Extreme fear of dogs

[Anonymous]

My kid was pretty afraid of dogs when he was little - probably until 4th grade or so when he was finally taller than most of them.

I didn't do anything over special about it, other than pick him up if I could when we passed a dog on the sidewalk, or make sure he was opposite me from the dog (and I made sure to tell the dog walker that my son was afraid and did not want to say hi).

I also didn't prevent interactions with dogs that I personally know are friendly and that I have experience with. For example, when we'd visit a family member who has a big friendly excitable dog, I would make sure that the initial few minutes took place in the backyard so the dog had space to run off energy, my son wasn't in a confined space with it, and then once we went inside I didn't do anything special to prevent their interactions but I would help redirect the dog if my son got upset (this dog is wonderful, I've known her since she was a puppy, and she listens to me so I was very comfortable with how she would behave towards my son).

My son is now 14 and we have our own big dog, who he sleeps with at night.

With your child, when passing a dog on the sidewalk, you could try to stand in a driveway a short distance away while the dog passes. Try to stay calm. If you are not afraid of the dog, you need to demonstrate that there is nothing to fear. Your child can probably sense you tensing up, and that's going to make things worse. Come up with a strategy for avoiding them, talk to your child about it in advance, and then practice it while you're out and about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid was pretty afraid of dogs when he was little - probably until 4th grade or so when he was finally taller than most of them.

I didn't do anything over special about it, other than pick him up if I could when we passed a dog on the sidewalk, or make sure he was opposite me from the dog (and I made sure to tell the dog walker that my son was afraid and did not want to say hi).

I also didn't prevent interactions with dogs that I personally know are friendly and that I have experience with. For example, when we'd visit a family member who has a big friendly excitable dog, I would make sure that the initial few minutes took place in the backyard so the dog had space to run off energy, my son wasn't in a confined space with it, and then once we went inside I didn't do anything special to prevent their interactions but I would help redirect the dog if my son got upset (this dog is wonderful, I've known her since she was a puppy, and she listens to me so I was very comfortable with how she would behave towards my son).

My son is now 14 and we have our own big dog, who he sleeps with at night.

With your child, when passing a dog on the sidewalk, you could try to stand in a driveway a short distance away while the dog passes. Try to stay calm. If you are not afraid of the dog, you need to demonstrate that there is nothing to fear. Your child can probably sense you tensing up, and that's going to make things worse. Come up with a strategy for avoiding them, talk to your child about it in advance, and then practice it while you're out and about.

OP here. Thanks for this. Sounds like a very similar situation.

We have actually done most of the things you describe. A few months ago when the fear seemed to ramp up, I became worried about DC running into traffic to avoid a dog and that led to a series of conversations about what we can do to address the fear without doing something much more dangerous. So yes, now we always pass dogs with me (or my spouse) between DC and the dog, or we see the dog coming from down the street and find somewhere to stand out of the way so the dog can pass first. I'm trying to get better about articulating to dog owners in advance that DC is uncomfortable with dogs so they give space. Most we pass are very nice about it but sometimes if DC panics it can be hard to address that while also communicating with the dog owner.

So I think we have avoidance pretty much down, I'm just wondering if it will reduce with time if we just keep doing what we are doing. I'm not opposed to therapy but still not really understanding what that even entails. Would the therapist just talk about dogs? Would they look at pictures of dogs? Would they try to unpack where the fear comes from (I think that's pretty straightforward)? I'm guessing that is not something that would be covered by our insurance so I'm reluctant to sign on unless I had a sense of how it would work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was pretty afraid of dogs when he was little - probably until 4th grade or so when he was finally taller than most of them.

I didn't do anything over special about it, other than pick him up if I could when we passed a dog on the sidewalk, or make sure he was opposite me from the dog (and I made sure to tell the dog walker that my son was afraid and did not want to say hi).

I also didn't prevent interactions with dogs that I personally know are friendly and that I have experience with. For example, when we'd visit a family member who has a big friendly excitable dog, I would make sure that the initial few minutes took place in the backyard so the dog had space to run off energy, my son wasn't in a confined space with it, and then once we went inside I didn't do anything special to prevent their interactions but I would help redirect the dog if my son got upset (this dog is wonderful, I've known her since she was a puppy, and she listens to me so I was very comfortable with how she would behave towards my son).

