Refuses wheelchair

[Anonymous]

My elderly father simply refuses to consider a wheelchair. He can walk with a walker but someone has to be next to him because he is in great danger of falling. He hasn’t left the house except with medical transport for months. A wheelchair would make it easier to take him places but in his view he does not need one; He’s only ever used it in the hospital because they were “excessively cautious.” I think he cannot accept a wheelchair because it means accepting the reality of progressive decline. I understand this, but if it were me, I think I would want a tool that would help me go places and do things and see people.

[Anonymous]

Getting old is hard. Give your dad some grace. He's doing the best he can. I'd still offer him one and invite him places where he will need one, but ultimately, it's his decision. I'm sorry, it's hard to see our parents decline and often be so stubborn as we are trying to help.

[Anonymous]

Part of the “progressive decline” is when people start using wheelchairs and soon cannot get anywhere without one, followed not long after by needing help with transfers, etc.

“Someone has to be next to him.” No they don’t. He probably wishes they’d leave him alone. He knows he might fall. Offer options. Let him make his own choices.

[Anonymous]

We've gone through this with my mom, too. I wish I had an answer - all I have is empathy. It's very hard, and very frustrating.

My mom won't even use a walker. She chooses to be stuck in the house, unable to do very much, instead of using the mobility devices that would help her do more - and be with us more.

We finally got her to use a chair when we went on vacation together. She seemed to really like it - she could boss us all around even more! She won't really use it outside of that, though.

I wonder if some kind of fun incentive would help? Take your dad somewhere he really enjoys, where a wheelchair would help him enjoy it more?

[Anonymous]

On the one hand, using a wheelchair will reduce his fall risk and help the people around him.

On the other hand, fighting to keep walking as long as he can is the best way to preserve what mobility he has and some independence for as long as he can.

You’re not wrong, he’s not wrong. Pick your battles for when you want to insist on the wheelchair (airports, etc) and otherwise keep a folding one in the car maybe.

[Anonymous]

Have a collapsible wheelchair in the trunk of the car. Get it out and set it up right next to him. "Dad, one of us is sitting down and getting pushed. Either you get in and I'll push you or I'm getting in and you push me. Which is it going to be?"

Honestly, this crazy statement actually worked.

[Anonymous]

There are some walkers that have a seat and convert to a pushable options. Maybe he would agree with that to give "him" options. He can walk until he decides to sit.

Old people are like toddlers, it is all about them.

Like this, it isn't an ideal wheelchair so dismiss the reviews that complain about that. No, it wouldn't be comfortable to sit in for hours but it isn't designed for that. Used with both my parents and was fine. https://www.cvs.com/shop/drive-medical-duet-dual-function-transport-wheelchair-rollator-rolling-walker-prodid-886893?skuId=886893&cgaa=QWxsb3dHb29nbGVUb0FjY2Vzc0NWU1BhZ2Vz&cid=ps_dme_pla_control&gclid=CjwKCAjw38SoBhB6EiwA8EQVLrS-Y9HVUglEcqX1JjkZNxqtZig4wnP3wpFJmYhtS7UbTZixVk3jXxoCVtIQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Part of the “progressive decline” is when people start using wheelchairs and soon cannot get anywhere without one, followed not long after by needing help with transfers, etc.

“Someone has to be next to him.” No they don’t. He probably wishes they’d leave him alone. He knows he might fall. Offer options. Let him make his own choices.

They actually do.

Recently, my dad decided to use his cane instead of the portable wheelchair when mom took them to Walmart. I was at work and didn't know he was going to do that. Yep, he ended up on the floor of Walmart. I was an hour away at work. We have very nice EMT's where we live, whom we see regularly because dad doesn't 'want' to use a wheelchair.

BTW, progressive decline isn't caused by using a wheelchair-he needs a wheelchair because he has progressive decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the “progressive decline” is when people start using wheelchairs and soon cannot get anywhere without one, followed not long after by needing help with transfers, etc.

“Someone has to be next to him.” No they don’t. He probably wishes they’d leave him alone. He knows he might fall. Offer options. Let him make his own choices.

They actually do.

