Men messaging exgirlfriend things like "it should have been you" when their wife gives birth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is an adult on Tiktok?

I remember when that was so popular to say and made you feel so superior back before the pandemic. Now every adult I know from 18 - boomer admits they view some social media in some format each day

What was once for teens exploded once adults realized they could give out professional information and then make money doing it much easier than going to their jobs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On Tiktok there is a lot of discussion about men who do this. Men who are messaging their exgirlfriends saying things like they named their daughter after them, they wish it was them, "I was it was you", etc.

It just seems awful to the wife who the guy doesnt really love. Why are people marrying people they don't really love? Is it just about convenience?

Having a child brings out a lot of emotion in both parents. This seems like an emotional reaction out of men. Driven by mixed emotions. Likely the feeling will pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Do you understand this is not representative of most men? That this isn't actually a thing, no matter how much TikTok says it is? Do you believe EVERYTHING you see online, or just the conspiracy theories and bad behaviors?

It's astounding the level of stupidity on this thread. If you want to look for the worst flaws in the opposite sex, you're going to find them, and you're going to get worked up. Why would you do that to yourself, when most people are decent humans?

Happened to me right after an ex’s wife gave birth. It made me sad. I let the relationship die even though we were good because I sensed he couldn’t be faithful. The person he chose, though objectively beautiful, and as obviously not going to br enough for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is an adult on Tiktok?

This is the 2023 version of “you kids get off my lawn!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Do you understand this is not representative of most men? That this isn't actually a thing, no matter how much TikTok says it is? Do you believe EVERYTHING you see online, or just the conspiracy theories and bad behaviors?

It's astounding the level of stupidity on this thread. If you want to look for the worst flaws in the opposite sex, you're going to find them, and you're going to get worked up. Why would you do that to yourself, when most people are decent humans?

Happened to me right after an ex’s wife gave birth. It made me sad. I let the relationship die even though we were good because I sensed he couldn’t be faithful. The person he chose, though objectively beautiful, and as obviously not going to br enough for him.

Nobody—not you, not the wife— is ever going to be “enough” for someone like that

[Anonymous]

Wait this actually happens?!?!?!?!

[Anonymous]

Here is how it works:
- you date starting in HS
- unless you are a Calvin Klein model, you get your share of rejection
- you date 2-4 people seriously and have a couple of flings and/or ONSs along the way

You get to your late 20s
- for any number of reasons, the women you date seriously do not make it to the commitment stage.
- you are tired of meeting people and telling your story to the 59th person
- your career is starting to take off and you would love to share it with someone

So:
- you meet someone who is nice with shared interests. Maybe not the hottest person you ever dated or most skilled in bed, but hot enough and skilled enough.
- you propose, have a nice wedding, work well as partners, and life moves along as it does
- every once in a while you think about the women who came in and out of your life and wonder what might have been, but it only goes that far.

Is this so bad? I'm perfectly happy with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is how it works:
- you date starting in HS
- unless you are a Calvin Klein model, you get your share of rejection
- you date 2-4 people seriously and have a couple of flings and/or ONSs along the way

You get to your late 20s
- for any number of reasons, the women you date seriously do not make it to the commitment stage.
- you are tired of meeting people and telling your story to the 59th person
- your career is starting to take off and you would love to share it with someone

So:
- you meet someone who is nice with shared interests. Maybe not the hottest person you ever dated or most skilled in bed, but hot enough and skilled enough.
- you propose, have a nice wedding, work well as partners, and life moves along as it does
- every once in a while you think about the women who came in and out of your life and wonder what might have been, but it only goes that far.

Is this so bad? I'm perfectly happy with it.

I think lots of people, men and women, do this. The issue is reaching out to exs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is how it works:
- you date starting in HS
- unless you are a Calvin Klein model, you get your share of rejection
- you date 2-4 people seriously and have a couple of flings and/or ONSs along the way

You get to your late 20s
- for any number of reasons, the women you date seriously do not make it to the commitment stage.
- you are tired of meeting people and telling your story to the 59th person
- your career is starting to take off and you would love to share it with someone

So:
- you meet someone who is nice with shared interests. Maybe not the hottest person you ever dated or most skilled in bed, but hot enough and skilled enough.
- you propose, have a nice wedding, work well as partners, and life moves along as it does
- every once in a while you think about the women who came in and out of your life and wonder what might have been, but it only goes that far.

Is this so bad? I'm perfectly happy with it.

I think this is very true but when I reflect back on my exes I’m very glad they are exes. One was truly hot and a sexual athlete but incredibly needy and she drove me nuts. My wife has gotten much better with age across the board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is how it works:
- you date starting in HS
- unless you are a Calvin Klein model, you get your share of rejection
- you date 2-4 people seriously and have a couple of flings and/or ONSs along the way

You get to your late 20s
- for any number of reasons, the women you date seriously do not make it to the commitment stage.
- you are tired of meeting people and telling your story to the 59th person
- your career is starting to take off and you would love to share it with someone

So:
- you meet someone who is nice with shared interests. Maybe not the hottest person you ever dated or most skilled in bed, but hot enough and skilled enough.
- you propose, have a nice wedding, work well as partners, and life moves along as it does
- every once in a while you think about the women who came in and out of your life and wonder what might have been, but it only goes that far.

