My Sixteen Year Old Son and Sexuality

[Anonymous]

I have a sixteen and a half year old son who has never shown interest in dating -- boys or girls. I've broached the subject, because we're open and talk about everything, and he says he's never been attracted to anyone. I told him that I was a late bloomer but long before I ever had my first kiss I imagined it and thought about it and he says he's definitely curious too. But says he doesn't know whether he's straight, gay or bi -- just chalks it up to never being attracted too someone. We were laughing because I very clearly saw two girls flirting with him this summer and when I brought that up I realized he had absolutely no idea they were flirting. Now, on the one hand, no biggie. I'm happy that as a junior he's just focusing on friends and schoolwork. However, I find it curious because everything I know about teens boys says their hormones are raging at this age. Or is he just a late bloomer? I guess my one worry is this so called rise in these asexual boys because of video games. And whether he's straight or gay, I'd like him to be something.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's being honest, but the first thing that jumped to my mind is that although you think "we're open and talk about everything," he may not want to talk about this with a parent - or perhaps anyone - and is just trying to shut down the conversation. If he comes to you, definitely talk with him, but on behalf of former awkward teenage boys, please don't bring it up again. Also, it's perfectly understandable that you want him to be a certain way, but a parent's job is to not impose their preferences on their children.

[Anonymous]

Are you a mom or a dad? I have a really great relationship with my teen son. He does not want to talk to me about girls or any of this type of stuff. Most teens do not want to talk to their parent of the opposite gender about sex and attraction. For very obvious reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he's being honest, but the first thing that jumped to my mind is that although you think "we're open and talk about everything," he may not want to talk about this with a parent - or perhaps anyone - and is just trying to shut down the conversation. If he comes to you, definitely talk with him, but on behalf of former awkward teenage boys, please don't bring it up again. Also, it's perfectly understandable that you want him to be a certain way, but a parent's job is to not impose their preferences on their children.

This is definitely how I would have behaved at his age. My mom thought I wasn't interested in girls well into my teens when I absolutely was.

Also, he's going to be what he's going to be. You can't control that. Maybe the switch will flip at some point, maybe it won't, but if it doesn't it isn't because of video games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he's being honest, but the first thing that jumped to my mind is that although you think "we're open and talk about everything," he may not want to talk about this with a parent - or perhaps anyone - and is just trying to shut down the conversation. If he comes to you, definitely talk with him, but on behalf of former awkward teenage boys, please don't bring it up again. Also, it's perfectly understandable that you want him to be a certain way, but a parent's job is to not impose their preferences on their children.

Yeah. Mom, I think your son is definitely not comfortable talking about sex with you and would just rather avoid the topic with you by getting you to think he's not interested in sex at all, which preserves his innocence in your mind, which is way more comfortable for him and likely you.

But if you're curious if he's interested in sex at all, you can install site traffic moderators and content filters like Circle and I'm sure you'll see a few porn sites in the mix.

[Anonymous]

It could be that does not want to talk about this with you which is totally fine and doesn't mean you aren't a great parent or he may be a late bloomer or he may have low sex drive and just is not that into the same or opposite sex.There are people who just don't have that drive and could be fine having friends of both genders and just friends for life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixteen and a half year old son who has never shown interest in dating -- boys or girls. I've broached the subject, because we're open and talk about everything, and he says he's never been attracted to anyone. I told him that I was a late bloomer but long before I ever had my first kiss I imagined it and thought about it and he says he's definitely curious too. But says he doesn't know whether he's straight, gay or bi -- just chalks it up to never being attracted too someone. We were laughing because I very clearly saw two girls flirting with him this summer and when I brought that up I realized he had absolutely no idea they were flirting. Now, on the one hand, no biggie. I'm happy that as a junior he's just focusing on friends and schoolwork. However, I find it curious because everything I know about teens boys says their hormones are raging at this age. Or is he just a late bloomer? I guess my one worry is this so called rise in these asexual boys because of video games. And whether he's straight or gay, I'd like him to be something.

Why? Genuine question

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixteen and a half year old son who has never shown interest in dating -- boys or girls. I've broached the subject, because we're open and talk about everything, and he says he's never been attracted to anyone. I told him that I was a late bloomer but long before I ever had my first kiss I imagined it and thought about it and he says he's definitely curious too. But says he doesn't know whether he's straight, gay or bi -- just chalks it up to never being attracted too someone. We were laughing because I very clearly saw two girls flirting with him this summer and when I brought that up I realized he had absolutely no idea they were flirting. Now, on the one hand, no biggie. I'm happy that as a junior he's just focusing on friends and schoolwork. However, I find it curious because everything I know about teens boys says their hormones are raging at this age. Or is he just a late bloomer? I guess my one worry is this so called rise in these asexual boys because of video games. And whether he's straight or gay, I'd like him to be something.

Why? Genuine question

Why? Because I think life is fuller with a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a sixteen and a half year old son who has never shown interest in dating -- boys or girls. I've broached the subject, because we're open and talk about everything, and he says he's never been attracted to anyone. I told him that I was a late bloomer but long before I ever had my first kiss I imagined it and thought about it and he says he's definitely curious too. But says he doesn't know whether he's straight, gay or bi -- just chalks it up to never being attracted too someone. We were laughing because I very clearly saw two girls flirting with him this summer and when I brought that up I realized he had absolutely no idea they were flirting. Now, on the one hand, no biggie. I'm happy that as a junior he's just focusing on friends and schoolwork. However, I find it curious because everything I know about teens boys says their hormones are raging at this age. Or is he just a late bloomer? I guess my one worry is this so called rise in these asexual boys because of video games. And whether he's straight or gay, I'd like him to be something.

Why? Genuine question

Why? Because I think life is fuller with a relationship.

You can be straight, gay or bi and not have a healthy long term relationship.
You can be asexual and have healthy long term relationships.
I agree, though, that he probably just doesn’t want to discuss it with you right now.

[Anonymous]

I am a high school administrator and, while I hate to blame everything on COVID, there is a huge change in the way boys and girls interact now. You don't see kids "making out" in the halls like you used to. Kids used to tell me who likes who, and you just don't see that any more. Boys are much more affectionate with each other also.

[Anonymous]

I could have written your post, OP. Uncanny. We just has this same conversation (he brought it up). Kids are seeing all kinds of words for these feelings and lack of feelings and it seems very confusing for a lot of them, especially those who have not yet had an opportunity to interact all that much outside of a classroom. I suggested that he doens't need to label himself. He has plenty of time, and doesn't have to "pick" any one thing right now if he isn't feeling it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think the average boy sits around much fantasizing about his first kiss.

People develop at their own pace. The last thing he needs is a training-wheels “relationship” for the sake of having/having had one.

[Anonymous]

Lay off, OP. You’re overstepping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lay off, OP. You’re overstepping.

I am most definitely not overstepping with my own son in a conversation that arose very naturally from something he told me about someone else. And a remained to not respond unless you have something helpful, insightful and not rude to share. Go take your frustrations out on someone else or go for a run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could have written your post, OP. Uncanny. We just has this same conversation (he brought it up). Kids are seeing all kinds of words for these feelings and lack of feelings and it seems very confusing for a lot of them, especially those who have not yet had an opportunity to interact all that much outside of a classroom. I suggested that he doens't need to label himself. He has plenty of time, and doesn't have to "pick" any one thing right now if he isn't feeling it.

Thanks. Very helpful.