Extreme fear of dogs

[Anonymous]

How old is your DC, OP? Are they aware of the issue and willing to work on it? If so, I think you can try working through it together before resorting to therapy. There are anxiety workbooks you can do together, and once you make a plan, work on exposure together. You can't get over a phobia without exposure. If you live in a dog friendly neighborhood, perhaps post on Facebook or Next Door and see if there is someone with a small, older dog that would be willing to help. Have them meet you outside and gradually build up the exposure. We have an incredibly calm, friendly small senior dog that would be perfect. I'm sure there are others in your area that would be happy to help.

[Anonymous]

My daughter was like this. It totally impacted her life. She missed birthday parties, play dates, sleepovers, and would freak out if we saw a dog walking down the street. We ended up actually getting a small dog when she was 9. She was on board with it, she thought it would be cute when she saw it in pictures, I think she liked the idea of it. It was probably only like 5 pounds when we got it, is now around 25 as a full grown adult. When we first got it, she was afraid of it, and at first, I wondered if it was actually a good idea. However, it was so small that overtime she became OK with it. It was like a stuffed animal that was alive. That was a few years ago… Now she has no fear of dogs. I would add that I would never do this to a child that wasn’t totally on board with it. My daughter was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was pretty afraid of dogs when he was little - probably until 4th grade or so when he was finally taller than most of them.

I didn't do anything over special about it, other than pick him up if I could when we passed a dog on the sidewalk, or make sure he was opposite me from the dog (and I made sure to tell the dog walker that my son was afraid and did not want to say hi).

I also didn't prevent interactions with dogs that I personally know are friendly and that I have experience with. For example, when we'd visit a family member who has a big friendly excitable dog, I would make sure that the initial few minutes took place in the backyard so the dog had space to run off energy, my son wasn't in a confined space with it, and then once we went inside I didn't do anything special to prevent their interactions but I would help redirect the dog if my son got upset (this dog is wonderful, I've known her since she was a puppy, and she listens to me so I was very comfortable with how she would behave towards my son).

My son is now 14 and we have our own big dog, who he sleeps with at night.

With your child, when passing a dog on the sidewalk, you could try to stand in a driveway a short distance away while the dog passes. Try to stay calm. If you are not afraid of the dog, you need to demonstrate that there is nothing to fear. Your child can probably sense you tensing up, and that's going to make things worse. Come up with a strategy for avoiding them, talk to your child about it in advance, and then practice it while you're out and about.

OP here. Thanks for this. Sounds like a very similar situation.

We have actually done most of the things you describe. A few months ago when the fear seemed to ramp up, I became worried about DC running into traffic to avoid a dog and that led to a series of conversations about what we can do to address the fear without doing something much more dangerous. So yes, now we always pass dogs with me (or my spouse) between DC and the dog, or we see the dog coming from down the street and find somewhere to stand out of the way so the dog can pass first. I'm trying to get better about articulating to dog owners in advance that DC is uncomfortable with dogs so they give space. Most we pass are very nice about it but sometimes if DC panics it can be hard to address that while also communicating with the dog owner.

So I think we have avoidance pretty much down, I'm just wondering if it will reduce with time if we just keep doing what we are doing. I'm not opposed to therapy but still not really understanding what that even entails. Would the therapist just talk about dogs? Would they look at pictures of dogs? Would they try to unpack where the fear comes from (I think that's pretty straightforward)? I'm guessing that is not something that would be covered by our insurance so I'm reluctant to sign on unless I had a sense of how it would work.

Great! Therapy might be a really good option. I don't know exactly what it would look like, but I'd imagine it would include desensitization to talking about them, images, videos, working up to desensitizing to dogs presence and maybe touching them (this would be done very carefully). Your best bet would be to call a few therapists and ask how they would work on it, and schedule an appointment or two to see if they're a good fit.

To be clear, have you done this?

I know several children's therapists and I think they'd all be a bit stressed about the potential liability of working with dogs and kids together, even "very carefully." I"m also guessing this would be expensive even by therapy standards.

The issue is being near dogs, not looking at pictures or videos of them. It's a rational fear, not a phobia.