Is this so bad? I'm perfectly happy with it.

Well, if you're thinking about it to the extent of texting an exgirlfriend that she was "the one" while your wife gives birth, then yes that's bad. But some experience deeper loves than others, some have only had relationships that didn't mean all that much to them and are easily brushed off. THe problem is when you harbor deep love for someone else while pretending to be emotionally available to another person

[Anonymous]

The title of this thread sounded familiar, like I knew someone it happened to...and then I remembered it happened to me! My best friend's husband had a crush on me for years before they got together. I eventually started dating his best friend, and he started dating my best friend. Fast forward 12 years, and I was waiting with him for his wife to give birth to their daughter and he said "I wish that was you in there," nodding toward her room. It was so astoundingly awful i blocked it out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of men marry the woman that makes it "easy", not the woman they really loved. Breakups breed bad blood on both sides- it's humiliating to contact an ex and say that you can't stop thinking about. It's a massive risk of rejection, especially to someone who's already hurt you.

So most people will have a breakup with someone they really did love and plow forward into a new relationship. Sometimes it's exclusively for the purpose of rubbing it in the face of their ex, sometimes theyre genuinely trying to move on.

Either way, many people have a person in the back of their mind, that they think of frequently and would be with in a split second if they could do their life differently. But life has a funny way of working out and many people get swept into jobs, friendships, relationships without even consciously thinking about it, until some major event happens that drives in the reality of what they've done.

This. Yes. And women do this too. I married a guy who was “perfect” on paper. My mother loved him. He was a good fit for the family and social ties. Kept thinking I was 30 and my time to find a good catch was run out. We have a good life. But I don’t love him madly or deeply. We love and care for each other but, I don’t think he was ever really capable of a deeper connection and the substance abuse doesn’t help.

I guess in dealing with the loneliness and emptiness, I ended up falling in love with a man I’ve known for a long time. He is married. But married for convenience, career etc. We’ve both admitted regret at not making a move many moons ago.

It’s too late for us at this point. We love each other and rather than blow up families, we keep together from the outside. No PA because it would be game over for families. Just a very strong connection and deeply in love.

I had my first baby a few years ago and he was eager to hear how it all went. Wanted pictures etc. There was a moment where we both wished we had made a family together. Always on the outside looking in and loving from afar.

C’est la vie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On Tiktok there is a lot of discussion about men who do this. Men who are messaging their exgirlfriends saying things like they named their daughter after them, they wish it was them, "I was it was you", etc.

It just seems awful to the wife who the guy doesnt really love. Why are people marrying people they don't really love? Is it just about convenience?

I highly, highly doubt these alleged men are married to a wife when they allegedly make these comments. Why is it “I wish you had my baby” rather than “I wish you were the one I married” around the time of the wedding then?

This content (fake ofc, because it’s for engagement, duh?) is very much giving baby momma-baby daddy culture dysfunction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On Tiktok there is a lot of discussion about men who do this. Men who are messaging their exgirlfriends saying things like they named their daughter after them, they wish it was them, "I was it was you", etc.

It just seems awful to the wife who the guy doesnt really love. Why are people marrying people they don't really love? Is it just about convenience?

I highly, highly doubt these alleged men are married to a wife when they allegedly make these comments. Why is it “I wish you had my baby” rather than “I wish you were the one I married” around the time of the wedding then?

This content (fake ofc, because it’s for engagement, duh?) is very much giving baby momma-baby daddy culture dysfunction.

This is giving "wife who's triggered" energy, tbh. Other people even just within this thread have confirmed things like these have happened to them or people they know. but you can believe whatever makes you feel better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On Tiktok there is a lot of discussion about men who do this. Men who are messaging their exgirlfriends saying things like they named their daughter after them, they wish it was them, "I was it was you", etc.

It just seems awful to the wife who the guy doesnt really love. Why are people marrying people they don't really love? Is it just about convenience?

I highly, highly doubt these alleged men are married to a wife when they allegedly make these comments. Why is it “I wish you had my baby” rather than “I wish you were the one I married” around the time of the wedding then?

This content (fake ofc, because it’s for engagement, duh?) is very much giving baby momma-baby daddy culture dysfunction.

This is giving "wife who's triggered" energy, tbh. Other people even just within this thread have confirmed things like these have happened to them or people they know. but you can believe whatever makes you feel better

Exactly zero people on this thread have said a man has texted them that they wish it were her after their wife pushed a new human out of her birth canal, or that they named their newborn daughter after them. Zero!!! Delusional.