When To Say Something To New Coach About Starting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on this post, the coach probably already knows this bothers you and might just intentionally see how long you can handle it.

They may also think you and/or your daughter are not a great fit and could be fine with you leaving too. If there are distractions, sometimes you get better via subtraction, even when talent level is high.

I have not said a word, they made it very clear how much they wanted her, and how excited they were to get her. She is quiet and works hard, by no means a distraction. I literally do not speak during games as a very passionate former player I think it is best i just STFU watch and talk to daughter in car after.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For background, at the end of the spring we left my daughters long time team to join a new soccer club. My daughters previous team was very good, however they were extremely reliant on my daughter and two other girls, we played the worst brand of soccer in the premier division because outside of our 3 top athletes the other girls were less committed & less skilled. I wanted my daughter in an environment with a stronger supporting cast of players who matched her commitment to soccer.

We moved clubs, the new club was extremely excited to get her & there is a lot to like, everyone is extremely committed, has functional ball skills and it is a less "well off" area so the parents are just much nicer to interact with. They train very hard and I think the coach is very good.

I am a life long soccer person, played NCAA, coached high school & did private trainings for many years. So I know my stuff, I am very involved in my daughters development but i usually just keep my mouth shut and let things play out.

Here is my problem, my daughter is one of the 2 most talented players on the new team. If you look at pure ability, she is the strongest, fastest, strikes the ball the best & has the best ball skills. She is currently playing out of position (was center mid forever) since the other girl who is also a high level talent plays that and was there first and they are comparable (Mine is better athlete, other is smarter and better motor). They are playing her as a winger and the coach has empowered her some by having her take most of the free kicks (she always took all).

We are now in October, she joined the team in July and my daughter has not started a game yet, despite this she has more goals and assists then the other wingers combined. There is no comparison ability wise between her and the other players, but they have been on the team since they were little. There is a time limit on this for me, she works very hard, never misses a practice and is a huge difference maker in the age group. At what point can i say that this is a problem for me and if it is not fixed she will move?

Any team i take her to will want her so we will have options, but with the stuff I like about the club, I was hoping this could be a longer term home.

I'd urge a bit of patience. For my DD at the U13 age, there were a number of new girls on her team. The girls who were at the club previously at U12 remained starters in the fall. However, by the spring, the team made the necessary changes. The new girls who were better became starters for the spring. They used the fall to gather film, evaluate, change some positions, etc.

appreciate this, I figured going in that there would be an adjustment and they would make her "earn" it. That can be normal I just am very open and honest and kind of want to in better terms say what our needs and expectations are, and if these are not going to be met that is fine, I will have to spring to decide where to place her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Based on this post, the coach probably already knows this bothers you and might just intentionally see how long you can handle it.

They may also think you and/or your daughter are not a great fit and could be fine with you leaving too. If there are distractions, sometimes you get better via subtraction, even when talent level is high.

By continuing to not start her or play her big minutes or play her in her best position, I think the coach has already pretty clearly let you know she is not at the top of the pecking order though she may still be valuable.

I tend to agree that there is probably a decent reason for not starting. The coach could see a tactical advantage, believe it is a positive for the overall team dynamic, or they might not think the team match is amazing and would be ok with you looking elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Are other parents telling you she should be starting or playing more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are other parents telling you she should be starting or playing more?

I would not communicate about stuff like this with other parents. I tend to keep to myself in general.

[Anonymous]

If you know what you say you know, why are you worrying about her starting some early season games? You are there for the training environment, right? It’s only October. Most coaches feel they need at least a few months for players to understand how the coach wants them/the team to play.

That said, it’s possible the coach doesn’t value your DD’s skillset the way you or an unbiased, knowledgeable person would and it’s also possible the coach values it but doesn’t see her skillset matching the team’s needs, e.g. overly concerned with conceding and would rather park the bus than get forward and create chances. If either of those is the case, it’s probably better for you to NOT saying anything to the coach, figure it out, and move on.

As you alluded to, though, it’s probably politics. Very likely. If that’s the case, the coach might have a lot to deal with when he shakes things up…so give him some time and if he can’t get past it by the end of fall, start looking again.

[Anonymous]

How are her minutes?

My daughter started every game last season, and probably played more minutes than any other player.

This season, we got some new players, and she’s starting about 50% of games. Her minutes are down a little from last season, but she’s still in the top 3 out of 18 girls.

The coach obviously likes and values her, but needs other options, including if she gets injured. When she doesn’t start, she’s often on the bench with 2 other of our top 6 players, including our best overall player.

I tell my wife and daughter he clearly has a method to his madness, and given we’re undefeated outside of tournaments, it’s working. As long as she’s playing well and getting plenty of minutes (80% or so), I’m fine with it.

[Anonymous]

As alluded to earlier, some coaches will not start certain players so they don’t “show their hand.” Keep a player or two out for the first 5-15 mins, to understand the strategy of the opponent.
Also, some kids actually benefit from watching the first few minutes of a game; generally visual learners. They may smart enough to understand tendencies and weaknesses of an opponent. Once they hit the field, they have a solid understanding of the other team, certain players, and how to be successful.
Your coach may see this in your kid. He may also just want her to shine as a substitute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you know what you say you know, why are you worrying about her starting some early season games? You are there for the training environment, right? It’s only October. Most coaches feel they need at least a few months for players to understand how the coach wants them/the team to play.

