When To Say Something To New Coach About Starting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is your DD getting sufficient playing time (more than the other wingers, for example)? If she is, it could simply be that the coach is doing this for tactical reasons, like sandbagging the other team and then bringing the ace in off the bench to keep the opponent off balance and put them on their heels just as they think they have sized up your DD's team and teammates. Many higher level coaches spend the first 10 minutes watching the other team to probe for weaknesses and will keep some strong players on the bench so they can then put them in and implement a tacitcal maneuver with their strongest pieces.

I agree with others that, if it bothers your DD, she should take initiative to ask the coach, what would it take for me to become a starter? Coaches usually appreciate that the most when the players advocate for themselves. I think it would be well within your bounds to give the coach a heads up, "Hi, my daughter might ask to talk to you at practice today about something." The coach can then try to make extra eye contact etc with your DD or afterwards even prompt the converation with, "Hey, DD, how's it going? How are you feeling?"

Appreciate this post. I think there is "some" of what you say, she will put my daughter in to take the other teams most physical player. My daughter is pissed she knows she is dominant over the other girls at practice on the team. I will see how this weekend goes and have her initiate the talk.

She knows she is dominant over the other 12 year old girls? Is that her talking or you telling her she's the best on the team? Even if she is dominant, I would not be putting that into her head. Everyone, even the best on the team, has things they can be doing to make themselves and their teammates better. Keep the focus on that. At that age things will change a lot for girls in the next couple years. The most dominant players on the field at 12 may not be the most dominant in a few years when it really matters. The ones who stand out at 15/16 will be the ones who have the right mindset of continual improvement over the next few years, being a good teammate, coachable, able to play multiple positions, overcoming adversity (like joining a new team and not starting), dealing with injuries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For background, at the end of the spring we left my daughters long time team to join a new soccer club. My daughters previous team was very good, however they were extremely reliant on my daughter and two other girls, we played the worst brand of soccer in the premier division because outside of our 3 top athletes the other girls were less committed & less skilled. I wanted my daughter in an environment with a stronger supporting cast of players who matched her commitment to soccer.

We moved clubs, the new club was extremely excited to get her & there is a lot to like, everyone is extremely committed, has functional ball skills and it is a less "well off" area so the parents are just much nicer to interact with. They train very hard and I think the coach is very good.

I am a life long soccer person, played NCAA, coached high school & did private trainings for many years. So I know my stuff, I am very involved in my daughters development but i usually just keep my mouth shut and let things play out.

Here is my problem, my daughter is one of the 2 most talented players on the new team. If you look at pure ability, she is the strongest, fastest, strikes the ball the best & has the best ball skills. She is currently playing out of position (was center mid forever) since the other girl who is also a high level talent plays that and was there first and they are comparable (Mine is better athlete, other is smarter and better motor). They are playing her as a winger and the coach has empowered her some by having her take most of the free kicks (she always took all).

We are now in October, she joined the team in July and my daughter has not started a game yet, despite this she has more goals and assists then the other wingers combined. There is no comparison ability wise between her and the other players, but they have been on the team since they were little. There is a time limit on this for me, she works very hard, never misses a practice and is a huge difference maker in the age group. At what point can i say that this is a problem for me and if it is not fixed she will move?

Any team i take her to will want her so we will have options, but with the stuff I like about the club, I was hoping this could be a longer term home.

Listen to yourself.

Your daughter is the best. Everyone else is a “supporting cast.” You have been micromanaging her soccer journey and are impatient.

You are a coach’s worst nightmare.

I do micro manage the journey and try and make sure she is placed in the proper environments for long term development. Unlike most parents I was fortunate enough to have success in the sport and believe that is an advantage. I have never had a poor relationship with any of her coaches. I stfu on the sideline and just watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For background, at the end of the spring we left my daughters long time team to join a new soccer club. My daughters previous team was very good, however they were extremely reliant on my daughter and two other girls, we played the worst brand of soccer in the premier division because outside of our 3 top athletes the other girls were less committed & less skilled. I wanted my daughter in an environment with a stronger supporting cast of players who matched her commitment to soccer.

We moved clubs, the new club was extremely excited to get her & there is a lot to like, everyone is extremely committed, has functional ball skills and it is a less "well off" area so the parents are just much nicer to interact with. They train very hard and I think the coach is very good.

I am a life long soccer person, played NCAA, coached high school & did private trainings for many years. So I know my stuff, I am very involved in my daughters development but i usually just keep my mouth shut and let things play out.

