Significant weight loss, refusal to see a doctor

[Anonymous]

Mid-50s DH refuses to see a doctor. Weighs what he did in HS and practically looks anorexic. He was attributing the weight loss to the fact he no longer travels for work. That was fine as he needed to lose some weight but now he’s very, very thin and boney. He can no longer tolerate a wide variety of foods (anything with tomato, dairy, etc.). He eats but put on no weight. My teens have made comments. It is very concerning. How do you convince an otherwise competent adult to see a doctor? He looks frightening without his shirt which he never takes off (he’s never gone without a shirt and socks even in bed). He even acknowledges that he doesn’t look good and is frustrated that a lot of food isn’t tolerable any more.

[Anonymous]

I'd be concerned about cancer. The longer you put off figuring out what is going on, the worse, if in fact it is C.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be concerned about cancer. The longer you put off figuring out what is going on, the worse, if in fact it is C.

That is my concern too, that or some other serious disease. He says whatever he has, no one will be able to do anything for him. I have been trying for over a year to get him to go to a doctor. He’s always had a “lab coat” phobia as long as I’ve known him.

I mean, I’m almost at the point of calling his parents and tattling to see if they can convince him to go. Our teens have tried talking to him too. Arghh

[Anonymous]

Will he go if you make the appointment and go with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Will he go if you make the appointment and go with him?

Tried that and all I got was screaming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be concerned about cancer. The longer you put off figuring out what is going on, the worse, if in fact it is C.

That is my concern too, that or some other serious disease. He says whatever he has, no one will be able to do anything for him. I have been trying for over a year to get him to go to a doctor. He’s always had a “lab coat” phobia as long as I’ve known him.

I mean, I’m almost at the point of calling his parents and tattling to see if they can convince him to go. Our teens have tried talking to him too. Arghh

Well, that's not accurate.

Normally I'd say adults can make their own decisions, but this sounds serious. I think you should consider roping his parents in.

[Anonymous]

You can only decide what your own actions will be and then stick to that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will he go if you make the appointment and go with him?

Tried that and all I got was screaming.

This was my mom the last 6-9 months of her life. But her weight loss was accompanied by signifacant abdominal bloating and other symptoms she hid. She finally went to the doctor and got a scan and bloodwork and a terminal cancer diagnosis. She died 33 days later of pancreatic cancer.

[Anonymous]

Tell his parents. (What would you want your future SIL/DIL to do?) Do you have any friends who are doctors? Is there any kind of service where a doctor can come to the house? Or can you send info to his PCP, if DH has a good relationship with them, and see what they say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can only decide what your own actions will be and then stick to that.

I get that, but I’m stuck on how to proceed. I don’t like being manipulative but no amount of talking, expressing concern, making an appointment, etc is working. On top of that I have 2 out of state relatives (and one who recently died) to care for — and two teens one of which is struggling. I am at my limit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell his parents. (What would you want your future SIL/DIL to do?) Do you have any friends who are doctors? Is there any kind of service where a doctor can come to the house? Or can you send info to his PCP, if DH has a good relationship with them, and see what they say?

He does not have a PCP and he hasn’t seen a doctor since he broke his ankle 10years ago.

He sees a chiropractor and I’m thinking I may rope her in. I cannot believe she has not said anything to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell his parents. (What would you want your future SIL/DIL to do?) Do you have any friends who are doctors? Is there any kind of service where a doctor can come to the house? Or can you send info to his PCP, if DH has a good relationship with them, and see what they say?

He does not have a PCP and he hasn’t seen a doctor since he broke his ankle 10years ago.

He sees a chiropractor and I’m thinking I may rope her in. I cannot believe she has not said anything to him.

Well, I should add that the chiropractor is not exactly on the same page as MDs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will he go if you make the appointment and go with him?

Tried that and all I got was screaming.

This was my mom the last 6-9 months of her life. But her weight loss was accompanied by signifacant abdominal bloating and other symptoms she hid. She finally went to the doctor and got a scan and bloodwork and a terminal cancer diagnosis. She died 33 days later of pancreatic cancer.

I’m sorry for your loss. How did you finally get her to see a doctor to get diagnosed?

[Anonymous]

It's cancer, or he's on drugs. If he's not on drugs, he may be terrified of the diagnosis. You need to tell him that nowadays there are very good treatments, but only if they're taken early.

I'm really sorry, OP, but whatever it is, it's serious. Can you rope in his loved ones? Siblings, parents?

[Anonymous]

Talk about life insurance and a will. If he gets mad saying you want him to die, tell him you don't want him to die, but you are worried he will if he doesn't take care of himself.