Refuses wheelchair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the “progressive decline” is when people start using wheelchairs and soon cannot get anywhere without one, followed not long after by needing help with transfers, etc.

“Someone has to be next to him.” No they don’t. He probably wishes they’d leave him alone. He knows he might fall. Offer options. Let him make his own choices.

They actually do.

Recently, my dad decided to use his cane instead of the portable wheelchair when mom took them to Walmart. I was at work and didn't know he was going to do that. Yep, he ended up on the floor of Walmart. I was an hour away at work. We have very nice EMT's where we live, whom we see regularly because dad doesn't 'want' to use a wheelchair.

BTW, progressive decline isn't caused by using a wheelchair-he needs a wheelchair because he has progressive decline.

It’s really both, that’s what makes it so tough for everyone.

It’s stressful, you have to find a way to detach a little bit and accept that he’s still in charge of his own life and may end up with a broken hip. That’s not your fault. If he starts using a wheel chair, he might end up with a broken hip from transferring. Bad stuff is going to happen, you’re going to have to roll with it a bit more.

Ok, I'll call you to come pick him up off the ground.

If he was in an over 55 community the security would come and pick him up off the ground. You just call the security office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the “progressive decline” is when people start using wheelchairs and soon cannot get anywhere without one, followed not long after by needing help with transfers, etc.

“Someone has to be next to him.” No they don’t. He probably wishes they’d leave him alone. He knows he might fall. Offer options. Let him make his own choices.

They actually do.

Recently, my dad decided to use his cane instead of the portable wheelchair when mom took them to Walmart. I was at work and didn't know he was going to do that. Yep, he ended up on the floor of Walmart. I was an hour away at work. We have very nice EMT's where we live, whom we see regularly because dad doesn't 'want' to use a wheelchair.

BTW, progressive decline isn't caused by using a wheelchair-he needs a wheelchair because he has progressive decline.

It’s really both, that’s what makes it so tough for everyone.

It’s stressful, you have to find a way to detach a little bit and accept that he’s still in charge of his own life and may end up with a broken hip. That’s not your fault. If he starts using a wheel chair, he might end up with a broken hip from transferring. Bad stuff is going to happen, you’re going to have to roll with it a bit more.

Ok, I'll call you to come pick him up off the ground.

I understand that it’s stressful but we’re just trying to give you perspective as people who have been there. Your dad using a wheel chair does not solve this problem. It just moves you on to new problems.

To be perfectly frank, if you’re going to end up on the floor, Walmart is a pretty good place for it to happen. Count your blessings. And count your blessings that even though we live in a country with an abysmal health care system, you can pretty much rely on emergency response and be mostly protected from bankrupting bills for it.

We’re trying to tell you that we know how horrible and stressful it is but the wheelchair refusal is not causing that. You’re in Horrible And Stressful Land now and the wheelchair battle is just the airport arrival lounge. You have to adjust your sense of crisis if you want to survive.

Who is 'we'? You are the only one here who thinks falling, instead of a needed wheelchair, is a great idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the “progressive decline” is when people start using wheelchairs and soon cannot get anywhere without one, followed not long after by needing help with transfers, etc.

“Someone has to be next to him.” No they don’t. He probably wishes they’d leave him alone. He knows he might fall. Offer options. Let him make his own choices.

They actually do.

Recently, my dad decided to use his cane instead of the portable wheelchair when mom took them to Walmart. I was at work and didn't know he was going to do that. Yep, he ended up on the floor of Walmart. I was an hour away at work. We have very nice EMT's where we live, whom we see regularly because dad doesn't 'want' to use a wheelchair.

BTW, progressive decline isn't caused by using a wheelchair-he needs a wheelchair because he has progressive decline.

It’s really both, that’s what makes it so tough for everyone.

It’s stressful, you have to find a way to detach a little bit and accept that he’s still in charge of his own life and may end up with a broken hip. That’s not your fault. If he starts using a wheel chair, he might end up with a broken hip from transferring. Bad stuff is going to happen, you’re going to have to roll with it a bit more.

Ok, I'll call you to come pick him up off the ground.

If he was in an over 55 community the security would come and pick him up off the ground. You just call the security office.

That sounds awesome. However, if your parents refuse a needed wheelchair, do you think that they will live in assisted living?

[Anonymous]

It's so important to continue to exercise and not sit all day. So he needs to try all the tools that can encourage his mobility, while being closely supervised for falls.

My MIL has tried them all. She has a light walker for her apartment. She has a walker with a seat for short, accompanied errands outside. And she has a wheelchair for longer outings.
She doesn't sit in her wheelchair until she gets tired of walking! She uses the wheelchair like a walker, with someone always at her side, and then she sits in it when she feels tired, and the person accompanying her pushes her home. She has fallen often enough (once breaking her hip), that it's understood she cannot ever be alone.

You have to explain to your father that his quality of life, both physical and mental, will increase if he goes out and about, and to do that safely, he has to be always be supervised, and always with means to sit. He can try the walker with seat, or the wheelchair. Supervision doesn't mean being led along like a baby. It means someone is there in case he falls. He doesn't need to make small talk if he doesn't want to.

