Thinking of bagging college for DD this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Think about what DD would do in that year off. If there's something cool she wants to do and/or you have the money to send her off to flit around Europe for 6 months, great. But if she's going to mope around the house and/or work part time gigs at Giant, I'd say no. If anything she'll end up even more disconnected from her peer group and likely more depressed. Her HS friends will be in college and no they won't be texting her back when she's sitting home bored bc they'll be off partying and making new friends. She won't have college friends. And in no universe did getting yelled at by a retail store middle manager ever make anyone's depression any better.

If there aren't specific gap year plans, much better to just go to the school she got into and see how it goes and then if she still doesn't warm up to it, fill out transfer applications.

Other option is she stays at home but takes a full schedule of classes at a community college, so she's at least earning some college credit and then can start filling out transfer apps with an eye to going where she wants to go the following year.

But she would also be doing this if she went to her accepted college. Community college does nothing to address the social aspects mentioned by the PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know the right thing for your daughter. But as a parent of a kid who was not able to continue to the next level, I cannot tell you how hard it is to get things back on track. Losing the momentum is huge. Your daughter isn’t a kid who has a gap year goal or plan. She’s a kid who is failing out of the next step - even if you dress it up, this is the reality. There is no easy answer.

I have to agree with this.
Please be very careful.

My own senior is incredibly burned out. He has special needs that made his last years of high school really difficult, and we purposefully chose a private university that has the reputation of working well with such kids. I sat in on his meeting with Disability Services, they will get him all sorts of services and accommodations. This summer he has NOTHING lined up. I want him to rest, recharge, and get back to enjoying life. We will travel a bit, he will emerge from his funk and probably hit the ground running come move-in day.

Best of luck to your kid.

[Anonymous]

What does your daughter want to study at college ?

Has she looked into theme housing ?

Seems like she was admitted either to U Michigan or to U Virginia. Hard for me to imagine an 18 year old who isn't excited about either school. Try to find something specific about the university that might be of interest to her.

[Anonymous]

I would keep her options open until a professional steps in.

Get her treated ASAP.

I would seek a college within a few hours driving distance, given her fragility right now.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your daughter want to study at college ?

Has she looked into theme housing ?

Seems like she was admitted either to U Michigan or to U Virginia. Hard for me to imagine an 18 year old who isn't excited about either school. Try to find something specific about the university that might be of interest to her.

Why? None of my teens would ever want to go there, and it has nothing to do with their ranking, but everything to do with fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your daughter want to study at college ?

Has she looked into theme housing ?

Seems like she was admitted either to U Michigan or to U Virginia. Hard for me to imagine an 18 year old who isn't excited about either school. Try to find something specific about the university that might be of interest to her.

Why? None of my teens would ever want to go there, and it has nothing to do with their ranking, but everything to do with fit.

Not one of those two schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know the right thing for your daughter. But as a parent of a kid who was not able to continue to the next level, I cannot tell you how hard it is to get things back on track. Losing the momentum is huge. Your daughter isn’t a kid who has a gap year goal or plan. She’s a kid who is failing out of the next step - even if you dress it up, this is the reality. There is no easy answer.

I have to agree with this.
Please be very careful.

My own senior is incredibly burned out. He has special needs that made his last years of high school really difficult, and we purposefully chose a private university that has the reputation of working well with such kids. I sat in on his meeting with Disability Services, they will get him all sorts of services and accommodations. This summer he has NOTHING lined up. I want him to rest, recharge, and get back to enjoying life. We will travel a bit, he will emerge from his funk and probably hit the ground running come move-in day.

Best of luck to your kid.

+1. Very smart to have a calm, relaxing summer for your DC. I am the OP and while my DD does not have special needs, she does have the depression/ anxiety. High school was essentially a nightmare, though she did well. But the stress that kids have on them these days. I cannot imagine having special needs to boot. It sounds like you are on target.

