilling to have them take care of their own clothes? That kind of domestic employee is rare in the US not least because it’s seen as shameful.

Is it shameful to have someone come and clean once a week, just so things are somewhat clean?

In this country we tend to have housecleaners, but they don’t do any handling of personal belongings. Except maybe doing laundry, but from an organized area, not piles on the floor. People on dcum will confirm that they scurry to tidy their houses before the cleaners come. Cleaners aren’t there to pick up toys or put things away.

I get that. That is why I was asking if anyone knows a cleaner for hoarders.

We don’t otherwise I’d have hired one for our house!

OP, I think you need to insist your daughter attend her therapy, that she stays on meds, and that she work with an executive functioning coach for adults, centered on household/life tasks. Your DD has a certain profile that makes it really hard for her to function. It’s so impressive she has a paying job and that this part of her life is going well! But she has to continue working on the other aspects. She needs to build routines NOW, while her brain is still malleable. It’s not at 40 that she’ll start learning good habits. If she can get it together in her 20s, she’ll be able to have a social life, advance in her career, hire out tasks as much as possible. If she wants a family, she will need to pick someone who is more organized than she is!

Thank you so much for this post. It has been a struggle to see her through college, but we did somehow. It has created in her that mom and dad will do anything I want attitude. But, when your child is so severely and criminally attacked, the truth is we would do anything to help her. The fact that she got a job within a week of finishing college is impressive. The fact that she used my credit card to beyond anything is shameful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why have your young adults live in the US if you’re culturally unwilling to have them take care of their own clothes? That kind of domestic employee is rare in the US not least because it’s seen as shameful.

Is it shameful to have someone come and clean once a week, just so things are somewhat clean?

In this country we tend to have housecleaners, but they don’t do any handling of personal belongings. Except maybe doing laundry, but from an organized area, not piles on the floor. People on dcum will confirm that they scurry to tidy their houses before the cleaners come. Cleaners aren’t there to pick up toys or put things away.

I get that. That is why I was asking if anyone knows a cleaner for hoarders.

Maybe what you need is more of a professional organizer? Or executive function coach?

No, a professional organizer or executive function coach does not clean. They work with the person to declutter and organize. OP needs to hire a weekly cleaner to maintain a basic level of cleanliness in her house. My spouse got a weekly cleaner when he was a first year law associate and she would clean everything and do all his laundry.

Yeah but she’s describing rooms full of piles of clothes, which probably means an organizer AND a cleaner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why have your young adults live in the US if you’re culturally unwilling to have them take care of their own clothes? That kind of domestic employee is rare in the US not least because it’s seen as shameful.

Is it shameful to have someone come and clean once a week, just so things are somewhat clean?

Of course not. Housekeepers/cleaners are very common even for young adults. All my cleaners/housekeepers have tidied up as necessary as part of their job. If it takes them longer to do this, you pay them for the extra time.

That might be what we have to do. Or they are just going through that Gen Z "Prince/princess" stage where they are self-centered douche bags. DS is also definitely not on anxiety meds and he needs to be on them.
They actually "cleaned" before I came! What was the horror I did not see?

I would not assume they are "going through a phase", OP. This level of untidiness and disorganization is not typical of this generation. I have a tidy child and a messy child that have stayed that way into their thirties. The messy child has ADHD, anxiety and mild depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a really odd thread!

Why? You all have young adults that clean? Makes me more of a failure.

Yes, my adult kids clean. I wouldn’t consider them functioning adults if they didn’t.

[Anonymous]

I'm curious...what culture would allow this filth?

[Anonymous]

OP based on everything you’ve posted you are looking for a combination of services:

- weekly maid service. Will not organize and will not pick up intensely messy places but will scrub bathrooms, kitchens, etc.

- executive function coach. Will work with your DD to help her develop strategies.

- organizer. Expensive, not a regular service. There are organizers that specialize in hoarders (versus just clutter). Will establish a baseline that the executive coach can help your DD function in.

- hoarding-experienced therapist. Your DD has experienced severe trauma and hoarding can be an outcome. It’s great that she has a job. A therapist can help her work on coping tools.

[Anonymous]

What does “severely and criminally attacked” have to do with living like slob? I realize your culture permits young adults to remain in the house until marriage, but that doesn’t mean they can abuse your home. I am betting you do not charge them rent. That allows them to spend more money on clothes instead of looking thru their own belongings for something to wear.