A therapist isn't going to be overseeing the child interacting with dogs. They can help the child deal with feelings of stress when viewing images or videos, and they can talk to a child about how to react to an interaction with a dog - even if the child doesn't touch the dog in question. If you cannot pass a dog on a sidewalk without feeling intense panic, that's a huge problem in life - I walk my dog all the time in my neighborhood and while I do not let my dog approach everyone (or anyone who doesn't want him to), I can't avoid every person completely especially if we're on a pathway that doesn't have alot of space.

A therapist could also just work directly with the OP on strategies for helping her child overcome this fear. And, sure, fear of dogs can be rational, but even when a rational fear is interfering with living your life or with family life, it's worth finding a way to address.

OP here and my child has no feelings at all about viewing photos or videos of a dog. She'll even say "aw that dog is cute" or whatever. It's only when we encounter them in person. We already talk to her about how to handle it when it happens, I don't think a therapist could facilitate that any further. It makes sense for us to have those conversations because we can also help reassure her what we will do to help her feel comfortable (i.e. placing ourselves between her and the dog) whereas a therapist can't really make those assurances.

One thing I will say is that dog owners can help by keeping dogs on a short leash and, if you have a dog prone to barking, jumping, or aggressive behavior, don't walk them during the standard school commute hours. Other than that, I don't really expect anything extra of dog owners -- most we encounter are understanding of DC's wariness and seem to handle it just fine.

Sorry but, you don't get to tell people when they can or cannot walk their dogs. Your need to control things will not make her fear go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was like this. It totally impacted her life. She missed birthday parties, play dates, sleepovers, and would freak out if we saw a dog walking down the street. We ended up actually getting a small dog when she was 9. She was on board with it, she thought it would be cute when she saw it in pictures, I think she liked the idea of it. It was probably only like 5 pounds when we got it, is now around 25 as a full grown adult. When we first got it, she was afraid of it, and at first, I wondered if it was actually a good idea. However, it was so small that overtime she became OK with it. It was like a stuffed animal that was alive. That was a few years ago… Now she has no fear of dogs. I would add that I would never do this to a child that wasn’t totally on board with it. My daughter was.

My child is the same way, he misses play dates, birthday parties, all kinds of stuff because of his fear of dogs. It’s been a long time fear and frankly kind of debilitating. It’s gotten marginally better (in that he will be outside when dogs are near him on leashes but I have to be between him and the dog) but I feel for you, OP it’s a crappy situation to deal with. I wavered between just forcing him to face it and being sympathetic because he is truly terrified. We did get him on some anxiety meds because he was also having other signs of anxiety. They have helped somewhat but he’s still scared. I think it will be a long road unfortunately wishing you luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your DC, OP? Are they aware of the issue and willing to work on it? If so, I think you can try working through it together before resorting to therapy. There are anxiety workbooks you can do together, and once you make a plan, work on exposure together. You can't get over a phobia without exposure. If you live in a dog friendly neighborhood, perhaps post on Facebook or Next Door and see if there is someone with a small, older dog that would be willing to help. Have them meet you outside and gradually build up the exposure. We have an incredibly calm, friendly small senior dog that would be perfect. I'm sure there are others in your area that would be happy to help.

DC is 6.

And not a phobia -- not afraid of the mention of dogs or seeing dogs on a screen or in a photo. Even okay with dogs as long as they aren't close by -- if we are at a park where there are dogs, she's find as long as they don't come too close to her.

I don't think it's anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was pretty afraid of dogs when he was little - probably until 4th grade or so when he was finally taller than most of them.

I didn't do anything over special about it, other than pick him up if I could when we passed a dog on the sidewalk, or make sure he was opposite me from the dog (and I made sure to tell the dog walker that my son was afraid and did not want to say hi).

I also didn't prevent interactions with dogs that I personally know are friendly and that I have experience with. For example, when we'd visit a family member who has a big friendly excitable dog, I would make sure that the initial few minutes took place in the backyard so the dog had space to run off energy, my son wasn't in a confined space with it, and then once we went inside I didn't do anything special to prevent their interactions but I would help redirect the dog if my son got upset (this dog is wonderful, I've known her since she was a puppy, and she listens to me so I was very comfortable with how she would behave towards my son).

