Tackfully tell family member to stop bringing lousy food to potlucks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to come to my potlucks instead.

...or mine.

[Anonymous]

OP. Yes, a typo. The issue is she isn't putting any real effort. She is picking up stuff from a store or restaurant. Everyone else is taking the time to cook food and plate it. She literally stops on her way over. Can't even put on a real platter or bowl. She agrees to bring items but can't bother to make things. Her own family is only worth a quick stop at the grocery store.The rest of the family says how good the soup is or such but they are only being nice. It is so dismissive of her. She eats everyone else's real food.

[Anonymous]

Stop having potlucks.

Why can’t people cook for others?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Yes, a typo. The issue is she isn't putting any real effort. She is picking up stuff from a store or restaurant. Everyone else is taking the time to cook food and plate it. She literally stops on her way over. Can't even put on a real platter or bowl. She agrees to bring items but can't bother to make things. Her own family is only worth a quick stop at the grocery store.The rest of the family says how good the soup is or such but they are only being nice. It is so dismissive of her. She eats everyone else's real food.

You still haven’t said why this is such an issue for you other than you believe she isn’t making any real effort. Why does that bother you so much? Why do you care what effort is being put into a potluck?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Yes, a typo. The issue is she isn't putting any real effort. She is picking up stuff from a store or restaurant. Everyone else is taking the time to cook food and plate it. She literally stops on her way over. Can't even put on a real platter or bowl. She agrees to bring items but can't bother to make things. Her own family is only worth a quick stop at the grocery store.The rest of the family says how good the soup is or such but they are only being nice. It is so dismissive of her. She eats everyone else's real food.

That is real food! Maybe she can’t cook and that’s the best she can do. You don’t have to eat it. My kids would be so excited about the waffles. Honestly lots of people make some “fancy” dish and it’s terrible because they weren’t really up for the challenge or didn’t have the right equipment. I don’t see the issue here at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
All I care about is whether the food is good, OP. In my experience, people are usually such bad cooks that bringing grocery store or restaurant food will yield the same result: the crispy things will be soggy, everything will be too fat, too salty or too sweet.

Now perhaps you *meant* to say that her food was awful, while the rest was delicious home-made fare. In that case, you have my sympathies, but also a question: if no one eats her food, hasn't she got the message yet? Or maybe this poor relative is incapable of cooking, and just wants to contribute. Perhaps then you should just thank her and be nice.

People do eat it, but I'm sure it is only to be polite. My mother spent a long time making three quiches and was hurt that those didn't get "sympathy" eaten like the waffles. Everyone says her food is "fun" or better than they could make at home.

[Anonymous]

A potluck doesn’t dictate that you have to cook the food. In fact, I like her way better. Would you rather she bought nothing, or didn’t come at all!? I would much rather someone buy something than attempt to cook if they don’t know how Or don’t have the time. And her ideas are pretty creative, and she’s putting in a lot of thought and effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
All I care about is whether the food is good, OP. In my experience, people are usually such bad cooks that bringing grocery store or restaurant food will yield the same result: the crispy things will be soggy, everything will be too fat, too salty or too sweet.

Now perhaps you *meant* to say that her food was awful, while the rest was delicious home-made fare. In that case, you have my sympathies, but also a question: if no one eats her food, hasn't she got the message yet? Or maybe this poor relative is incapable of cooking, and just wants to contribute. Perhaps then you should just thank her and be nice.

People do eat it, but I'm sure it is only to be polite. My mother spent a long time making three quiches and was hurt that those didn't get "sympathy" eaten like the waffles. Everyone says her food is "fun" or better than they could make at home.

DP. I still don't see the problem. If it gets eaten, and it's a potluck, then there isn't a problem. Nobody does if we fail to police the effort people put into a potluck. You can be just as smug about your food being more classy whether you say something or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP. Yes, a typo. The issue is she isn't putting any real effort. She is picking up stuff from a store or restaurant. Everyone else is taking the time to cook food and plate it. She literally stops on her way over. Can't even put on a real platter or bowl. She agrees to bring items but can't bother to make things. Her own family is only worth a quick stop at the grocery store.The rest of the family says how good the soup is or such but they are only being nice. It is so dismissive of her. She eats everyone else's real food.

