Do you judge parents who still impose a bed time on older kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've found that the older my kids get, the more they want to go to bed at a reasonable hour (on school nights at least). Kids in middle and high start early in the morning--they are tired by 10pm because they got up at 6:15am.

True for ours kids, too. They had a bedtime in elementary school, but they have figured out that they have to get up and go to school, and that's easier when they've gone to bed at a reasonable hour. I'm hoping the elementary school bedtimes let them learn how it feels to be rested rather than wiped out from not enough sleep.

That said, one of my kids has always been a night owl. Unless he's sick or his schedule has been disrupted, he can't fall asleep before 10 or 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, because sleep is the glue that holds people together. I judge parents who are highly-educated and *don't* pay attention to something as fundamental as their children's sleep needs.

+2

I don’t understand parents who provide no reliable day-to-day structure for their kids. Isn’t that called neglect?

[Anonymous]

One of the things I most resent about my mother’s parenting choices was how she dropped the rope when it came to bedtimes as we got older. By middle school I was staying up as late as I wanted and by high school she’d allowed a TV in my room as well - it set me up for decades of poor sleep hygiene before I realized that I couldn’t be healthy without solid stretches of restful sleep.

[Anonymous]

NP here, I know some of my early-teen son’s friends don’t have a fixed bedtime because I overhear their chats.
DS: Guys, I have to go in 10 minutes for bedtime.
Friend: You have a bedtime? I just go to sleep when I’m tired.
In the grand scheme of parenting choices that I wouldn’t make, this one seems not bad enough to “judge” people for.
We have a fixed bedtime because we have a fixed wake up time 6 days/week and my kid is a GD mess if he’s not getting enough sleep. If not setting a bedtime is working for some other family, then ok for them, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, because sleep is the glue that holds people together. I judge parents who are highly-educated and *don't* pay attention to something as fundamental as their children's sleep needs.

+2

I don’t understand parents who provide no reliable day-to-day structure for their kids. Isn’t that called neglect?

You do understand that bedtime is not the only way to provide structure, though, right? It seems like you don't, so here are some things that provide structure that don't require people to tell other people whether they're tired.

Family meals
School
Daily chores
Team or group activities
Jobs
Church

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the things I most resent about my mother’s parenting choices was how she dropped the rope when it came to bedtimes as we got older. By middle school I was staying up as late as I wanted and by high school she’d allowed a TV in my room as well - it set me up for decades of poor sleep hygiene before I realized that I couldn’t be healthy without solid stretches of restful sleep.

+1 my mother never imposed a bedtime on me. IMO, I think she was just too tired to care. She went to bed early. She figured I'd go to bed when I'm tired. The problem was that, as a child/teenager, I didn't always know what was good for me. I had the worse sleep habits. I have a sleep disorder, and the bad sleep habits made the disorder worse.

I didn't really fix it until I had kids. I became super diligent about my kids' sleep habits because I didn't want them to suffer like I did. So, I made sure that they went to bed at a reasonable hour since they were infants, and that they got the minimum prescribed hours of sleep per the AAP.

My kids are now older teens, and they still have good sleep habits. They say they get the most sleep out of their friends, and that I've "ruined" them for not being able to function without sleep. They are joking by saying "ruined" because they love their sleep, and unlike their peers, they want to go to bed at a reasonable time now.

[Anonymous]

Studies show that ADD, anxiety and depression are all exacerbated by poor sleep. Having a set time to go to bed and wake up, that is regular (even on the weekends), is really important.

[Anonymous]

No, and I would argue that we should be imposing bedtimes on grown adults as well!

Can you make a teen go to bed at a certain time? No, but you can shut down Wi-Fi for sure

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Studies show that ADD, anxiety and depression are all exacerbated by poor sleep. Having a set time to go to bed and wake up, that is regular (even on the weekends), is really important.

Anecdotally this is definitely true in our house. When my teen boys get enough sleep they are a fun, chatty, and have a positive attitude. When they are sleep deprived they act like depressed mountain trolls and every challenge or obstacle is the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, and I would argue that we should be imposing bedtimes on grown adults as well!

Can you make a teen go to bed at a certain time? No, but you can shut down Wi-Fi for sure

Yes, you can make a teen go to bed at a certain time. It's called parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, because sleep is the glue that holds people together. I judge parents who are highly-educated and *don't* pay attention to something as fundamental as their children's sleep needs.

+2

I don’t understand parents who provide no reliable day-to-day structure for their kids. Isn’t that called neglect?

You do understand that bedtime is not the only way to provide structure, though, right? It seems like you don't, so here are some things that provide structure that don't require people to tell other people whether they're tired.

Family meals
School
Daily chores
Team or group activities
Jobs
Church

First PP - sure, but sleep is fundamental to health in ways that the above list generally is not. It's not about "telling other people whether they're tired," it's about valuing the importance of sleep and teaching your kids healthy sleep habits.

[Anonymous]

It's stupid to not enforce good habits.

[Anonymous]

Wait, what? There are teens with a "bedtime"? Like actually?

to those parents... your kids don't know how to go to bed at a reasonable time all on their own?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've found that the older my kids get, the more they want to go to bed at a reasonable hour (on school nights at least). Kids in middle and high start early in the morning--they are tired by 10pm because they got up at 6:15am.

True for ours kids, too. They had a bedtime in elementary school, but they have figured out that they have to get up and go to school, and that's easier when they've gone to bed at a reasonable hour. I'm hoping the elementary school bedtimes let them learn how it feels to be rested rather than wiped out from not enough sleep.

That said, one of my kids has always been a night owl. Unless he's sick or his schedule has been disrupted, he can't fall asleep before 10 or 11.

Ha! My teen is 13 going on 80. She's been making herself go to bed "on time" even while on vacation and summers since she was around 10. She knows she's very grumpy and feels not great if she gets less than 9-11 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, and I would argue that we should be imposing bedtimes on grown adults as well!

Can you make a teen go to bed at a certain time? No, but you can shut down Wi-Fi for sure

Yes, you can make a teen go to bed at a certain time. It's called parenting.

Sigh, thank you parent expert, I appreciate the education. My point is that you can’t command a teen (or anyone) to fall asleep but you can still have rules such as bed time is a certain time and Wi-Fi is off in support of that bedtime.