MIL constantly pushing boundaries

[Anonymous]

This isn’t necessarily an autism trait. It’s common in narcissists, emotionally stunted adults, and selfish/self centered people. She sees her grandkid as HERS and she has a fantasy of what that will be like. She doesn’t want you or DH getting in the way of what she wants.

Also some boomers have this notion that they deserve everything they want from their adult kids. Saying no to them is an insult because they’ve earned the right to get whatever they want. Your MIL is reacting to you and your husband saying no because she doesn’t really respect or care that you are the parents.

I agree with others that you should just not vacation with her or if you just be brutally direct. No means no. Be clear that you all are there for the cousins not her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MILs can’t win on DCUM. They’re either too hands on or not hands on enough. Too caring or not caring enough. Not willing to babysit or willing to babysit but “too flaky” to trust with the kids. Too strict or too loose.

It’s exhausting. You are all a bunch of shrews. I can’t wait until you are MILs yourselves. Karma, baby, karma.

I was thinking this too after reading the op and responses. Karma is a thing. I just wish these moms have daughter in laws who are just like they currently are

Both my MIL and Mom are great grandparents. They offer to help in many ways but respect both mine and my H's boundaries. In fact one time I was vacationing just me and my son with my MIL and her husband. She wanted to do this activity later in the evening before my younger son and I had a morning flight out. I tried to politely say no multiple times and she went ahead and did said activity...I thought, ok this is annoying but whatever, I'm not going to die on this hill. The next morning on the drive to the airport she apologized and said she heard I was trying to say no and she ignored it and that wasn't right and she was sorry. I really appreciated it and frankly it made me feel closer to her.

I do agree that some people create a "no-win situation," but also, no one is perfect but we should all try to have some self-awareness even with our loved ones. My H and I try to plan ahead for stuff so that no one is disappointed or hurt or upset. It may take a bit more effort on the front end, but it then makes things go more smoothly on the back end. Maybe, OP, in the future you and your H can have more of a set plan/schedule on these kind of trips to mitigate activities you guys aren't as interested in. My MIL has her quirks but I love her...we didn't start out on the best foot and I'm so glad that we got to this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MILs can’t win on DCUM. They’re either too hands on or not hands on enough. Too caring or not caring enough. Not willing to babysit or willing to babysit but “too flaky” to trust with the kids. Too strict or too loose.

It’s exhausting. You are all a bunch of shrews. I can’t wait until you are MILs yourselves. Karma, baby, karma.

I was thinking this too after reading the op and responses. Karma is a thing. I just wish these moms have daughter in laws who are just like they currently are

I am the OP. What am I doing wrong here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MILs can’t win on DCUM. They’re either too hands on or not hands on enough. Too caring or not caring enough. Not willing to babysit or willing to babysit but “too flaky” to trust with the kids. Too strict or too loose.

It’s exhausting. You are all a bunch of shrews. I can’t wait until you are MILs yourselves. Karma, baby, karma.

Hi Evil Mil. Still no hobbies? Haven't found a therapist yet?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MILs can’t win on DCUM. They’re either too hands on or not hands on enough. Too caring or not caring enough. Not willing to babysit or willing to babysit but “too flaky” to trust with the kids. Too strict or too loose.

It’s exhausting. You are all a bunch of shrews. I can’t wait until you are MILs yourselves. Karma, baby, karma.

It's almost like different people are posting about different issues with different MILs...

If you take it personally and find it so triggering, maybe find something else to read?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t necessarily an autism trait. It’s common in narcissists, emotionally stunted adults, and selfish/self centered people. She sees her grandkid as HERS and she has a fantasy of what that will be like. She doesn’t want you or DH getting in the way of what she wants.

Also some boomers have this notion that they deserve everything they want from their adult kids. Saying no to them is an insult because they’ve earned the right to get whatever they want. Your MIL is reacting to you and your husband saying no because she doesn’t really respect or care that you are the parents.

I agree with others that you should just not vacation with her or if you just be brutally direct. No means no. Be clear that you all are there for the cousins not her.

This is my mil and fil to a T. Mil is all about what she wants and fil enables it. Spouse and I were 40 when we had kids but they treated us like we were 12 year olds. If we ever laid down a rule or preference, they went out of their way to flaunt it. They were also not very big on loving. They were all about discipline and correction even with infants. When we told them we would not be spanking, they went ballistic. They have never been alone with our kids.

[Anonymous]

Oh my, I could have written this post, I totally relate. My MIL gives the kids things we don’t allow (like certain food with dyes that trigger migraines in one child), buys toys we don’t prefer (eg realist looking toy guns) and says things like “oh you’ll kill me when DD opens this”. She tells the kids she’s not allowed to spoil them bc of their strict parents and keeps them out later than we agree without giving us a heads up. (Kids tell us she says things like oops guess we’re gonna be late and laughs). I could go on and on. Bottom line is we do not appreciate how she diminishes our rules in front of our children. It’s disrespectful and inappropriate. So we stopped most alone time which is unfortunate but has made things better on our end. She still does things that are quite annoying and we have to see her often so I don’t really have advice, but I do feel your pain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MILs can’t win on DCUM. They’re either too hands on or not hands on enough. Too caring or not caring enough. Not willing to babysit or willing to babysit but “too flaky” to trust with the kids. Too strict or too loose.

It’s exhausting. You are all a bunch of shrews. I can’t wait until you are MILs yourselves. Karma, baby, karma.

Hi Evil Mil. Still no hobbies? Haven't found a therapist yet?

Pot meet kettle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your DH says, "Mom, knock it off. You're bugging us. Stop or you'll get even less time with your Grandchild." Or he says, "Mom, you're being rude." We won't want to be around you if you're rude.

No one gets to be rude. Relatives don't get a pass

White people, y'all are being rude in the above examples. Who talks like this??

[Anonymous]

If your parents did not pay 100% for your education and wedding, they have no say in your life. You all have a free pass to say "no" to them!😘