senior DD suddenly stopped talking about a particular college

[Anonymous]

I don't understand recommendations not to mention the water bottle. Seems like an easy opening: "Hey, I found your Excelsior College water bottle when I was emptying the trash. Did you mean to throw it out?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand recommendations not to mention the water bottle. Seems like an easy opening: "Hey, I found your Excelsior College water bottle when I was emptying the trash. Did you mean to throw it out?"

I know, right? And what’s with all the walking on eggshells?

[Anonymous]

Maybe someone who she doesn't like is applying. You may want to talk to her to offer perspective. Three students got into the college DD was considering. She thought one was an embarrassment. I told her, not any different than 40 students going to state college and not liking 10 of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand recommendations not to mention the water bottle. Seems like an easy opening: "Hey, I found your Excelsior College water bottle when I was emptying the trash. Did you mean to throw it out?"

I know, right? And what’s with all the walking on eggshells?

I was one of the PPs who mentioned this - IMO it wasn't walking on eggshells about the water bottle, but rather to focus more on open-ended questions on how the college application process is feeling to her first. For my kids if I mentioned the water bottle first they would down play it because it seems kind of tantrummy and embarrassing and they might also think I'm nagging them about being wasteful.

But if I got them to open up first about how hard and stressful this all is I might get them to talk more. I probably would end up telling them, yeah I thought something was up when I saw that water bottle in the trash if they shared some issues about the school. Also if they just said 'everything is fine' I might follow up asking specifically about the water bottle.
I don't know about yours, but my teens don't particularly like to talk about their negative emotions so I have to strategize a bit. OP can decide what likely works for hers.

[Anonymous]

So just ask her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand recommendations not to mention the water bottle. Seems like an easy opening: "Hey, I found your Excelsior College water bottle when I was emptying the trash. Did you mean to throw it out?"

I know, right? And what’s with all the walking on eggshells?

I was one of the PPs who mentioned this - IMO it wasn't walking on eggshells about the water bottle, but rather to focus more on open-ended questions on how the college application process is feeling to her first. For my kids if I mentioned the water bottle first they would down play it because it seems kind of tantrummy and embarrassing and they might also think I'm nagging them about being wasteful.

But if I got them to open up first about how hard and stressful this all is I might get them to talk more. I probably would end up telling them, yeah I thought something was up when I saw that water bottle in the trash if they shared some issues about the school. Also if they just said 'everything is fine' I might follow up asking specifically about the water bottle.
I don't know about yours, but my teens don't particularly like to talk about their negative emotions so I have to strategize a bit. OP can decide what likely works for hers.

OK, if that's what works for your kids. Mine would not see a question about trash as nagging (there are non-tantrummy reasons to throw out a water bottle), but a broad question about their emotional life, with follow-ups, would make them shut down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it’s no big deal. She soured on it for some reason - whatever it is, it’s her choice. If you have some sort of attachment to the school, then deal with your own feelings over DCs loss of interest. But I wouldn’t try to talk her back into it, u less it’s some special case (ie Yale & you & DH & parents are all alums).

Please don't try to talk your kid into a school just because you went there.

Signed,

An Ivy grad who is trying very hard not to push DC towards my alma mater even thought she has double legacy status there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand recommendations not to mention the water bottle. Seems like an easy opening: "Hey, I found your Excelsior College water bottle when I was emptying the trash. Did you mean to throw it out?"

I know, right? And what’s with all the walking on eggshells?

Really? Because kids don't do something like that for no reason. It's a stressful time, and I don't want to come off as nagging or prying, especially since she was obviously hiding it.

[Anonymous]

I would be mad my kid didn’t put the water bottle in the recycling instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it’s no big deal. She soured on it for some reason - whatever it is, it’s her choice. If you have some sort of attachment to the school, then deal with your own feelings over DCs loss of interest. But I wouldn’t try to talk her back into it, u less it’s some special case (ie Yale & you & DH & parents are all alums).

Please don't try to talk your kid into a school just because you went there.

Signed,

An Ivy grad who is trying very hard not to push DC towards my alma mater even thought she has double legacy status there

+1

Same. Our first kid said no way. Our second kid waited.......then said no thanks. Both were more than eligible.

Know when to back off, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it’s no big deal. She soured on it for some reason - whatever it is, it’s her choice. If you have some sort of attachment to the school, then deal with your own feelings over DCs loss of interest. But I wouldn’t try to talk her back into it, u less it’s some special case (ie Yale & you & DH & parents are all alums).

Please don't try to talk your kid into a school just because you went there.

Signed,

An Ivy grad who is trying very hard not to push DC towards my alma mater even thought she has double legacy status there

+1

Same. Our first kid said no way. Our second kid waited.......then said no thanks. Both were more than eligible.

Know when to back off, OP.

Thanks. I've taken this as a hint to back off. She claims she's ok......

[Anonymous]

please name the school as I am tired of searching for "colleges that give water bottles as swag".