Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf

[Anonymous]

I try to cover my dates with sun screen.

Early on, I ask them about their rectum and colon —to make sure they are taking age- appropriate medical measures.

[Anonymous]

I dont blame you for being hesitant. You have your hands full with a 10 and a 13 year old. But you need to be very clear with her about it.

[Anonymous]

You have to tell her you don't want kids, and back it up by getting snipped. She can take it or leave it.

I've seen this happen to way too many guys-- they don't actually want more kids, but they want the new relationship to work so eventually they drift into marriage and kids. But then they don't actually have the time, money, or energy to be the father of four kids across two moms, so there's a lot of stress and everyone ends up disappointed. The older set of kids resents this and drifts away, the dad blames their mom but it's really his fault for shortchanging them on quality time. The new wife resents that they aren't really new parents together, and resents having to deal with and plan around and pay for the step-kids. The dad can't quite grasp that his poor judgment teed up this entire situation and feels so put-upon and exhausted. It's a bad scene all around. Don't do this to yourself and your kids, OP!

[Anonymous]

Just break up. You sound like you're not ready to commit and she needs to if she is having kids. Don't waste her fertility. Also, your unwillingness to have more kids is totally valid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are we collectively guarding some ladies future
it makes no sense. i don’t think there is any ethical issue here as long as there is no lying or deceit

She absolutely could trap him too. It's not a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Cut her loose op you're wasting this young woman's time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have fun. Don’t-sweat it. Women can make their own minds. Doing anything else is playing dad
—45 year-old athletic female who looks young

She can only make up her own mind if she has all the relevant information.

Don’t string her along. Communicate clearly.

Still disagree. I would never share all my thoughts on everything with some guy I’m dating. She is an adult. SHE can ask her OWN questions

Clearly she has broached the topic and OP has elected to lie by omission. He’s in the wrong here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are we collectively guarding some ladies future
it makes no sense. i don’t think there is any ethical issue here as long as there is no lying or deceit

Probably because most of us aren’t sociopathic or misogynistic…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are we collectively guarding some ladies future
it makes no sense. i don’t think there is any ethical issue here as long as there is no lying or deceit

Because DCUM never likes it when a man is dating a younger woman who is beautiful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have fun. Don’t-sweat it. Women can make their own minds. Doing anything else is playing dad
—45 year-old athletic female who looks young

She can only make up her own mind if she has all the relevant information.

Don’t string her along. Communicate clearly.

Still disagree. I would never share all my thoughts on everything with some guy I’m dating. She is an adult. SHE can ask her OWN questions

Clearly she has broached the topic and OP has elected to lie by omission. He’s in the wrong here.

You are right. Rereading the OP he hasn't been honest with himself much less her. She thinks that because she put it put there that she wants kids and he has kids that they are on the same page.

Guaranteed the moment you are honest OP she loses interest and moves on. That's really what you fear here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I try to cover my dates with sun screen.

Early on, I ask them about their rectum and colon —to make sure they are taking age- appropriate medical measures.

Sounds like extreme intimacy.

[Anonymous]

When I was a single 32 year old who wanted kids, I heard from a lot of divorced dads in their forties and wouldn't consider any of them for this reason. I really don't know what she's thinking. Your kids are also the worst possible age for her. Younger or already grown could be worked with, by either having a blended family without a huge age gap, or starting fresh, respectively.
You really shouldn't have to cut her loose for her own sake but she really doesn't seem to be thinking clearly about her future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are we collectively guarding some ladies future
it makes no sense. i don’t think there is any ethical issue here as long as there is no lying or deceit

Because DCUM never likes it when a man is dating a younger woman who is beautiful.

Many of us are her age. Which is why we don’t want OP to waste her fertile window when we or our friends have struggled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be very clear with her if you are done having kids.

This. You don’t want the same things. Stop wasting her time and yours.

[Anonymous]

You need to date women in their 40s with kids (many are nearly empty nesters by 45). Don't allow a situation where she can get pregnant: it can happen from one night and faulty protection. She will have a baby, and you will end up with CS, limited college chances for your kids and delayed retirement in your 60s by at least 10 years.

I've seen many twice divorced men in their min 50s who got married to younger women with initial understanding that there won't be kids. But she gets pregnant accidentally or insists and he agrees. Then the new young family can't handle financial challenges and conflicts in blended household, ending in divorce.