Recently, my dad decided to use his cane instead of the portable wheelchair when mom took them to Walmart. I was at work and didn't know he was going to do that. Yep, he ended up on the floor of Walmart. I was an hour away at work. We have very nice EMT's where we live, whom we see regularly because dad doesn't 'want' to use a wheelchair.

BTW, progressive decline isn't caused by using a wheelchair-he needs a wheelchair because he has progressive decline.

It’s really both, that’s what makes it so tough for everyone.

It’s stressful, you have to find a way to detach a little bit and accept that he’s still in charge of his own life and may end up with a broken hip. That’s not your fault. If he starts using a wheel chair, he might end up with a broken hip from transferring. Bad stuff is going to happen, you’re going to have to roll with it a bit more.

[Anonymous]

When we purchased a wheelchair for my mother, the guy who sold it to us, her doctor, and all the staff at her assisted living told us to try to have her use it as little as possible since frequent use of wheelchairs was accompanied by rapid overall decline.

[Anonymous]

We knew MIL really really wanted to attend DSs college graduation. We told her that she would need a wheel chair to navigate the campus and event. By using it that one time...she realized it was good for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the “progressive decline” is when people start using wheelchairs and soon cannot get anywhere without one, followed not long after by needing help with transfers, etc.

“Someone has to be next to him.” No they don’t. He probably wishes they’d leave him alone. He knows he might fall. Offer options. Let him make his own choices.

They actually do.

Recently, my dad decided to use his cane instead of the portable wheelchair when mom took them to Walmart. I was at work and didn't know he was going to do that. Yep, he ended up on the floor of Walmart. I was an hour away at work. We have very nice EMT's where we live, whom we see regularly because dad doesn't 'want' to use a wheelchair.

BTW, progressive decline isn't caused by using a wheelchair-he needs a wheelchair because he has progressive decline.

It’s really both, that’s what makes it so tough for everyone.

It’s stressful, you have to find a way to detach a little bit and accept that he’s still in charge of his own life and may end up with a broken hip. That’s not your fault. If he starts using a wheel chair, he might end up with a broken hip from transferring. Bad stuff is going to happen, you’re going to have to roll with it a bit more.

Ok, I'll call you to come pick him up off the ground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we purchased a wheelchair for my mother, the guy who sold it to us, her doctor, and all the staff at her assisted living told us to try to have her use it as little as possible since frequent use of wheelchairs was accompanied by rapid overall decline.

If they need a wheelchair, it's because they are declining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the “progressive decline” is when people start using wheelchairs and soon cannot get anywhere without one, followed not long after by needing help with transfers, etc.

“Someone has to be next to him.” No they don’t. He probably wishes they’d leave him alone. He knows he might fall. Offer options. Let him make his own choices.

They actually do.

Recently, my dad decided to use his cane instead of the portable wheelchair when mom took them to Walmart. I was at work and didn't know he was going to do that. Yep, he ended up on the floor of Walmart. I was an hour away at work. We have very nice EMT's where we live, whom we see regularly because dad doesn't 'want' to use a wheelchair.

BTW, progressive decline isn't caused by using a wheelchair-he needs a wheelchair because he has progressive decline.

It’s really both, that’s what makes it so tough for everyone.

It’s stressful, you have to find a way to detach a little bit and accept that he’s still in charge of his own life and may end up with a broken hip. That’s not your fault. If he starts using a wheel chair, he might end up with a broken hip from transferring. Bad stuff is going to happen, you’re going to have to roll with it a bit more.

Ok, I'll call you to come pick him up off the ground.

I understand that it’s stressful but we’re just trying to give you perspective as people who have been there. Your dad using a wheel chair does not solve this problem. It just moves you on to new problems.

To be perfectly frank, if you’re going to end up on the floor, Walmart is a pretty good place for it to happen. Count your blessings. And count your blessings that even though we live in a country with an abysmal health care system, you can pretty much rely on emergency response and be mostly protected from bankrupting bills for it.

We’re trying to tell you that we know how horrible and stressful it is but the wheelchair refusal is not causing that. You’re in Horrible And Stressful Land now and the wheelchair battle is just the airport arrival lounge. You have to adjust your sense of crisis if you want to survive.

[Anonymous]

Look into stand up walkers with a seat.