My son is now 14 and we have our own big dog, who he sleeps with at night.

With your child, when passing a dog on the sidewalk, you could try to stand in a driveway a short distance away while the dog passes. Try to stay calm. If you are not afraid of the dog, you need to demonstrate that there is nothing to fear. Your child can probably sense you tensing up, and that's going to make things worse. Come up with a strategy for avoiding them, talk to your child about it in advance, and then practice it while you're out and about.

OP here. Thanks for this. Sounds like a very similar situation.

We have actually done most of the things you describe. A few months ago when the fear seemed to ramp up, I became worried about DC running into traffic to avoid a dog and that led to a series of conversations about what we can do to address the fear without doing something much more dangerous. So yes, now we always pass dogs with me (or my spouse) between DC and the dog, or we see the dog coming from down the street and find somewhere to stand out of the way so the dog can pass first. I'm trying to get better about articulating to dog owners in advance that DC is uncomfortable with dogs so they give space. Most we pass are very nice about it but sometimes if DC panics it can be hard to address that while also communicating with the dog owner.

So I think we have avoidance pretty much down, I'm just wondering if it will reduce with time if we just keep doing what we are doing. I'm not opposed to therapy but still not really understanding what that even entails. Would the therapist just talk about dogs? Would they look at pictures of dogs? Would they try to unpack where the fear comes from (I think that's pretty straightforward)? I'm guessing that is not something that would be covered by our insurance so I'm reluctant to sign on unless I had a sense of how it would work.

Great! Therapy might be a really good option. I don't know exactly what it would look like, but I'd imagine it would include desensitization to talking about them, images, videos, working up to desensitizing to dogs presence and maybe touching them (this would be done very carefully). Your best bet would be to call a few therapists and ask how they would work on it, and schedule an appointment or two to see if they're a good fit.

[Anonymous]

Therapy isn't going to help as she would not interact with a dog during therapy. It's a reasonable fear and they need support, encouragement and exposure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was pretty afraid of dogs when he was little - probably until 4th grade or so when he was finally taller than most of them.

I didn't do anything over special about it, other than pick him up if I could when we passed a dog on the sidewalk, or make sure he was opposite me from the dog (and I made sure to tell the dog walker that my son was afraid and did not want to say hi).

I also didn't prevent interactions with dogs that I personally know are friendly and that I have experience with. For example, when we'd visit a family member who has a big friendly excitable dog, I would make sure that the initial few minutes took place in the backyard so the dog had space to run off energy, my son wasn't in a confined space with it, and then once we went inside I didn't do anything special to prevent their interactions but I would help redirect the dog if my son got upset (this dog is wonderful, I've known her since she was a puppy, and she listens to me so I was very comfortable with how she would behave towards my son).

My son is now 14 and we have our own big dog, who he sleeps with at night.

With your child, when passing a dog on the sidewalk, you could try to stand in a driveway a short distance away while the dog passes. Try to stay calm. If you are not afraid of the dog, you need to demonstrate that there is nothing to fear. Your child can probably sense you tensing up, and that's going to make things worse. Come up with a strategy for avoiding them, talk to your child about it in advance, and then practice it while you're out and about.

OP here. Thanks for this. Sounds like a very similar situation.

We have actually done most of the things you describe. A few months ago when the fear seemed to ramp up, I became worried about DC running into traffic to avoid a dog and that led to a series of conversations about what we can do to address the fear without doing something much more dangerous. So yes, now we always pass dogs with me (or my spouse) between DC and the dog, or we see the dog coming from down the street and find somewhere to stand out of the way so the dog can pass first. I'm trying to get better about articulating to dog owners in advance that DC is uncomfortable with dogs so they give space. Most we pass are very nice about it but sometimes if DC panics it can be hard to address that while also communicating with the dog owner.

So I think we have avoidance pretty much down, I'm just wondering if it will reduce with time if we just keep doing what we are doing. I'm not opposed to therapy but still not really understanding what that even entails. Would the therapist just talk about dogs? Would they look at pictures of dogs? Would they try to unpack where the fear comes from (I think that's pretty straightforward)? I'm guessing that is not something that would be covered by our insurance so I'm reluctant to sign on unless I had a sense of how it would work.