Here is my problem, my daughter is one of the 2 most talented players on the new team. If you look at pure ability, she is the strongest, fastest, strikes the ball the best & has the best ball skills. She is currently playing out of position (was center mid forever) since the other girl who is also a high level talent plays that and was there first and they are comparable (Mine is better athlete, other is smarter and better motor). They are playing her as a winger and the coach has empowered her some by having her take most of the free kicks (she always took all).

We are now in October, she joined the team in July and my daughter has not started a game yet, despite this she has more goals and assists then the other wingers combined. There is no comparison ability wise between her and the other players, but they have been on the team since they were little. There is a time limit on this for me, she works very hard, never misses a practice and is a huge difference maker in the age group. At what point can i say that this is a problem for me and if it is not fixed she will move?

Any team i take her to will want her so we will have options, but with the stuff I like about the club, I was hoping this could be a longer term home.

Listen to yourself.

Your daughter is the best. Everyone else is a “supporting cast.” You have been micromanaging her soccer journey and are impatient.

You are a coach’s worst nightmare.

I do micro manage the journey and try and make sure she is placed in the proper environments for long term development. Unlike most parents I was fortunate enough to have success in the sport and believe that is an advantage. I have never had a poor relationship with any of her coaches. I stfu on the sideline and just watch.

So stick to that.

You come off as insufferable to me. I know your type. Your kid probably isn’t as good as you think she is, U12 is developmental anyway, and you need to stop living vicariously through your kid.

Who the phuck talks about “destroying” their teammates in practice?

No one likes the prima donna.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For background, at the end of the spring we left my daughters long time team to join a new soccer club. My daughters previous team was very good, however they were extremely reliant on my daughter and two other girls, we played the worst brand of soccer in the premier division because outside of our 3 top athletes the other girls were less committed & less skilled. I wanted my daughter in an environment with a stronger supporting cast of players who matched her commitment to soccer.

We moved clubs, the new club was extremely excited to get her & there is a lot to like, everyone is extremely committed, has functional ball skills and it is a less "well off" area so the parents are just much nicer to interact with. They train very hard and I think the coach is very good.

I am a life long soccer person, played NCAA, coached high school & did private trainings for many years. So I know my stuff, I am very involved in my daughters development but i usually just keep my mouth shut and let things play out.

Here is my problem, my daughter is one of the 2 most talented players on the new team. If you look at pure ability, she is the strongest, fastest, strikes the ball the best & has the best ball skills. She is currently playing out of position (was center mid forever) since the other girl who is also a high level talent plays that and was there first and they are comparable (Mine is better athlete, other is smarter and better motor). They are playing her as a winger and the coach has empowered her some by having her take most of the free kicks (she always took all).

We are now in October, she joined the team in July and my daughter has not started a game yet, despite this she has more goals and assists then the other wingers combined. There is no comparison ability wise between her and the other players, but they have been on the team since they were little. There is a time limit on this for me, she works very hard, never misses a practice and is a huge difference maker in the age group. At what point can i say that this is a problem for me and if it is not fixed she will move?

Any team i take her to will want her so we will have options, but with the stuff I like about the club, I was hoping this could be a longer term home.

Listen to yourself.

Your daughter is the best. Everyone else is a “supporting cast.” You have been micromanaging her soccer journey and are impatient.

You are a coach’s worst nightmare.

+1

I don’t think you will ever be happy with your DD development if she is not treated like the superstar you believe she is. I think your acknowledgement of the strengths of other players over your DD is superficial and just to make you sound like you have a balanced view of your DD’s abilities. But you don’t.

It sounds like she is in the environment you want her to be but you’re fixated on the what? The “prestige” of being a starter when she already gets plenty of playing time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For background, at the end of the spring we left my daughters long time team to join a new soccer club. My daughters previous team was very good, however they were extremely reliant on my daughter and two other girls, we played the worst brand of soccer in the premier division because outside of our 3 top athletes the other girls were less committed & less skilled. I wanted my daughter in an environment with a stronger supporting cast of players who matched her commitment to soccer.

We moved clubs, the new club was extremely excited to get her & there is a lot to like, everyone is extremely committed, has functional ball skills and it is a less "well off" area so the parents are just much nicer to interact with. They train very hard and I think the coach is very good.

I am a life long soccer person, played NCAA, coached high school & did private trainings for many years. So I know my stuff, I am very involved in my daughters development but i usually just keep my mouth shut and let things play out.

Here is my problem, my daughter is one of the 2 most talented players on the new team. If you look at pure ability, she is the strongest, fastest, strikes the ball the best & has the best ball skills. She is currently playing out of position (was center mid forever) since the other girl who is also a high level talent plays that and was there first and they are comparable (Mine is better athlete, other is smarter and better motor). They are playing her as a winger and the coach has empowered her some by having her take most of the free kicks (she always took all).

