Tackfully tell family member to stop bringing lousy food to potlucks

[Anonymous]

I'll help you, OP. The others are being way too nasty.


"Dear Mom, you're so wonderful for having made those quiches. It's the old French recipe book, right? So fancy! I'm sure finding the sorrel for the salmon must have been a pain. But the kids actually want something more casual, you know. They don't have your refined palate. Maybe next time you can make your famous apple crumble? Easy on the cardamon. Let me know, OK? I'd hate for you to spend so much time on something that only a few guests know to appreciate!"


There, you see, easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
All I care about is whether the food is good, OP. In my experience, people are usually such bad cooks that bringing grocery store or restaurant food will yield the same result: the crispy things will be soggy, everything will be too fat, too salty or too sweet.

Now perhaps you *meant* to say that her food was awful, while the rest was delicious home-made fare. In that case, you have my sympathies, but also a question: if no one eats her food, hasn't she got the message yet? Or maybe this poor relative is incapable of cooking, and just wants to contribute. Perhaps then you should just thank her and be nice.

People do eat it, but I'm sure it is only to be polite. My mother spent a long time making three quiches and was hurt that those didn't get "sympathy" eaten like the waffles. Everyone says her food is "fun" or better than they could make at home.

THE GOAL IS THAT THE FOOD IS EDIBLE.
THE GOAL IS NOT TO REWARD EFFORT.
This is not a Kindergartener's craft project!

Sorry to be blunt, but your mother's quiches are not appreciated by this crowd, and this person's food is.

When people want to be polite, they take a tiny token amount on their plate. If this relative's food is being eaten in large amounts, and she gets compliments every single time, then she is wisely making the right food choices. Your mother has to get better at cooking what people want to eat, or take a leaf out of the relative's book and buy food.

Well said. You should write an advice column.

[Anonymous]

I would love the quiche.

My husband and kids would have been all over the waffles, egg rolls and lobster bisque.

Another thing that I've heard goes over well are takeout pizzas cut into appetizer size squares.

Also those meatballs that you make with a grape jelly and chili sauce that you cook in the crockpot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
All I care about is whether the food is good, OP. In my experience, people are usually such bad cooks that bringing grocery store or restaurant food will yield the same result: the crispy things will be soggy, everything will be too fat, too salty or too sweet.

Now perhaps you *meant* to say that her food was awful, while the rest was delicious home-made fare. In that case, you have my sympathies, but also a question: if no one eats her food, hasn't she got the message yet? Or maybe this poor relative is incapable of cooking, and just wants to contribute. Perhaps then you should just thank her and be nice.

People do eat it, but I'm sure it is only to be polite. My mother spent a long time making three quiches and was hurt that those didn't get "sympathy" eaten like the waffles. Everyone says her food is "fun" or better than they could make at home.

You have your answer. People like what she brings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
All I care about is whether the food is good, OP. In my experience, people are usually such bad cooks that bringing grocery store or restaurant food will yield the same result: the crispy things will be soggy, everything will be too fat, too salty or too sweet.

Now perhaps you *meant* to say that her food was awful, while the rest was delicious home-made fare. In that case, you have my sympathies, but also a question: if no one eats her food, hasn't she got the message yet? Or maybe this poor relative is incapable of cooking, and just wants to contribute. Perhaps then you should just thank her and be nice.

People do eat it, but I'm sure it is only to be polite. My mother spent a long time making three quiches and was hurt that those didn't get "sympathy" eaten like the waffles. Everyone says her food is "fun" or better than they could make at home.

LOLOLOL people actually LIKE the waffles.

[Anonymous]

Tactfully

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it if preparing the dishes yourself has a lot of meaning for you but food contributed in a potluck doesn't have to be homemade. Consider for a moment that the personal effort made in preparing the dish is less important to her (or maybe she can't cook well or doesn't have the time or whatever) and maybe her motivation is based on contributing something she can present as both fun and tasty. Think of it as her "potluck love language" and focus instead on the togetherness of the event.

[Anonymous]

LOL this whole thread made me laugh. Starting with "tackfully."

[Anonymous]

[youtube]

Anonymous wrote:How can I tell a family member to stop bringing their lousy food to potlucks. For mother's Day she brought two huge containers of lobster bisque from a grocery store with plastic cups and spoons to serve it in. broke up some cheese crisps to drop on top & little paper container of heavy whipping cream. For a brunch, she bought 10 waffles from waffle house. cut in quarters and put out some kinds of syrup in the bottles, can of whip cream, blueberries, cut up strawberries at my house, and put on a plastic platter from a dollar store. Other things like crab rangoons & egg rolls from a Chinese restaurant with a bunch of chopsticks. She "served" those in the takeout red/white containers.

This is all stuff she brings right from the grocery store or restaurants, still in the bags, wrapped up. Everyone else makes food and brings it in nice containers. Should I assign her items to bring or just tell her to not bother with her grocery store run? With holiday tomorrow who knows what she'll show up with.

Or rather, how can I tell this family member to stop making successful food so my mom stops complaining to me about her meh dishes no on wants.

[Anonymous]

It’s a potluck, moron. The “luck” part is like, you get what you get, good luck.

If you want a nice, civilize meal, host a grown-up event and stop expecting your guests to do 80% of the work. Potlucks are for 20somethings, neighborhood block parties, and losers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Yes, a typo. The issue is she isn't putting any real effort. She is picking up stuff from a store or restaurant. Everyone else is taking the time to cook food and plate it. She literally stops on her way over. Can't even put on a real platter or bowl. She agrees to bring items but can't bother to make things. Her own family is only worth a quick stop at the grocery store.The rest of the family says how good the soup is or such but they are only being nice. It is so dismissive of her. She eats everyone else's real food.

I’d rather have Chinese food like Crab Rangoon than the stupid homemade stuff you’re bringing. Oh what’s that, Buffalo dip with cat hair in it. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

YOU are the one not making an effort, OP. You’re a loser if you think “hosting” is throwing a damn potluck. Gross. Be an adult and host a real dinner or party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
All I care about is whether the food is good, OP. In my experience, people are usually such bad cooks that bringing grocery store or restaurant food will yield the same result: the crispy things will be soggy, everything will be too fat, too salty or too sweet.

Now perhaps you *meant* to say that her food was awful, while the rest was delicious home-made fare. In that case, you have my sympathies, but also a question: if no one eats her food, hasn't she got the message yet? Or maybe this poor relative is incapable of cooking, and just wants to contribute. Perhaps then you should just thank her and be nice.

People do eat it, but I'm sure it is only to be polite. My mother spent a long time making three quiches and was hurt that those didn't get "sympathy" eaten like the waffles. Everyone says her food is "fun" or better than they could make at home.

Ah okay. So you and your mom are sour because this relative has managed to provide food that people like, rather than spending a long time making food that no one eats. Other people are not upset and think her food is both fun and of good quality.

I think you and your mom should stop attending family events with this person, since you both seem to resent her so much.

+1. It’s a no from me on the old lady quiche when I’ve seen the kitchen habits of the old lady in question—not washing her hands, licking her fingers, dog in the kitchen. Yes to Chinese food, no to old lady potluck items. Quiche is boring.

[Anonymous]

This thread is hilarious. Good job, DCUM!

[Anonymous]

I am a person who usually makes something from scratch for potlucks, but I am in love with the take-out waffle idea and totally doing that next time. Genius.