My son is now 14 and we have our own big dog, who he sleeps with at night.

With your child, when passing a dog on the sidewalk, you could try to stand in a driveway a short distance away while the dog passes. Try to stay calm. If you are not afraid of the dog, you need to demonstrate that there is nothing to fear. Your child can probably sense you tensing up, and that's going to make things worse. Come up with a strategy for avoiding them, talk to your child about it in advance, and then practice it while you're out and about.

OP here. Thanks for this. Sounds like a very similar situation.

We have actually done most of the things you describe. A few months ago when the fear seemed to ramp up, I became worried about DC running into traffic to avoid a dog and that led to a series of conversations about what we can do to address the fear without doing something much more dangerous. So yes, now we always pass dogs with me (or my spouse) between DC and the dog, or we see the dog coming from down the street and find somewhere to stand out of the way so the dog can pass first. I'm trying to get better about articulating to dog owners in advance that DC is uncomfortable with dogs so they give space. Most we pass are very nice about it but sometimes if DC panics it can be hard to address that while also communicating with the dog owner.

So I think we have avoidance pretty much down, I'm just wondering if it will reduce with time if we just keep doing what we are doing. I'm not opposed to therapy but still not really understanding what that even entails. Would the therapist just talk about dogs? Would they look at pictures of dogs? Would they try to unpack where the fear comes from (I think that's pretty straightforward)? I'm guessing that is not something that would be covered by our insurance so I'm reluctant to sign on unless I had a sense of how it would work.

Great! Therapy might be a really good option. I don't know exactly what it would look like, but I'd imagine it would include desensitization to talking about them, images, videos, working up to desensitizing to dogs presence and maybe touching them (this would be done very carefully). Your best bet would be to call a few therapists and ask how they would work on it, and schedule an appointment or two to see if they're a good fit.

To be clear, have you done this?

I know several children's therapists and I think they'd all be a bit stressed about the potential liability of working with dogs and kids together, even "very carefully." I"m also guessing this would be expensive even by therapy standards.

The issue is being near dogs, not looking at pictures or videos of them. It's a rational fear, not a phobia.

A therapist isn't going to be overseeing the child interacting with dogs. They can help the child deal with feelings of stress when viewing images or videos, and they can talk to a child about how to react to an interaction with a dog - even if the child doesn't touch the dog in question. If you cannot pass a dog on a sidewalk without feeling intense panic, that's a huge problem in life - I walk my dog all the time in my neighborhood and while I do not let my dog approach everyone (or anyone who doesn't want him to), I can't avoid every person completely especially if we're on a pathway that doesn't have alot of space.

A therapist could also just work directly with the OP on strategies for helping her child overcome this fear. And, sure, fear of dogs can be rational, but even when a rational fear is interfering with living your life or with family life, it's worth finding a way to address.

OP here and my child has no feelings at all about viewing photos or videos of a dog. She'll even say "aw that dog is cute" or whatever. It's only when we encounter them in person. We already talk to her about how to handle it when it happens, I don't think a therapist could facilitate that any further. It makes sense for us to have those conversations because we can also help reassure her what we will do to help her feel comfortable (i.e. placing ourselves between her and the dog) whereas a therapist can't really make those assurances.

One thing I will say is that dog owners can help by keeping dogs on a short leash and, if you have a dog prone to barking, jumping, or aggressive behavior, don't walk them during the standard school commute hours. Other than that, I don't really expect anything extra of dog owners -- most we encounter are understanding of DC's wariness and seem to handle it just fine.

Sorry but, you don't get to tell people when they can or cannot walk their dogs. Your need to control things will not make her fear go away.

As a general rule, people with unsocialized dogs should not walk them during peak times. That's true regardless of whether they will encounter children or whether anyone they pass is afraid of dogs. If your dog barks a lot at people or other dogs, or jumps on people, or is just generally aggressive or hard to control, you need to stick to off-peak times and work on training them until they are ready for prime time.

Or go ahead and take your unsocialized dog out whenever and deal with the consequences when they bite someone or knock someone over. Your choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another thing I think can help is very basic dog training videos on YouTube -- dogs respond to training easily and it could help your daughter feel more in control if she knew a hand signal that could make a dog sit, etc. Or maybe things like the WeRateDogs top 5 dogs of the week videos?