[Anonymous]

Keep him mobile as long as possible. Look at different walker options, maybe try the kind where you can stand upright.

[Anonymous]

So many of you, adamant on accommodating the irrational. Elders are like toddlers. Often (many) don't have any better reasoning than toddlers. Yes, you respect them but when you are present, at least, you insist on keeping them safe. And making the rational decision.

[Anonymous]

You can’t force him to want to go out just like you can’t force him into a wheelchair. Find the safest, best option he’s willing to use at the present time. Have you presented PT as an option to strengthen muscles so he becomes less of a fall risk?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the “progressive decline” is when people start using wheelchairs and soon cannot get anywhere without one, followed not long after by needing help with transfers, etc.

“Someone has to be next to him.” No they don’t. He probably wishes they’d leave him alone. He knows he might fall. Offer options. Let him make his own choices.

They actually do.

Recently, my dad decided to use his cane instead of the portable wheelchair when mom took them to Walmart. I was at work and didn't know he was going to do that. Yep, he ended up on the floor of Walmart. I was an hour away at work. We have very nice EMT's where we live, whom we see regularly because dad doesn't 'want' to use a wheelchair.

BTW, progressive decline isn't caused by using a wheelchair-he needs a wheelchair because he has progressive decline.

Make sure he has a cane that’s appropriate for his size and current physical needs. An off the shelf cane probably isn’t going to be the best option. Have a PT pick one out for him.

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Part of the “progressive decline” is when people start using wheelchairs and soon cannot get anywhere without one, followed not long after by needing help with transfers, etc.

“Someone has to be next to him.” No they don’t. He probably wishes they’d leave him alone. He knows he might fall. Offer options. Let him make his own choices.

They actually do.

Recently, my dad decided to use his cane instead of the portable wheelchair when mom took them to Walmart. I was at work and didn't know he was going to do that. Yep, he ended up on the floor of Walmart. I was an hour away at work. We have very nice EMT's where we live, whom we see regularly because dad doesn't 'want' to use a wheelchair.

BTW, progressive decline isn't caused by using a wheelchair-he needs a wheelchair because he has progressive decline.

Make sure he has a cane that’s appropriate for his size and current physical needs. An off the shelf cane probably isn’t going to be the best option. Have a PT pick one out for him.

Yeah, been there done that. The PT specifically told him not to use the four-legged cane, which of course is the cane he insists on using.

[Anonymous]

You need to accept that he’s not ready for a wheelchair and find some other solutions. There are plenty of options available.

[Anonymous]

Keep him walking as long as you can. Walking will help prevent decubitus sores and skin break down.

He will decline fast in a wheel chair. He will get skin break down and painful decubitus sores.

Keep Dad walking as long as he can.

Walking signals life.

[Anonymous]

Be careful what you wish for. We got my dad a deluxe wheelchair and it wound up being bad for him as the caregivers insisted he sit in it all the time to the point where he lost the ability to walk and stand. This was during the height of COVID so we had less over sight. It is now super difficult and expensive to care for him, we are making sure my mom walks several times a day even if it is just thirty feet each time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's so important to continue to exercise and not sit all day. So he needs to try all the tools that can encourage his mobility, while being closely supervised for falls.

My MIL has tried them all. She has a light walker for her apartment. She has a walker with a seat for short, accompanied errands outside. And she has a wheelchair for longer outings.
She doesn't sit in her wheelchair until she gets tired of walking! She uses the wheelchair like a walker, with someone always at her side, and then she sits in it when she feels tired, and the person accompanying her pushes her home. She has fallen often enough (once breaking her hip), that it's understood she cannot ever be alone.

You have to explain to your father that his quality of life, both physical and mental, will increase if he goes out and about, and to do that safely, he has to be always be supervised, and always with means to sit. He can try the walker with seat, or the wheelchair. Supervision doesn't mean being led along like a baby. It means someone is there in case he falls. He doesn't need to make small talk if he doesn't want to.

Hear that? Simply explain. Then they'll do what you want.

Sorry - but my lord. How many times have we explained, the doctor explained, the PT explained, everyone freaking explained, and people are going to do what they want to do. My mom's Parkinson's doctor has been telling her for five years that being active is the best way to preserve as much strength, mobility, and health as she possibly can. She can sometimes be talked into taking a walk around the block - but only if the weather is EXACTLY right.

[Anonymous]

The patronizing contempt for the elderly in some of these posts is just awful.

The “Cadillac” walkers with brakes and a seat are popular with the disabled elderly I know.

Don’t forget also that a shopping cart cart can do double duty as a walker too, albeit without brakes.

When considering wheelchairs, remember that there are “wheel” chairs the person can push along by themselves, and “transport” chairs that usually have smaller wheels and require somebody else to push. One advantage of the latter is that they tend to be lighter than a regular wheelchair. That can make a big difference to the companion person.