How long after giving birth did you get back to ... ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, two different metrics -- when it's safe to have sex because you've healed enough not to pull stitches or cause infection, and when you personally want to have sex.

I was cleared at my 6 week appointment for sex but I had serious PPD and I think the first time we had sex was at probably 6 or 7 months, and to be honest it was largely because I just wanted to see how it went and not because I really wanted to do it. And it wasn't great sex and I wasn't eager to do it again soon, in part because my body was just not responding with arousal.

I wouldn't say that sex felt back to normal for almost 2 years. I know that's not typical for others, but I'm adding it here as a data point just to show that there is a very broad range.

That’s the thing: I think it IS normal for most women, but there is a lot of legacy misogyny in healthcare leading to such stupidities as being even medically ok after 6 weeks. The vagina has not shrunk back down at 6 weeks. Second+ degree tears are not fully healed and scar tissue supple at 6 weeks. Many are still bleeding at 6 weeks. Most still experience some pain or weird sensations or numbness at 6 weeks. Six weeks is totally bonkers and caters to the idea that men will leave women or cheat if they are ever denied sex, even postpartum, so women need to know when they absolute soonest second is that they could maybe have sex and not die. That’s a low bar.

[Anonymous]

I had easy vaginal deliveries and had sex at 5 weeks after the first, 8 weeks after the second, and 10 weeks after the third. For me, it was more exhaustion than any physical issue with my vagina. We had sex once every couple weeks for the first year of each kid’s life. I wasn’t always super excited for it, but I think sex is important in a marriage.

[Anonymous]

It’s important to see the doctor first to make sure the internal wound within your uterus is healing.

[Anonymous]

So use your mouth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So use your mouth

Use yours.

[Anonymous]

Mouth and fingers also not OK until after everything is healed. Clean toys, externally are safe.

[Anonymous]

We did it after the 6 week checkup. I was nervous and I made my husband promise to be gentle. It was fine, we resumed regular sex but I didn’t particularly enjoy it for a few months. It didn’t hurt, but I felt uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

After csections it took me awhile to feel healed up enough. I can’t remember how long that was though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We did it after the 6 week checkup. I was nervous and I made my husband promise to be gentle. It was fine, we resumed regular sex but I didn’t particularly enjoy it for a few months. It didn’t hurt, but I felt uncomfortable.

This is really sad and makes me angry at your husband.

[Anonymous]

Near 4th degree tear here with pelvic floor muscle trauma. We did not try until 7 months and it was agony. I’ve done years of pelvic PT, estrogen cream, etc. and weaned and it never got back to “normal.” I have a huge ridge of scar tissue in my vagina from where it tore and it’s just never gotten to the point where I’m pain free. Sex irritates it and then I pay the price of discomfort and soreness for days and it can be uncomfortable to sit and walk. DH was understanding for a while that I didn’t want to have sex but after multiple years and pelvic floor therapists and not much improvement he stopped caring. I basically force myself to have sex once a week or so now mostly so I don’t end up divorced, but honestly, if it were my choice I probably would be 100 percent fine with never having PIV sec again. And yes, I’ve seen specialists and done all the things. I am sad and envious of women who had easy births and could have normal sex afterwards. I am ruined for life from mine.

[Anonymous]

11 months but I honestly didn’t start to enjoy it again until I dealt with postpartum depression and anxiety which took 4 years to get ahead of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Near 4th degree tear here with pelvic floor muscle trauma. We did not try until 7 months and it was agony. I’ve done years of pelvic PT, estrogen cream, etc. and weaned and it never got back to “normal.” I have a huge ridge of scar tissue in my vagina from where it tore and it’s just never gotten to the point where I’m pain free. Sex irritates it and then I pay the price of discomfort and soreness for days and it can be uncomfortable to sit and walk. DH was understanding for a while that I didn’t want to have sex but after multiple years and pelvic floor therapists and not much improvement he stopped caring. I basically force myself to have sex once a week or so now mostly so I don’t end up divorced, but honestly, if it were my choice I probably would be 100 percent fine with never having PIV sec again. And yes, I’ve seen specialists and done all the things. I am sad and envious of women who had easy births and could have normal sex afterwards. I am ruined for life from mine.

No advice, but wanted to say how sorry I am. I experienced a lot of pain when I had sex six weeks after my first. Luckily I never experienced that level of pain or discomfort after (or anything close) with sex again after my first or second. I can't imagine how difficult it would be for that to be my reality when it came to sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Near 4th degree tear here with pelvic floor muscle trauma. We did not try until 7 months and it was agony. I’ve done years of pelvic PT, estrogen cream, etc. and weaned and it never got back to “normal.” I have a huge ridge of scar tissue in my vagina from where it tore and it’s just never gotten to the point where I’m pain free. Sex irritates it and then I pay the price of discomfort and soreness for days and it can be uncomfortable to sit and walk. DH was understanding for a while that I didn’t want to have sex but after multiple years and pelvic floor therapists and not much improvement he stopped caring. I basically force myself to have sex once a week or so now mostly so I don’t end up divorced, but honestly, if it were my choice I probably would be 100 percent fine with never having PIV sec again. And yes, I’ve seen specialists and done all the things. I am sad and envious of women who had easy births and could have normal sex afterwards. I am ruined for life from mine.

Very very sorry to hear this. All we can hope is there are advancements in medicine to treat this in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Near 4th degree tear here with pelvic floor muscle trauma. We did not try until 7 months and it was agony. I’ve done years of pelvic PT, estrogen cream, etc. and weaned and it never got back to “normal.” I have a huge ridge of scar tissue in my vagina from where it tore and it’s just never gotten to the point where I’m pain free. Sex irritates it and then I pay the price of discomfort and soreness for days and it can be uncomfortable to sit and walk. DH was understanding for a while that I didn’t want to have sex but after multiple years and pelvic floor therapists and not much improvement he stopped caring. I basically force myself to have sex once a week or so now mostly so I don’t end up divorced, but honestly, if it were my choice I probably would be 100 percent fine with never having PIV sec again. And yes, I’ve seen specialists and done all the things. I am sad and envious of women who had easy births and could have normal sex afterwards. I am ruined for life from mine.

Very very sorry to hear this. All we can hope is there are advancements in medicine to treat this in the future.

This kind of story should be openly discussed when OBs and midwives push for vaginal delivery at all costs, just to keep their hospital's C-section rate down for good ratings or whatever. I am SO sorry you're going through that, PP. If I were you, personally, I would call every urogynecology surgeon I could find and beg them to do a consult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Six weeks is the medical waiting period. We starting having sex around then, but it wasn’t good until I weaned each kid.

This matches my experience.