Friend who ignored DD for several years showed up again, how would you guide your kid?

[Anonymous]

Do they not attend the same middle school?

Friendships ebb and flow. It is only natural to drift apart if one switches schools.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you completely lost me when you said a friend that moved away and eventually got busy was ignoring your child, and then talked about your daughter texting the girl's adult parents for hangouts? What on earth is going on here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you completely lost me when you said a friend that moved away and eventually got busy was ignoring your child, and then talked about your daughter texting the girl's adult parents for hangouts? What on earth is going on here.

Really? You’re confused? The girl moved when she was in 4th grade. Most kids do not have phones that young. Of course it would have been OP texting the girl’s parents for play dates.

This isn’t hard.

[Anonymous]

Let them be friends.

[Anonymous]

I would be firm about not including Sally when other friends are over. Blowing off your daughter was pretty cold, and she's only hanging out with your DD because her other friendships aren't working. It's okay to be friends with her again, but I would keep her away from your DD's other friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Land the helicopter.

Shove it with this trope. There is one of you on LITERALLY every threat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Land the helicopter.

Such a stupid response to a parent who told us her child asked her for guidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They did nothing wrong. Forgetting to respond to every text from a kid at another school is not as reprehensible as you think. If you want to stay distant over that, it's your choice but don't act as though they are bad people to be wary of. The friend group drama might give you more pause if Sally is often starting it but middle school is the time they will all be overly dramatic about some situation or another. Do what feels right but don't set an example of blaming and retribution.

Not the OP: did you miss that it's been *years* since Sally and the OP's DD have hung out? Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries isn't "blaming and retribution."

The kid was in 4th grade. She moved away. Now they're back to being in the same school. It's not that serious.

LEARN TO READ. Her friend didn't move away, nor are they back in the same school. Her friend switched schools. She's still in a different school. They are neighborhood friends. You never had a neighborhood friend who went to a different school? No Catholic people where you grew up, for example?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you completely lost me when you said a friend that moved away and eventually got busy was ignoring your child, and then talked about your daughter texting the girl's adult parents for hangouts? What on earth is going on here.

Really? You’re confused? The girl moved when she was in 4th grade. Most kids do not have phones that young. Of course it would have been OP texting the girl’s parents for play dates.

This isn’t hard.

The friend didn't move. She switched schools. You are stupid. Clearly this is too hard for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Knowing that every kid is different, how would you guide your kid in this situation? I had heard that shifting friend circles is a normal part of being a tween/teen but now that it's happening, I feel unprepared.

Is your kid actually asking for guidance, or is she just sharing?

If she's asking for guidance, +1 to telling your DD talking about boundaries. Also, you could talk to your DD about how to introduce Sally to other kids at school. It's an art that this generation isn't so good at.

I definitely think we need some boundaries with Sally. As I mentioned before this weekend she wanted to be here the whole time, including when DD had a new friend over for a playdate.
They go to different middle schools.

It's not really what' you think.
It's what your daughter thinks.
She's in middle school now, they aren't playdates anymore.
And multiple kids hang out.
If DD was comfortable with her being there it shouldn't be an issue for you. And no you not wanting her to stay because you're upset about 4 th grade is not a valid reason.
You have to separate yourself from your daughter.
While I believe your heart is in the right place.msking her hurts your hurts isn't the way to go.
Her friends are not your friends.
Is she even bothered by the elementary school stuff? Or is that you?
You can advise in a general way but make sure she wants your advice and isn't just relaying.
Anecdotally, in MS I rekindled a friendship with a lost elementary school friend and it was wonderful those 3 years. We went to separate high schools and didn't see each other much but it was great while but lasted.
I also have people I've been friends with from birth that I'm still friends with today.
There's all types of friends that is important for your daughter to learn.
And yes you do want to talk about what makes a good friend but she's in MS you shouldn't choose her friends for her even if it means she gets hurt .

I think you make some good points about not letting my own feelings get in the way.
It is hard when you pick up the pieces from these situations - I am sure other parents can relate to that. When Sally became busy with her new friends and didn't want to hang out with DD, DD talked to me about it. She was sad that she "lost" her best friend from childhood who was now only interested in hanging around her new friends.

I think it is good advise for DD to widen her circle. Include Sally but don't make her the Center of the circle. This is good advise regardless of this particular situation with Sally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Land the helicopter.

Such a stupid response to a parent who told us her child asked her for guidance.

It's OK. There are a lot of really helpful and kind people on this thread. I've gotten great advise, for which I am grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would be firm about not including Sally when other friends are over. Blowing off your daughter was pretty cold, and she's only hanging out with your DD because her other friendships aren't working. It's okay to be friends with her again, but I would keep her away from your DD's other friendships.

Sally went from eating dinner at our house everyday to completely disappearing. It was jarring for DD, but I honestly don't think Sally had bad intentions. Like most kids that age, she probably didn't think too much about it.

That said, your point about DD having the space to interact with other friends is right on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you completely lost me when you said a friend that moved away and eventually got busy was ignoring your child, and then talked about your daughter texting the girl's adult parents for hangouts? What on earth is going on here.

Really? You’re confused? The girl moved when she was in 4th grade. Most kids do not have phones that young. Of course it would have been OP texting the girl’s parents for play dates.

This isn’t hard.

Apparently, it is for you:
"DD would send texts to Sally's mom and dad asking to meet up with Sally, several times these went unanswered"

OP didn't send the texts. Her child did.
OP is very off the mark by brining the fact that the other child had moved away and lost touch into this, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I would be firm about not including Sally when other friends are over. Blowing off your daughter was pretty cold, and she's only hanging out with your DD because her other friendships aren't working. It's okay to be friends with her again, but I would keep her away from your DD's other friendships.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry you completely lost me when you said a friend that moved away and eventually got busy was ignoring your child, and then talked about your daughter texting the girl's adult parents for hangouts? What on earth is going on here.

Really? You’re confused? The girl moved when she was in 4th grade. Most kids do not have phones that young. Of course it would have been OP texting the girl’s parents for play dates.

This isn’t hard.

Apparently, it is for you:
"DD would send texts to Sally's mom and dad asking to meet up with Sally, several times these went unanswered"

OP didn't send the texts. Her child did.
OP is very off the mark by brining the fact that the other child had moved away and lost touch into this, at all.

Are you people (collectively, not necessarily the PP) really saying you've never been texted by your child's friends? Especially when they were younger? And especially if you had close connections (neighbors you saw a lot, family friends, etc.)? Weird if so.