How do you know they are "only being nice"? Did y'all have a conversation after your relative left and everyone verbally agreed that the soup was tacky and also terrible but that they didn't say so due to being nice.

Assuming you are not a troll, I would stop asking her to bring things other than grocery store stuff. She can pick up a baguette. She can pick up drinks. It sounds like she either doesn't have time or isn't able to prioritize this task for some other reason and is choosing to bring something instead of nothing. If you are concerned about presentation, offer her one of your non-plastic non-Dollar Tree platters. Otherwise, consider that you are the one who is denigrating family and she is the one who is prioritizing spending time with them even though she's not prepared.

[Anonymous]

Insist that she not bring anything. Tell others the same!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
All I care about is whether the food is good, OP. In my experience, people are usually such bad cooks that bringing grocery store or restaurant food will yield the same result: the crispy things will be soggy, everything will be too fat, too salty or too sweet.

Now perhaps you *meant* to say that her food was awful, while the rest was delicious home-made fare. In that case, you have my sympathies, but also a question: if no one eats her food, hasn't she got the message yet? Or maybe this poor relative is incapable of cooking, and just wants to contribute. Perhaps then you should just thank her and be nice.

People do eat it, but I'm sure it is only to be polite. My mother spent a long time making three quiches and was hurt that those didn't get "sympathy" eaten like the waffles. Everyone says her food is "fun" or better than they could make at home.

Ah okay. So you and your mom are sour because this relative has managed to provide food that people like, rather than spending a long time making food that no one eats. Other people are not upset and think her food is both fun and of good quality.

I think you and your mom should stop attending family events with this person, since you both seem to resent her so much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
All I care about is whether the food is good, OP. In my experience, people are usually such bad cooks that bringing grocery store or restaurant food will yield the same result: the crispy things will be soggy, everything will be too fat, too salty or too sweet.

Now perhaps you *meant* to say that her food was awful, while the rest was delicious home-made fare. In that case, you have my sympathies, but also a question: if no one eats her food, hasn't she got the message yet? Or maybe this poor relative is incapable of cooking, and just wants to contribute. Perhaps then you should just thank her and be nice.

People do eat it, but I'm sure it is only to be polite. My mother spent a long time making three quiches and was hurt that those didn't get "sympathy" eaten like the waffles. Everyone says her food is "fun" or better than they could make at home.

THE GOAL IS THAT THE FOOD IS EDIBLE.
THE GOAL IS NOT TO REWARD EFFORT.
This is not a Kindergartener's craft project!

Sorry to be blunt, but your mother's quiches are not appreciated by this crowd, and this person's food is.

When people want to be polite, they take a tiny token amount on their plate. If this relative's food is being eaten in large amounts, and she gets compliments every single time, then she is wisely making the right food choices. Your mother has to get better at cooking what people want to eat, or take a leaf out of the relative's book and buy food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Insist that she not bring anything. Tell others the same!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
All I care about is whether the food is good, OP. In my experience, people are usually such bad cooks that bringing grocery store or restaurant food will yield the same result: the crispy things will be soggy, everything will be too fat, too salty or too sweet.

Now perhaps you *meant* to say that her food was awful, while the rest was delicious home-made fare. In that case, you have my sympathies, but also a question: if no one eats her food, hasn't she got the message yet? Or maybe this poor relative is incapable of cooking, and just wants to contribute. Perhaps then you should just thank her and be nice.

People do eat it, but I'm sure it is only to be polite. My mother spent a long time making three quiches and was hurt that those didn't get "sympathy" eaten like the waffles. Everyone says her food is "fun" or better than they could make at home.

LOL. I’d rather eat Waffle House waffles than someone’s homemade quiche. I bet people prefer her food.

[Anonymous]

Your mom's quiche and kvetching sounds like the problem here. I don't "sympathy eat" at potlucks so people are eating the food they want.