Refuses wheelchair

[Anonymous]

My Mom loved her mobility scooter. Raced down the hall. When quite fast actually - seemed like she felt empowered that she got to use it. It didn't stop her from exercising, it meant she could go further and do more things.

But initially she didn't want it. Peer pressure from family works -- because, guess what.. once an elder likes something, they then think it was their brilliant idea! All of their objections are forgotten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the “progressive decline” is when people start using wheelchairs and soon cannot get anywhere without one, followed not long after by needing help with transfers, etc.

“Someone has to be next to him.” No they don’t. He probably wishes they’d leave him alone. He knows he might fall. Offer options. Let him make his own choices.

They actually do.

Recently, my dad decided to use his cane instead of the portable wheelchair when mom took them to Walmart. I was at work and didn't know he was going to do that. Yep, he ended up on the floor of Walmart. I was an hour away at work. We have very nice EMT's where we live, whom we see regularly because dad doesn't 'want' to use a wheelchair.

BTW, progressive decline isn't caused by using a wheelchair-he needs a wheelchair because he has progressive decline.

It’s really both, that’s what makes it so tough for everyone.

It’s stressful, you have to find a way to detach a little bit and accept that he’s still in charge of his own life and may end up with a broken hip. That’s not your fault. If he starts using a wheel chair, he might end up with a broken hip from transferring. Bad stuff is going to happen, you’re going to have to roll with it a bit more.

Ok, I'll call you to come pick him up off the ground.

People here are SO clueless PP. Now that the crap has hit the fan in my own family after years of warning, I'm getting "how could we have foreseen this?" Unreal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the “progressive decline” is when people start using wheelchairs and soon cannot get anywhere without one, followed not long after by needing help with transfers, etc.

“Someone has to be next to him.” No they don’t. He probably wishes they’d leave him alone. He knows he might fall. Offer options. Let him make his own choices.

They actually do.

Recently, my dad decided to use his cane instead of the portable wheelchair when mom took them to Walmart. I was at work and didn't know he was going to do that. Yep, he ended up on the floor of Walmart. I was an hour away at work. We have very nice EMT's where we live, whom we see regularly because dad doesn't 'want' to use a wheelchair.

BTW, progressive decline isn't caused by using a wheelchair-he needs a wheelchair because he has progressive decline.

It’s really both, that’s what makes it so tough for everyone.

It’s stressful, you have to find a way to detach a little bit and accept that he’s still in charge of his own life and may end up with a broken hip. That’s not your fault. If he starts using a wheel chair, he might end up with a broken hip from transferring. Bad stuff is going to happen, you’re going to have to roll with it a bit more.

Ok, I'll call you to come pick him up off the ground.

People here are SO clueless PP. Now that the crap has hit the fan in my own family after years of warning, I'm getting "how could we have foreseen this?" Unreal.

PP here-Yes! And it affects more than just the elderly person. When they end up at the hospital due to a fall, who gets called to come? And don't forget to bring your POA paperwork, you need it! And who has to take FMLA? Thank goodness for FMLA is all I can say. But-they don't 'want' to use a wheelchair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The patronizing contempt for the elderly in some of these posts is just awful.

The “Cadillac” walkers with brakes and a seat are popular with the disabled elderly I know.

Don’t forget also that a shopping cart cart can do double duty as a walker too, albeit without brakes.

When considering wheelchairs, remember that there are “wheel” chairs the person can push along by themselves, and “transport” chairs that usually have smaller wheels and require somebody else to push. One advantage of the latter is that they tend to be lighter than a regular wheelchair. That can make a big difference to the companion person.

Trust me...you don't want to ever see my dad attempting to push a shopping cart without brakes. The people at Walmart are much safer with him using his unsafe cane. He's safer too, that would only end badly.

PP, the elderly people we are referring to in this thread more than likely are not going to self propel with their arms-they will be pushed by a companion, or perhaps move a short distance by foot power. I'm not OP but my own dad just announced that he didn't 'like' the travel chair...um what exactly is the option for that, it's not like a big wheelchair will fit in the trunk.

[Anonymous]

I am the OP… This thread generated a lot of responses!

