Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will he go if you make the appointment and go with him?

Tried that and all I got was screaming.

Scream back.

Your husband is literally wasting away in front of you. That is not your fault, but you are in denial. And you have likely been living with the situation so long that you are too close to it to see and absorb the truth.

I did scream back. I cannot throw him over my shoulder like a toddler and make him go. At this point I’m left continuing to argue with him and widening the circle of involvement. I’ve expressed concern and pushed for him to see a doctor for more than a year. His teenagers have said something to him.Nothing so far has moved the needle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will he go if you make the appointment and go with him?

Tried that and all I got was screaming.

Scream back.

Your husband is literally wasting away in front of you. That is not your fault, but you are in denial. And you have likely been living with the situation so long that you are too close to it to see and absorb the truth.

I did scream back. I cannot throw him over my shoulder like a toddler and make him go. At this point I’m left continuing to argue with him and widening the circle of involvement. I’ve expressed concern and pushed for him to see a doctor for more than a year. His teenagers have said something to him.Nothing so far has moved the needle.

Different poster, my heart goes out to you. Tell on him! Maybe. With his parents you can stage an intervention. It sucks to be in this role. Been there. Please keep us posted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be concerned about cancer. The longer you put off figuring out what is going on, the worse, if in fact it is C.

Agree, but honestly, it’s probably stage 4 by now if that much weigh loss. If he’s not in any pain, let him live in denial make sure his affairs are in order though. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will he go if you make the appointment and go with him?

Tried that and all I got was screaming.

This was my mom the last 6-9 months of her life. But her weight loss was accompanied by signifacant abdominal bloating and other symptoms she hid. She finally went to the doctor and got a scan and bloodwork and a terminal cancer diagnosis. She died 33 days later of pancreatic cancer.

Same with my dad, but 42 miserable days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could also be diabetes

No way could he go a year with type 1.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like it could be Crohn’s. My child has it. I’d definitely enlist his parents, if you think he’d listem to them. Or if he has a sibling or close friend who could convince him to see a doctor.

[Anonymous]

Who carries the insurance? Can you tell him that your insurance requires a yearly visit with blood work? (my insurance started offering a reduced rate if we had a yearly workup)

You can only do so much. If it something major, he will eventually end up in the hospital. I would focus on what you can control. Make sure that you have all the necessary documents in order (will, POA, beneficiaries updated).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who carries the insurance? Can you tell him that your insurance requires a yearly visit with blood work? (my insurance started offering a reduced rate if we had a yearly workup)

You can only do so much. If it something major, he will eventually end up in the hospital. I would focus on what you can control. Make sure that you have all the necessary documents in order (will, POA, beneficiaries updated).

I would advise "you can only do so much" approach with an difficult elderly parent where eventually having it be too late and ending up on hospice with great pain meds seems far more pleasant than descending eventually to the final stages of dementia with no ability to walk, talk, use bathroom, feed self...having seen both. For someone far younger who has children who are not even adults, and a spouse he has many years to enjoy life with, I would keep trying different avenues-tell parents/get an old college friend involved, etc, etc so if the worst happened I know I tried it all. I see it different than say an addict where you eventually have to let them hit rock bottom. I assume this man is consumed with anxiety to the point of paralysis. Heck, I'd even find out if his doctor would prescrice a few xanex so he can take one and be able to discuss the situation better and than take the others the night before each doctor's appointment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who carries the insurance? Can you tell him that your insurance requires a yearly visit with blood work? (my insurance started offering a reduced rate if we had a yearly workup)

You can only do so much. If it something major, he will eventually end up in the hospital. I would focus on what you can control. Make sure that you have all the necessary documents in order (will, POA, beneficiaries updated).

I would advise "you can only do so much" approach with an difficult elderly parent where eventually having it be too late and ending up on hospice with great pain meds seems far more pleasant than descending eventually to the final stages of dementia with no ability to walk, talk, use bathroom, feed self...having seen both. For someone far younger who has children who are not even adults, and a spouse he has many years to enjoy life with, I would keep trying different avenues-tell parents/get an old college friend involved, etc, etc so if the worst happened I know I tried it all. I see it different than say an addict where you eventually have to let them hit rock bottom. I assume this man is consumed with anxiety to the point of paralysis. Heck, I'd even find out if his doctor would prescrice a few xanex so he can take one and be able to discuss the situation better and than take the others the night before each doctor's appointment.

I agree 100% - this is something you fight for. And anxiety meds or treating it first as a mental health issue might give you a way in. I wonder if you could get him to take a xanax then take him to the ER for evaluation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who carries the insurance? Can you tell him that your insurance requires a yearly visit with blood work? (my insurance started offering a reduced rate if we had a yearly workup)

You can only do so much. If it something major, he will eventually end up in the hospital. I would focus on what you can control. Make sure that you have all the necessary documents in order (will, POA, beneficiaries updated).

I would advise "you can only do so much" approach with an difficult elderly parent where eventually having it be too late and ending up on hospice with great pain meds seems far more pleasant than descending eventually to the final stages of dementia with no ability to walk, talk, use bathroom, feed self...having seen both. For someone far younger who has children who are not even adults, and a spouse he has many years to enjoy life with, I would keep trying different avenues-tell parents/get an old college friend involved, etc, etc so if the worst happened I know I tried it all. I see it different than say an addict where you eventually have to let them hit rock bottom. I assume this man is consumed with anxiety to the point of paralysis. Heck, I'd even find out if his doctor would prescrice a few xanex so he can take one and be able to discuss the situation better and than take the others the night before each doctor's appointment.