Great! Therapy might be a really good option. I don't know exactly what it would look like, but I'd imagine it would include desensitization to talking about them, images, videos, working up to desensitizing to dogs presence and maybe touching them (this would be done very carefully). Your best bet would be to call a few therapists and ask how they would work on it, and schedule an appointment or two to see if they're a good fit.

To be clear, have you done this?

I know several children's therapists and I think they'd all be a bit stressed about the potential liability of working with dogs and kids together, even "very carefully." I"m also guessing this would be expensive even by therapy standards.

The issue is being near dogs, not looking at pictures or videos of them. It's a rational fear, not a phobia.

[Anonymous]

I am confused about the multiple recommendations for therapy. Kids being afraid of dogs is not a super uncommon thing. It's also not crazy, given how many kids get bitten by dogs every year. There is a reason dogs are generally not allowed on school grounds or playgrounds.

[Anonymous]

My youngest was afraid of dogs for years. I don't know if it was extreme but he was definitely afraid. Despite this, he was the biggest proponent of us getting a dog. He's 11 now and is still a little skittish around dogs, even ours at times.

We didn't do much about it other than giving him concrete things to do when a dog approached him. We never asked anyone to put up their dogs when we visited or anything like that. We just carried on and I picked him up if he needed it. Obviously I can't pick him up now. But, he feels pretty good about dogs overall, even if he doesn't always want to interact with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was pretty afraid of dogs when he was little - probably until 4th grade or so when he was finally taller than most of them.

I didn't do anything over special about it, other than pick him up if I could when we passed a dog on the sidewalk, or make sure he was opposite me from the dog (and I made sure to tell the dog walker that my son was afraid and did not want to say hi).

I also didn't prevent interactions with dogs that I personally know are friendly and that I have experience with. For example, when we'd visit a family member who has a big friendly excitable dog, I would make sure that the initial few minutes took place in the backyard so the dog had space to run off energy, my son wasn't in a confined space with it, and then once we went inside I didn't do anything special to prevent their interactions but I would help redirect the dog if my son got upset (this dog is wonderful, I've known her since she was a puppy, and she listens to me so I was very comfortable with how she would behave towards my son).

My son is now 14 and we have our own big dog, who he sleeps with at night.

With your child, when passing a dog on the sidewalk, you could try to stand in a driveway a short distance away while the dog passes. Try to stay calm. If you are not afraid of the dog, you need to demonstrate that there is nothing to fear. Your child can probably sense you tensing up, and that's going to make things worse. Come up with a strategy for avoiding them, talk to your child about it in advance, and then practice it while you're out and about.

OP here. Thanks for this. Sounds like a very similar situation.

We have actually done most of the things you describe. A few months ago when the fear seemed to ramp up, I became worried about DC running into traffic to avoid a dog and that led to a series of conversations about what we can do to address the fear without doing something much more dangerous. So yes, now we always pass dogs with me (or my spouse) between DC and the dog, or we see the dog coming from down the street and find somewhere to stand out of the way so the dog can pass first. I'm trying to get better about articulating to dog owners in advance that DC is uncomfortable with dogs so they give space. Most we pass are very nice about it but sometimes if DC panics it can be hard to address that while also communicating with the dog owner.

So I think we have avoidance pretty much down, I'm just wondering if it will reduce with time if we just keep doing what we are doing. I'm not opposed to therapy but still not really understanding what that even entails. Would the therapist just talk about dogs? Would they look at pictures of dogs? Would they try to unpack where the fear comes from (I think that's pretty straightforward)? I'm guessing that is not something that would be covered by our insurance so I'm reluctant to sign on unless I had a sense of how it would work.

Great! Therapy might be a really good option. I don't know exactly what it would look like, but I'd imagine it would include desensitization to talking about them, images, videos, working up to desensitizing to dogs presence and maybe touching them (this would be done very carefully). Your best bet would be to call a few therapists and ask how they would work on it, and schedule an appointment or two to see if they're a good fit.

To be clear, have you done this?

I know several children's therapists and I think they'd all be a bit stressed about the potential liability of working with dogs and kids together, even "very carefully." I"m also guessing this would be expensive even by therapy standards.

The issue is being near dogs, not looking at pictures or videos of them. It's a rational fear, not a phobia.