We are now in October, she joined the team in July and my daughter has not started a game yet, despite this she has more goals and assists then the other wingers combined. There is no comparison ability wise between her and the other players, but they have been on the team since they were little. There is a time limit on this for me, she works very hard, never misses a practice and is a huge difference maker in the age group. At what point can i say that this is a problem for me and if it is not fixed she will move?

Any team i take her to will want her so we will have options, but with the stuff I like about the club, I was hoping this could be a longer term home.

Listen to yourself.

Your daughter is the best. Everyone else is a “supporting cast.” You have been micromanaging her soccer journey and are impatient.

You are a coach’s worst nightmare.

I do micro manage the journey and try and make sure she is placed in the proper environments for long term development. Unlike most parents I was fortunate enough to have success in the sport and believe that is an advantage. I have never had a poor relationship with any of her coaches. I stfu on the sideline and just watch.

Not sure I'd call what you are doing here stfu. Sounds more like you get along with coaches as long as they have as high an opinion of your daughter as you do. Then you are quiet and supportive of the coach. There is no long term development environment where you will always agree with the coach, the process, and how your daughter is handled. For your daughter's sake I hope you can let go and allow the environment you, with all your soccer knowledge, determined to be proper and let them do their thing without undermining them with daddy knows better. Or maybe you should take all that knowledge, become her coach, and then you can be in complete control.

[Anonymous]

The coach is managing the expectations of you, your daughter, and the whole team. Imagine if he started a new player and gave her a position that someone else had previously had for years. He would look like the bad guy and could potentially lose a lot of players for the spring. Then whoever is left suffers. Patience is something everyone should practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The coach is managing the expectations of you, your daughter, and the whole team. Imagine if he started a new player and gave her a position that someone else had previously had for years. He would look like the bad guy and could potentially lose a lot of players for the spring. Then whoever is left suffers. Patience is something everyone should practice.

Huh? This happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on this post, the coach probably already knows this bothers you and might just intentionally see how long you can handle it.

They may also think you and/or your daughter are not a great fit and could be fine with you leaving too. If there are distractions, sometimes you get better via subtraction, even when talent level is high.

Obvious troll post.

[Anonymous]

Coaches do this to not upset their existing team/parents. Looks like you picked the wrong coach and club. Move at the end of the year.

There is absolutely no reason to talk to the coach. He or she will retaliate against your daughter. This is the way it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The coach is managing the expectations of you, your daughter, and the whole team. Imagine if he started a new player and gave her a position that someone else had previously had for years. He would look like the bad guy and could potentially lose a lot of players for the spring. Then whoever is left suffers. Patience is something everyone should practice.

Huh? This happens all the time.

Not at 12U, and not on a team that has good mojo.

OP needs to take Mia Hamm to another team.

[Anonymous]

I'll go with the impact-sub theory, but it is the player that needs to talk to the coach if concerned and not just once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For background, at the end of the spring we left my daughters long time team to join a new soccer club. My daughters previous team was very good, however they were extremely reliant on my daughter and two other girls, we played the worst brand of soccer in the premier division because outside of our 3 top athletes the other girls were less committed & less skilled. I wanted my daughter in an environment with a stronger supporting cast of players who matched her commitment to soccer.

We moved clubs, the new club was extremely excited to get her & there is a lot to like, everyone is extremely committed, has functional ball skills and it is a less "well off" area so the parents are just much nicer to interact with. They train very hard and I think the coach is very good.

I am a life long soccer person, played NCAA, coached high school & did private trainings for many years. So I know my stuff, I am very involved in my daughters development but i usually just keep my mouth shut and let things play out.

Here is my problem, my daughter is one of the 2 most talented players on the new team. If you look at pure ability, she is the strongest, fastest, strikes the ball the best & has the best ball skills. She is currently playing out of position (was center mid forever) since the other girl who is also a high level talent plays that and was there first and they are comparable (Mine is better athlete, other is smarter and better motor). They are playing her as a winger and the coach has empowered her some by having her take most of the free kicks (she always took all).

We are now in October, she joined the team in July and my daughter has not started a game yet, despite this she has more goals and assists then the other wingers combined. There is no comparison ability wise between her and the other players, but they have been on the team since they were little. There is a time limit on this for me, she works very hard, never misses a practice and is a huge difference maker in the age group. At what point can i say that this is a problem for me and if it is not fixed she will move?

Any team i take her to will want her so we will have options, but with the stuff I like about the club, I was hoping this could be a longer term home.