I agree 100% - this is something you fight for. And anxiety meds or treating it first as a mental health issue might give you a way in. I wonder if you could get him to take a xanax then take him to the ER for evaluation.

How would I get him a Xanax??? We don’t have anything like that in the house, and there is no way I would just slip him something in his food/drink, if that’s what you’re suggesting.

He is less likely to see a therapist than a medical doctor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who carries the insurance? Can you tell him that your insurance requires a yearly visit with blood work? (my insurance started offering a reduced rate if we had a yearly workup)

You can only do so much. If it something major, he will eventually end up in the hospital. I would focus on what you can control. Make sure that you have all the necessary documents in order (will, POA, beneficiaries updated).

I would advise "you can only do so much" approach with an difficult elderly parent where eventually having it be too late and ending up on hospice with great pain meds seems far more pleasant than descending eventually to the final stages of dementia with no ability to walk, talk, use bathroom, feed self...having seen both. For someone far younger who has children who are not even adults, and a spouse he has many years to enjoy life with, I would keep trying different avenues-tell parents/get an old college friend involved, etc, etc so if the worst happened I know I tried it all. I see it different than say an addict where you eventually have to let them hit rock bottom. I assume this man is consumed with anxiety to the point of paralysis. Heck, I'd even find out if his doctor would prescrice a few xanex so he can take one and be able to discuss the situation better and than take the others the night before each doctor's appointment.

He works from home. His work team is spread out across the country. He never likes to go out or have anyone over which has been a huge strain on our relationship. He goes to kids sports events and his church. That’s been about it for well over a decade. We haven’t been on a vacation in almost as long. Last vacation was a long weekend and he only joined us for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be concerned about cancer. The longer you put off figuring out what is going on, the worse, if in fact it is C.

Agree, but honestly, it’s probably stage 4 by now if that much weigh loss. If he’s not in any pain, let him live in denial make sure his affairs are in order though. I’m sorry.

You are ridiculous. What kind of idiot “diagnoses” stage 4 cancer? Do you know how many conditions cause weight loss? You are likely a hypochondriac and do no one any favors.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m the PP who suggested you get a medical friend involved. I’ve been thinking about you. Have you told his parents yet? If you have a teen who is struggling, you also have a duty to them to force your husband’s hand if possible. And if your husband is at all close to his parents, maybe just tell them what’s going on and ask them to come visit. They will see for themselves and be able to talk to him in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who carries the insurance? Can you tell him that your insurance requires a yearly visit with blood work? (my insurance started offering a reduced rate if we had a yearly workup)

You can only do so much. If it something major, he will eventually end up in the hospital. I would focus on what you can control. Make sure that you have all the necessary documents in order (will, POA, beneficiaries updated).

I would advise "you can only do so much" approach with an difficult elderly parent where eventually having it be too late and ending up on hospice with great pain meds seems far more pleasant than descending eventually to the final stages of dementia with no ability to walk, talk, use bathroom, feed self...having seen both. For someone far younger who has children who are not even adults, and a spouse he has many years to enjoy life with, I would keep trying different avenues-tell parents/get an old college friend involved, etc, etc so if the worst happened I know I tried it all. I see it different than say an addict where you eventually have to let them hit rock bottom. I assume this man is consumed with anxiety to the point of paralysis. Heck, I'd even find out if his doctor would prescrice a few xanex so he can take one and be able to discuss the situation better and than take the others the night before each doctor's appointment.

He works from home. His work team is spread out across the country. He never likes to go out or have anyone over which has been a huge strain on our relationship. He goes to kids sports events and his church. That’s been about it for well over a decade. We haven’t been on a vacation in almost as long. Last vacation was a long weekend and he only joined us for dinner.

If he goes to church, talk to his priest. That could be your in. As far as getting his meds so he could attend an appointment, you could ask your nurse friend for advice on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m the PP who suggested you get a medical friend involved. I’ve been thinking about you. Have you told his parents yet? If you have a teen who is struggling, you also have a duty to them to force your husband’s hand if possible. And if your husband is at all close to his parents, maybe just tell them what’s going on and ask them to come visit. They will see for themselves and be able to talk to him in person.

Thanks. Despite my spouse’s dismissal of therapy, I did get my kid a temporary therapist via FCPS but I have been unsuccessful in getting one more permanent. They aren’t taking teens. If and when an opening comes up, they’ve told me it would likely be during school hours which will only add to the kid’s anxiety. It sucks.

My in-laws have a similar attitude about doctors. MIL has digestive issues and doctors have not found anything to elevate the issue. So, nothing is done about it. My 78yo FIL still does daily push ups and sit ups. He went into the doc for something and the doctor was concerned because of how hard his abdomen was, made a big deal about it and it turns out he’s just not used to seeing older patients who are that fit. This all leads to them not finding doctors useful or very credible. They have multiple degrees and were anti-COVID vaccine. I hope to talk to them next week but I’m not expecting much support. (They live out of state.)

I did get some people to bring up the subject this weekend. They plan to stay on it with him.