My Sixteen Year Old Son and Sexuality

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lay off, OP. You’re overstepping.

Agree. Cringy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No 16 year old boy wants to talk to mommy about sex, nor does he appreciate getting the feeling that he’s being judged because mommy’s view that “life is more fulfilling in a relationship” might not be a view that he agrees with.

Mommy is overstepping and probably really weirding him out.

I’m not OP but if you truly feel this way that’s too bad for you and especially your son, if you have one.

My 15 year old talks to me about girls and how he feels all the time. He’s asked me when I lost my virginity. We have an open honest relationship and I firmly believe he’ll be a better adult for it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me navigate teen dating and relationships.

When he does have a girlfriend and I suspect they’re about be to be sexually active I’ll feel confident he will be better equipped to handle that stuff and even bring me into problems or concerns.

And if a teen doesn’t feel that life is better with close relationships then he’s wrong. Empirically wrong. Humans are social creatures and study after study shows close relationships are key to lifelong happiness and health.

You don't have to bump uglies to have a close relationship. Since you have a child, you should know that.

[Anonymous]

OP is your kid sociable in general? Friends?
Outgoing? Shy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No 16 year old boy wants to talk to mommy about sex, nor does he appreciate getting the feeling that he’s being judged because mommy’s view that “life is more fulfilling in a relationship” might not be a view that he agrees with.

Mommy is overstepping and probably really weirding him out.

I’m not OP but if you truly feel this way that’s too bad for you and especially your son, if you have one.

My 15 year old talks to me about girls and how he feels all the time. He’s asked me when I lost my virginity. We have an open honest relationship and I firmly believe he’ll be a better adult for it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me navigate teen dating and relationships.

When he does have a girlfriend and I suspect they’re about be to be sexually active I’ll feel confident he will be better equipped to handle that stuff and even bring me into problems or concerns.

And if a teen doesn’t feel that life is better with close relationships then he’s wrong. Empirically wrong. Humans are social creatures and study after study shows close relationships are key to lifelong happiness and health.

Ugh. NP. So you would have wanted your dad to sit and talk about sex with you, and share memories of kissing girls and losing his virginity? Sorry, but I have limits.

I do think sex is private and while it’s important to be open about SAFE sex, and talk about values..I think some moms don’t have boundaries and don’t respect their kid’s developing identity. You don’t have to influence everything. How’s that?
Ugh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixteen and a half year old son who has never shown interest in dating -- boys or girls. I've broached the subject, because we're open and talk about everything, and he says he's never been attracted to anyone. I told him that I was a late bloomer but long before I ever had my first kiss I imagined it and thought about it and he says he's definitely curious too. But says he doesn't know whether he's straight, gay or bi -- just chalks it up to never being attracted too someone. We were laughing because I very clearly saw two girls flirting with him this summer and when I brought that up I realized he had absolutely no idea they were flirting. Now, on the one hand, no biggie. I'm happy that as a junior he's just focusing on friends and schoolwork. However, I find it curious because everything I know about teens boys says their hormones are raging at this age. Or is he just a late bloomer? I guess my one worry is this so called rise in these asexual boys because of video games. And whether he's straight or gay, I'd like him to be something.

Please do not suggest to your 16 YO son that he may be gay, bi, asexual or anything else out of the norm. He’s a late bloomer OP and he needs his mother to understand that -

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lay off, OP. You’re overstepping.

Agree. Cringy

+2 wtf

[Anonymous]

I hid my period from my mom for two years and would never tell her who I was dating. She and my grandma just bugged me with how little boundaries they had. My husband knows more about my periods than my mom ever did.

He just doesn’t want to tell you.

[Anonymous]

OP -- our oldest was like this. No interest in dating, although I can't say if he even thought about girls, because it wasn't something I asked him. But he too would have girls flirting with him and he would be clueless. Or at other times annoyed by it.

He went to college and I thought oh it'll happen now. But nope. Still no dating and seemingly no interest.

Then at 24 he met a girl and he went 0 to 60 in no time, moving in with her within months and marrying her two years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No 16 year old boy wants to talk to mommy about sex, nor does he appreciate getting the feeling that he’s being judged because mommy’s view that “life is more fulfilling in a relationship” might not be a view that he agrees with.

Mommy is overstepping and probably really weirding him out.

I’m not OP but if you truly feel this way that’s too bad for you and especially your son, if you have one.

My 15 year old talks to me about girls and how he feels all the time. He’s asked me when I lost my virginity. We have an open honest relationship and I firmly believe he’ll be a better adult for it. I wish my parents would’ve helped me navigate teen dating and relationships.

When he does have a girlfriend and I suspect they’re about be to be sexually active I’ll feel confident he will be better equipped to handle that stuff and even bring me into problems or concerns.

And if a teen doesn’t feel that life is better with close relationships then he’s wrong. Empirically wrong. Humans are social creatures and study after study shows close relationships are key to lifelong happiness and health.

Gross, overstepping, weird, and sock puppeting.

Serious question - who do you want your 15 or 16 year old kids to talk to about relationships, perhaps even including sex?

That’s a different question.

I don’t know of a single 16 year old boy who talks with his mommy about his sexual attractions. It’s weird. And for a mom to share how she lost her virginity with her 15 year old son? She probably scarred him for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixteen and a half year old son who has never shown interest in dating -- boys or girls. I've broached the subject, because we're open and talk about everything, and he says he's never been attracted to anyone. I told him that I was a late bloomer but long before I ever had my first kiss I imagined it and thought about it and he says he's definitely curious too. But says he doesn't know whether he's straight, gay or bi -- just chalks it up to never being attracted too someone. We were laughing because I very clearly saw two girls flirting with him this summer and when I brought that up I realized he had absolutely no idea they were flirting. Now, on the one hand, no biggie. I'm happy that as a junior he's just focusing on friends and schoolwork. However, I find it curious because everything I know about teens boys says their hormones are raging at this age. Or is he just a late bloomer? I guess my one worry is this so called rise in these asexual boys because of video games. And whether he's straight or gay, I'd like him to be something.

Why? Genuine question

Why? Because I think life is fuller with a relationship.

My asexual DH is in a wonderful relationship and has a very full life.

Chill out. DC will find his way.

How’s your relationship with him? Are you asexual as well?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But says he doesn't know whether he's straight, gay or bi -- just chalks it up to never being attracted too someone.

If he was straight he would know it even if there wasn't anyone he'd be attracted to.

This isn't true for everyone. There are different hormones at play when it comes to lust, attraction, and attachment. Not everyone develops or process hormones the exact same way. Some people are low T (this diminishes feelings of lust), some people have receptor issues with dopamine or serotonin (like in ADHD -- lower levels of dopamine and norepinephrine are both linked to ADHD, just an example, but also depression and anxiety are related to these same elements), so their experience of relationships is not going to be identical with those who have "raging hormones" running through them, and those who get a dopamine high they recognize as attraction. https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/#:~:text=Testosterone%20and%20estrogen%20drive%20lust,oxytocin%20and%20vasopressin%20mediate%20attachment.

Young kids seem to be in a huge rush to tell everyone "what" they are. There is a lot of peer pressure to identify, and if you don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend or crush, they feel they need to announce a word for themselves. No one seems to be telling them that it's OK if you don't fall in love until your 20s or 30s or 40s or later, just as it is OK to never have that feeling. Some kids feel under so much pressure to know which sexuality "club" to join. It's OK to not have a label yet or ever. Sometimes the friends have got to just lay off and let people develop at their own pace. Our bodies are not all identical to each other, and we don't all feel the same things at the same time.