I don't believe she is playing out of position. If the other good player is smarter and has a better motor I can see why that player has maintined the center mid spot. If you player can destroy kids with athleticism and footskills, wing makes a lot of sense due to being able to isloate in 1v1 situations, beating that person then cutting toward the middle to draw out the defense, completing late/back post runs into spaces where the defense isn't looking etc. Can you DD tackle? Her best position may be wing back but if she's not the smartest and if others have more than adequate ball skills, ball control and better game smarts and better motor than your child I can't say your DD is the right spot for center mid. Clearly the other play might struggle NOT in center mid with exception maybe of center back, which also requires a high amount of game smarts.

Why not send your DD to ODP to further validate your opinion of her? Would those coaches play her in the same spot she is now or somewhere else? Might be helpful to get that perspective to compare against your own opinion. If she really is pissed then all she has to do is talk to the coach. If she was happy where she is at then it would just be a you problem and not a problem for her. But since it seems to bother her, she needs to step up and advocate for herself.

Don't be one of those club hoppers, bruh.

[Anonymous]

If you care so much about long term development, why are you so fixated on your DD playing a certain position?

Wouldn’t it better to learn other positions as well and a well rounded player?

We moved in simple circumstances as your DD and arnd the same age. My DS went from playing purely as a striker to being played as a striker, winger, and defender. He loves it. He’s developed new abilities/skills and is even more confident as a player bc he excels in those other positions.

You should be concerned that you’re raising your DD to stay in their comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For background, at the end of the spring we left my daughters long time team to join a new soccer club. My daughters previous team was very good, however they were extremely reliant on my daughter and two other girls, we played the worst brand of soccer in the premier division because outside of our 3 top athletes the other girls were less committed & less skilled. I wanted my daughter in an environment with a stronger supporting cast of players who matched her commitment to soccer.

We moved clubs, the new club was extremely excited to get her & there is a lot to like, everyone is extremely committed, has functional ball skills and it is a less "well off" area so the parents are just much nicer to interact with. They train very hard and I think the coach is very good.

I am a life long soccer person, played NCAA, coached high school & did private trainings for many years. So I know my stuff, I am very involved in my daughters development but i usually just keep my mouth shut and let things play out.

Here is my problem, my daughter is one of the 2 most talented players on the new team. If you look at pure ability, she is the strongest, fastest, strikes the ball the best & has the best ball skills. She is currently playing out of position (was center mid forever) since the other girl who is also a high level talent plays that and was there first and they are comparable (Mine is better athlete, other is smarter and better motor). They are playing her as a winger and the coach has empowered her some by having her take most of the free kicks (she always took all).

We are now in October, she joined the team in July and my daughter has not started a game yet, despite this she has more goals and assists then the other wingers combined. There is no comparison ability wise between her and the other players, but they have been on the team since they were little. There is a time limit on this for me, she works very hard, never misses a practice and is a huge difference maker in the age group. At what point can i say that this is a problem for me and if it is not fixed she will move?

Any team i take her to will want her so we will have options, but with the stuff I like about the club, I was hoping this could be a longer term home.

I don't believe she is playing out of position. If the other good player is smarter and has a better motor I can see why that player has maintined the center mid spot. If you player can destroy kids with athleticism and footskills, wing makes a lot of sense due to being able to isloate in 1v1 situations, beating that person then cutting toward the middle to draw out the defense, completing late/back post runs into spaces where the defense isn't looking etc. Can you DD tackle? Her best position may be wing back but if she's not the smartest and if others have more than adequate ball skills, ball control and better game smarts and better motor than your child I can't say your DD is the right spot for center mid. Clearly the other play might struggle NOT in center mid with exception maybe of center back, which also requires a high amount of game smarts.

Why not send your DD to ODP to further validate your opinion of her? Would those coaches play her in the same spot she is now or somewhere else? Might be helpful to get that perspective to compare against your own opinion. If she really is pissed then all she has to do is talk to the coach. If she was happy where she is at then it would just be a you problem and not a problem for her. But since it seems to bother her, she needs to step up and advocate for herself.

Don't be one of those club hoppers, bruh.

I am actually in agreement that she will be moved at some point to a position where they can use her speed and drive balls to her into space. When we move to 11 v 11 pairing them and having a super strong middle of the field would make alot of soccer success at this point. So i am actually fine with the change but she should still IMO get minutes there as next year it would make a lot of sense. I agree on not wanting to be a club hopper and appreciate the perspective. My parents moved me alot which is why i kept her with her previous team for so long.

[Anonymous]

I’m very curious as to what your theory is on why the coach isn’t taking advantage of your young superstar’s powers, op.