DS friend lives in dangerous area wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you decide not to let DS go there, I think you owe the other parent a conversation. It’s not like she doesn’t know her neighborhood is higher crime, and that way she won’t worry that you’re trying to discourage the friendship. Yes, it’s going to be an awkward conversation, but I think that’s a better option than just continuing to turn down invited and leaving her a bit uncertain why. And who knows, maybe she’ll be able to assuage your fears.

This. It will be awkward but you owe her a conversation.

Completely disagree. You will be pointing out that her living circumstances are beneath you…you will offend her and the kids’ friendship will likely be over.

[Anonymous]

The kid lives there -- I assume the mother knows how to keep a child safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you decide not to let DS go there, I think you owe the other parent a conversation. It’s not like she doesn’t know her neighborhood is higher crime, and that way she won’t worry that you’re trying to discourage the friendship. Yes, it’s going to be an awkward conversation, but I think that’s a better option than just continuing to turn down invited and leaving her a bit uncertain why. And who knows, maybe she’ll be able to assuage your fears.

This. It will be awkward but you owe her a conversation.

OP here. What would this conversation even look like?

I really don’t see how OP can have a conversation about this without it going poorly. Of course it’s insulting to tell someone that you’re worried your kid isn’t safe in the neighborhood they’re raising their son in. Though OP’s fears may be 100% justified.

The people mocking OP are ridiculously naive and sheltered.

[Anonymous]

I miss the days when DCUM was for people in the DC area.

[Anonymous]

If it’s Baltimore there are definitely areas i wouldn’t let my child go. (I lived there many years.) Nbd-lots of families prefer to host or meet at a neutral place. I’d do that if it truly is a very dangerous area.

[Anonymous]

We lived in low income housing during a life transition. We purposely didn’t invite kids over because we knew we’d be judged and the kids would not be able to play together. It was a real bummer for our kid as they really wanted friends to visit their home too. Our neighborhood was not unsafe and our home was tiny but clean. The building exterior was shabby though.

[Anonymous]

Everyone on here trying to act like the OP is crazy.... you would not send your kid to anyones house you dont feel comfortable period. No explanation necessary. Even nice towns like Silver Spring have areas where you might think I dont want you hanging outside. Absolutely nothing for you to feel guilty about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you decide not to let DS go there, I think you owe the other parent a conversation. It’s not like she doesn’t know her neighborhood is higher crime, and that way she won’t worry that you’re trying to discourage the friendship. Yes, it’s going to be an awkward conversation, but I think that’s a better option than just continuing to turn down invited and leaving her a bit uncertain why. And who knows, maybe she’ll be able to assuage your fears.

This. It will be awkward but you owe her a conversation.

OP here. What would this conversation even look like?

no conversation is necessary. stop over thinking it! is your kid begging to go over there? stop talking about it and it wont be a problem

[Anonymous]

I'm blunt and direct and even more so when it comes to my kids. I don't care if it's an uncomfortable conversation. If it's an area that I'm not comfortable with, my kid isn't hanging out there. For me the conversation would like something like this...and it would take place either in person or over the phone, not via text.

Hi Jane, I think it's great that our boys have become friends. It's nice that they want to hang out after school. I'm not comfortable with the crime in XYZ neighborhood. Larlo is welcome at our house when the boys want to get together.

And then pause to let the other parent respond. She could get defensive or she could say she understands. She may feel uncomfortable about the conversation. But if I would feel uncomfortable when my kids was in her neighborhood, why should her feelings trump mine?

[Anonymous]

So, my high schooler has friends who live in the less desirable areas of PG County. Most of them are just places that I wouldn't want to live and are likely perfectly safe. One of them lives in an apartment complex and they have had stray bullets come through the window.
For the former, if they want to go visit, we allow it. For the later, the child is welcome to come to our house but I don't allow my kid to hang out there. The home situation in that case is also not great.
For the most part, they prefer to hang out at our house. Our house is bigger and they have more space to hang out. I always offer to drive and pick them up/take them home if that is an issue.
I don't think that you need to have a conversation with the parent, they know that their neighborhood isn't as "nice" as yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kid lives there -- I assume the mother knows how to keep a child safe.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm blunt and direct and even more so when it comes to my kids. I don't care if it's an uncomfortable conversation. If it's an area that I'm not comfortable with, my kid isn't hanging out there. For me the conversation would like something like this...and it would take place either in person or over the phone, not via text.

Hi Jane, I think it's great that our boys have become friends. It's nice that they want to hang out after school. I'm not comfortable with the crime in XYZ neighborhood. Larlo is welcome at our house when the boys want to get together.

And then pause to let the other parent respond. She could get defensive or she could say she understands. She may feel uncomfortable about the conversation. But if I would feel uncomfortable when my kids was in her neighborhood, why should her feelings trump mine?

Do not do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm blunt and direct and even more so when it comes to my kids. I don't care if it's an uncomfortable conversation. If it's an area that I'm not comfortable with, my kid isn't hanging out there. For me the conversation would like something like this...and it would take place either in person or over the phone, not via text.

Hi Jane, I think it's great that our boys have become friends. It's nice that they want to hang out after school. I'm not comfortable with the crime in XYZ neighborhood. Larlo is welcome at our house when the boys want to get together.

And then pause to let the other parent respond. She could get defensive or she could say she understands. She may feel uncomfortable about the conversation. But if I would feel uncomfortable when my kids was in her neighborhood, why should her feelings trump mine?

Do not do this.

+5000000 please do not do this - is this person on this planet?!

[Anonymous]

You can’t have a conversation without insulting them.
Let your kid go just tell him to be aware of his surroundings. I’m assuming these visits are during daylight hours? He’s not hanging out in the dark outside making friends with gang members.

[Anonymous]

Some people think DC is super dangerous too. Yet we manage to raise our kids here just fine. Sooooo.....not really sure I can take you seriously, OP.