Thinking of bagging college for DD this year.

[Anonymous]

DD is accepted to a top 25 public school. It wasn’t her first choice and she isn’t excited at all. Has had to be prodded to complete housing app, orientation, set up appointment with advisor. Other kids seem so razzed and my kid isn’t at all.

She also seems to be suffering from some depression. This past senior year was so stressful and tough on her. I think she is exhausted, quite frankly, and depressed.

In short, just thinking of not sending her to college next year. Also think the choice of college was likely wrong and she may need a smaller place.

Anyone just step away completely for a year and then enter at a later date? I think a year off might be best at this point.

[Anonymous]

It's called a gap year and is very common, but the you have to apply for it and the school has to OK it.

[Anonymous]

Is your daughter interested in bagging it?

[Anonymous]

Think about what DD would do in that year off. If there's something cool she wants to do and/or you have the money to send her off to flit around Europe for 6 months, great. But if she's going to mope around the house and/or work part time gigs at Giant, I'd say no. If anything she'll end up even more disconnected from her peer group and likely more depressed. Her HS friends will be in college and no they won't be texting her back when she's sitting home bored bc they'll be off partying and making new friends. She won't have college friends. And in no universe did getting yelled at by a retail store middle manager ever make anyone's depression any better.

If there aren't specific gap year plans, much better to just go to the school she got into and see how it goes and then if she still doesn't warm up to it, fill out transfer applications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Think about what DD would do in that year off. If there's something cool she wants to do and/or you have the money to send her off to flit around Europe for 6 months, great. But if she's going to mope around the house and/or work part time gigs at Giant, I'd say no. If anything she'll end up even more disconnected from her peer group and likely more depressed. Her HS friends will be in college and no they won't be texting her back when she's sitting home bored bc they'll be off partying and making new friends. She won't have college friends. And in no universe did getting yelled at by a retail store middle manager ever make anyone's depression any better.

If there aren't specific gap year plans, much better to just go to the school she got into and see how it goes and then if she still doesn't warm up to it, fill out transfer applications.

Other option is she stays at home but takes a full schedule of classes at a community college, so she's at least earning some college credit and then can start filling out transfer apps with an eye to going where she wants to go the following year.

[Anonymous]

You’re on to something OP. Give her 5k to bop around Central America. Let her breathe. College will be there. She can reapply or use the time to get her head in the game of a great school.

[Anonymous]

She says “no” she wants to go but shows no motivation when it is time to fill out forms or look for roommates. There is too much to do and I work and will not prod her on all
Of it. It’s too much for me.

She’s been a great student and is normally very responsible. I just think she isn’t thrilled and is suffering from depression. Her own personal makeup, a very stressful school year and admissions cycle have left her confused and depressed.

I am seeking help
For her but would like to
Just bag the entire thing and restart in a year.

Just want to start all over. I can’t see sending her in her present unmotivated state

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is accepted to a top 25 public school. It wasn’t her first choice and she isn’t excited at all. Has had to be prodded to complete housing app, orientation, set up appointment with advisor. Other kids seem so razzed and my kid isn’t at all.

She also seems to be suffering from some depression. This past senior year was so stressful and tough on her. I think she is exhausted, quite frankly, and depressed.

In short, just thinking of not sending her to college next year. Also think the choice of college was likely wrong and she may need a smaller place.

Anyone just step away completely for a year and then enter at a later date? I think a year off might be best at this point.

Bad idea. She'll mope around. Send her to college and in the meantime talk with her and figure out what's wrong.

[Anonymous]

Weird take OP. Most of the best roommate situations are random. You can fill out the insurance waivers to keep on your insurance and the immunization forms and she can do the housing and meal plan. Otherwise, stop nagging her and just try to enjoy her company for a few more months.

[Anonymous]

Op, I think what YOU want to do ... is unimportant. This would have to be her idea and she would have to be the one advancing the idea. She has earned admission. She has the right to go.

[Anonymous]

I would seek help with her doctor if you think she has depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Weird take OP. Most of the best roommate situations are random. You can fill out the insurance waivers to keep on your insurance and the immunization forms and she can do the housing and meal plan. Otherwise, stop nagging her and just try to enjoy her company for a few more months.

Not nagging. She had to be reminded to complete the housing form or risk not having housing at all. My idea IS to quit reminding ( you call it nagging) and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would seek help with her doctor if you think she has depression.

Of course.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know the right thing for your daughter. But as a parent of a kid who was not able to continue to the next level, I cannot tell you how hard it is to get things back on track. Losing the momentum is huge. Your daughter isn’t a kid who has a gap year goal or plan. She’s a kid who is failing out of the next step - even if you dress it up, this is the reality. There is no easy answer.

[Anonymous]

Your dd is probably burned out by the whole application process. I don't think skipping a year is going to make a difference, but cutting back on stress and pressure might.