Someone asked if my DD has chosen theme housing. The answer to this is “yes”. Part of the initial problem was that she did not get the form in on a timely basis for theme housing. So I wrote to the residence life director to see if she can still be admitted. Yes, a mess. I have told her that colleges do not wait on deadlines. You need to submit things on time. I am trying to stay up on important deadlines like this as much as I can but I know that kids need to be self sufficient too. With the depression and anxiety, it is hard to know how much to help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would keep her options open until a professional steps in.

Get her treated ASAP.

I would seek a college within a few hours driving distance, given her fragility right now.

Good luck.

+10. Yup. College is within driving distance - not short a few hours though. That was in my mind also.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah no since it is driven by you and not her, this is not a good idea.

You want her to hagn around the house and be depressed?

She got into a good school. She says she wants to go.

Have her do the random selection for roommates. She doesn't need to pick someone out.

DO make sure she gets the housing info in. Kids who turn their housing info in past the deadline get screwed on housing often.

+1. Its June. I assume she is either just graduating or will be soon. Sounds like she needs a mental health break, and she'll get it, it's called summer. Let her enjoy the summer, hang with friends and eventually she will get more motivated. If you are threatening her to keep her home for a year, that is going to backfire. Back off.

My DD didn't want to deal with college stuff either for a while over the summer. Sh was very excited about the school she was going to and had a roommate but refused even think about shopping for college stuff until mid to late July. It's a huge transition and for her, she just wasn't ready to fully dive in until it got a little closer to the first day of school. and that is FINE.

+1. These kids are so exhausted after being in these competitive AP or bust environments. And horrible, competitive college admissions. It’s unhealthy, I think. Let your DD rest

[Anonymous]

This happened to me. I applied for a different college that I was decently excited about for entrance in the spring semester. In the meantime I did administrative stuff in my dad's office to earn money. It wasn't the most exciting time of my life (like the gap year to Europe I dreamed about) but I'm so glad I didn't try to push through things and go to a school I wasn't excited about when I was burnt out.

[Anonymous]

1. If she needs mental health services, I’d suggest that takes priority.

2. Unless she’s medically unable to continue I’m ordinarily against “gap years” for all of the reasons noted by PP’s and in particular because they can easily lead to loss of scholastic momentum.

3. I think kids sometimes just aren’t as focused on things like housing deadlines and the like as we are, partly because they’re still busy with high school and/or kind of burned out and partly because of immaturity. I think most colleges are in tune with this and will provide catch up opportunities if asked.

4. It is OK for you to pull out and let her be in charge of doing things herself and/or limiting your role to whatever she specifically asks of you. But please don’t just silently slip away. Some of her lack of involvement may be because she is used to you taking care of stuff. You don’t want nobody piloting the ship because each of you thought the other was taking care of it.

This is a tough situation. I hope you and your daughter can quickly get things going in the right direction.

[Anonymous]

This is crazy. She got into a good school. You’re the one making this more miserable by nagging her and obviously approaching it in terms of your own bad attitude about it. Be excited for her! Make it fun! Order takeout she likes and bang out those forms in a single night. To say helping her is too much for you because you work and considering having her not go is selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy. She got into a good school. You’re the one making this more miserable by nagging her and obviously approaching it in terms of your own bad attitude about it. Be excited for her! Make it fun! Order takeout she likes and bang out those forms in a single night. To say helping her is too much for you because you work and considering having her not go is selfish.

You need to read the postings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is crazy. She got into a good school. You’re the one making this more miserable by nagging her and obviously approaching it in terms of your own bad attitude about it. Be excited for her! Make it fun! Order takeout she likes and bang out those forms in a single night. To say helping her is too much for you because you work and considering having her not go is selfish.

+1 Solid advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is accepted to a top 25 public school. It wasn’t her first choice and she isn’t excited at all. Has had to be prodded to complete housing app, orientation, set up appointment with advisor. Other kids seem so razzed and my kid isn’t at all.

She also seems to be suffering from some depression. This past senior year was so stressful and tough on her. I think she is exhausted, quite frankly, and depressed.

In short, just thinking of not sending her to college next year. Also think the choice of college was likely wrong and she may need a smaller place.

Anyone just step away completely for a year and then enter at a later date? I think a year off might be best at this point.

Forget the therapy suggestions--just go to the beach for a week.