That said, it’s possible the coach doesn’t value your DD’s skillset the way you or an unbiased, knowledgeable person would and it’s also possible the coach values it but doesn’t see her skillset matching the team’s needs, e.g. overly concerned with conceding and would rather park the bus than get forward and create chances. If either of those is the case, it’s probably better for you to NOT saying anything to the coach, figure it out, and move on.

As you alluded to, though, it’s probably politics. Very likely. If that’s the case, the coach might have a lot to deal with when he shakes things up…so give him some time and if he can’t get past it by the end of fall, start looking again.

Yes I am there for the training environment, and appreciate the post. Just on the knowledgeable part I did play NCAA soccer, coach competitive high school soccer and trained players individually for many years. So I am a soccer person through and through and stand by the fact that my assessment is undeniably correct. That is why I wanted to mention it to keep the honesty, if you want to keep her we will expect it to change. Rather then just FU leave at the end of the season. Appreciate the post!

[Anonymous]

In my experience, at age 12 there is little rhyme or reason to the "starting" lineup -- it changes quite a bit. There is a core of maybe 5-6 players that seem to always start, then the other half of the lineup varies from game to game.

Playing time seems a more important metric than "starting" -- if she's playing as much as the other top players on the team (which should be at least 50% of the game) then I think you're making too big of a deal about "starting" ...

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 12. Similar situation. We have encouraged her to talk to the coach. She is old enough to start advocating for herself. If you need to be there to support her, then you could be. But the girls need to start at this age asking for direction from the coach.
My son at 13 just did this, and it was a huge step. Got some great feedback. Encourage her to do it if it is important to her. If it is just important to you, then that may be a sign not to approach the coach about it until end of Fall season. IMO always a good idea to talk after each season with coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How are her minutes?

My daughter started every game last season, and probably played more minutes than any other player.

This season, we got some new players, and she’s starting about 50% of games. Her minutes are down a little from last season, but she’s still in the top 3 out of 18 girls.

The coach obviously likes and values her, but needs other options, including if she gets injured. When she doesn’t start, she’s often on the bench with 2 other of our top 6 players, including our best overall player.

I tell my wife and daughter he clearly has a method to his madness, and given we’re undefeated outside of tournaments, it’s working. As long as she’s playing well and getting plenty of minutes (80% or so), I’m fine with it.

Minutes have been good, she is usually the first one to go in. On her previous team which was competitive with the current one (played worse brand of soccer) she played every minute of every game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, at age 12 there is little rhyme or reason to the "starting" lineup -- it changes quite a bit. There is a core of maybe 5-6 players that seem to always start, then the other half of the lineup varies from game to game.

Playing time seems a more important metric than "starting" -- if she's playing as much as the other top players on the team (which should be at least 50% of the game) then I think you're making too big of a deal about "starting" ...

You are probably right that I am getting to mad about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter is 12. Similar situation. We have encouraged her to talk to the coach. She is old enough to start advocating for herself. If you need to be there to support her, then you could be. But the girls need to start at this age asking for direction from the coach.
My son at 13 just did this, and it was a huge step. Got some great feedback. Encourage her to do it if it is important to her. If it is just important to you, then that may be a sign not to approach the coach about it until end of Fall season. IMO always a good idea to talk after each season with coach.

We are both a bit hot headed, she is PISSED because she destroys the kids at practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For background, at the end of the spring we left my daughters long time team to join a new soccer club. My daughters previous team was very good, however they were extremely reliant on my daughter and two other girls, we played the worst brand of soccer in the premier division because outside of our 3 top athletes the other girls were less committed & less skilled. I wanted my daughter in an environment with a stronger supporting cast of players who matched her commitment to soccer.

We moved clubs, the new club was extremely excited to get her & there is a lot to like, everyone is extremely committed, has functional ball skills and it is a less "well off" area so the parents are just much nicer to interact with. They train very hard and I think the coach is very good.

I am a life long soccer person, played NCAA, coached high school & did private trainings for many years. So I know my stuff, I am very involved in my daughters development but i usually just keep my mouth shut and let things play out.

Here is my problem, my daughter is one of the 2 most talented players on the new team. If you look at pure ability, she is the strongest, fastest, strikes the ball the best & has the best ball skills. She is currently playing out of position (was center mid forever) since the other girl who is also a high level talent plays that and was there first and they are comparable (Mine is better athlete, other is smarter and better motor). They are playing her as a winger and the coach has empowered her some by having her take most of the free kicks (she always took all).

We are now in October, she joined the team in July and my daughter has not started a game yet, despite this she has more goals and assists then the other wingers combined. There is no comparison ability wise between her and the other players, but they have been on the team since they were little. There is a time limit on this for me, she works very hard, never misses a practice and is a huge difference maker in the age group. At what point can i say that this is a problem for me and if it is not fixed she will move?

Any team i take her to will want her so we will have options, but with the stuff I like about the club, I was hoping this could be a longer term home.

Listen to yourself.

Your daughter is the best. Everyone else is a “supporting cast.” You have been micromanaging her soccer journey and are impatient.

You are a coach’s worst nightmare.