What if the dog isn't trained for those signals?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing I think can help is very basic dog training videos on YouTube -- dogs respond to training easily and it could help your daughter feel more in control if she knew a hand signal that could make a dog sit, etc. Or maybe things like the WeRateDogs top 5 dogs of the week videos?

How woke this help if the dog is not trained in those commands?

Dog training isn't really training the dog - it's training the person. There are hand signals that can be tied to each verbal command and dogs typically instinctively sit when you give the hand signal for sit without the verbal command. That said, I don't expect that OP's kid will be out on the street training dogs, just that she could use it to feel more in control.

The dog still has to know the signals.

[Anonymous]

What about a soft, but realistic-looking stuffed animal? Or one of those robot dogs that does tricks? Those bark, sit, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What about a soft, but realistic-looking stuffed animal? Or one of those robot dogs that does tricks? Those bark, sit, etc.

I can't tell if some of these responses are jokes.

A 6 yr old can tell the difference between a live dog and a stuffed animal or a robot (the robot might freak them out too, but for other reasons).

[Anonymous]

I was! I still remember one of my friends parents came to pick them up at my house with an off leash dog and I climbed on top of our monkey bars crying. (But also what a dick)

I got extended time with my other friend who had a dog since her mom watched me after school and that cured it.

[Anonymous]

OP, is she afraid of puppies in the same way?

I was terrified of dogs as a child. I was attacked by a large dog when I was 4. It was a mama dog protecting a new litter at my friend's house. The dog bit me in the face multiple times and I was traumatized.

For years I was afraid of dogs all the way to adulthood. Two important things happened to help me overcome this fear: 1) a close friend got a tiny, adorable, gentle puppy and, more importantly, 2) taught me how to approach dogs properly, which I never knew. I started with the puppy. Held my hand palm up, let her come to me and take her time sniffing, avoid raising my hand, not making direct eye contact.

Now I have a dog and I love them.

[Anonymous]

My 8-year-old has an extreme fear of dogs but for him, it is the barking. The anxiety seemed better for a bit and he even went, so far, as to pet a few dogs that belonged to neighbors but then he regressed. He won't do sleepovers or go to anyone's house if he knows they have a dog, especially, if he has heard the dog bark. Our friend has a super chill dog that never makes a sound and he loves that dog and wants to take it home!

Honestly, we are in DC and so many people have ill-behaved dogs or dogs that just constantly bark that I can't really blame him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 8-year-old has an extreme fear of dogs but for him, it is the barking. The anxiety seemed better for a bit and he even went, so far, as to pet a few dogs that belonged to neighbors but then he regressed. He won't do sleepovers or go to anyone's house if he knows they have a dog, especially, if he has heard the dog bark. Our friend has a super chill dog that never makes a sound and he loves that dog and wants to take it home!

Honestly, we are in DC and so many people have ill-behaved dogs or dogs that just constantly bark that I can't really blame him.

+1, a lot of poorly trained dogs in DC, I totally get why kids develop this fear when you regularly encounter dogs like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your DC, OP? Are they aware of the issue and willing to work on it? If so, I think you can try working through it together before resorting to therapy. There are anxiety workbooks you can do together, and once you make a plan, work on exposure together. You can't get over a phobia without exposure. If you live in a dog friendly neighborhood, perhaps post on Facebook or Next Door and see if there is someone with a small, older dog that would be willing to help. Have them meet you outside and gradually build up the exposure. We have an incredibly calm, friendly small senior dog that would be perfect. I'm sure there are others in your area that would be happy to help.

DC is 6.

And not a phobia -- not afraid of the mention of dogs or seeing dogs on a screen or in a photo. Even okay with dogs as long as they aren't close by -- if we are at a park where there are dogs, she's find as long as they don't come too close to her.

I don't think it's anxiety.

I think you’re focusing on the labels too much. An extreme fear like you describe is an anxiety response and it’s impacting your family, and will impact her socially in the near future. Minimize it if you want, but the treatment is the same with any other phobia (i.e, education and controlled exposure). You posted because you’re concerned, so it must be more than a passing fear.