A therapist isn't going to be overseeing the child interacting with dogs. They can help the child deal with feelings of stress when viewing images or videos, and they can talk to a child about how to react to an interaction with a dog - even if the child doesn't touch the dog in question. If you cannot pass a dog on a sidewalk without feeling intense panic, that's a huge problem in life - I walk my dog all the time in my neighborhood and while I do not let my dog approach everyone (or anyone who doesn't want him to), I can't avoid every person completely especially if we're on a pathway that doesn't have alot of space.

A therapist could also just work directly with the OP on strategies for helping her child overcome this fear. And, sure, fear of dogs can be rational, but even when a rational fear is interfering with living your life or with family life, it's worth finding a way to address.

[Anonymous]

I agree with therapy, but maybe also watch actual movies with friendly dogs? Maybe like Beethoven or something similar that's not 100 year old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid was pretty afraid of dogs when he was little - probably until 4th grade or so when he was finally taller than most of them.

I didn't do anything over special about it, other than pick him up if I could when we passed a dog on the sidewalk, or make sure he was opposite me from the dog (and I made sure to tell the dog walker that my son was afraid and did not want to say hi).

I also didn't prevent interactions with dogs that I personally know are friendly and that I have experience with. For example, when we'd visit a family member who has a big friendly excitable dog, I would make sure that the initial few minutes took place in the backyard so the dog had space to run off energy, my son wasn't in a confined space with it, and then once we went inside I didn't do anything special to prevent their interactions but I would help redirect the dog if my son got upset (this dog is wonderful, I've known her since she was a puppy, and she listens to me so I was very comfortable with how she would behave towards my son).

My son is now 14 and we have our own big dog, who he sleeps with at night.

With your child, when passing a dog on the sidewalk, you could try to stand in a driveway a short distance away while the dog passes. Try to stay calm. If you are not afraid of the dog, you need to demonstrate that there is nothing to fear. Your child can probably sense you tensing up, and that's going to make things worse. Come up with a strategy for avoiding them, talk to your child about it in advance, and then practice it while you're out and about.

OP here. Thanks for this. Sounds like a very similar situation.

We have actually done most of the things you describe. A few months ago when the fear seemed to ramp up, I became worried about DC running into traffic to avoid a dog and that led to a series of conversations about what we can do to address the fear without doing something much more dangerous. So yes, now we always pass dogs with me (or my spouse) between DC and the dog, or we see the dog coming from down the street and find somewhere to stand out of the way so the dog can pass first. I'm trying to get better about articulating to dog owners in advance that DC is uncomfortable with dogs so they give space. Most we pass are very nice about it but sometimes if DC panics it can be hard to address that while also communicating with the dog owner.

So I think we have avoidance pretty much down, I'm just wondering if it will reduce with time if we just keep doing what we are doing. I'm not opposed to therapy but still not really understanding what that even entails. Would the therapist just talk about dogs? Would they look at pictures of dogs? Would they try to unpack where the fear comes from (I think that's pretty straightforward)? I'm guessing that is not something that would be covered by our insurance so I'm reluctant to sign on unless I had a sense of how it would work.

Great! Therapy might be a really good option. I don't know exactly what it would look like, but I'd imagine it would include desensitization to talking about them, images, videos, working up to desensitizing to dogs presence and maybe touching them (this would be done very carefully). Your best bet would be to call a few therapists and ask how they would work on it, and schedule an appointment or two to see if they're a good fit.

To be clear, have you done this?

I know several children's therapists and I think they'd all be a bit stressed about the potential liability of working with dogs and kids together, even "very carefully." I"m also guessing this would be expensive even by therapy standards.

The issue is being near dogs, not looking at pictures or videos of them. It's a rational fear, not a phobia.

A therapist isn't going to be overseeing the child interacting with dogs. They can help the child deal with feelings of stress when viewing images or videos, and they can talk to a child about how to react to an interaction with a dog - even if the child doesn't touch the dog in question. If you cannot pass a dog on a sidewalk without feeling intense panic, that's a huge problem in life - I walk my dog all the time in my neighborhood and while I do not let my dog approach everyone (or anyone who doesn't want him to), I can't avoid every person completely especially if we're on a pathway that doesn't have alot of space.