My father is well past the simply old-and- unsteady phase (during which time he fell many times) and now truly is feeble and almost bed bound, with a progressive neurological disorder that affects his reasoning as well as his balance. He has orthostatic hypotension which means that as he moves around he has extremely low blood pressure. He is only walking a little bit in the house with a walker, with someone next to him, and this is absolutely necessary because he is on the verge of falling down at all times. Walking around at Walmart or walking with a cane are not even possible options anymore.

He said he didn’t want a wheelchair, so we’re not getting him a wheelchair—But it seems clear to me that pretty soon he won’t be able to walk, and then what? I definitely agree there’s a “use it or lose it” issue to consider, but at this point just logistically getting him from home to, say, a doctor feels like it would be impossible without a wheelchair. I’ve gotten him in-home medical care but it certainly limits what he can do not to be able to leave the house ever except in an ambulance.

I am very sympathetic to how hard it is to get older and I feel sorry for him. But at the same time I have devoted **so much** time and energy to helping him be at home with caregivers. Not having a wheelchair as an option just adds this layer of complication and, honestly, it is seriously annoying. I’m usually very understanding and patient but sometimes the insistent denial in the face of reality gets to be too much for me and this whole wheelchair thing is an example of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP… This thread generated a lot of responses!

My father is well past the simply old-and- unsteady phase (during which time he fell many times) and now truly is feeble and almost bed bound, with a progressive neurological disorder that affects his reasoning as well as his balance. He has orthostatic hypotension which means that as he moves around he has extremely low blood pressure. He is only walking a little bit in the house with a walker, with someone next to him, and this is absolutely necessary because he is on the verge of falling down at all times. Walking around at Walmart or walking with a cane are not even possible options anymore.

He said he didn’t want a wheelchair, so we’re not getting him a wheelchair—But it seems clear to me that pretty soon he won’t be able to walk, and then what? I definitely agree there’s a “use it or lose it” issue to consider, but at this point just logistically getting him from home to, say, a doctor feels like it would be impossible without a wheelchair. I’ve gotten him in-home medical care but it certainly limits what he can do not to be able to leave the house ever except in an ambulance.

I am very sympathetic to how hard it is to get older and I feel sorry for him. But at the same time I have devoted **so much** time and energy to helping him be at home with caregivers. Not having a wheelchair as an option just adds this layer of complication and, honestly, it is seriously annoying. I’m usually very understanding and patient but sometimes the insistent denial in the face of reality gets to be too much for me and this whole wheelchair thing is an example of that.

Thanks for coming back with more details!

You might consider getting a lightweight transport chair. Pitch it as for you, not him. You need it to hang your bag on. You’ll have someplace to sit while he’s being examined (just in case). Your [fill in the blank] is acting up so it’s easier for you than keeping an eye on that damn walker that’s always trying to put its foot somewhere. You can go honk, honk at people and they’ll get out of the way. If the hospital/clinic already says he has to be in a wheelchair you can pitch it as his own, rather than one used by “the public.”

He might go for it. Or he might not go for it. If the latter, you’re at an impasse where you have to decide whether to hold your ground even if he doesn’t get to appointments (at least with you), or to keep doing it his way.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry. It's very stressful, I know (I'm the pp whose dad fell on the floor at walmart due to wheelchair refusal). If he keeps refusing, eventually there will be a fall and he'll have to go to the hospital in an ambulance-and discharge planning will have to be done. That will probably be the time to get him in long term care, which it sounds like he needs.

[Anonymous]

OP I get it. I spent too many years having too much empathy for stubborn and difficult parents and it did me in. Boundaries are your friend. You can tell your dad it's his choice, but if he wants you taking him places, your requirement is a wheelchair. If the emergencies are becoming a major burden you make it clear you will no longer be available to deal with those if he won't take the safety precaution of a wheelchair.

Yes, aging is tough. Many things are tough in life. Sandwich generation is incredibly tough too. If you make decisions that strain everyone around you to the max then you need to deal with the consequences that they will eventually have their own limits.

[Anonymous]

Maybe compromise with a rollator with a wheelchair option ?

Like this
https://www.1800wheelchair.com/product/drive-nitro-duet-rollator-and-transport-chair/