Dating after divorce big age gap with new gf

[Anonymous]

I’m a recently divorced 45 years old and recently (1 year post divorce) began a relationship with someone who is 32 years old. I have 2 kids from my prior marriage and see them weekly. And I also often take my son across the country for his fencing competitions. So I am quite busy and I am not sure she grasps the downsides of being with someone at this stage in their lives. We met through a dating site and she reached out to me.

She has no kids She has hinted that one day she would love to get married and have children. Honestly I am not sure I want to go through raising children all over again. And also sometimes I am kind of insecure as to why she would be with me and not with someone closer to her age. Now I don’t look my age as I am athletic and in great physical shape (but I am still 45 on paper lol).

If you dated someone with this much of an age gap, did it become an issue down the line?

Right now she is really into me (not being narcissistic) I just don’t want her to be disappointed down the line and I am thinking about having this conversation about us and the future at some point.

[Anonymous]

The maturity of a 32 years old woman is very different than that from a 32 years old man. I think a 45 years old woman would be more concerned dating a 32 years old man than vice Versa. See women sometimes don’t ask much, take care of them emotionally, show them love, pay attention to their need and don’t cheat on them and they will go crazy for you. So it’s quite possible this lady sees in you a great future dad and husband. And the fact that you are still in your kids life while it could be a turn off for some women who perhaps will worry about the attention they will get from you for others it’s a positive signal.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have almost the same age difference, though we met when we were 37/25 and neither had been married. So I personally think the age difference isn’t a problem. I do think you need to be extremely open with her if you don’t want more kids, though.

[Anonymous]

Of course she will want kids but if you are so busy and only see your kids weekly more isn't a good idea.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids and what do you mean you “see them weekly”?

[Anonymous]

You need to be very clear with her if you are done having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to be very clear with her if you are done having kids.

I was going to say the same thing. And don’t shut down the door about having more kids. I know it’s not easy especially with a first time mom. And I honestly think that once you fall in love with her you will change your mind about having more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids and what do you mean you “see them weekly”?

OP here my kids are 10 and 13. And should have clarified, I have physical custody every weekend.

[Anonymous]

The age gap is fine. Women over 30 have other criteria other than age gap. The only advice I would give you once you become serious and decide to move forward is to give her a lot of space to enjoy her life hang out with friends etc.

[Anonymous]

Look, OP, you don’t want more kids and her eggs are drying up. Time for “the conversation.”

[Anonymous]

Yes, if you date a woman in her 30s then you are agreeing to have another set of kids. If that isn't you, move on and don't give her hope that you'll change your mind.

I'm a woman, but I would have 0 interest in more kids no matter how hot or young a guy was. No thanks, hard pass.

[Anonymous]

I would get snipped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, OP, you don’t want more kids and her eggs are drying up. Time for “the conversation.”

This. It's pretty simple.

-A divorced 40s dad

[Anonymous]

Two things: be clear with her that you don’t want more kids and two get snipped.

[Anonymous]

Have fun. Don’t-sweat it. Women can make their own minds. Doing anything else is playing dad
—45 year-old athletic female who looks young