A therapist could also just work directly with the OP on strategies for helping her child overcome this fear. And, sure, fear of dogs can be rational, but even when a rational fear is interfering with living your life or with family life, it's worth finding a way to address.

OP here and my child has no feelings at all about viewing photos or videos of a dog. She'll even say "aw that dog is cute" or whatever. It's only when we encounter them in person. We already talk to her about how to handle it when it happens, I don't think a therapist could facilitate that any further. It makes sense for us to have those conversations because we can also help reassure her what we will do to help her feel comfortable (i.e. placing ourselves between her and the dog) whereas a therapist can't really make those assurances.

One thing I will say is that dog owners can help by keeping dogs on a short leash and, if you have a dog prone to barking, jumping, or aggressive behavior, don't walk them during the standard school commute hours. Other than that, I don't really expect anything extra of dog owners -- most we encounter are understanding of DC's wariness and seem to handle it just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was afraid of dogs for years. I don't know if it was extreme but he was definitely afraid. Despite this, he was the biggest proponent of us getting a dog. He's 11 now and is still a little skittish around dogs, even ours at times.

We didn't do much about it other than giving him concrete things to do when a dog approached him. We never asked anyone to put up their dogs when we visited or anything like that. We just carried on and I picked him up if he needed it. Obviously I can't pick him up now. But, he feels pretty good about dogs overall, even if he doesn't always want to interact with them.

OP here and this is good to hear. We always thought we'd get a dog at some point but have been rethinking since DD is so wary of them. I am fine if she never loves dogs but I don't want her to be so stressed by them that she can't be around them at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest was afraid of dogs for years. I don't know if it was extreme but he was definitely afraid. Despite this, he was the biggest proponent of us getting a dog. He's 11 now and is still a little skittish around dogs, even ours at times.

We didn't do much about it other than giving him concrete things to do when a dog approached him. We never asked anyone to put up their dogs when we visited or anything like that. We just carried on and I picked him up if he needed it. Obviously I can't pick him up now. But, he feels pretty good about dogs overall, even if he doesn't always want to interact with them.

OP here and this is good to hear. We always thought we'd get a dog at some point but have been rethinking since DD is so wary of them. I am fine if she never loves dogs but I don't want her to be so stressed by them that she can't be around them at all.

I would wait to get a dog until your daughter is more comfortable around dogs. My son became perfectly fine with dogs by 6th grade (started to get more comfortable in 4th/5th grade), and we got one just after 7th grade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think therapy may be in order. I don’t suggest therapy lightly, but this fear of dogs is impacting her quality of life, limiting activities and causing stress to other family members. Untreated anxiety is a terrible thing. Your dd doesn’t ever need to like dogs or spend time in close proximity to them, but she does need to be able to walk down her own street without experiencing fight-or-flight level panic.

I agree with this and I don't understand why someone called it a "stupid take" without any explanation of why it's stupid, or what they'd propose instead.

My grandma would actually become catatonic with fear if she saw, or even heard, a dog or a cat. My mom didn't want to perpetuate this, so she'd hang onto the stroller for dear life and force herself to walk past animals. At first, she'd have to cross the street, but eventually she'd walk right by them, and she let me get a kitten when I was 6. I am in awe of her strength.

One can't expect a young child to be able to deal with such anxiety all by themselves. I'd get therapy for her.

An actual adult who becomes "catatonic with fear" at the sight or sound of a dog or cat should probably see a therapist. Maybe someone like your mom who was raised by someone with that kind of irrational fear should to, if they internalized that fear.

A young child who is only afraid of dogs (many of whom are like their size or even larger) when in close proximity doesn't really have a problem for a therapist to address. As has been noted earlier in the thread, this is not a dog phobia, it's a normal, natural fear of animals who are close to them in size and may be unpredictable (your dog might not be unpredictable, dogs as a group can be unpredictable).

[Anonymous]

My son was extremely afraid of dogs. Over time he just got over it. Therapy seems a bit extreme. I agree that spending time in the presence of very relaxed sweet dogs is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

My DS was very scared of dogs. It has gotten better with age but he is still hesitant around them. Before he would take off running even if dog was on a leash. We had to work on that. Now if we are out on a walk he will stand still if he sees someone with a dog and I nicely ask person to hold dog to the side or we cross the street if necessary.